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  #26    
Old October 27th, 2013 (12:34 PM). Edited October 27th, 2013 by Captain Oshawott.
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Captain Oshawott Captain Oshawott is offline
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Alright, I have officially finished my SU and it is ready for feedback!

Edit: I stupidly forgot to put my SU here, sorry about that

Quote:
Character form:
Name: Clark Fennell

Age: 24

Task Force: B

Badges gathered: 6 badges. Voltage, Fairy, Grass, Psychic, Rumble, Cliff badges.

Appearance: A lanky individual, Clark should not be taken lightly. He is a very caring, protective individual, but he has a nasty temper when provoked. His eyes are a gentle blue, somewhere between an ocean blue and a sky blue. Don't be fooled, while his getup seems fancy and more like he's connected to the mob, he's a very personable gentleman. He wears a black fedora on his head, with a decent black jacket, black pants, and even black leather gloves *NOT fingerless*. Around his neck is a necklace formed from chains.

He stands at roughly six feet, four inches in height, and weighs easily one-hundred eighty pounds.

Image here:
Spoiler:


History: Growing up in the slums of Lumiose City, Clark always dreamed of one day being a Pokemon Master, much like his father before him. Of course, his family couldn't officially afford to send him to Trainer School, so while all of his classmates went off to school for Pokemon training, he was stuck in the streets of Lumiose, sulking in his misery. His father's team having mysteriously vanished, his father was reduced to nothing. He once had meaning in his life, but it all went away as soon as his Pokemon were stripped from him. They wanted nothing more than for Clark to finally experience his dream, and so they wished upon Jirachi's star, the night of the festival.

It was by fate that one night in the not too distant future, while Clark was sleeping on the cold concrete floor of the ratty apartment complex, that a small rodent brushed up against him, snuggling for warmth. Slightly frightened, Clark had pulled a flashlight, shining it on the little puffball. To his amazement, it had been a stray Pichu. Offering it most of the blanket, the creature and the boy had slept soundly. By morning, however, the mouse had vanished, much to Clark's misfortune. But when he went into the 'kitchen', he discovered it hungrily lapping up water from the leaky faucet.

This continued for a couple of weeks. Clark refrained from capturing the rodent, mainly because he had no Pokeball to capture it with. With what little money they had left, Clark's parents went to the nearby Pokemart and bought a single Pokeball, allowing him to capture the Pichu. Without hesitation, the Pichu accepted it's role and willingly was captured by Clark. With his first official Pokemon, he could go to the PokeCenter and receive his License and Badge case.

Leaving home at the age of fourteen, Clark has been roaming in the Kalos for the past ten years, training with the many Pokemon at his disposal, never once forgetting what was sacrificed to bring him to where he was, sending sixty percent of all his winnings to his Parents. It should also be noted that Clark did not do the Gym's in order, so when you read below that Mr. Cellophane, his Greninja, evolved from a Froakie to a Frogadier while fighting Clemont's Magneton, and Frogadier to Greninja while fighting Grant's Tyrunt, you'll know why.
Pokémon form:
Species: Raichu
Nickname: Sparks
Estimated level: 47-50
Moves: Thunderbolt, Discharge, Nuzzle
History: Clark's very first Pokemon. Sparks has been through everything with Clark, starting with their first fateful meeting, when Clark had generously shared his blanket on an exceptionally cold night, with a Pokemon that had been abandoned by it's previous owner. He is completely loyal to Clark, and does everything in his power to convince new members of the team just how caring Clark is to his Pokemon. He evolved into Pikachu while fighting Olympia's Sigilyph.
Species: Greninja
Nickname: Mr. Cellophane
Estimated level: 45-50
Moves: Water Shuriken, Shadow Sneak, Feint Attack
History: Cellophane is exactly what his name says; see through. As a Greninja, he is incredibly stealthy and quick. Clark discovered him along the coast, attempting to find another Froakie of his kind. In Clark's eyes, it appeared that Mr. Cellophane had been abandoned by his colony of Froakies, Frogadiers, and Greninja elders. He later discovered that it was because Froakie had been shiny, and in the Colony's eyes, he was 'sick'. Therefore, they were abandoning him. Cellophane, at first, had been completely unwilling to come, until Sparks and his very persuasive Thunderbolt calmed down the upset frog. He later evolved into Frogadier when fighting Clemont's Magneton. He later became a Greninja while fighting Grant's Tyrunt.
Species: Sylveon
Nickname: Duchess
Estimated level:43-47
Moves: Moonblast, Misty Terrain, Draining Kiss
History:Duchess was discovered as an Eevee while Clark had been making a return visit to Lumiose city. Where she had been kicked by her previous master, who was doing it for some sick, twisted sort of game. Clark ran the man out of town, prying the pokeball that she called home from his hands before he could fully escape. For many many months following, she was completely unresponsive to him, but she was bound to the ball, so she walked with him everywhere they went. It wasn't until Mr. Cellophane went up against Olympia's Sylveon did Duchess realize the skills Clark had possessed, and the deep care he shared for Mr. Cellophane when Cellophane ultimately lost.

