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  #1    
Old August 9th, 2014 (02:00 AM). Edited August 11th, 2014 by Codename Peace.
Codename Peace
Your beta-tester to the rescue.......
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philippines
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
NOTES:
This the story of Red's son's journey through Kanto.
This is his journal. I know it's short but this is just the first chapter.
Please rate

Chapter 1 - Where It All Starts
Hello, I'm Mark, and I'm the son of the famous and powerful trainer, Red. I am 13 years old and about to start my own journey through Kanto.

"Mark, come here, son," called my father. "There's some things I would like to give you, but before that, please go to Prof. Blue's lab, it's time for your Pokémon to meet you," he smiled.

"Really, Dad?"
I tried not to grin so much, but I can't help it. "Now, now Mark, don't be so excited, or you'll pass out," teased my dad. "now, go! Blue is waiting for you!"
I walked with a steadying pace, trying in vain to suppress my excitement. I'm getting a Pokémon, purred my brain. I'm having this fantasy about Pokémon when suddenly, I crashed with a boy, my rival, Ernest. "Well, hi Mark," he said my name like it was a poisonous venom. "What brings you in my father's lab?" I realized that I'm standing outside the Pallet Town Lab. "I came here to receive my Pokémon, why?"
"Oh, yeah, I forgot that you're going to your own Pokémon journey too," he said. I didn't answer back but gestured to enter the famous lab.
"Ah, my rookies, or may I say, Pallet Town's new rookies. This here is your Pokémon, secured in the Pokéball. Pick, and they will be yours."
"That's a hard choice," I said weakly.
"It is, isn't it?" laughed the professor.
I came forward, and saw the Pokémons in the Pokéball, Squirtle, Bulbasaur, and Charmander. I picked the first Pokéball. "Squirtle, fine choice, beautiful starter."
"Go, Squirtle!" And there sat on the table, a cute blue turtle. I picked it in my arms and hugged it. "You're so cute!" I exclaimed.
"Cute?" sneered Ernest. "You picked a Pokémon that is cute? You pick a Pokémon that looks stronger! Like this Charmander. Father, if you'll excuse me, I'm training this Pokémon now."
"Oh, wait! Take this Pokédex. It is the ---"
"Hi-tech encyclopedia about Pokémon, bla bla bla. I'm off now, Father and Mark.
"This is your Pokédex, Mark, please pardon my son, he's just anxious to become the Champion."
"No, not at all, sir. I'm off now, professor!"
"Bye, Mark, make Pallet Town proud!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I hurried back to our house, and found my father and Poli(my father's Poliwrath)watering the plant. When my father saw me running to him, he beamed with pride.

"Well, Mark, may I see the lucky Pokemon?" asked my father.

"Sure, Dad! Meet my Squirtle!" I said happily.

"Squirtle, huh? I thought you'll gonna pick a Bulbasaur? Like my Venausaur. But anyways, nice pick, Mark, you'll gonna be an exquisite trainer! said Dad proudly, "Let's go inside and I'll give you my gifts."

We sat at the couch, and Dad told Poli to get my "gifts." I sat with my Squirtle, and felt a bulge in my pocket, I took it out------it's my Pokedex.

When my dad saw it, he encouraged me to point the camera to squirtle , so I did. It opened with a white screen and later posted a picture of Squirtle, and in the speaker, a womanly voice spoke:

Squirtle the turtle Pokemon, it shelters itself in its shell, then strikes back with spouts of water at every opportunity.

"Nice little thing, Pokedex, isn't it? Now point it in Poli."

I obeyed, and pointed it to Poli:

Poliwrath, it has extremely tough muscles, it can keep swimming in the Pacific Ocean without resting.

"Now, my gift. Here is, your Running Shoes, Pokenav, 5 sets of Pokeballs, 5 Potions, Bag, Belt, where you can stick your Pokeball."

"Thanks, Dad!."

I wore my belt, put the bag in my shoulder, and my shoes to my feet, and put the rest of the items in the bag
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Let's go, Mark."

We passed houses, and I said goodbyes to my neighbors and friends, and finally we were at the Pallet Town's Boundaries.

"Call me as soon as you wake up tomorrow, understand?"
"Yes, Father." I replied.

I said my farewell to my father, and let Squirtle walk with me.

