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  #1    
Old June 24th, 2013 (05:08 PM).
Sheraku's Avatar
Sheraku
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Western SD
Gender: Other
Nature: Quiet
Just finished a poem for my GF, first one I ever attempted. Just want to see what everyone thinks of it. If it sucks be please be gentle about it.

Rant of True Feelings!
--------------------------------------
Again we are together,
so then let us start anew,
You have known my true feelings,
all I wish is for yours too.
Broke your heart once in the past,
that again I'll never do,
Of this I make a promise,
together we'll see it through.

Life may have been very rough,
and that I can understand,
But no matter just how harsh,
i'll lend you my loving hand.
I long for you as my girl,
and for I to be your man.
To comfort you forever,
shall be my eternal plan,

P-erfection is what you are,
A-nd with nothing to better.
R-espect is what you deserve,
K-now that I will deliver.
E-veryday I think of you,
R-eflecting on what you want.

L-ove may not be on the list,
A-ssuming what I should not.
U-ltimatly I hope for,
R-eality to match thought.
E-roticism not quite,
N-o need to stop what we've got.

S-imple words of affection,
M-y ears are eger to hear.
I-t's just that little something,
T-o know that you as well care.
H-aving somebody like you,

the only one in my heart.
I hope my words mean something,
and that we shall never part.
Cause in this world without you,
i do not know where to start.
I may not be that stupid,
but I'm also not that smart.

Each line seven syllables,
feelings I convey to you.
I hope you enjoy this rant,
and my message made it through.
You've known it was obvious,
so with one thing left to do.
With no procrastination,
know that I truly LOVE you!
  #2    
Old June 24th, 2013 (05:20 PM).
Honest's Avatar
Honest
ignore the whisper
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: New York City
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
Send a message via Skype™ to Honest
I'm not professional poet, but I think this was rather cute. =P

If you want more critics or compliments, though, I'm afraid you're going to have to re-post this thread in PC's Fan Fiction and Writing section. I'm going to close this now, but I liked it!

-locked.
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