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  #51    
Old January 9th, 2014 (08:43 AM).
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Kanzler Kanzler is offline
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Quote originally posted by Everlark:
And have a raffle to go on a friend date with me so other girls/guys can look at how awesome we are and they'll be like GOTTA STEAL THAT and they'll think they're stealing you from me but really that was my secret plan to get you a bf/gf and we win the world. This is flawless plan.
I'd totally date you js.

/me runs like the wind from big scary boyfriend
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  #52    
Old January 10th, 2014 (04:51 AM).
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I've had one boyfriend, which lasted 6 days, before he decided he thought of me as a friend. So yeah, I was put in the 'friendzone'. I don't have my eye on anyone at the moment. I'm quite happy staying single for a while longer!
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  #53    
Old January 10th, 2014 (06:13 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Controversial?:
I started getting too attached and got really needy, and I could tell I was starting to get really clingy and she was way less into me than she was; so basically, we kinda stopped the day after we organised our first date. v.v

not very interesting, just ****ed.
Accidentally liked your post rather than quoting it as my intention (sorry 'bout that) I'm not "likeing" your bad fortune by any means.

At least you know where you went wrong for next time.
You should try a more laid back approach (obvs). You're a naturally quiet person I imagine? Use that to your advantage, say little. The less you talk about yourself the more mysterious you appear, of course don't avoid talking about yourself, if she asks about you answer truthfully and genuinely keep a nice give and take leaning towards her giving you more information. Oh and actually listen usually guys don't and that's where they go wrong.
Self confidence is massively attractive, why do you think all the losers and d-bags get all the best looking girls? You don't need to be majorly attractive but if you're confident, relaxed about who you are and emotionally stable you will do far better than you ever thought you would, and your insecurities about dating will disappear after a while and you will no longer actually be needy and clingy.
That means lifestyle changes because I hate to say it, but the problem isn't women. Start with your wardrobe, dress what looks nice, not what's comfortable. Be well groomed. Stand up straight, and F***ing smile! Looking happy makes others happy, fact. Just don't push it, be relaxed and you're on your way.
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  #54    
Old January 10th, 2014 (10:22 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Plumpyfoof:
Accidentally liked your post rather than quoting it as my intention (sorry 'bout that) I'm not "likeing" your bad fortune by any means.

At least you know where you went wrong for next time.
You should try a more laid back approach (obvs). You're a naturally quiet person I imagine? Use that to your advantage, say little. The less you talk about yourself the more mysterious you appear, of course don't avoid talking about yourself, if she asks about you answer truthfully and genuinely keep a nice give and take leaning towards her giving you more information. Oh and actually listen usually guys don't and that's where they go wrong.
Self confidence is massively attractive, why do you think all the losers and d-bags get all the best looking girls? You don't need to be majorly attractive but if you're confident, relaxed about who you are and emotionally stable you will do far better than you ever thought you would, and your insecurities about dating will disappear after a while and you will no longer actually be needy and clingy.
That means lifestyle changes because I hate to say it, but the problem isn't women. Start with your wardrobe, dress what looks nice, not what's comfortable. Be well groomed. Stand up straight, and F***ing smile! Looking happy makes others happy, fact. Just don't push it, be relaxed and you're on your way.
In fairness, I have mood swings VERY often. I'm liking my bad fortune, it means more songs and it's kinda funny

Yeah, the thing is I know exactly what went wrong. What's funny is that she didn't tell me to **** off when I was being clingy, I noticed this and we kind of mutually ended it (even though she still kind of liked me) because I was being quite clingy, it was really weird... plus, she's said she doesn't want a guy to be like all obsessed with her and that.

The funny thing is that I might've used to be really quiet, but you couldn't be further from the truth now; at parties and social events, I'm usually the most social person around, going and talking to everyone and everything. The reason most of my things fail is because my brain can't understand subtle social cues which two people who are attracted to each other exhibit, and plus I don't usually get really clingy to a girl, only when I REALLY like them. Usually, I'm the dude who knows everyone and is friendly with everyone, so people never question why I don't get any, they just assume I do.

