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  #1    
Old December 16th, 2006, 08:59 PM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Nature: Calm
Chapter 1
Diglett?


A 10 year old girl named Sally, and her twin (10 year old brother) named Simon, were both watching their friends play in the snow. Sally and Simon were not allowed to even go near the front, back, and side doors because Sally had talked back to her mom and Simon had refused to do his daily chores.

Sally and Simon were playing pokemon cards. Sally always used water pokemon cards because she only had water energy cards and water pokemon cards. Simon always used rock pokemon cards because he only had rock energy cards and rock pokemon cards. As you can see, Sally always won.

"I'll beat you this time Sally!"

"Dream on, you never win and you never will win!"

"You're just scared of my powerful Golem."

"To bad you don't have Geodude or Graveler!" Sally stuck her tung at her brother. Sally and Simon started the game. Sally drew a Squirtle, a Jynx, a Smoochum, a Dewgong, a Todadile, a Crocnaw, and a Dark Wortortle. Simon drew a Golem, a Mystery Fossil, a Claw Fossil, an Arydactle, a Nosepass, a Makoheta, and an Onix. Sally put Smoochum and Todadile on the bench and put Squirtle in battle mode. Simon put the two fossils on bench and his Nosepass in battle mode.

Sally drew a water energy, put it on Squirtle and shouted,"I evolve my Squirtle into a Dark Wortortle and have Dark Wortortle use water gun!"

"Well I will attach this rock energy card I just drew, attach it to Nosepass, and he uses tackle!" Simon threw back at Sally.

After a few hours of playing pokemon cards, the twins heard a noise like a cartoon biting a sandwitch a whole bunch of times.They played for a few more minutes and a Diglett found itself covered in Sally and Simon's pokemon cards.The two stared at the Diglett. The Diglett realized that this was not home and he should get going, so he dropped down his hole.Sally fainted.
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  #2    
Old December 16th, 2006, 09:37 PM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Are you some sort of stalker!?!
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Nature: Calm
Chapter 2

Into the Hole


After waking up Sally, the siblings just stared into the hole that had been just occupied by a single Diglett. To the siblings, pokemon was just a cartoon that was really cool, but a real live Diglett? How is that posible? What would happen if they jumped down the hole?

"What should we do?", Simon asked trembling, "We don't know anything about this hole, a Diglett just came here, I'm dreaming."

"I don't know,"Sally replied,"And you're not dreaming." At that moment, a Dugtreo came right through the hole (and made the hole bigger). The Dugtreo came with a note. Sally let out a peircing scream and then fainted again, before waking Sally up again, he noticed a letter and read it, not because he cared, but because he was cereouse.(sorry if I spelled that last word wrong)



Dear Reader,
Please take care of my Dugtreo. I am to old to take care of him without
getting cramps. He doesn't have a name besides Dugtreo, but you can
give him a nickname if you like. Please take care of him by battling other
pokemon and after that, taking him to the Pokemon Center if he needs a rest.
Sincerly,

An old man with back pain

P.S. Jump down in the hole!!!



Simon stared at the letter, then stared at the Dugtreo and finally stared down the hole. Simon felt like the marshmellows that he snuck the night before, had stretched up to his brain and was covering it. He also felt his stomake acid burn his insides. Simon felt like he was swetting, but at the same time, not fealling like he was swetting.

Simon called his friend, Jack, for some help. Jack's mom answered.

"Hello, this is Simon, can I please speak to Jack."asked Simon, fealling very nervous.

There was a pause and then Jack's mom yelled,"Don't call my son, you cakesniffer!"and hung up. Simon called Jack's cell phone number, which was only used for when Jack's mom was in a bad additude.Jack answered.

"This is Simon, um, Jack... I have a huge problem,"Simon said, nervously.

"What? Did you forget how to turn on the TV again?"Jack asked impationtly.

"No, I have a bigger problem. A Dugtreo just burst into my house!"exclaimed Simon,"It's true! Please beleve me!"

"Right, a Dugtreo, in your house, sorry, but I'm not in the mood for jokes, so I guess I'll say 'good-bye to you,"Jack was about to press the end button on his phone when Simon screamed at the top of his lungs,"THIS IS TRUE!!!!!!!!"

"Ow, my ear hurts now, what do you want?"questioned Jack, who was plugging one of his ears and listening with the other.

