The PokéCommunity Forums  

Go Back   The PokéCommunity Forums > Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction and Writing
Sign Up Rules/FAQ Live Battle Blogs Mark Forums Read

Notices

Fan Fiction and Writing Submit your stories and poems.


Advertise here

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old February 20th, 2005, 08:08 AM
Ciera's Avatar
Ciera
This is a tragedy.
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Arizona
Age: 23
Gender:
Nature: Jolly
Send a message via ICQ to Ciera Send a message via AIM to Ciera Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Ciera Send a message via Yahoo to Ciera

Advertise here
We go on a trip,
In a magical world,
Where no one can find us.

Over the clouds
And under the ocean,
While never moving an inch.

We speak and play
In silence, my friends
And I.

We romp and play,
And never sleep,
Always drowning in our fun...

...Until I wake,
That is when they
Return to their

Cold gazes,
High upon my shelves.

I miss them already.

-Fin.
__________________
I believe


Oh, yes, I'm back. I was gone again, but here I am now.

Last edited by Ciera; February 20th, 2005 at 08:50 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #2    
Old February 20th, 2005, 08:27 AM
Kelsey
~-*-~-*-~-*-~
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ciera
We go on a trip,
In a magical world,
Where no one can find us.

Over the clouds
And under the ocean,
While never moving an inch.

We speak and play
In silence, my friends
And I.

We romp and play,
And never sleep,
Always drowning in our fun...

...Until I wake,
That is when my
Return to their

Cold gazes,
High upon my shelves.

I miss them already.

-Fin.
Awwwwwwws, this is soo cute! <3<3 I love my stuffed animals, I used to play with them all the time. This poem is like a dream, where anything can happen and peace rains supreme. ^.^

Don't you hate it though, when you wake up from a really good dream? And all you want to do is fall asleep and continue that dream? ^_____^ I think this poem was so wonderful, I wuved it.

Now, on to words of advice. XD OK, the flow is all right until the last few stanzas:

...Until I wake,
That is when my
Return to their

Cold gazes,
High upon my shelves.

I miss them already.


The first line's fine, but in the second line, did you perhaps mean to say "That is when my eyes"? Them, the last few lines are kinda choppy. Maybe try this format:

...Until I wake,
That is when my eyes
Return to their cold gazes,
High upon my shelves.

I miss them already.


Other than that your poem ish wonderful! Keep up the great work! ^______^

~Kelsey
__________________
*)
..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~
Reply With Quote
  #3    
Old February 20th, 2005, 08:52 AM
Ciera's Avatar
Ciera
This is a tragedy.
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Arizona
Age: 23
Gender:
Nature: Jolly
Send a message via ICQ to Ciera Send a message via AIM to Ciera Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Ciera Send a message via Yahoo to Ciera
I made a boo-boo ;

Instead of my, it's supposed to be 'they', where it doesn't make sence..

Anyway, thanks -huggles-
__________________
I believe


Oh, yes, I'm back. I was gone again, but here I am now.
Reply With Quote
  #4    
Old February 20th, 2005, 09:03 AM
Kelsey
~-*-~-*-~-*-~
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Ooh, I see. XD Well, that works out even better than what I thought it was. XD *huggles back*

~Kelsey
__________________
*)
..*) .*)
(. (.` ♥ Kelsey

Now officially moving to a new name, with Steve's OK, I shall now be known as Mori Seirei. ^.~
Reply With Quote
  #5    
Old February 20th, 2005, 10:48 AM
Ciera's Avatar
Ciera
This is a tragedy.
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Arizona
Age: 23
Gender:
Nature: Jolly
Send a message via ICQ to Ciera Send a message via AIM to Ciera Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Ciera Send a message via Yahoo to Ciera
I would hope so ; Anyway, I went through it again, and fixed the typos.
__________________
I believe


Oh, yes, I'm back. I was gone again, but here I am now.
Reply With Quote
  #6    
Old February 20th, 2005, 11:08 AM
Dignity's Avatar
Dignity
[~As I lay dying~]
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Gender:
Nature: Calm
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Dignity
Ooh! I like this poem. There is a certain type of innocence you don't usually find in poems. Good job! -;; ~origin
__________________
i love you. </3
Reply With Quote
  #7    
Old February 20th, 2005, 03:18 PM
Ciera's Avatar
Ciera
This is a tragedy.
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Arizona
Age: 23
Gender:
Nature: Jolly
Send a message via ICQ to Ciera Send a message via AIM to Ciera Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Ciera Send a message via Yahoo to Ciera
lol, innocence? Thanks, I guess. Wait- I don't guess, so, thank you, ;
__________________
I believe


Oh, yes, I'm back. I was gone again, but here I am now.
Reply With Quote
  #8    
Old February 20th, 2005, 04:10 PM
Dignity's Avatar
Dignity
[~As I lay dying~]
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Gender:
Nature: Calm
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Dignity
No problemo!! xD;; If you want any advice on writing, you can PM me if you wish, Ciera! -; ~origin
__________________
i love you. </3
Reply With Quote
Reply
Quick Reply

Sponsored Links


Advertise here
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Minimum Characters Per Post: 25



All times are UTC -8. The time now is 10:38 AM.


Style by Nymphadora, artwork by Sa-Dui.
Like our Facebook Page Follow us on Twitter © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity™, pokecommunity.com.
Pokémon characters and images belong to The Pokémon Company International and Nintendo. This website is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK, The Pokémon Company or The Pokémon Company International. We just love Pokémon.
All forum styles, their images (unless noted otherwise) and site designs are © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity / PokéCommunity.com.
PokéCommunity™ is a trademark of The PokéCommunity. All rights reserved. Sponsor advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service. User generated content remains the property of its creator.