I agree completely with basically all the advice you've given me tbh. The thing is that I've done the majority of that already; I've changed my wardrobe out from what it was like when I was 15, I'm more groomed now, I smile a lot (people say I'm a very happy person these days...considering what I can be like when my mood swings hit that's quite weird xD), I actually practised my posture (gayyyyyy I know) and I'm much more self-confident than I was; I used to be the weird kid, now I'm the guy who knows everyone and I'm the lead singer of a band and basically improving as many aspects of my life as I can. The only problem I've got is the relaxing thing; I can't relax when I know I can't really get any, I'm friends with quite a lot of girls but I'm terrible with escalating anything which is why I'm permanently "friend-zoned", even though I think the term is cliché as hell. xD It's fine, though; what I'll probably do is just let it happen when it happens and just stop trying. Got more imporant things to think about now anyways (exams xDD)

tl;dr I agree with everything you're saying, but you have me pinned down as the wrong type of person. I just never usually feel so needy for a girl and I often get mood swings, so I come off as pretty pathetic a lot. xD
Thanks anyway though, that post actually reminded me of why I was improving my life like that before I hit that snag
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Old January 10th, 2014 (10:52 AM).
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I'm just going to be blunt about it. I tend to think logically and a bit empathetically. I know maths and sciences, so I have some idea of how certain things work, and when it comes to conversation with someone I really like, I don't want to feel like a bore. It's one of the reasons having a common interest or hobby can be important to me, because if I feel like anything I say will just dull out someone (which let's be honest, there aren't too many that feel math and science are interesting, least in my experience), I just don't talk unless talked to.

That being said, when I get attached, I get attached. There was a girl my junior year in highschool who, yes I was attracted to and very shy around. One day, when I was bringing my laptop to work on a personal, RPG Maker 2000 project (which to this day is still unfinished), she took an interest to what I was doing, and we started talking. It was around the end of the year, though. We did call ourselves bf/gf, even though the only time we could see or talk to each other was at school. By the end of the year, she started avoiding me for reasons I didn't know, and the following year, I didn't see her at all. I didn't know what I did, and I missed her.

Fast forward a few years later, during which I continued to miss her, was trying to find her on social networks and anything else I could think of that she could be on. A friend of mine, who I told of the situation, found her, and we started talking again. Turned out that the reason for her avoidance was because she knew she was moving away, and thought it would make it easier for me. Unfortunately, around the time we started talking again, she had already found someone else, not knowing that I hadn't moved on, and later, would have a child with the guy.

Beyond that, and helping various other friends with their relationships... I pretty much have no experience whatsoever.
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  #56    
Old January 10th, 2014 (11:19 AM).
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Uhhh I'm way too awkward to get a real boyfriend or girlfriend (unless they were one of my close friends, because then I might actually be able to talk to them...), but I've only ever had one boyfriend, it was in primary school, and it lasted for about 10 minutes, close as I'll get though XD
But in terms of people who like me and people who me like, I know of some people who have a crush on me (achievement!) but they've usually never even spoken to me before which is slightly weird :/ But obviously, being the teen I am I have accumulated a good few diary entries worth of crushes over the years. Atm, I have a little crush on one of my close friends, which is a bit weird, but we're going into town to buy comic books tomorrow, soooo, you never know I guess
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  #57    
Old January 10th, 2014 (04:14 PM).
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No, not really. I'm more a passive introvert than anything else. Also I guess I'm not interesting enough.

Never was on a date and probably never will be, especially since I don't live in a city. It's alright, though, because at the moment the only one I'd date is knowledge. It never let's you down and enables you to help others.

On the other side: even if there was a possible way for me to date someone, I'd probably avoid it the best I could, simply because I know myself too well. Nobody should ever stay too long by my side, that wouldn't end well, for the other person at least. ^^
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  #58    
Old January 10th, 2014 (09:29 PM).
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Last time I dated was a waste girl tried to milk me 4 money ugh I agree with blah lets set up forever single club LOL girls in Massachusetts will milk u 4 every penny ya got its horrible
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  #59    
Old January 10th, 2014 (10:59 PM).
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I have a girlfriend now, but I tend to be in longer relationships. I'm not one for a two week fling or anything like that. If I don't think we will work together in the long run, I'll end it. There's no point in dragging things along and there isn't a chance of a future. Most relationships I have go for at least a year, or half a year, longest was four years. Looking for the one, ya know?
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  #60    
Old January 10th, 2014 (11:18 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Controversial?:
In fairness, I have mood swings VERY often. I'm liking my bad fortune, it means more songs and it's kinda funny

...