Instead, she stood in for Cellophane, and defeated the opponent's Sylveon, thus earning Clark the badge. Promptly afterwards, Clark held a celebratory picnic, where he fed everyone some delicious puffs and berries. He then later treated Duchess to a massage at the parlor, and she realized that he would forever be her trainer, and that wasn't such a bad thing. She can now go into her Pokeball, but chooses not to, deciding to walk with Clark wherever he goes. She eventually grew so attached to him that she too became a Sylveon, and while Clark had wished he had met her under different circumstances, he is very glad to have her as a member of his team.
Species: Charmeleon
Nickname: Flint
Estimated level: 35
Moves: Slash, Flame Burst, Dragon Rage
History: One of Clark's most recent additions to his team, Flint was gifted to Clark by some mysterious old man who claims to have been from a different region. The Charmander had been very impatient, and was looking for a Trainer who aimed to be the best. *Should mega evolutions be available, he was given with Charizardite X* Clark has difficulty training Flint, but Flint secretly has great respect for his trainer, being the one human who hasn't given up on him yet. He evolved into Charmeleon while fighting Grant's Amaura.
Species: Riolu
Nickname: Clint
Estimated level: 35
Moves: Force Palm, Reversal, Endure.
History: Clark's newest member of the team, Clint was named for the attire he was wearing when he was first encountered. As a wild Riolu, Clint tended to steal things from people without them realizing it, on one such occasion, he was successfully *although it isn't known how exactly* able to snatch a duster coat and a cowboy hat, along with some kid's toy six shooter. To Clark, it reminded him of his favorite Western movie actor Clint Eastwood, the Riolu even going so far as to stick wheat in the corner of his mouth and squint his eyes, just like the actor. It didn't take long for Duchess to weaken Clint's resolve, and he was inevitably captured. Picking up the clothing, Clark kept the duster coat and the hat for his Riolu, deciding it made the creature look a lot cooler than it already was. He even went so far as to cut out a tail hole in the back of the coat.

He is an important part of Clark's team, and while his respect for his trainer is high, evolution will most likely come later. *Note that if Mega evolutions are available, Clint also has Lucarionite in his duster coat's pocket.*

A sixth Pokemon is likely, should you allow it. I'd prefer an actual Kalo's region Pokemon, preferably with partial flying, if you'd like to suggest one.

Also know that while I gave exact numbers for Flint and Clint, they don't trust Clark enough yet to evolve. When he has proven himself, then they will make their evolutions. For now, they are still kind of new to him, despite Flint having been on his team long enough to evolve once.
Sample Roleplay:
"Alright Cellophane, let's finish this fight!" Clark called over to his Greninja, who glanced back at it's trainer, slightly nodding his head in acknowledgement. "Water Shuriken!"

"We can't let that happen Rattata," Joey barked to the rodent that stood before him. "Hyper Fang, let's go! Show him why you're in the top percentage!"

The Rattata scampered across the grassy knoll towards the deep blue frog. For a brief moment, their eyes locked, as the rat Pokemon took a brave dive towards the Greninja, it's maw open wide with anticipation. Before it could react, however, the frog Pokemon suddenly disappeared from view.

"Turn around Rattata!" Joey cried. "It's above you!"

But it had been too late. Cellophane thrust his hand forward, four Shurikens formed from water shot forward, one right after the other into the Rattata's side. Struggling to stand, the Rattata winced once, and then was down for the count. Cellophane stood proudly, as his trainer cheered from the sidelines, throwing his black fedora into the sky.

"You did it buddy!" Clark cheered, running over to his frog, wrapping his arm around it.

Joey mumbled to himself, handing over a decent wad of cash to Clark, who accepted. The two trainers nodded their respects to each other, and went their separate ways. Mewing cutely beside him, Duchess, his Sylveon, nudged his belt. Chuckling at the cat-like creature, Clark nodded in understanding. Reaching onto his belt, he produced three more Pokeballs, tossing them up into the air. When they landed, Flint, Sparks, and Clint all materialized from the red laser the Pokeballs had produced. Reclipping them back to his belt, he smiled at his team.

Flint crossed his arms, turning away from Sparks. Gazing at a berry tree in the distance, the lizard quickly tackled the base of the tree, as a single Oran berry cascaded into it's waiting hand. Mowing down on the berry, Sparks the Raichu stretched his tail and legs, before squeaking happily at the sight of Clark. Clint shrugged his shoulders, plucking a blade of grass from the ground, placing it in the corner of his mouth, tipping the brim of his hat down in respect to Clark.

"It's been a while guys, I know. But we're about to be back in Lumiose City, and with that my Parents are expecting me to visit. Clint, Flint, Duchess, I know you guys haven't met them yet, but I'm sure you guys will get along just well. I'd like you to be on your best behaviors, they are the whole reason we're together here today."

Duchess purred excitedly, as he scratched her behind the ears, the Sylveon leaning her entire body into it. Sparks started running in circles, visually expressing his excitement to see Clark's folks again after so long. He of all of them would want to show how strong he had gotten over the years. Last they saw him, he was but a Pikachu. Cellophane remained alert, but that was only in his nature, he had met the Fennels when he had been a Frogadier. Clint and Flint, however, showed no excitement whatsoever, being the newest members of his team. He knew it would still take some time for them to get attached to him and trust him, and he had plenty of patience.

His thought process, however, was cut off when his Parents bolted across the field to meet with him.

"Clint!" Thomas, his father, sputtered quickly. "You must come quick! We just received a letter from Professor Sycamore, he's requesting you personally, it seems urgent!"

Without delay, Clark returned everyone but Duchess to their Pokeballs, and bolted his way back to Lumiouse City with his parents.

(I know it's a bit longer than you'd want. But I tend to write a lot in one sitting. To be honest, I had easily 1,500 words for this part written after my thought process had been done. So I reduced it as much as I could. I hope this is what you were looking for!)

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Thanks for reading the above post!
Big thanks to Maxresh for signature image
  #27    
Old October 27th, 2013 (01:20 PM).
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Thanks, Shad0wChas3r, I'll review in the morning looks good at a glance though.