"There is a real live Dugtreo in our house, please beleve me!"exclaimed Simon. He knew that Jack wouldn't beleve him so then he said,"Just come to my house, come in through the side door, I'll unlock it for you."Jack agreed, then hung up. Simon anxiously awaited Jack.

A half and hour past and Jack still hadn't come, so Simon woke up his sister.
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  #3    
Old December 17th, 2006, 07:38 AM
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lt.bob
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I like the story so far.
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  #4    
Old December 20th, 2006, 03:56 PM
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~Night
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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Thanks Lt.bob!

Chapter 3
Pallet Town

Finally, Jack came through the side door and stared at Dugtreo,"You wearn't making a stupid joke after all."Jack stood there, stunned,"Pokemon are real!" Jack was still staring at Dugtreo with wide eyes and an open mouth. When Jack could finally speak, he shouted, again,"Pokemon are real!"

"Ya, um, can you tell me I'm blind?"asked Simon.

Jack told Simon,"You're blind, and if you are blind, then I am."

"Same with me!"shouted the ignored Sally.

"Let's open the window for some fresh are,"said Jack, opening the window.Sally and Simon were standing centemeters away from the vast hole, air rushed in, Sally lost her ballence, nocked Simon over, and the twins were falling down the hole with Dugtreo digging after them. In Sally and Simon's world, time froze, everything except Sally,Simon, and Dugtreo.

Sally, Simon and the Dugtreo were falling for a really long time.

"I need to go!"shouted Simon,"Really bad!"

"Oh, just be quiet!"

"What is the squishy thing in my pants?"

"Ewww!"

They landed on a blanket of snow right next to Mrs. Ketchum. Mrs.Ketchum, like normal people, didn't see other people falling out of the sky, so you would know that she was quite surprized.

"Ahhh!!"asked Mrs.Ketchum,"Who are you people, falling from the sky like that!" Simon, Sally and the Dugtreo went to Mrs.Ketchums house and told her the whole story.

"Next thing you'll tell me is that pokemon arn't real!"Mrs.Ketchum told them.

"Pokemon arn't real!"exclaimed Simon,"I'm having a real weird dream!"

"Same with me!"Sally said,"Oh, please God, tell me this is a dream!"

"Well I'm not letting two strangers in my house!" Mrs.Ketchum yelled,"Get out you- you- crazy people!"Sally, Simon and Dugtreo were forced to sleep outside in snow, which was bitterly cold.

That morning, while Simon went to train Dugtreo, Sally went to Oak's lab. She ringed the doorbell she was greeted by Tracy.

"Who are you, and what can I do for you?"he asked.

"I need a pokemon,"she said,"Will you give me one?"

I'll call officer Jenny, she'll inspect you to make sure you're not part of anything bad like Team Rocket."explained Tracy.Tracy diled Jenny's number and asked her to come.Ten minutes later, a woman with blue hair, blue eyes, and a police uniform came in, who was Officer Jenny.

"What can I do for you?"she asked.

"I just want you to make sure this young lady isn't part of Team Rocket or anything,"replied Tracy. Officer Jenny asked Sally questions, examined her to make sure Sally wasn't carrying any wepons.

"She's inocent," Officer Jenny finally told Tracy.Officer Jenny left. Mrs. Ketchum over heard Officer Jenny and felt bad for what she had done, having the twins sleep out in the snow with no blanket or pillow.

Tracy led Sally to Proffeser Oak,"What's your name little girl?"he asked.

"My name is Sally!"Sally told him with a smile. Prof. Oak lead the way to a few pokeballs so she could get her pokemon. He showed her three pokemon. A Squirtle, a Bulbasaur and a Charmander.

"Which one would you like?"he asked,"Squirtle is good against Charmander, who is good against Bulbasaur, who is good against Squirtle."

"Squirtle-no, Bulbasaur-no, Charmander!"

"Hard to choose isn't it?"

"Ya, I think I'll go with Charmander, I'll surprize my brother!"
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Last edited by ~Night; January 4th, 2007 at 09:40 PM. Reason: Improving
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  #5    
Old December 22nd, 2006, 07:45 AM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Are you some sort of stalker!?!
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Nature: Calm
Chapter 4

The Battle


"Sally!"exclaimed Mrs. Ketchum,"I overheard Officer Jenny and I wanted to say that you can stay with me, by the way, if you're looking for Simon, he was headed for route 1."

***

"I'm ready for our battle"

"But, Simon, look at your Dugtreo,he's tired!"

