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  #26    
Old July 18th, 2007 (10:23 AM).
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Quote:
Sanza was once a true vision of purity, her personality, was flawless, even if her appearance was a little shabbier then everyone else's
LUL THAT SOUNDS REALLY FUNNEH. XDDDDD *shotshot*

*cough* I mean, I am offended Tere-chan. >O

lul Anyway, yeah, I have a tendency to overuse comma's. :< I need to learn how to use a semi-colon. Maybe I'll ask my english teacher in the future. I'm pretty sure that that one instance was because I left to go eat, and when I came back, I'd totally forgotten what I did. xD As for the other cases, that was probably just my mistakes completely. YOSH. CUT DOWN ON COMMA'S. >D

Anyway, I think that since we have 4 teachers, and 13 RPers in total, since Dreamxweever or something like that is signing-up today.

So hows this look?

Alter Ego:
Manaphy
Phanima

Iruka:
Fallen
Shaydeh

Miku-chan:
Zaiku
Dreemxweever

Meh:
Chigiri
ACC
Chibi-chan

Each one of us has two people, me with three because I've been dumping work on everyone else, I thought I should finally bear some weight. *Yosh. Now to really get on my toes. HOW THE HECK AM I GOING TO FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH CHIBI-CHAN'S POSTS??! ;A;* Those can be like, our 'groups', to criticise. If any of the teachers find something the other teacher missed, then they can say that too.

Also, if one teacher has to leave, or is not here for more then 2 days, then the other teachers have liberty to take over until the AWOL teacher comes back.

Yazzez?
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  #27    
Old July 18th, 2007 (11:39 AM).
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You don't need to find something wrong Criticism isn't always bad you know! .o. I'm just here to annoy you teachers. Constructive doesn't always mean negative! >:3
I'm looking for a fun RP though~
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  #28    
Old July 19th, 2007 (02:22 AM).
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Alter Ego: Ok, I editted my sign up to make the migration to Riven logical and several other modifications to the history section.

I also wanted to ask, do the senior students all know each other? I mean they all went through year 7 together, so should we make it so that they all know eachother?
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  #29    
Old July 19th, 2007 (05:58 AM).
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Alter Ego Alter Ego is offline
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Nyu, the masterplan works with me, Jyukai. One problem, though; we've now got JBC, dreemxweever, and this saint person who has yet to post as well, not to mention Omni who said he'd join, (lawl, slowly but surely we're dragging the whole section into this. Brilliant. xD), so who's handling who?

Anyways, since the two I didn't have time with yesterday are now outside my immediate jurisdiction; d'ya want my comments? :3
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  #30    
Old July 19th, 2007 (06:07 AM).
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Yesh plz, Alter-tan, for the comments :3. Well, as for the other players.

Alter-tan.
Manaphy.
Phanima.
A new player 1.

Iru-chan.
Fallen.
Shaydeh.
New player 2.

Me-chan.
Zaiku
Dreemxweever.
New player 3.

Jyu-jyu-tan.
Chigiri.
ACC.
Chibi-chan.
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  #31    
Old July 19th, 2007 (07:41 AM).
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Scarlet Weather Scarlet Weather is offline
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Quote:
@Phanima: Eighth is what your character is geared towards so eighth is what you get, and a strong eight it is. Very good profile quality all around (*Cough* ACC, take notes *Cough*). The only thing that really struck me here was the indent paragraphing in your sample; it's not directly wrong, but it would be great if you paragraphed with a full empty line at all times since it makes it look a bit neater. That's just a subjective viewpoint, though.
HOW DARE YOU! *Commits career suicide*

Yeah, I'm not so good at history. I can whip up a character with personality, appearance, etc. without much trouble, but when it comes to backstories I'm completely at a loss, especially in a world created by somebody else, like Riven. So I'll do better next time, yesh. *bows out*

(Wait a minute, Alter-sensei still hasn't answered my question!)
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  #32    
Old July 19th, 2007 (08:15 AM). Edited July 19th, 2007 by Alter Ego.
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Nyu, yes I figured we would split the people evenly; I was sort of getting at who takes who. :3

Anyways, comments you wanted so comments you shall have:

@Rena: *Gasp* I just noticed; you didn't give an age for your character. Please correct that otherwise your sign-up isn't complete. :O *Shot for asking for a lady's age* Beyond that, you've certainly done a thorough job with the profile content-wise but I see quite a bit of grammatical issues here.