The reason I specified a length for the sample was so that people tried to be concise, so don't worry if it's a bit longer .
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  #28    
Old October 27th, 2013 (04:44 PM). Edited October 29th, 2013 by <Challenger>.
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All I have to do is write the sample.

Spoiler:
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  #29    
Old October 27th, 2013 (06:26 PM).
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I'll finish my SU tonight unless something comes up out of nowhere as sometimes happens.
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  #30    
Old October 27th, 2013 (10:24 PM).
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I'm almost done my SU. Just need to add one more Pokemon (If I feel like it), a little more to history, and an RP sample. I'm really close to finishing. I think my reserve comes off tomorrow, but sadly I have class all day at uni tomorrow, but once I get back I promise I will finish those bits up first thing.
  #31    
Old October 28th, 2013 (03:03 AM).
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Clark Fennell - Shad0wChas3r

At first I was a little worried about your pokémon levels but after reading your history and the description of each I feel that they do reflect an established trainer who has been travelling for 10 years. Let's stick with five pokémon for now though, there will be opportunities to add to your team as the roleplay progresses. Also, at the moment, Mega-Evolutions are ruled out - simply because of the limited pokémon that can. Accepted!
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  #32    
Old October 28th, 2013 (06:12 AM).
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gimmepie gimmepie is offline
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Alright, my SU is done.

Just in case there is some concern about Shade's high level I'd like to point out that he has been with Savio for ages and that I will be careful not to overpower him IC. I guess Theora is sort of compensation xD
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  #33    
Old October 28th, 2013 (08:03 AM).
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Daisuke Mitsuharu Daisuke Mitsuharu is offline
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Count me in . Hopefully this'll do, but if not, feel free to advise/ edit, as you see fit. And also, pay no mind to the Pokemon nicknames. They're just English --> Japanese names. Laziness. Haha.

Spoiler:
Name: Emerson Radcliffe.
Age: Twenty- one years of age.
Task Force: B(Assault.)
Badges gathered: Six. Rumble, Plant, Voltage, Fairy, Psychic, Iceberg.

Appearance: http://gallery.abyssalchronicles.com/displayimage.php?album=559&pos=718

Emerson is a rather young, well- defined and aesthetically distinct lad, uprightly standing, albeit rather nonchalant, at a fairly typical height. Though despite this, he is rather well- built, relatively well- toned, and slightly sinewy, though to a lesser extent; but, as a prolific practitioner of an assortment of athletics, this is to be expected. His rather unkempt, jet-black hair, is typically, and haphazardly brushed to the far- side of his ordinarily, albeit well- rounded face, slightly hovering above his fairly- hued forehead. His lightly- hued, striking hazel eyes, are, truth be told, his defining trait; his well- curved eyebrows are picturesque compliments of his hazel- tinted eyes. Emerson typically dresses himself with a collared, dominantly black, short- sleeved polo, coupled with plain simple jeans of a slightly russet hue. Though, his attire is typically accompanied with a fairly long, laboratory coat of sorts.

History:

Emerson was born and thoroughly bred within the hustling megalopolis of Lumiose; indeed it was the very heart of art, and naturally, the very megalopolis was, itself, the testament of that; the well- sculpted, cobblestone thoroughfare, the stoned arches, the palatial steeples, indeed it was. Emerson, as a scruffy youngster, bore an avid enthrallment of Pokémon. He thought of them, and regarded them as younger (or, older) brothers. His close relations with them was not solely for the sake of battle; it was simply for the sake of befriending them. Emerson was, at a tender age, a naturally adept kendōka, karateka, and to a lesser extent, judoka. The young lad honed these talents himself, without pause (though this sheer resolve often led to a plethora of blood- stained fists and broken bones.); and with much labor, Emerson had became wholly competent with his respective crafts; though it was through much physical endeavors that he did. It wasn’t long after, until he had fought Rukario, whom having been defeated, developed a newfound respect for the lad. His beloved father, admittedly, couldn’t simply help but laugh, albeit lightheartedly, at his son’s all- too apparent recklessness; though, Emerson was more so inclined to laugh at himself as well. Emerson was simply a trailblazer; the hasty lad simply had a natural liking for traveling. Truth be told, the lad had ventured to other regions (particularly, Sinnoh and Unova.), and municipalities, contending in an assortment of especial tourneys nationally and internationally (though to a much lesser extent.). Though this natural affinity for travel often led him into unfavorable circumstances.

Pokémon


Species: Lucario.
Nickname: Rukario.
Estimated Level: 52-55. (fifty- four. Feel free to alter, if need be.)
Moves: Aura Sphere, Close Combat, Iron Tail.
History: Rukario, naturally, shares a rather tight- nit, close bond with Emerson. Emerson, too, tenderly regards Rukario as a younger brother. That fated day that the twosome had met, Emerson had fought Rukario, in a test of strength. Strangely enough, Emerson had triumphed. Rukario, having kindled a new-found respect for the young lad, sought to accompany him in his plethora of ventures. And of course, he did. Their bond flourished, from then on. Emerson often spars with him, as a gesture of his brotherly affection.

Species: Dragonite.
Nickname: Kairyu.
Estimated Level: 49-52. (Feel free to alter, if need be.)
Moves: Dragon Rush, Iron Tail, Brick Break.
History: Kairyu and Emerson weren’t always on good terms. That is, when they had just met. Kairyu’s temper often provoked squabbles amongst the twosome, and truth be told, required Rukario’s intervention in order to quell the fighting. Though with much work, they had become close friends, with Kairyu developing a, more so, mellow disposition, contrary to his past self.