Off we go, to Viridian!
  #2    
Old August 9th, 2014 (03:17 AM).
Sonata's Avatar
Sonata
All I see is cornfields
 
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Just a few grammatical things in the beginning.

Quote:
Hello, I'm Mark, and I'm the son of the famous and powerful trainer, Red. I am 13 years old and about to start my own journey through Kanto.
This is your introduction and it should be separated from the conversation which follows it.
Quote:
"Mark, come here, son," called my father. "There's some things I would like to give you. But before that, please go to Prof. Blue's lab, it's time for your Pokémon to meet you." He smiled. "Really, Dad?" I tried not to grin so much, but I couldn't help it. "Now, now Mark, don't be so excited, or you'll pass out," teased my dad, "now go, Blue is waiting for you!"
I changed some of the punctuation in this passage and put it together with the speech from your intro. I also changed a word or two. You might want to make each line of speech be on a separate line from each other like some writers do, to more distinguish who's talking. However that's not so important and is also entirely up to you. On the part that I highlighted there's a couple of ways that you can say this better to make sense. You could say, "Now now Mark, don't get so excited, you'll pass out," or you could say it as, "Now, now Mark, don't get too excited, or else you'll pass out," and there may be another way or two you could say it but can't think of it at the moment.
Quote:
I walked with a steadying pace, trying in vain to suppress my excitement. 'I'm getting a Pokémon,' purred my brain. I'm having this fantasy about Pokémon when suddenly, I crashed with a boy, my rival, Ernest. "Well, hi Mark," he said my name like it was a poisonous venom, "what brings you to my father's lab?" I realized then that I was standing outside the Pallet Town Lab.
Again I did add in a few words here and there as well as change some punctuation to make it sound and flow better. "I'm having this fantasy about Pokémon when suddenly, I crashed with a boy, my rival, Ernest." This just doesn't really sound good. I would rewrite it as, "I'm having this fantasy about Pokémon, when suddenly I crashed into a boy, my rival Ernest."
Quote:
"Oh yeah, I forgot that you're going on your own Pokémon journey too." I didn't answer back but gestured to enter the famous lab.
Just yea. Took out a couple things.
Quote:
"Ah. My rookies, or might I say, Pallet Town's new rookies. These here are your Pokémon, secured in their Pokéballs. Pick, and they will be yours."
"That's a hard choice." I said weakly.
"It is, isn't it?" laughed the professor.
I came forward, and saw the Pokémon in their Pokéballs; Squirtle, Bulbasaur, and Charmander. I picked the first Pokéball. "Squirtle, fine choice, beautiful starter."
Changed the tense of some words and then added in and took away again. Changed some spellings. Nothing too major.
Quote:
"Go, Squirtle!" And there sat on the table, a cute blue turtle. I picked it up in my arms and hugged it. "You're so cute!" I exclaimed.
I changed in the table to on the table, and I added in up in my arms.
Quote:
"Oh, wait! Take this Pokédex. It is the --"
"Hi-tech encyclopedia about Pokémon, bla bla bla. I'm off now, Father and Mark."
"This is your Pokédex Mark, please pardon my son, he's just anxious to become the Champion."
"No, not at all, sir. I'm off now, professor!"
"Bye, Mark, make Pallet Town proud!"
And there, is the first chapter of my journey.
Changed and added in/took away a couple of things.

Overall it looks pretty nice. It has potential, the only things really wrong with it that I saw weren't really wrong things, just some grammar bits and then format. I'm sure I added in a lot of unnecessary commentary and probably missed some things. Take everything I say with a grain of salt though, I like weird spacing, pauses and whatnot. And it's early morning. It was an enjoyable read though and I hope you continue to write it.
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  #3    
Old August 9th, 2014 (03:32 AM).
Codename Peace
Your beta-tester to the rescue.......
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philippines
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Thanks for the feedback! I'll put that in mind. Yeah, I hope I can finish it too!
  #4    
Old August 9th, 2014 (03:50 PM). Edited August 9th, 2014 by Codename Peace.
Codename Peace
Your beta-tester to the rescue.......
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philippines
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
Chapter 2 - To The Viridian City!