"Let's just battle!"said Simon. Sally looked at her brother in dismay and released Charmander from his ball.

" A Charmander! You know that fire pokemon are worthless!"Simon shouted at her," I'm going to win for sure!"

"Charmander, use scratch!"Charmander scratched Dugtreo, but it didn't do much.

"Ha! Your Charmander is nothing,but a phony!"Simon shouted nastly at Sally,"Dugtreo, use-wait, I don't know any moves! I'll just kick your Charmander instead."

Simon's foot was about to knock poor Charmander out when,"Charmander, scratch!"Charmander scratched Simon's foot so hard that he cried like a little girl."Don't insolt my Charmander again!" Sally reaturned Charmander to his ball and ran off.
***

"Look down there!"cried Jessie.

"What? Is it another really strong Pikachu?" James said sarcasticly.

"No, but that girl just hurt that boy with a Charmander!" said Meowth, "We can steal that Charmander and bring it to the boss."

"And what would he want with a Charmander?"asked James.

"Imagine if the boss was surrounded by Ash, Pikachu and his friends,"said Meowth,"and they were attacking him, well, if he had Charmander, then Charmander would use scratch and hurt Pikachu and he would say 'I should give Meowth and his friends a promotion for giving me this wonderful Charmander.'"

"Well what about Pikachu?"asked James.

"When Charmander uses scratch on Ash and Pikachu, we'll snatch Pikachu!"Meowth said,"Oh yah, I forgot, when Charmander learns ember, he will light his stove when the power runs out,and he'll gives us three promotions at once!"

"Promotion, promotion, promotion! Let's steal Charmander!"shouted James.

"And Pikachu!"added Jessie.

"And I'll finally get my Team Rocket uniform!"

"You always talk about getting a uniform."said James.

"I know, that's what makes me special!"
***


"Charmander use scratch, but this time, on Dugtreo, and don't stop until I say so!"Sally comanded Charmander. Charmander obayed.

"I give up!"Simon said at last.

"To bad, you can't run from a pokemon battle! This is what you get for insolting Charmander!"Sally told her brother.At that moment, Dugtreo fainted, and Charmander was told to stop by Sally.

"How come you always win?"

"Because you give up every time!"Sally said,and suddenly sounding calmer she said,"Lets get to Mrs. Ketchum's house and have her heal our pokemon."

"Ok."Simon and Sally went back to Mrs. Ketchum's house, rested their pokemon and themselves, all waiting for a new bright day that they knew, was tomarrow.
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  #6    
Old January 1st, 2007, 10:22 AM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Chapter 5

All Team Rocket Chapter



"Why are we doing all this chitchat, we need to steal a pokemon before its to late!"Jessie shouted angrily.

"What do you mean to late?"asked Meowth.

"She means that if we don't steal another pokemon then we would get fired!"said James.

"But then we could open our own pokemon stealing company,"said Meowth,"with me as the boss!"

"Come on, I would be the boss with you as my servant!"Jessie shouted at Meowth,"And I would be called Princess Jessie!"

"Like you would be the boss!"exclaimed James.

"Ya!"exclaimed Meowth.

"Neither would you Meowth! No one listens to girls and no one even cares about Meowths!" James shouted,"I would be the boss! They would need a real man like me, no girl and no stupid Meowth!"James left Meowth crying and Jessie angry.

"You mean no one cares about the cutest creature in the world?"Meowth said tearfully,"I'm going to open my own pokemon stealing company with me as the boss, and when I prove everyone cares about Meowths and especially me, then you're going to be begging to join me, but I won't let you cause you don't care about me!"Meowth ran off.

"What did you do that for? Everyone listens to me!"Jessie shouted,"And why did you say that to Meowth? Now we're going to get fired for sure!"

"Why would we get fired beacause its going to easier to get Charmander and Pikachu?"asked James.

"Because we have to have a pokemon companion if we're going to be a member of Team Rocket!"Jessie shouted in James face.

"Or we could steal that Charmander and teach it how to talk and make sure it doesn't run off like Meowth did."explained James.

"And say that Meowth is investigating the 'Go-Rock Squad'!"said Jessie.

"It's the perfect plan!"exclaimed James.

"But what about Charmander's capture?"asked Jessie.

"Ok, here is the plan,*whisper whisper whisper*"James told Jessie.
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  #7    
Old January 1st, 2007, 11:10 AM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Are you some sort of stalker!?!
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Nature: Calm
Chapter 6

The Capture

"Good-night Simon."