Species: Garchomp.
Nickname: Gaburias.
Estimated Level: 50-53. (Feel free to alter, if need be.)
Moves: Dragon Rush, Earthquake, Iron Tail.
History: Gaburias and Emerson were always generally on good terms, as they had already met (since Gaburias was initially his beloved father’s Pokémon). Sure, they’ve had their fair share of quarreling, but that did little to mar their close bond. Gaburias, truth be told, is the most amiable of the three.

Sample Roleplay

"Rukario, dodge! Prepare for a counter- strike!" Emerson, albeit calmly, bellowed. The dominantly blue, albeit cream- accented jackal, leaped steadily backwards, its jaded forepaws bared rather aggressively.

"Don't be too hasty, Emerson! Bellossom, leave no room for retaliation, magical leaf, continuous fire!" Madison, whom uprightly stood at the far- end of the rather elongated platform, remarked albeit nonchalantly. Her bright blue eyes gleamed with unflinching calm.

"Send it right back with Iron Tail, Rukario!" Emerson clamored with ferocity; though, his rather lulled gaze said otherwise. The cerulean jackal hardened its rigidly steeled tail and struck the radiating, verdant crescents of leaves with a thud. "Rukario, step into Bellossom's range, and prep for a ‘Close Combat’ maneuver!" The albeit aggressive jackal further advanced, nearing the rather calm Bellossom. Madison smiled slyly, "I’m afraid can't allow that. Bellossom, sunny day!” The all- too placid Bellossom, flouncing its vividly hued petals, released a sphere of golden light that had ascended. Though, the sapphire jackal, then, propelled a succession lightning- fast jabs; but to the lad’s disdain, the lulled Bellossom, as deft as Rukario was, nimbly sidestepped his equally agile strokes. It was a long, hard fought struggle, but it was Madison that had triumphed.

Emerson joked, albeit with a hint of dissatisfaction, "That was a close one.. !" Madison smiled, pleased, "Yup, it surely was!" She paused. "Though, you shouldn't dwell on it too much. You've put up quite the effort. You both should be proud!" Emerson simply nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Madge!" He smiled, "Say.. you sure are a lot tougher than back then!"
Madison laughed, albeit ingratiatingly, "I.. am.. ? Well, I guess training does pay off, if not at least just a tad bit!" Emerson nodded, "It sure does."

"So.. we might as well call it a day?" Emerson remarked, nonchalantly. Madison nodded, "I guess so. Shall we go?"
  #34    
Old October 28th, 2013 (09:05 AM).
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Savio Baudin - gimmepie

Some tweaking does need to be done, for instance - Golbat is quite a high level for Savio's most recent pokémon, and some balance needs to be struck with Shade's leveling as well. Your sample is alright, I'm assuming it's just after the fifth badge (before the sixth) and shows Savio's passion for training. Be careful with your paragraphing as there are a few places where a new line starts, but without a gap. That kind of paragraphing can make posts harder to read.

I would suggest one of the following: Shade: lv 60, Theora: lv 30, Echo: lv35.

With that kind of spread it makes it clear that Shade has carried most of the burden and is responsible for most of the gym badges, it highlights Theora as the weakest and there's a more reasonable level for Golbat to be at. Sound alright? PENDING


Emerson Radcliffe - Daisuki Mitsuharu

Similar problem to gimmepie's - we need to change the leveling, just slightly. Since Dragonite doesn't evolve until 55 I would recommend nerfing them all to a flat lv 50 (with, maybe, one level 45) and reverting Dragonite to a Dragonair. Your sample roleplay had a good battle at the heart of it. However, the punctuation and some of the drawn out sentences make it oddly paced.

Example:
Quote:
Though, the sapphire jackal, then, propelled a succession lightning-fast jabs; but to the lad’s disdain, the lulled Bellossom, as deft as Rukario was, nimbly sidestepped his equally agile strokes.
In the heart of the battle, when they are fighting their hardest (and at a high speed by the looks of it) you could use short, sharp sentences to mirror the urgency. It is trying to be too wordy and descriptive for the situation, in my opinion.

Anywho, how does the levelling tweak sound? PENDING
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  #35    
Old October 28th, 2013 (09:36 AM).
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Daisuke Mitsuharu Daisuke Mitsuharu is offline
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Quote originally posted by Magic Fox:

Emerson Radcliffe - Daisuki Mitsuharu

Similar problem to gimmepie's - we need to change the leveling, just slightly. Since Dragonite doesn't evolve until 55 I would recommend nerfing them all to a flat lv 50 (with, maybe, one level 45) and reverting Dragonite to a Dragonair. Your sample roleplay had a good battle at the heart of it. However, the punctuation and some of the drawn out sentences make it oddly paced.

Example: [...]


In the heart of the battle, when they are fighting their hardest (and at a high speed by the looks of it) you could use short, sharp sentences to mirror the urgency. It is trying to be too wordy and descriptive for the situation, in my opinion.

Anywho, how does the levelling tweak sound? PENDING
[/INDENT]
I see. Sounds good! I'll go ahead and edit the leveling and things.

Thanks for the advice! I agree that the pacing was off slightly because of the description; for the most part, I need to improve on conciseness, while still retaining enough clarity and description in battles. And I definitely had too much comma splices in that. Haha. But all in all, thanks!

Spoiler:
Name: Emerson Radcliffe.
Age: Twenty- one years of age.
Task Force: B(Assault.)
Badges gathered: Six. Rumble, Plant, Voltage, Fairy, Psychic, Iceberg.