I woke up early, smelling the fresh air within the forest. I hastily put my tent in the bag, and poked Squirtle so that we'll go to Viridian City, a little early. I picked up my Pokénav, and started calling Dad.
Ring, ring, and my dad answered.

"Why, it's only 5:45, Mark! Well anyways, good morning son, and Squirtle."
"Squirtle, squirtle!" squeaked my beloved Pokémon.

"Dad, who's the first gym you challenged?" I asked.

"Well, I fought Brock first, but now, you can challenge the Viridian Gym first," my dad replied, "And the leader is Prof. Oak, the flying-type gym-leader."

I remembered now who's the Gym Leader, of course. Prof. Oak replaced Blue as Gym Leader in Viridian City.

"I think we're talking here about 10 minutes, you might as well go." Dad told me.

I bid him goodbye and started walking with Squirtle. In the midst of a tall tree beyond, a Spearow cried. I ran with Squirtle to the spot, and there was two Spearows fighting near the big tree. The first Spearow that cried is so weakened he cannot stand.

"Cut it out!" I yelled at the second Spearow.

"Squirtle, blast the Spearow with water gun!" The second Spearow cried and flew. Gladly, he didn't called his brethrens. I knelt at the Spearow.

"You poor thing, I must heal you, but a Potion cannot return your full health."

A plan started forming in my mind. It was so bizzare, I don't know if the Spearow will agree.

"Spearow, you can go to my Pokeball, rest there, I'll take you to the Pokemon Center, and free you."

He cawed for help from me, I don't know he heard me right. But he didn't flinch when I tool out the Pokeball, and bumped it to him. The Pokeball shook gently and a red light flashed on the button, indicating Spearow was caught.

Squirtle and I ran to the Viridian City PC and said to Nurse Joy about the Spearow, she hastily called her Blissey and they ran to the Emergency Room.

Me and Squirtle waited patiently for the news.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Center door opened and there standing is my rival, Ernest.

"Well, hello, Mark, I can't believe that you came here first. I assumed that you'll still be in the Pallet Town playground playing with your... ah, cute Pokemon," he said carefully.

I flushed, and started to stare at my shoes.
"What do you want, Ernest?" I managed to say.
"Well, in this case, I want a battle, as you can see, I caught a Zubat, in the Pallet-Viridian path last night. So I think I had a pretty good chance to win. And, why are you here? I think you're Squirtle looks fine," he said, "or you caught a Pokemon. What Pokemon? Magikarp?"

"I caught a Pokemon, if you must know, a Spearow." I replied with pride.

"A Spearow, I would prefer Magikarp, if I were you." He sneered and let out his Charmander.

"I think we're ready to battle."

I agreed with anger, and we go out to the Pokemon Center Battlefield.

"Go, Squirtle!" I yelled, "I'm gonna flatten you, Ernest, me and my Squirtle!"

"Fool! I am far stronger than you! I trained in the depths of the Pallet Forest last night, I trained my Pokemon so hard I thought my Charmander and Zubat will evolve!" He shouted.

"And what are you doing that night, Mark? Sleeping with your Pokemon! How pathetic! Zubat, go out! We've got work to do!"

"Squirtle, start with Bubble!"
"Squirtle, Squirtle!" My Pokemon exclaimed and spewed a dozen of bubbles. Ernest smiled with mock sympathy, and ordered his Zubat to counter it with Poison Sting.

The bubbles burst and the needles started going to Squirtle. I took out my Pokedex and started looking to Squirtle's set of moves. I found a useful one and started to order it to Sqirtle.

"Squirtle, use Withdraw!" And the Pokemon withdrew in its shell.

The poison stings bounced harmlessly in Squirtle's shells.

Ernest looked shocked. I started to use it as an advantage, while he's confused.
"Squirtle use Water Gun!" I hastily ordered.

Ernest's Zubat bounced on the nearby tree with a sickening impact and rose no more.

"NO!! Not possible! All my training.... no....... Zubat return!"

He turned and ran out of the Pokemon Center just as the bell dings, indicating Spearow's health is back to normal.
I ran to the PC and started talking to Nurse Joy.
  #5    
Old August 12th, 2014 (12:34 AM). Edited August 14th, 2014 by Codename Peace.
Codename Peace
Your beta-tester to the rescue.......
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philippines
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
Next update:
August 16, 2014

CHANGED:
AUGUST 14, 2014
  #6    
Old August 12th, 2014 (02:38 PM).
ShivaDF's Avatar
ShivaDF
The Scooter-riding Artist
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
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This story seems pretty good so far! I like the protagonist, and I'm curious about how you've changed Kanto. Mark seems to have a more sensitive personality than how most writers portray a male player character.