1. Simple misspellings. That's 'ambidextrous' and 'heterochromatic' (Hetero = different, Chromatic = of color). And as a side note: for something to be a reincarnation of something else, that something else needs to have died/been destroyed at some point; I believe the term you're looking for is just 'incarnation' (=embodiment). Posh words need to be spelled and used right, otherwise it sort of dampens the effect. ;3

2. You're mixing up adverbial phrases quite a bit (For instance, it should be 'as such'; not 'as so' and 'exposure to'; not 'in' unless she's got a record of indecent exposure. x_O) and also have a tendency to stick in words that just have no purpose where they are, for instance:
Quote originally posted by Rena:
This usually calls for some humor between her classmates, labeling Dahli as a he-she, a boy, a male, or even worse, Dahrion, a boy’s name
The 'as' is just plain redundant. It should also be something like "between her classmates, who have labled" because as it is the sentence implies that the call for humor is doing the labeling...which seems a bit odd. o.O

Quote originally posted by Rena:
And so, Dahli has a odd quirk of not eating to much, though has caused her small, petite body.
I can't for the life of me understand where that 'though' came from. o.O Come to think of it, what's your native language? The type of grammatical issues this profile suffers from tends to be caused by a sort of word-by-word translation of adverbs and idioms (which doesn't work since every language connects them differently). I'm also sort of leery-eyed about the use of 'caused' here; which brings me to point number...

3. Your sentence structuring. Many points of your profile - while grammatically acceptable - seem to be conveying a message other than the intended one (see the 'exposure' example above). For instance:

Quote originally posted by Rena:
a wreath that graces Dahli’s graceful complexion, with red berries amongst them, she then creates a breakfast for the other of the family, lucky Dahli.
Because of the way you ordered it, red berries are apparently part of Dahli's 'graceful complexion'. To convey what I presume to be the intended message (that the red berries are part of the wreath which graces Dahli's complexion) it should be something like "a wreath with red berries in it, which graces Dahli's graceful complexion". 'amongst them' doesn't work since there's only one wreath (This is what literature geeks like me call a concord error). If it was 'a wreath of *insert plural form of whatever the wreath is made of*' then this sentence would be correct. Another serious problem here is that you're misplacing your full stops, resulting in fragmented sentences. Continuing with this same sentence since the problem is there as well: what is along with the wreath? In a similiar vein:
Quote originally posted by Rena:
Never worrying about a belt or anything else similar to hold them up.
Who's never worrying? Also, this is an adverbial phrase and thus requires another to either preceed or follow up after it.The rule of thumb is that the words between two full stops must be understandable without any help from the other sentences, but because these questions are left unanswered the sentence doesn't meet the requirements (since we don't get to know what the wreath is 'along' with or who's 'never worrying'). Thus, "Why yes, I do like pineapple smoothies." is fully correct, but "And on Sundays too." is not because we don't get to know what is 'on Sundays too' from just that sentence (and thus the message is left unfinished). I'm afraid that exceptions to this are only made for poetry, so pay attention to that when you're writing. :3 Also, make sure to distinguish between plural (no apostrophe) and possesive (with apostrophe) forms of nouns because there's a quite large amount of mix-ups between them.

Finally, there's just a small stylistic issue: repetition. This profile alone is enough to prove that you have a wide vocabulary, but for some reason you're not using it as much as you should. Dahli's name is repeated a lot here (Check how many sentences start with 'Dahli', specifically how many of them you find in a row). If the same word occurs too frequently it makes your writing sound repetitive, which - while not a crime - is stylistically bad. Also, beware the words that look and sound similar (for instance, grace and graceful in the wreath quote which has now officially been analyzed to death).

Umm...yeah, that's about it. It turned longer than expected since I had to quote some things to clear it up. Basically, it's a lot of small things compounding to create a bigger problem. The odd thing is that - in other parts - you seem to have little to no problems with the very same things. o.O


Quote originally posted by Art_Critic_Cubone:
(Wait a minute, Alter-sensei still hasn't answered my question!)
How dare a mere eighth year drag such a thing up?! Don't presume to pester a teacher, plebian! We answer only what we feel like answering! >O (J/K of course. Hands up: who thought I had gone drunk with my supposed 'power' back there? xD) Seriously, I just forgot about it, but yes; it would be preferable if people would declare the general nature of their character's spellcasting and what kind of magic they're good and bad at (Transforming objects, transforming yourself, and creating illusions being the three main kinds), but since I didn't add that as a requirement...*Shrug* Oh well, like I said: preferable. As can be seen from the profile, mine is very strictly no-flash self-transformation, although he's also pretty good with transforming objects. His illusions aren't that great, though, since he's a bit unimaginative (not to mention that he used to think of them as a waste of time when he was still at his best learning age).
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  #33    
Old July 19th, 2007 (09:00 AM).
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:O

Illusions fits perfectly for Sanza.

Anyway, I don't think you went powah crazee, we must point out every crucial detail and point. >D

JBCBlank... or Saint... Hmmm...

I think I'll stick Saint of Hope with you, since from what JBC's said here and in other threads, he doesn't seem to be... too familiar with roleplaying. :<


Alter Ego:
Saint of Hope [if he comes, if not, JBC]

Iruka:
JBCBlank [If Saint of Hope doesn't come, then dreemxweever]

Miki-chan:
dreemxweever [logic skills here. xD]
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  #34    
Old July 19th, 2007 (03:15 PM).
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JBCBlank JBCBlank is offline
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There I added my Sheet. Do I need to make a Sheet for Wolfy's cousin Cloud? Just wondering.