Appearance: http://gallery.abyssalchronicles.com/displayimage.php?album=559&pos=718

Emerson is a rather young, well- defined and aesthetically distinct lad, uprightly standing, albeit rather nonchalant, at a fairly typical height. Though despite this, he is rather well- built, relatively well- toned, and slightly sinewy, though to a lesser extent; but, as a prolific practitioner of an assortment of athletics, this is to be expected. His rather unkempt, jet-black hair, is typically, and haphazardly brushed to the far- side of his ordinarily, albeit well- rounded face, slightly hovering above his fairly- hued forehead. His lightly- hued, striking hazel eyes, are, truth be told, his defining trait; his well- curved eyebrows are picturesque compliments of his hazel- tinted eyes. Emerson typically dresses himself with a collared, dominantly black, short- sleeved polo, coupled with plain simple jeans of a slightly russet hue. Though, his attire is typically accompanied with a fairly long, laboratory coat of sorts.

History:

Emerson was born and thoroughly bred within the hustling megalopolis of Lumiose; indeed it was the very heart of art, and naturally, the very megalopolis was, itself, the testament of that; the well- sculpted, cobblestone thoroughfare, the stoned arches, the palatial steeples, indeed it was. Emerson, as a scruffy youngster, bore an avid enthrallment of Pokémon. He thought of them, and regarded them as younger (or, older) brothers. His close relations with them was not solely for the sake of battle; it was simply for the sake of befriending them. Emerson was, at a tender age, a naturally adept kendōka, karateka, and to a lesser extent, judoka. The young lad honed these talents himself, without pause (though this sheer resolve often led to a plethora of blood- stained fists and broken bones.); and with much labor, Emerson had became wholly competent with his respective crafts; though it was through much physical endeavors that he did. It wasn’t long after, until he had fought Rukario, whom having been defeated, developed a newfound respect for the lad. His beloved father, admittedly, couldn’t simply help but laugh, albeit lightheartedly, at his son’s all- too apparent recklessness; though, Emerson was more so inclined to laugh at himself as well. Emerson was simply a trailblazer; the hasty lad simply had a natural liking for traveling. Truth be told, the lad had ventured to other regions (particularly, Sinnoh and Unova.), and municipalities, contending in an assortment of especial tourneys nationally and internationally (though to a much lesser extent.). Though this natural affinity for travel often led him into unfavorable circumstances.

Pokémon


Species: Lucario.
Nickname: Rukario.
Estimated Level: 50.
Moves: Aura Sphere, Close Combat, Iron Tail.
History: Rukario, naturally, shares a rather tight- nit, close bond with Emerson. Emerson, too, tenderly regards Rukario as a younger brother. That fated day that the twosome had met, Emerson had fought Rukario, in a test of strength. Strangely enough, Emerson had triumphed. Rukario, having kindled a new-found respect for the young lad, sought to accompany him in his plethora of ventures. And of course, he did. Their bond flourished, from then on. Emerson often spars with him, as a gesture of his brotherly affection.

Species: Dragonair.
Nickname: Kairyu.
Estimated Level: 48.
Moves: Dragon Rush, Iron Tail, Dragon Dance.
History: Kairyu and Emerson weren’t always on good terms. That is, when they had just met. Kairyu’s temper often provoked squabbles amongst the twosome, and truth be told, required Rukario’s intervention in order to quell the fighting. Though with much work, they had become close friends, with Kairyu developing a, more so, mellow disposition, contrary to his past self.

Species: Garchomp.
Nickname: Gaburias.
Estimated Level: 50.
Moves: Dragon Rush, Earthquake, Iron Tail.
History: Gaburias and Emerson were always generally on good terms, as they had already met (since Gaburias was initially his beloved father’s Pokémon). Sure, they’ve had their fair share of quarreling, but that did little to mar their close bond. Gaburias, truth be told, is the most amiable of the three.

Sample Roleplay

"Rukario, dodge! Prepare for a counter- strike!" Emerson, albeit calmly, bellowed. The dominantly blue, albeit cream- accented jackal, leaped steadily backwards, its jaded forepaws bared rather aggressively.

"Don't be too hasty, Emerson! Bellossom, leave no room for retaliation, magical leaf, continuous fire!" Madison, whom uprightly stood at the far- end of the rather elongated platform, remarked albeit nonchalantly. Her bright blue eyes gleamed with unflinching calm.

"Send it right back with Iron Tail, Rukario!" Emerson clamored with ferocity; though, his rather lulled gaze said otherwise. The cerulean jackal hardened its rigidly steeled tail and struck the radiating, verdant crescents of leaves with a thud. "Rukario, step into Bellossom's range, and prep for a ‘Close Combat’ maneuver!" The albeit aggressive jackal further advanced, nearing the rather calm Bellossom. Madison smiled slyly, "I’m afraid can't allow that. Bellossom, sunny day!” The all- too placid Bellossom, flouncing its vividly hued petals, released a sphere of golden light that had ascended. Though, the sapphire jackal, then, propelled a succession lightning- fast jabs; but to the lad’s disdain, the lulled Bellossom, as deft as Rukario was, nimbly sidestepped his equally agile strokes. It was a long, hard fought struggle, but it was Madison that had triumphed.

Emerson joked, albeit with a hint of dissatisfaction, "That was a close one.. !" Madison smiled, pleased, "Yup, it surely was!" She paused. "Though, you shouldn't dwell on it too much. You've put up quite the effort. You both should be proud!" Emerson simply nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Madge!" He smiled, "Say.. you sure are a lot tougher than back then!"
Madison laughed, albeit ingratiatingly, "I.. am.. ? Well, I guess training does pay off, if not at least just a tad bit!" Emerson nodded, "It sure does."