"Good-night Sally."

"Good-night Dugtreo."

"Good-night Charmander."Simon, Sally, Dugtreo and Charmander fell asleep.

[12:00am]

"Ok, lets move in."whispered Jessie.Jessie and James opened the window and crawled in. They saw Charmander, Dugtreo, Sally, and Simon.

"I know they're in deep sleep, but we have to be quiet just in case, and remember, only steal Charmander."whispered James. Jessie and James grabbed Charmander and left.

When they reached the Team Rocket base they went straight to Giovonna.

"What do you want, I'm just about ready to fire you!"Giovonna yelled.

"We stole this Charmander."James said,"It hurt a boy and made a Dugtreo faint, both by using scratch, so we stole it from the owner."

"So?"

"This Charmander seems really strong, and its not that fermilier with its owner, so we stole it and disided to make it our new pokemon helper."said Jessie.

"What happend to Meowth!"

"Meowth is investagating the 'Go-Rock Squad'."James lied,"So we figured that we could use Charmander until Meowth gets back."

"When Meowth comes back, then I'll keep this Charmander, understood!"

"Understood."Jessie and James said.Jessie and James went outside and started teaching Charmander how to speek.

"Repeat after me,"said Jessie,"The vowels are a,e,i,o, and u, but sometimes y."

Charmander stared at Jessie blankly then said,"Char?"

"Repeat after me!"demanded Jessie,"The vowels are a,e,i,o, and u, but sometimes y!"

"Charmander char char,"said Charmander,"Char char-char char chae, chee, chi, cho chand chew, char charmander chy."

"How did Meowth do this?"asked Jessie.

"I don't know, don't look and me!"James excalaimed,"I'll try. Jessie and James are my masters, I will do whatever they say."


"Chessie and Charmes char chy chasters, I chill do charmander chey chay."said Charmander.

"Charmander said 'and, I and do'!"exclaimed Jessie,"You're amazing!"

James blushed and continued,"I will talk in human language when I am talking to Jessie and James."

"I will talk in human language when I am talking to Jessie and James."said Charmander.

"Thats amazing!"exclaimed Jessie.

"Thats amazing."said Charmander.

"I think Charmander learned the English language, finally!"exclaimed Jessie.

"We've only been at this for maybe a minute."said Charmander.

"Lets go after Pikachu!" the newly formed Team Rocket said.
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Old January 1st, 2007, 11:49 AM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Are you some sort of stalker!?!
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Nature: Calm
Chapter 7

Through Charmander's eyes

Hi, I'm Charmander, I know it's hard to tell, but I'm a boy.I'm pretty happy that Jessie and James found me because I have always wanted to talk. I don't like hurting humans because they can get badly hurt, but when I hurt pokemon they can have their health restored in a few minutes.Jessie and James are really nice to me, they told me all about Meowth and how he gave them the wierdest ideas that never ever worked.

"That's Pikachu, right their,"said James,"That's his trainer, Ash. You know the plan, go get em Tiger."

Tiger is what they call me sometimes. I like the nickname.

"Remember, pretend you're a regular Charmander, we're counting on you."I walked right infront of Ash.

"Look at that Charmander, it is so cute!"exclaimed May.

"Charmander!"I said, pretending to be excited,"Charmander char!"Charmander char means, 'Pikachu, follow me!'Pikachu followed.

"Hey, Pikachu where are you going?" Ash asked Pikachu.

"Pika-Pi!"Pikachu exclaimed and ran off.

"We'll wait for you right here! Don't get lost!"Brock told Pikachu. Pikachu nodded and followed me.

Pikachu and I ran to Jessie and James, who were in disciese.

"Pikachu?"asked Pikachu, which ment 'Are these your owners?'

"Charmander char!"I said, which ment 'Of corse they are silly! They want to have a Pikachu of they're own, so they wanted to get to know one so they know how to care for one.' It was a pretty lame lie, but surprizingly, Pikachu beleved me,"Charmander char-char!" That means 'Why don't you come inside?'

"How cute, a Pikachu!"Jessie said in her 'Cool Trainer' disciese,"I can't wait till we get ours!"

James picked us up and brought us inside. He was in his 'Cool Trainer' disciese too. Pikachu sat on a silk pillow and suddenly Pikachu was trapped in a cage.