There are things I noticed, though. I'm not sure whether these are errors or not: isn't Squirtle the Tiny Turtle pokemon, not the Turtle pokemon? Wouldn't Prof. Oak be very old by this point? Who are Mark's and Ernest's mothers? I thought Red owned all the starters, not just Venusaur.

The only real error I noticed that wasn't the kind of thing O'aka pointed out was this—the font is almost unreadable, and it makes the formatting seem off. I highly recommend picking a common font such as Times New Roman, Arial, Garamond, Georgia, Cambria, or Helvetica.
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  #7    
Old August 13th, 2014 (05:39 AM).
Codename Peace
Your beta-tester to the rescue.......
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philippines
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
Yeah, I'm thinking about this.
Good?
And sorry about the Pokedex, I totally guessed it but,
Spoiler:
Red's character here is like in Pokemon Mangas, just having Venausaur. And Mark and Ernest's mother is a surprise!

Hey, thanks for the review by the way.
And for me Prof. Oak on Red's times is 50, and ten years, 60!
I think he's healthy, hahaha.
  #8    
Old August 14th, 2014 (03:51 AM).
Codename Peace
Your beta-tester to the rescue.......
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philippines
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
NOTES:
I tried changing the date because I finished the idea I had, and used the normal font.

Chapter 3 - My New Pokemon
"How's Spearow, Nurse Joy?" I asked anxiously.

She smiled. "Don't worry, Mark."
That's weird, how did she know my name? I thought.

"Spearow is resting now," she continued, "I think your Squirtle needs to be healed too."

I looked at Squirtle, and flinched; he wasn't so cute now, his shell has some stings on his shell(apparently Withdraw doesn't really protect you fully), his eyes glinted with weariness. He looked at me like he's an old man.
"Yes, I would like my Squirtle to be healed." I replied.

"Well, in that case, you can occupy Room # 2, here's the key,"
She handed me a key,
"And here's a set of pajamas, try them out, if they don't fit, just tell me."

I crashed to my bed like a Snorlax using Body Slam. I slept peaefully.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dressed to my trainer's clothes and ran to the Emergency Room. I saw Nurse Joy mending Spearow's cut in the neck, then she saw me peeking,
"Oh, Mark, you're awake! Come in, come in. I'm just mending your Spearow's cuts.

I stepped in and stared at Spearow, he looks like a tough Pokemon, like if you showed it to different trainers around, they'll gonna shiver and run to their houses.
But his neck gave him in, sure, his neck isn't as bloody as anymore, like in the Pallet Town Forest, but he's still pitiable.

Nurse Joy tapped me and said, "I'm gonna give you guys a minute."
She left hastily, and murmured about a new customer.

I looked at Spearow, "Spearow, I'm glad you're okay, but how are you feeling?"
Spearow tilted his head questioningly, like,
What now?

We talked, talked, talked, and talked until, a man with silver hair, with a lab coat, a black pants, and shoes came in.

At first, I can't make out the face, and suddenly, I recognized him.

He can't be....... I thought.

But he is, he is the famous Prof. Oak!

"Mark, my boy, is that you?" he questioned with a deep, baritone voice.

I gaped at him.

"Stop gaping, Mark, or a Beedrill will enter your mouth," the professor joked.

"P-prof. Oak, is that you?" I asked stupidly.
But I can't help it, my mind's in an overdrive. Here, standing in front of me, was Prof. Oak, the first discoverer of the numbers of Kanto Pokemon. Come on, that's Prof. Oak, you must have been amazed by his works.

"I believe that's my own question, Mark!" Oak again joked.

"Alright, I'll properly introduce myself. I'm Professor Oak, former Champion, and Professor of Pallet Town, and currently, the Gym Leader of the Viridian Gym," he said.

