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  #1    
Old June 8th, 2005, 01:48 AM
愛Forgotten Angel愛's Avatar
愛Forgotten Angel愛
~*~Wind Swept~*~
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Fields of Paper Flowers and Candy Clouds of Lullaby
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I know this will resemble the other fan-fic In My Own Private Suicide in one way, but I just wanted to write.


Suicide...

I placed my interlaced fingers on my head. The hum of the computer barely reached me. The only thing I could really hear clearly was the song. The words of the Green Day song I was listening to. The words which had never hurt before now stung like hell. I was at it. The gates of it. The place no one wants to really go if all the stories are true. I was at the gates of hell. My life was horrible. Nothing left for me to live for. Nothing else to hold onto. I dropped my hands.

"So, it has finally led to this," I murmured as I stared at the computer screen. I faked a smile. The gun I had just picked up in my hand was nice and cold. Cold. That is a word I like. The gun was pure black. I like black too. I considered stopping myself from doing what I was going to do. I shook my head. It had to be done today. I pulled the gun upward and was about at my neck when my mom called me.

"Sweetie, you have a phone call!" she yelled from downstairs. I put the gun down and quickly grabbed the phone. It was just some telemarketer. I wondered how they got hold of my name.

'Heck, how do the get hold of anyone's name?' I thought. I picked the gun back up. Enough interuptions. I put the gun to the side of my head. I thought that maybe I shouldn't do this. Maybe I could fix things. Then the words came. I tried to block them out; I tried to think about not doing it.

"Nobody likes you..."

I thought about my mom. How much she would worry. I thought about anything but the words.

"Everyone's left you..."

'No!' I thought. 'I won't let it control my life! I will live for another-'

"THEY'RE ALL OUT WITHOUT YOU, HAVING FUN!"

**********************************************************

I wrote this story one time when I was staying up really late. Just tell me what you think, if it's bad or good. Oh, if you didn't already get it, the girl commited suicide, mostly because she learned she had been abanded by her real mom, and she had just got dumped...
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  #2    
Old June 8th, 2005, 11:43 AM
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White_Winter_Wolf
Sasuke's Female Reincarnation!
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: The bush with feet following Sasuke
Age: 22
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Its really... creepy. I'll say that. Its really good but like I said, creepy 9.5 out of 10
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Sometime you need to
break the rules
and stand apart
ignore your .h.e.a.d.
and follow your .h.e.a.r.t.

What doesn't kill you
only makes you .s.t.r.o.n.g.e.r.
so when you think your hurtin' me
your just helpin' me last .l.o.n.g.e.r.

Hold on to who you love
stay true to what you know
take everything you dream of
and .n.e.v.e.r. let it go
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  #3    
Old June 8th, 2005, 03:49 PM
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Kyosuke
.·Simple Complexity
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Pickering, On
Age: 25
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Wow I love the way that you wrote it, a bit short.... but it was great .

The only thing is that it dosun't really go into detail into exactly what happened, it just starts off as thoughts of suicide and ending with her having a battle with her coincense if she should go through with it or not.

But even without that, with whats there you did a great job '.
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  #4    
Old June 8th, 2005, 04:28 PM
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Dark Mage
~Chosen One
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: In a box that says hiatus on it. Or a strange place called Vertigo.
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I'll say it's the best suicide story I've ever heard, and it's the only one so far. :3
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  #5    
Old June 8th, 2005, 06:33 PM
愛Forgotten Angel愛's Avatar
愛Forgotten Angel愛
~*~Wind Swept~*~
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Fields of Paper Flowers and Candy Clouds of Lullaby
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Nature: Bold
Wow...I didn't think it was that good...Thanks everybody!
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  #6    
Old June 8th, 2005, 06:35 PM
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Geometric-sama
The Manly Man of Steel
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Nature: Bold
Eh, it's very short, and doesn't really have the tension something like this needs. Also hard to understand context, requires a little more background. 6/10
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"Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty – a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture, without appeal to any part of our weaker nature, without the gorgeous trappings of paintings or music, yet sublimely pure and capable of a stern perfection such as only the greatest art can show."
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  #7    
Old June 8th, 2005, 06:39 PM
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Kratos
ghostofsparta
 
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This is quite good I listen to that Green Day song alot. I give it a 100/10. Does this represent your old life? I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  #8    
Old June 9th, 2005, 08:12 PM
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Psychotic_Demon
The Espeon of the Moon
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In waiting.
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I can understand exactly what this girl is going through. But, I prefer other meathods of suicide...

Either way, it was a really good story. There could have been a bit more description in it, like her surroundings, the girl herself, and a few other things, but it was very good. Great job, Shade. I hope to see more of your stories.
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  #9    
Old June 9th, 2005, 08:14 PM
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Lido
Oyashiro-sama
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
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Wow... Creepy as hell! 10/10! Best fan-fic i'v read in a while I'll tell ya!
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