"So.. we might as well call it a day?" Emerson remarked, nonchalantly. Madison nodded, "I guess so. Shall we go?"
  #36    
Old October 28th, 2013 (09:49 AM).
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Mana Mana is online now
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Emerson is accepted thanks for the fix up Daisuki .
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  #37    
Old October 28th, 2013 (10:50 AM).
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Captain Oshawott Captain Oshawott is offline
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Quote originally posted by Magic Fox:
Clark Fennell - Shad0wChas3r

At first I was a little worried about your pokémon levels but after reading your history and the description of each I feel that they do reflect an established trainer who has been travelling for 10 years. Let's stick with five pokémon for now though, there will be opportunities to add to your team as the roleplay progresses. Also, at the moment, Mega-Evolutions are ruled out - simply because of the limited pokémon that can. Accepted!
I was a little concerned too, to be honest, but I'm glad what I gave you helped balance it out! Thanks for your honest review and for accepting me :D . I'm eager to do this!
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  #38    
Old October 28th, 2013 (05:47 PM).
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gimmepie gimmepie is offline
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I edited the levels to be pretty much what you said. I did however keep Echo slightly higher at level 40. Simply because it shows he is still a ways beyond Theora strength-wise and that Savio has put a hell of a lot of work into it. If it is required to be accepted though I'll nerf him down to level 35 like you originally said.
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  #39    
Old October 28th, 2013 (06:41 PM).
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Jegretis Jegretis is offline
 
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Okay I just finished my SU. Let me know if I should change anything.
  #40    
Old October 29th, 2013 (03:21 AM).
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Grah! Everybody is finishing! If you would extend my reservation time till like 6 (US Eastern) that would be great. I have to do paperwork and get outfitted for my first job today after school, but I'll definitely have my sample written up after that.
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  #41    
Old October 29th, 2013 (04:43 AM).
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Emerson and Savio are accepted!

Damien Weller - jegretis

Super sign up, levels are balanced etc. etc. Really enjoyed your sample roleplay too. Only thing you have to do is take out on move for each pokémon as there should be three specialised moves.

Slam counts as a general move, so your pokémon can have access to that without it being listed anyway Prune out the others and then... Accepted!
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  #42    
Old October 29th, 2013 (05:35 AM).
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gimmepie gimmepie is offline
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Woo, I'm looking forward to this. :D
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  #43    
Old October 29th, 2013 (05:56 AM).
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IcyIce IcyIce is offline
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I have decided not to join the RP because things are about to start getting busy around here and I am already in one for now. I have deleted the posts with my SU and another posted that was talking about my team on here.
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Darker Than It Seem..
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  #44    
Old October 29th, 2013 (07:06 AM).
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pikakip pikakip is offline
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This looks interesting. If there is still space I would like to reserve a slot in Team B.
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  #45    
Old October 29th, 2013 (02:29 PM).
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Here's the complete form.

Character form:

Name: Lee Hunter
Age: -> 23
Task Force: -> B Team
Badges gathered: -> 6- Bug Badge, Cliff Badge, Rumble Badge, Plant Badge, Volt Badge, Fairy Badge

Appearance:
Lee could be called a pretty boy by all means: He's around 6'4, weighs about 150 pounds, and has tan, flawless skin. His face is perfectly angular complete with a light, golden stubble coming across his chin. His eyebrows are strangely perfect, and curve with every smile, frown, or grimace. His hair is beautifully long, hanging in long sheets around his shoulder. (In X and Y, it would be Medium style, Honey colored) He tends to keep it brushed out of his face in a triangular shape in order to show his beautiful charcoal eyes. Lee's body is quite slim. but muscular at the same time. Because he can do that. Because he's gorgeous.

Lee's normal apparel consists of an aqua-blue button-up shirt that he keeps unbuttoned (made of a light fabric), a grey tee shirt that he wears underneath it with a black Pokeball emblazoned on the front (also a light material), grey jeans, black sneakers, and a grey satchel that he wears diagonally, going from right (top) to left (bottom). When he gets serious, he puts on a pair of shades and a black fedora.

History:
Lee was born in Cyllage City, with both of his parents being experienced trainers. His father had a powerful Pangoro, and his mother had a fearsome Scizor, with both of them having their Pokemon breed so their son could have the offspring of their strongest Pokemon. On Lee's third birthday, the eggs hatched. The Pancham and Scyther both took a liking to the boy. Lee and his Pokemon began to play together as if they had known each other forever. When Lee turned ten years old, he set out on his Pokemon journey. The three made great progress, and they made it to the third gym effortlessly. It was when they got to the fourth that things began to get difficult. When Brick faced off against Gogoat, they were evenly matched. The goat would charge the panda, and the panda would grapple with him until both lost their grip and fell back. On the fourth clash, Lee called out to Brick and the Pancham felt a surge of strength within him. He evolved into Pangoro mid-grapple and tossed Gogoat away with ease, earning Lee the Plant badge.

From that point on, Lee took his training seriously. He spent a total of ten years in the wilderness, training tirelessly with Brick and Jett. They lived off the land and bonded, their friendship growing to an insane amount. During this time, Brick learned Return while brawling with a Machamp, and it proved to be a powerful slam, and his most powerful attack. When the trio returned society, Lee resumed his gym challenge. After a couple of badges, he received a call from Professor Sycamore. He was called for a secret group, formed to defeat a gang. At the mention of undoing something bad, Lee jumped at the chance.