Jessie and James took off their discieses and we did the little Team Rocket cheer like thing that we had been working on.

"Prepare for trouble!"said Jessie.

"And make it double!"said James.

"To protect the world from devistation!"said Jessie.

"To unite all people within our nation!"said James.

"For the evils of truth and love!"said Jessie.

"To extend the earth from the stares above!"said James.

"Jessie!"said Jessie.

"James!"said James.

"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"said Jessie.

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"said Jessie.

"Yah, that's right!"I said.
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Old January 1st, 2007, 12:24 PM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Are you some sort of stalker!?!
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Nature: Calm
Chapter 8

Where is Pikachu?(through Ashes eyes)


Hi, I'm Ash. Its been hours and Pikachu still hasn't showed up. I'm starting to worry. Max is helping Brock put up camp, but May and I are calling Pikachu's name and looking behind trees and bushes hoping that Pikachu will be there. No luck yet.It couldn't have been Team Rocket because only Jessie, James and Meowth go after Pikachu, but a Charmander showed up instead of Meowth.The Team Rocket we know can't steal a single pokemon because they are awful at stealing pokemon and havn't stole any pokemon yet that we know of.

"I'm getting worried about Pikachu!"said May. She had a worried look on her face.

"What if Team Rocket got more experienced and stole Pikachu?"asked Max.

"It is possible."said Brock.

"Or maybe Pikachu and that Charmander got lost and found shelter."said Max.

"I don't know about that. Things only happen like this when Team Rocket comes and trys stealing Pikachu. They may have succeeded this time."I said close to tears.

"When did Team Rocket start trying to steal Pikachu?"May asked.

"Ever since I beat them in a Pokemon Center in Verdian City when they were trying to steal a bonch of pokemon."I said,"If you want to know when, it was on my first day of being a trainer."

"They havn't succeeded until now,"said Brock,"Every day they tried to steal Pikachu."

"Thats awful."said May.

"We beat them every time, until now."I said.

"We still have a chance! Let's go deeper into the forest to look for Pikachu, let's use our pokemon for help!"Brock said.

May threw out Skitty, Beautifly, Evee, Combuscan, Squirtle and Munchlax. Brock threw out Pinico, Geodude, Onix, Steelix, Nosepass and Mudkip. I threw out Swellow, Sceptile, Bulbasaur, Todadile, and Torkal. Max doesn't have any pokemon yet because he's not old enough.We searched for Pikachu.
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Old January 1st, 2007, 12:51 PM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Are you some sort of stalker!?!
Gender:
Nature: Calm
Chapter 9
Where is Charmander? (Through Sally's Eyes)

Hi, I'm Sally. I have an annoying twin brother named Simon. We come from the regular world, you know, where you live. Where there are real animals and cartoon called Pokemon.A Dugtreo brought us here. Confuesed?Read the first Chapter and next time, don't skip chapters in books fiction or not. Charmander is gone. Simon and I are worried. I don't even know about Dugtreo because I don't speak pokemon.

I ran outside.

"Charmander!Charmander!Where are you!Charmander!"I called for Charmander, but the only thing I got was stares from the townspeople.I started to cry.

"Don't cry Sally. Dugtreo and I will find Charmander."Simon said.

"Let's go to route 1."I said,sobbing.We looked. Only Pidgeys and Ratata were seen. No Charmanders.We went to Verdian City and saw a kid about my age.He had friends with him and a bunch of pokemon.

"Pikachu!"he called.

"Hi, have you seen a Charmander?"I asked.

"Yes."he said.

"Where?"I asked.

"I saw one in Verdian Forest. I was showing my Pikachu something so it ran deeper into the forest and its been hours and we still can't find Pikachu!"said the kid.

"Are you Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town?"asked Simon.

"Yes, how did you know?"asked Ash.

"We see you on TV every day, except in cartoon and on the TV channel Cartoon Network!"I exclaimed,"We are staying with your mom to!We come from-"

"We just have seen you on TV a few times and we're fans of yours.Sorry about my sister she has a big imaganation."Simon lied,"Anyways,do you know were the Charmander is now?"

Ash said,"No."

"I bey you're Jessie, James, and Meowth in disciese and you're hiding Pikachu!"shouted May.

"What do you mean?"Ash asked.

"Don't you get it? They have a Charmander, a Charmander ran off with Pikachu, they have to be Team Rocket! They are also right by the place where Pikachu was stolen, they are Team Rocket!"exclaimed May.

