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Old December 12th, 2003, 07:26 PM
Flame blaziken's Avatar
Flame blaziken
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Part One:Begin The IBVF

A young boy at the age of 11 who called himself Flame was in the IBVF League and seldomly ever talked. The First Battle Began the Tranier called "Sixes" saied Go Cyndiquill and Flame said Go Numel. The first Battle began CyndiQuill Use Flame Thrower.Numel Magnitude Badly Dammged Cyndiquill Was Knocked Out.Flame got Coky and thought he could win the Whole thing but soon a Trainer Named well had no name so they called him -(Dash).Dash said GO Combusken.Flame said GO Pheonix(Combusken).The annoucer said "This battle could Determind the winner Both are almost Blazikens A powerful Pokemon.

Part Two: Pheonix's true power
Tell me if you want the next part tonight or Next week
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Old December 12th, 2003, 07:42 PM
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You should improve on the punctuation and grammar. Well I don't mind reading your next part today, but I think you should get it edited first.
The story will be enjoyable if there is not much of the mistakes in it.

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Old December 13th, 2003, 02:36 PM
oni flygon's Avatar
oni flygon
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As Purin said, your Punctuation and Grammar should be observed. You also need to make your fanfiction longer. Also, please don't rush your fanfiction. The Average GOOD fanfiction takes about from 2 weeks to 3 months to plan.

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Old December 13th, 2003, 11:24 PM
Kyosuke's Avatar
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Its a nice attempt, but I can tell you did this whole thing in the reply box . The grammer needs a little work, because it seemed kinda confusing to read, but nice attempt anyway and keep going!
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