"But, Prof. Oak, why are you here? Your magazine said about you going to a Pokemon Center if you're defeated by a trainer. You aren't defeated are you?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm afraid, I'm defeated by my own grandson, Ernest. You know him, of course," he informed.
He raised an eyebrow, "You did battled him, did you, Mark? Because he battled with harshness and rage. I'm quite sorry to the poor Charmander and Zubat."

I smiled, "Yeah, sir, I defeated him hard!" I exclaimed with pride.

Oak laughed, "I knew it! If you beat him, what chance do I got, you're a marvelous trainer, as your father says when you left Pallet Town. Can you do me a favor, Mark? Please don't battle me now, maybe tomorrow, my Pokemon's been beaten enough for today." he concluded.

Our conversation was cutted off by Nurse Joy, announcing that Prof. Oak's Pokemon is fully healed and giving me Squirtle because she forgot to give it to me when I awoke.
Prof. Oak left as we started dinner. Nurse Joy did really know how to cook, because I'm pretty full when I crashed to my bed, with my Squirtle. And pretty much later, I was snoring with my Squirtle.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day, I planned to return Spearow to its original home, and say our farewells.
We passed houses by houses, kids playing with their friends and Pokemon, and couples holding hands by the park.

Finally, we arrived at the place where I met Spearow and started talking,
"Spearow, this is where we split ways, this is your original home, I wish we will meet again."

I started to turn but Spearow cawed loudly behind. I looked at Spearow, he was following us.
I started to open my mouth, but Squirtle hushed me, he came forward, and started their Pokemon conversation.

I watched about 2 minutes, and finally, Squirtle started miming, he plucked his Pokeball and started pointing to it and Spearow, like saying,
Pokeball + Spearow!

I started thinking, and I grinned like a maniac, I understood it now, very clearly.
Spearow wants to accompany and help me with my journey,
"Welcome to the team, Spearow."
  #9    
Old August 15th, 2014 (03:26 AM).
Codename Peace
Your beta-tester to the rescue.......
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philippines
Gender: Male
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Chapter 3 - Battle With The Expert!

I trained with my Pokemon for my upcoming Pokemon battle with Prof. Oak, and was about to challenge the last youngster in the park. I wiped my sweat off my face and started to summon Spearow, who's flying around the sky like a vulture.
"Go, Psyduck!" yelled my foe.

Now don't laugh, I know what you're thinking, Oh my jee! Psyduck is so weak!
But don't, Prof. Blue discovered that Psyduck has a power much more supreme, and hidden, that a Psyduck looked like a psycho. I repeat, don't underestimate a Psyduck, it can do wonders.

I summoned Spearow, who's flying around the sky, quickly heard my summon and flew down.

He cawed loudly, and started to leer. "Aerial Ace, now!" I ordered. He flew up high then started to fold its wings, he dropped like a comet, just with white aura surrounding him.

The youngster panicked, he didn't expect Spearow to have that move, its a Hoenn Region move. He yelled hastily, "Psyduck, Water Gun!"

I vigorously ordered Spearow to dodge, he dodged, but Psyduck dodges, resulting to "miss."

"Spearow, use Quick Attack!" I said to the Pokemon. Instantly, Spearow, somehow "teleported" from place to place while flying, quickly approaching Psyduck.

"Psyduck!" the youngster yelled. I ordered Spearow to use Aerial Ace, this time the Psyduck didn't dodge quickly enough, and was thrown off balance, and was sprawled to his trainer's feet.

"No! Not again, I admit it, you're strong for a rookie." He left.

I summoned back Spearow to my Pokeball and ran to the Pokemon Center, healing my Pokemon, and ate lunch at the nearby restaurant with Squirtle and Spearow, eating at the ground with their foods.

Finally, the time came, I walked to a building that has a sign,
VIRIDIAN CITY GYM
SAMUEL OAK
FLYING-TYPE

I stepped through it's front doors and quickly felt the airconditioning. I looked around, and was surprised, there are two doors, the first looking like a teenager boy's room door, and the second is like an office-looking door. There was a sign between the doors,

EVEN THE SIMPLE ONES HAVE THEIR SURPRISES.

Maybe it was some kind of riddle, because I can't understand it.

But I don't care where I would enter, I would just examine the two rooms. I started looking at the teenage door.

I opened it and was startled, Prof. Oak was sitting on a chair in his desk, smiling.

"Well, hello again, Mark. But enough chat already. Let's go to the battlefield," said the professor.