"Alright hand over Pikachu!"exclaimed Ash as he threw out a pokeball,"Go Swellow!"
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Last edited by ~Night; January 1st, 2007 at 01:31 PM.
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  #11    
Old January 1st, 2007, 02:12 PM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Are you some sort of stalker!?!
Gender:
Nature: Calm
Chapter 10

Team Snagem


"Is that Team Rocket?"

"Looks like it is, lets go give them a surprize!"

***

Pikachu used Thunder, but nothing happend.

"Ha, electrick moves don't work!"said Charmander. Jessie, James and Charmander started walking to the Team Rocket base when suddenly two Team Snagem members came.

"We challange you to a battle!"

"Prepare for trouble!"said Jessie.

"And make it double!"said James.

"To protect the world from devistation!"said Jessie.

"To unite all people within our nation!"said James.

"For the evils of truth and love!"said Jessie.

"To extend the earth from the stares above!"said James.

"Jessie!"said Jessie.

"James!"said James.

"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"said Jessie.

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"said Jessie.

"Yah, that's right!"Charmander said.

"Ha! A talking Charmander, that will add something to our collection!"

"We forgot to interduse ourselves!I'm Jackson and this is Nicole, I here you're the worst out of all Team Rocket!"said Jackson.

"Go Seviper!"said Jessie.

"Go Tecnea!"said James.

"Go Whismer!"said Jackson.

"Go Zigzagoon!"said Nicole.

"Whismer, use tackle three times in a row!"Whismer completly K-Oed Seviper.

"Zigsagoon, use tackle!"shouted Nicole. Tecnea was K-Oed.

"Why don't you use that worthless Charmander?"asked Jackson.

"I'm not worthless!"Charmander shouted and used ember on Zigzagoon and Whismer. They were K-Oed.Nicole through a Snagem Great Ball at Charmander, she caught Charmander and ran off.

"She stole Charmander!"said Jessie.

"You can't catch peoples pokemon in any type of pokeballs!"shouted James.

"Only in Snagem Balls! We have to steal those balls!"said Jessie.

"But how?"asked James.
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Old January 1st, 2007, 02:35 PM
~Night's Avatar
~Night
~!~Miss Cow~!~
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
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Nature: Calm
Chapter 11

Through Charmander's Eyes


I K-Oed Team Snagem's pokemon then blackout. I hate being in Pokeballs, I even told Jessie and James so they wouldn't put me in a pokeball.I felt like I was moving. Suddenly, the moving stopped. I was relesed. Nicole and Jackson put me up to a machine of some sort and aimed a gun of some sort at me. It looked like a lazer gun.

"Time to become a Dark pokemon!"Nicole said with a laugh and shot me with the lazer. I was released from the machine. I walked around without myself doing anything. I tried to call for help, but I couldn't. A dark smoke was coming from my body.I knew what was going on, I was a Dark pokemon and there was nothing I could do about it.

I was put back into my pokeball. I felt pain. I felt like my soul was drifting off into the distance. My life was flashing before my eyes.

Flash!"Squirtle-no, Bulbasaur-no, Charmander!"

"Hard to choose isn't it?"

"Ya, I think I'll go with Charmander, I'll surprize my brother!"

Flash!" A Charmander! You know that fire pokemon are worthless!"Simon shouted at her," I'm going to win for sure!"

"Charmander, use scratch!"Charmander scratched Dugtreo, but it didn't do much.

"Ha! Your Charmander is nothing,but a phony!"Simon shouted nastly at Sally,"Dugtreo, use-wait, I don't know any moves! I'll just kick your Charmander instead."

Simon's foot was about to knock poor Charmander out when,"Charmander, scratch!"Charmander scratched Simon's foot so hard that he cried like a little girl."Don't insolt my Charmander again!" Sally reaturned Charmander to his ball and ran off.

Flash!"I don't know, don't look and me!"James excalaimed,"I'll try. Jessie and James are my masters, I will do whatever they say."

"Chessie and Charmes char chy chasters, I chill do charmander chey chay."said Charmander.

"Charmander said 'and, I and do'!"exclaimed Jessie,"You're amazing!"

James blushed and continued,"I will talk in human language when I am talking to Jessie and James."

"I will talk in human language when I am talking to Jessie and James."said Charmander.

Flash!"Prepare for trouble!"said Jessie.

"And make it double!"said James.