tl;dr I agree with everything you're saying, but you have me pinned down as the wrong type of person. I just never usually feel so needy for a girl and I often get mood swings, so I come off as pretty pathetic a lot. xD
Thanks anyway though, that post actually reminded me of why I was improving my life like that before I hit that snag
I had a 50% chance of getting it right over the internet hahah!
It's good that you've already done things I advised, now it becomes just a matter of practising noticing social queues. The escalation thing is easy once you understand the signals, basically if you see an opportunity for escalation take it. Trying to escalate too early will earn you a little bit of extra time to gain her 'trust' back but it's not serious it doesn't take long and it gives you a little more time to get perspective. If you escalate too late however you may have missed your window and it's the friendzone for you.
Try escalating earlier than you normally would. A good tip is to try and develop a connection the first time meeting someone simply by flirting hard as soon as possible, then take the window to kiss her as soon as it appears. Remember to take note of how she responds to different phrases she may be looking for a genuine conversation instead.
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  #61    
Old January 11th, 2014 (12:25 AM). Edited January 13th, 2014 by Fernbutter.
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Well personally I had dated everyone in class, not because I wanted to though, mostly because I am too good of a person to say no to them and I also got free food but keep in mind it was mostly their choice. I wasn't playing anyone, while most took me out to have some fun, watch a movie, play some sports, some I really wanted to get to know better. I just wish that girls were a little less confusing because c'mon, really? I know some aren't that confusing, then there are those kind of girls like "We are not confusing!" Well then where are all these non-confusing girls then? Huh? I mean women understand women, and they hate each other.

Guys on the other hand, I mean some are sweet n' romantic an all, but still very uhh... rough? Sidenote: For those guys out there who are all like "Why doesn't anyone date me?!" there is probably a good reason why, or you aren't trying hard enough. Or you might just be ugly.
Guys could just be a little more charming and maybe caring? BUT I know not all are so bad, some can be pretty nice.

What is dating for me? Confusing.
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  #62    
Old January 11th, 2014 (12:45 AM).
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I've never been on a date.

Unless you count Mr. Tequila....
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  #63    
Old January 11th, 2014 (09:39 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Plumpyfoof:
I had a 50% chance of getting it right over the internet hahah!
It's good that you've already done things I advised, now it becomes just a matter of practising noticing social queues. The escalation thing is easy once you understand the signals, basically if you see an opportunity for escalation take it. Trying to escalate too early will earn you a little bit of extra time to gain her 'trust' back but it's not serious it doesn't take long and it gives you a little more time to get perspective. If you escalate too late however you may have missed your window and it's the friendzone for you.
Try escalating earlier than you normally would. A good tip is to try and develop a connection the first time meeting someone simply by flirting hard as soon as possible, then take the window to kiss her as soon as it appears. Remember to take note of how she responds to different phrases she may be looking for a genuine conversation instead.
It's fine; in fairness, most people IRL wouldn't see me as the type to be so screwed up when it comes to girls and people online don't see me as very sociable. xD

I guess most people have a knack for being able to pick up social cues; I don't wanna use it as an excuse (I hate those kinds of people) but I have a form of autism so I never really grasped social cues through nature, it's always been something I've had to learn. (I think I've gotten good with it though in all other areas where sex isn't the one and only goal )
You're right, that's a good idea - I never really escalate properly unless I know for a fact she's into me (which I can't actually tell yet), so I guess being polarising about it might be useful. It's annoying, all my friends have a knack for it; they all get with so many girls and they just assume I do the same when they go off when in reality I just get left behind. xD
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  #64    
Old January 11th, 2014 (11:55 AM). Edited January 11th, 2014 by Magikarp From Hell.
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I'm 21 and never had a longtime relationship, but I don't mind. I see myself as strange but awesome.
I'm a Slowpoke on picking up signs and I tend to wait too long. For me it's hard to actually approach girls I don't know
because I'm pretty introverted. When I do it, I feel good though.

My dating/ love life contains:

- Passionate Summerlove (Damn you long distance..)
- One Night Stands with the possibility of getting to know their name afterwards (akward)
- A failed double date where a hot girl didn't say anything and only mentioned her bowl movement.
- Random drunk kisses with strangers.

I'm a Ratata send to the Elite Four. To whoever, who thinks theirs suck, read mine. Remember, stay awesome.