Before I could answer, he led me to his bookshelf, beside his desk. He took on e book, and immediately the bookshelf slid sideways, exposing a battlefield.

"You know the rules, Mark, you can use two Pokemon, and substitute a Pokemon, understand? Let's start! Go, Pidgey!

I summoned Squirtle, and ordered him to use Tackle.

He ran as fast as he can, and was about to hit, when Pidgey flew, a plan as a dodge.

"Pidgey, use Peck!" ordered hastily by the professor.

"Squirtle, use Withdraw!" I yelled.

Pidgey pecked and pecked but no effect, I said to the turtle to use Bubble, which greatly annoyed Pidgey.

I ordered Squirtle to use Water Gun, and was not disappointed, it was a direct hit, clean in the face.

Pidgey fainted, and Oak returned his Pidgey, and was replaced by Doduo.

"Doduo, use Peck!" said the professor.

Squirtle who was hindered by his weariness, didn't dodge fast enough. He was ambushed by Doduo's peck, and later fainted.

I sent out Spearow, who's agile enough, that he dodged Doduo's attack. He countered the attacks with Pecks too, and I ordered,

"Aerial Ace!"

[FONT="Book Antiqua"]]He zoomed to Doduo, and greatly injured the Doduo.[/FONT

"Finish it with Wing Attack!"

Doduo tried to dodge, but can't run fast enough, so Spearow overpassed him and used Wing Attack.

I rejoiced.

"Why, Mark, you greatly improved your battling skills, congratulations, I present you the Wing Badge."

I took it and sticked it to my jacket.

"You got your own badge now, may I register in your Pokenav? And here's a little gift for you," he said. I gave him my Pokenav, and stared at the gift he gave me, it was a journal, which said,

MY JOURNEY

Prof. Oak gave me my Pokenav and started seeing me staring at the journal.

"I had the same journal when I traveled, Mark, fill it with your own experiences!" he said.

We parted ways, and I walk to the Pokemon Center.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I let Nurse Joy heal my Pokemon, my Pokemon and I ate, I can't express ,y hapiness, I smiled.

At last, I've beaten the "expert."
  #10    
Old August 15th, 2014 (05:13 PM).
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ShivaDF
The Scooter-riding Artist
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Gender: Female
Nature: Calm
I like the font you used for chapter three. I think you could even make it one size up.

The plot seems good so far—I'm not really sure what you're leading up to, but that's probably the point since it's so early in the story. The only thing I noticed that was wrong were some usage errors, but it's hard for me to explain them. Your tenses shift a lot, for one thing. I'll give an example from chapter two (I bolded important changes):

Quote:
I dressed to my trainer's clothes and ran to the Emergency Room. I saw Nurse Joy mending Spearow's cut in the neck, then she saw me peeking,
"Oh, Mark, you're awake! Come in, come in. I'm just mending your Spearow's cuts.

I stepped in and stared at Spearow, he looks like a tough Pokemon, like if you showed it to different trainers around, they'll gonna shiver and run to their houses.
But his neck gave him in, sure, his neck isn't as bloody as anymore, like in the Pallet Town Forest, but he's still pitiable.
This is what it would look like with proper usage:
Quote:
I changed into my trainer's clothes and ran to the Emergency Room. I saw Nurse Joy mending Spearow's cut in the neck. She saw me peeking,

"Oh, Mark, you're awake! Come in, come in. I'm just mending your Spearow's cuts."

I stepped in and stared at Spearow. He looked like a tough Pokemonlike if you showed him to different trainers around, they'd shiver and run to their houses.
But his neck gave him away. Sure, his neck wasn't as bloody anymore, like in the Pallet Town Forest, but he was still pitiable.
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  #11    
Old August 15th, 2014 (09:03 PM).
Codename Peace
Your beta-tester to the rescue.......
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Philippines
Gender: Male
Nature: Modest
Sorry!
We're gonna go somewhere, that chapter was made, and I wrote the chapter 3 in a notebook, but I lost it so I just tried to remember what I wrote.
Maybe I should use Check Spelling and Grammars in Microsoft,
And thanks!
  #12    
Old August 27th, 2014 (07:24 PM).
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Nolafus
I think I'm getting the hang of it
 
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Closed upon owner's request.
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