"To protect the world from devistation!"said Jessie.

"To unite all people within our nation!"said James.

"For the evils of truth and love!"said Jessie.

"To extend the earth from the stares above!"said James.

"Jessie!"said Jessie.

"James!"said James.

"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"said Jessie.

"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"said Jessie.

"Yah, that's right!"I said.

Flash!"Why don't you use that worthless Charmander?"asked Jackson.

"I'm not worthless!"Charmander shouted and used ember on Zigzagoon and Whismer. They were K-Oed.Nicole through a Snagem Great Ball at Charmander, she caught Charmander and ran off.

That last thought made me cry inside.
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  #13    
Old January 1st, 2007, 02:53 PM
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Chapter 12

Ash VS. Simon



"Go Swellow!"shouted Ash.

"Go Dugtreo!"shouted Simon.

"Swellow, use Gust!"Ash said. It only did a little damage.

"Dugtreo, use Earthquake!"shouted Simon.

"Dugtreo knows Earthquake?!"asked Sally.At that moment, the earth was shaking. Swellow wasn't damaged at all.

"Earthquake doesn't affect Flying type pokemon!"shouted Sally.

"Thanks for telling me, I almost used it!"Simon said sarcasticly.

"Swellow, use Peck!"

"Dugtreo, use scratch!"

"Swellow, use Fly!"Dugtreo fainted.

"Send out your next pokemon James!"said Ash.

"You don't understand! I'm not James! That's my only pokemon! My sister's only pokemon was stolen!"Simon said, then ran off with his sister and both were crying.

Ash looked down and saw the note that Simon and Sally got that one snowy day playing pokemon cards.

Dear Reader,
Please take care of my Dugtreo. I am to old to take care of him without getting cramps. He doesn't have a name besides Dugtreo, but you can give him a nickname if you like. Please take care of him by battling other pokemon and after that, taking him to the Pokemon Center if he needs a rest.
Sincerly,
An old man with back pain

P.S. Jump down in the hole!!!


"I guess they were telling the truth."said Ash,"I guess they were."
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Old January 1st, 2007, 05:39 PM
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Never post a handful of chapters in one day. VERY frequent updates turn off readers. Plus these chapters are choppy and dragged out. There is little description and some bad grammar here and there.

Fix this up, and if you need a better explanation on how to make it better PM me.



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  #15    
Old January 2nd, 2007, 10:42 AM
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Meh, weak description, lack of logical coherence, and blatant overuse of anime characters are just the three first faults that spring to mind when reading this fic. :\ I also notice a bit of sloppiness in grammar and spelling, and the chapters are too short. You've basically split what is - just barely - enough material for one chapter into three separate ones, that's not cool. Remember that each chapter should bring some kind of progress to the story, plot or character development, and many of these chapters don't.

Your first chapter is particularly disturbing as it doesn't give any feel - or even description - of the main characters or the way in which they percieve the world. Neither have you provided a clear starting setting or aim for the story. In short, after reading the chapter, the reader should be left feeling at least some kind of interest in finding out more about the character as well as curiosity to find out what will happen in the next chapter. In reading your first chapter, I experienced niether. In fact, I gave it a full three chapters and still found no reason to give a hoot about Simon and Sally. This being the case, I really didn't feel much inclination to read the next ten chapters. .___. Bringing in the pokémon TCG is an unusual idea which could have been interesting if you had played on it and made it a part of the actual story. Instead you just tossed it out of the window when a random Dugtrio (Please note that it's spelled with an 'i', not an 'e') cam tunneling in through the floor.

I also find that many of the decisions your characters make seem weird. For instance, if I were a ten-year old kid, I'd be scared crapless if a random mole-trio suddenly burst in through the floor of my home. I also wouldn't be quite so keen on jumping down said hole solely on the basis of a note from an anonymous old man. o.O Also, Mrs. Ketchum doesn't strike me as the type to go 'Oh, hello random strangers who fell down from the sky. Wanna' come in for tea and cookies?'. Simon and Sally also seem quite content in their new setting, and I find it rather odd that they aren't the least bit worried about how they'll get back home, or how they'll survive in this other world. Oak isn't really the type to give out pokémon to just anyone either. Again, you'd think that at least a little bit of background information would be in order to make sure that they aren't rocket recruits or something. In the anime Ash did have something of an appointment, and in the games the main character was a long-time family acquintance (Formerly a childhood friend of the rival character's) so in either case there was a justification for them getting their pokémon, but for Sally? I'm sorry, but I don't think it's obvious why she should be considered responsible enough to get one (What with her jumping down holes on a stranger's command and all). I think a good bit more explanation of reasonings is in order here.