EDIT: The myth is wrong, uglier girls have higher standars and pretty girls are in most cases friendlier as if they don't hold any grudges.
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  #65    
Old January 11th, 2014 (12:00 PM).
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There's a man out there that I really love, and he's the most amazing thing ever, but in all honesty, I want him to be happy.

I don't really have what I would call a dating life. I don't really date. I never really understood it. I like spending time with him but it's not a "date", it's an adventure where we go all over the place and talk and do things and be silly and tease each other.

It's awkward because he's in a transitional phase and it seems like he is trying to understand who would be best for him in terms of a relationship.

Even if he decides that I'm not the perfect fit, I love him, but I respect him too, and in the end, I want him to be happy, so I let him be. But he keeps getting closer and closer each time we hang out, and I know what he wants, and I don't think either of us are ready for it, but it gets very rushed, you know.

I only got to see him about 6-7 times last year but each time was amazing and wonderful, and I always reminisce them whenever I'm sad or lonely. I talk to him a lot too but it's just not the same as having him there.

I see myself as someone who is very dedicated to the right person who is able to work with my quirks and high level of maintenance with a high payoff for he who stays committed, but it's very difficult for someone to reach that point with me, since a lot of guys I'm around usually are more in it for themselves unfortunately. I guess that sort of "mutuality" comes with age and experience though, and there's plenty of women out there who would much rather be with someone like them, too.
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  #66    
Old January 11th, 2014 (05:14 PM).
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Emile Hersch turned 30 today. Who the hell is Emile Hersch?
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I was recently talking to this guy on Grindr and we really liked each other and then a few days ago he texted me saying "you're an amazing person but I don't want to lead you on, I've just become involved with someone. I hope you don't hate me and we can still be friends."

So that was discouraging! everybody wants to be my friend but I'm apparently not amazing enough for anyone to give me a chance at being something more. I have a date tonight though, so we'll see how that goes I guess. If it doesn't go well I'm done for a while. Dating is really annoying. It's just such a hassle for something that's not a sure thing. I really hate investing all that time in someone only to be reset to square one.
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Old January 11th, 2014 (05:32 PM).
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Noticing a trend, is there anyone who has any advice for someone trying to find a date or even just entering the dating scene in a sense? Most situations will depend on the people involved, sure, but does anyone have any thoughts or experiences that they feel may help others who are possibly struggling or having trouble starting?
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  #68    
Old January 11th, 2014 (06:54 PM). Edited January 12th, 2014 by Shining Raichu.
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I dated 8 girls during middle school and high school. I too fall under that awkward club when it comes to talking to your crushes, but I guess I just got lucky and things ended up working out for the most part. Lately, dating has been stale. My last girlfriend left me when I went through basic training via a dear john letter which gave me a '**** dating' mentality for about a year. I'm over that crap now, but now it's just hard to meet new people since I live in the middle of no where. Hopefully that'll change when I start college after this guatemala trip.
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Old January 12th, 2014 (06:25 AM).
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I honestly don't date, nor would I, given the opportunity
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Old January 12th, 2014 (11:25 AM).
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I've dated a few girls, never for more than two outings or so. Eventually I had to face the fact that I just don't care about relationships or sex in general.
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Old January 12th, 2014 (10:03 PM).
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Quote originally posted by emberjed:
I've dated a few girls, never for more than two outings or so. Eventually I had to face the fact that I just don't care about relationships or sex in general.
I feel like that... which is probably bad since I have a girlfriend. I mean sex is cool or whatever but I'm very rarely in the mood. So many things id rather do.
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Old January 13th, 2014 (12:01 PM).
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Quote originally posted by pinta77:
I mean sex is cool or whatever but I'm very rarely in the mood.
Implying that you've had sex before?
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Old January 13th, 2014 (05:41 PM).
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Emile Hersch turned 30 today. Who the hell is Emile Hersch?
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He is 19, Orpheus, stranger things have happened lol
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Old January 13th, 2014 (05:50 PM). Edited January 13th, 2014 by Orpheus.
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Quote originally posted by The Artist Formerly Known As Shining Raichu:
He is 19, Orpheus, stranger things have happened lol
I don't think it's appropriate at any age, unless your married.
I'm restraining my desire to just burst out laughing right now...
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Old January 13th, 2014 (05:58 PM).
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What is that 'dating' you speak of?
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