Pokémon form:

Species: -> Pangoro
Nickname: -> Brick
Estimated level: -> 50
Moves: -> Circle Throw, Arm Thrust, Return

Species: -> Scizor
Nickname: -> Jett
Estimated Level: -> 50
Moves: -> Bullet Punch, X-Scissor, U-Turn

History:
Jett and Brick have a joined history. Lee's parents chose both of them as eggs to go with Lee on his adventures. Lee had grown up with them for ten years when he was finally able to begin his Pokemon journey. The two are both very competitive with each other, and as much as it doesn't seem like it, they respect each other a great deal. They constantly fought to become Lee's favorite Pokemon, even though he loves them both equally. They actually evolved at the exact same time in a double battle, much to the dismay of the trainer they were facing. They've been with Lee for all 23 years of his life, so the three of them are closer than anyone could be with Pokemon.

Sample Roleplay:
A young man leans against a wall, thinking quietly. This is an important mission...A fool's errand at the same time. He sighed and propped his foot against the wall. There's so much to do...So much I can accomplish... He pulled a couple of Pokeballs from his belt and looked them over. Brick...Jett...I'm gonna need you. More than ever. This'll be one hard quest...We can do this though. The trainer smiled slightly as he released the Pangoro and Scizor. The second they emerged from their Pokeballs, they glared at each other. Normally the man would've split them apart, but they did this all the time now. Besides, it would be good to have a bit of competition between them. It makes them strive to be better than the other.

Lee smiled and walked out of his small hotel room and exited the building, striding into the streets. On either Lee's right side stood Brick. On his left stood Jett. "Alright guys...We're part of an important task force." Both grunted in understanding. Hopefully, just hopefully everything would go perfectly: No hitches, no losses, and the fall of Team Flare, but hey! you never you know what could go wrong. Normally Lee would've been everywhere with excitement, but he knew this was a task to be handled with every caution. The trainer and his Pokemon walked into Magnolia Square and took a vigilant seat, spying on the cafe adorned in red. He whispered, "This is the spot guys. Nearly impenetrable." He smirked. "But we're gonna be here. They don't stand a chance."

Spoiler:

So tasty
Much cookie
Is it eat?
Such calories
So confooz
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  #46    
Old October 29th, 2013 (03:03 PM).
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DLMuerte DLMuerte is offline
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Quote originally posted by DeLaMuerte:
Finished, I think.

Character form:
Name: Orion Fletcher
ALSO
Spoiler:
I present the goods.

there was more but I ate them but you don't mind right
Je finis! It's complete, so you can take a look at it and... yeah. That's about it.
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  #47    
Old October 29th, 2013 (03:07 PM).
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Thanks guys I'll look at these in the morning!
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  #48    
Old October 29th, 2013 (03:34 PM). Edited October 30th, 2013 by WooliestSteam.
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WooliestSteam WooliestSteam is offline
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Done!
Also lemme know if anything is out of place and I'll get to fixing it right away.

Spoiler:
Character form:

Name: Charlie Kane
Age: -> 19
Task Force: -> A
Badges gathered: ->Bug, Cliff, Rumble
Appearance: Charlie stands at a tall six foot two inches and has an above average build for most kids his age. His face is complemented with his slightly darkened complexion and light green eyes. However his short scruffy beard sits in an unruly, untidy fashion. His hair is a light red color and sits atop his head in a short stylized fashion much unlike his facial hair. The hair itself shines in the light due to the hair gel he uses, slicked to the side on top and neatly combed down at the sides.

The word casual is the first word that springs to mind when looking at Charlie’s clothes, he’s never been one for fancy, formal attire, and will be rarely seen in anything of that variation. Charlie’s usual outfit consists of a pair of casual blue jeans and a black t-shirt. On occasion he can be seen wearing a leather jacket if the weather calls for it. He wears a pair of brown sneakers on his feet, allowing him maximum comfort and maneuverability. A military style watch can be seen on his left wrist and he carries a small notebook in his back jean pocket.


History
: Charlie was born in Lumios City into a culinary family where he was the younger of two siblings having one older sister. Both his father and mother owned a restaurant in the city, which was quite popular to say the least. He was well known among the people of the city because of this and people would often stop him in the street and tell him to pass on their thanks to his parents. Charlie however wasn’t much like his parents or sister, he got into trouble a lot and often caused problems for the locals, be it kicking a ball around and smashing a window, knocking over bins, stealing or playing pranks on people. It was more this reason Charlie developed a reputation with the locals than anything else. Charlie would often sneak out of his house at night to go and meet up with his friends and cause trouble. All the sneaking around and keeping quiet has taught Charlie how to be as quiet as can be when trying to keep a low profile.

The years rolled by and Charlie who was now in his teens continued to be a nuisance to the people around him. One day he stole some food from a shop and proceeded to run as fast as he could away from the owner, he ducked into an alleyway and stayed low, keeping out of sight. The owner ran past the alley heading on down the street in search of Charlie. As Charlie peered out and noticed the owner now drift further into the distance, he turned around and smiled before he took a small bite out of the apple he had just taken. As he stared down the alley he saw a small creature at the end which seemed to be hurt. Upon tossing the apple to the side and running down to it, on closer inspection it was indeed a Pokémon, a Squirtle to be precise. Charlie could see that the Pokémon was hurt, it was weak and tired and seemed to be drained of energy. He picked up the Pokémon, cradled it in his arms and made a break for the Pokémon Centre.

The Squirtle which Charlie had taken to the Pokémon Centre the day before now lay resting in his bed. Charlie knew about Pokémon but his parents never let him have one, they believed he was much too irresponsible to care for a Pokémon. As he peered out his window and looked at all the trainers and their Pokémon, a single tear ran down his face, he looked at the sleeping Pokémon and wiped the tear away. He ran downstairs and explained that he wanted to become a Pokémon trainer to his parents, their response was less than enthusiastic. After much debate it was agreed Charlie be allowed to become a Pokémon trainer. His parents believing it would teach him a lot about responsibility and perhaps settle him down.