Overall, think before you write and please try to be original (That means don't seize on every opportunity to drag in a character from the anime). Always consider your storyline beforehand and consider whether it is logical and/or appropriate (in terms of for personality) for the characters to do what you're having them do. The anime has already fallen into the trap of whatever goes in most cases, and needless to say, it shows. :\ Don't follow that example, m'kay? People will love your characters and your story a lot more if they're truly your own work.

You should also consider using more synonymous expressions and alternating figures of speech to prevent monotony. Different characters also have different mannerisms and ways of talking, which can be used as a handy way to accentuate their personalities. Don't be afraid to use emotive adjectives or metaphorical expressions either. It all adds to the atmosphere of the fic and can have a profound effect on how the reader percieves it.

In short, you need more quality and less quantity as far as chapters go. One well-written chapter is worth a lot more than three shoddy ones.
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Last edited by Alter Ego; January 5th, 2007 at 04:32 AM.
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Old January 4th, 2007, 07:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alter Ego View Post
Meh, weak description, lack of logical coherence, and blatant overuse of anime characters are just the three first faults that spring to mind when reading this fic. :\ I also notice a bit of sloppiness in grammar and spelling, and the chapters are too short. You've basically split what is - just barely - enough material for one chapter into three separate ones, that's not cool. Remember that each chapter should bring some kind of progress to the story, plot or character development, and many of these chapters don't.

Your first chapter is particularly disturbing as it doesn't give any feel - or even description - of the main characters or the way in which they percieve the world. Neither have you provided a clear starting setting or aim for the story. In short, after reading the chapter, the reader should be left feeling at least some kind of interest in finding out more about the character as well as curiosity to find out what will happen in the next chapter. In reading your first chapter, I experienced niether. In fact, I gave it a full three chapters and still found no reason to give a hoot about Simon and Sally. This being the case, I really didn't feel much inclination to read the next ten chapters. .___. Bringing in the pokémon TCG is an unusual idea which could have been interesting if you had played on it and made it a part of the actual story. Instead you just tossed it out of the window when a random Dugtrio (Please note that it's spelled with an 'i', not an 'e') cam tunneling in through the floor.

I also find that many of the decisions your characters make seem weird. For instance, if I were a ten-year old kid, I'd be scared crapless if a random mole-trio suddenly burst in through the floor of my home. I also wouldn't be quite so keen on jumping down said hole solely on the basis of a note from an anonymous old man. o.O Also, Mrs. Ketchum doesn't strike me as the type to go 'Oh, hello random strangers who fell down from the sky. Wanna' come in for tea and cookies?'. Simon and Sally also seem quite content in their new setting, and I find it rather odd that they aren't the least bit worried about how they'll get back home, or how they'll survive in this other world. Oak isn't really the type to give out pokémon to just anyone either. Again, you'd think that at least a little bit of background information would be in order to make sure that they aren't rocket recruits or something. In the anime Ash did have something of an appointment, and in the games the main character was a long-time family acquintance (Formerly a childhood friend of the rival character's) so in either case there was a justification for them getting their pokémon, but for Sally? I'm sorry, but I don't think it's obvious why she should be considered responsible enough to get one (What with her jumping down holes on a stranger's command and all). I think a good bit more explanation of reasonings is in order here.

Overall, think before you write and please try to be original (That means don't seize on every opportunity to drag in a character from the anime). Always consider your storyline beforehand and consider whether it is logical and/or appropaite (in terms of for personality) for the characters to do what you're having them do. The anime has already fallen into the trap of whatever goes in most cases, and needless to say, it shows. :\ Don't follow that example, m'kay? People will love your characters and your story a lot more if they're truly your own work.

You should also consider using more synonymous expressions and alternating figures of speech to prevent monotony. Different characters also have different mannerisms and ways of talking, which can be used as a handy way to accentuate their personalities. Don't be afraid to use emotive adjectives or metaphorical expressions either. It all adds to the atmosphere of the fic and can have a profound effect on how the reader percieves it.

In short, you need more quality and less quantity as far as chapters go. One well-written chapter is worth a lot more than three shoddy ones.
I'll work on that, but first, I'll fix the other chapters.
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