Since that day Charlie has trained hard and battled even harder, he was going to prove to his parents he was capable of becoming a successful Pokémon trainer. Charlie has beaten three gyms to date, today he stands proudly with his now Wartortle and other newly caught Pokémon. He had his sights set on the fourth gym until he got a mysterious request from Professor Sycamore requesting his help.

Pokémon:
Species: -> Wartortle.
Nickname: -> Mac
Estimated level: -> 32
Moves: -> Ice Beam, Water Pulse, Aqua Tail.
History: -> Mac is the Squirtle which Charlie found in the alley that day. He took it to a Pokémon Centre and nursed it back to health. Mac thinks very highly of him and will never leave his side because of what Charlie did. Through hard training and tough battles Mac evolved into a Wartortle a little while after their first gym battle.

Species: -> Aron.
Nickname: -> Steeler
Estimated level: -> 29
Moves: -> Metal Claw, Take Down, Dig.
History: -> Steeler is one of the new additions to Charlie’s team. Charlie found him while he was stumbling through a cave with Mac. He immediately noticed Steeler’s fiery personality when the two met and he knew he’d be a great addition to his team. After an intense battle between Mac and Steeler, Charlie managed to catch Steeler and add him to his team.

Species: -> Aipom.
Nickname: -> Jumpy
Estimated level: -> 27
Moves: -> Thunderbolt, Swift, Astonish.
History: -> Jumpy is the newest addition to Charlie’s team. Charlie spotted him when he was stealing food from his backpack and ran off. Charlie gave chase and eventually after catching up with Jumpy, they battled for the food. After Jumpy was defeated Charlie offered the food to him anyway as Jumpy reminded Charlie of himself, with his cheeky behavior and smart tactics. Charlie caught Jumpy that day and he became the latest addition to his team.

Sample Roleplay
: “Ah this is nice“ Charlie grinned as he lay back on the grass beside the stream. The sunshine shimmered and sparkled on the surface of the crystal clear water. Bird Pokémon could be heard chirping in the distance and every so often a gentle breeze would roll by rustling the grass ever so slightly and providing that much needed relief from the strong sun. Sitting up Charlie looked around and noticed right beside him was a small, stone like object. However this was no object, this was Steeler, one of Charlie’s new additions to his team. He soon heard the playful splashes from the water and upon looking round he seen his Wartortle which he calls Mac playing in the water and it wasn’t long until his Aipom Jumpy jumped up from behind him and landed in his lap.

After lifting Jumpy off, Charlie stood up and had a look around and noticing in the corner of his eye an apple tree. Walking over with his Pokémon not far behind him, he looked up and noticed some delicious apples high up in the tree. It wasn’t exactly going to be easy to get them but the reward outweighed the risk. “Jumpy, think you can climb up there and get us those apples?” Charlie quizzed looking down at Jumpy. Excitedly Jumpy started to climb up the tree using his tail as an excellent way to swing from branch to branch. Reaching the apples Jumpy picked four of them before throwing them down to Charlie below. “Ok got them Jumpy, come on down now!” Charlie explained raising his voice ever so slightly to allow Jumpy to hear him. Jumpy quickly climbed down the tree and back onto the ground again and ran over to Charlie who held the delicious apples. Handing one to each of his team and keeping one for himself they all dug in and started to eat.

After everyone had finished eating they all sat under the apple tree and relaxed. His Pokémon were sleeping but Charlie was sitting thinking to himself. “I’ve got three badges already and I’m going for my forth, but I wonder should I return home soon? I should find out how everyone is at least, let them know I’m okay.” Looking down at his team he smiled, “At least I got these guys to rely on. They’re not going anywhere fast” Charlie laughed. “Alright guys, come on let’s go” he said to his Pokémon looking down at them. They lazily opened their eyes and looked up. “We got another gym battle ahead of us, it ain’t gonna win itself”. The Pokémon quickly shook themselves awake and looked ready for action. “Let’s go then” Charlie smiled as they left their place of solitude in search of the next gym battle.

*I’ve been on hiatus for a while and I found it tough to write this little short piece without any sort of premise or structure. I just had to come up with some sort of scenario of the top of my head so forgive me if it sucks a little. I can write a little bit better when there is some sort of like I said premise involved.
  #49    
Old October 30th, 2013 (04:11 AM).
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Orion Flectcher - DeLaMuerte

Not much to say here, everything looks pretty good . Accepted!


Lee Hunter - heretostay123

Whilst your pokémon team is fine, I do find there are a few problems with your sign up. Firstly, Lee is very Mary Sue/Gary Stu - your description of him shows that is how you think of him as well, as every description is highlighted by 'perfect' or 'beautiful'. We definitely need to stay clear of that.

Secondly, everything seems a bit... brief. Minimal information in the history, as you seem to focus on the pokémon (which is then repeated in their history) and the sample roleplay is pretty bare. I also specified that it should be before your character is called upon - your sample makes it sound like they have already been sent after team flare. Pending.


Charlie Kane - WooliestSteam1

SQUIRTLE SQUAD. Everything seems in order Only thing I can suggest is removing the more generic moves for something more interesting - bite, roar and fury swipes can all be considered basic moves for you to use freely. Accepted!


ONLY ONE SPACE AVAILABLE ON TEAM A
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  #50    
Old October 30th, 2013 (05:36 AM).
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Veevee Veevee is offline
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Ooh! A Kalos roleplay? Reserve me for Team A, please.
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