**edit**
BTW, I don't think Saint's going to show up. he's a scaredy cat.

Ok and, I guess I"ll only add a Pic of Cloud here if people really get annoyed and want to know what he looks like. but I'll try to explain it threw Wolfy's "eyes" as well as I can.

~JBCBlank
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  #35    
Old July 19th, 2007 (07:26 PM).
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typeZERO typeZERO is offline
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I'm almost done , though it might be tonight that I finish , if that's okay.
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  #36    
Old July 19th, 2007 (08:58 PM).
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Tis fine.

Alter Ego, if you'd like, you can make an entrance speech or something when you have time, to start it off. Starting as of tomorrow, sign-ups will no longer be accepted if they haven't been completed~ <3
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  #37    
Old July 19th, 2007 (09:50 PM).
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Jack O'Neill Jack O'Neill is offline
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...Even with the admissions deadlines being pushed back constantly, I don't think I can get my own signup sheet in on time. I'm not one to spam the main thread with placeholders, so I might as well try my chances here in the OOC thread.

In other words, reserve me a spot if you can. If you can't or won't, that's fine by me. It's probably too late for me to get a reservation anyway, so if I'm wasting your time with this post, I apologize.
  #38    
Old July 19th, 2007 (11:33 PM). Edited July 20th, 2007 by Alter Ego.
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Alter Ego Alter Ego is offline
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Ahem, guys...I'd like to draw your attention to rule number five:

Quote:
5. You may join once the RP has already started, but in that case please post your sign-up in the OOC discussion to avoid clutter.
In other words, I believe the name of the game is that we take whoever can write legible English and has a will to join, so I don't quite comprehend this reservation craze. If you don't have your profile around by the time we start then you'll just be a late joiner; not shut out of the RP or anything. We've just got to set a primary deadline somewhere so we can actually start this thing. :3

Unless, of course, the other teachers object to this? =O

Anyways, speech you say? You mean like an IC introductory type thing or an OOC? Either is fine by me, although Barian will probably be less thrilled by the prospect of holding a speech. xD
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  #39    
Old July 20th, 2007 (08:30 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Alter Ego:
Ahem, guys...I'd like to draw your attention to rule number five:



In other words, I believe the name of the game is that we take whoever can write legible English and has a will to join, so I don't quite comprehend this reservation craze. If you don't have your profile around by the time we start then you'll just be a late joiner; not shut out of the RP or anything. We've just got to set a primary deadline somewhere so we can actually start this thing. :3
Hmm... then why did we even hav- Oh. Right, well, that works. Shame shame Bijyu, you weren't paying attention to the rules! :x

*Does that shame shame thing with fingers. Whatever that's called*

Anyway, I think we're ready to start though, right?
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  #40    
Old July 20th, 2007 (08:42 AM).
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Alter Ego Alter Ego is offline
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I'm ready at least. So feel free to fire away whenever. Ooor...do something more eloquently phrased. xD
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  #41    
Old July 21st, 2007 (01:42 AM). Edited July 21st, 2007 by Phanima.
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The timing of this RP has put me off schedule quite a bit. I start the second semester of uni the day after tomorrow, so my dedication to this RP will be minimal, if not non-existant for the first few days/week, hopefully this will be the worse case scenario.

So I'd just like to mention that my character won't be at orientation, but I'll try to apply for a transfer to the academy during the first few days.

Oh, and these groups you have us in with the teachers, are these groups like actual classes outside of classes type thing, like private tutoring, or is it just a reference to who'll be failing me on the exam?

Anyways, I'll see you guys in class. .3.

EDIT: Don't postpone if you don't want to. You can start whenever.
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  #42    
Old July 21st, 2007 (09:18 AM).
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Well... alright...

I GUESS I'LL START IT THEN, BUT REALLY. >O I refuse to do the orientation speech.

*shotshot*

Edit-ching: Naw. Can't double post, and I have to go feed my neighbor's dog. I'll be back later.
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  #43    
Old July 21st, 2007 (09:29 AM).
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HURRYUPWITHYOURRPSIGNUPJACKORI'LLKILLYOUANDYOUBETTERJOINEVENTUALLYOURILLREALLYKILLYOUD:<

Yeah, I thought this would start on Wendsday actually, and I'm not going to be here next week through just about Monday till Thursday sooo, Illya might miss orientation too. I'll be able to fit this into her personality though if she doesn't make it but...she'd like to be there >:
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  #44    
Old July 21st, 2007 (11:20 PM).
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Alter Ego Alter Ego is offline
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Nyu, no worries...I'll handle the big introduction thing just as soon as we get some sort of general start (Like, everyone has to assemble wherever), but of course - my character being what he is - the speech might not be the most eloquent thing ever. xD

Anyways, how about you just double post then delete the original (turning it into a single post)? It's technically not thread bumping since it's just drawing people's attention to the new post, and you're the mod anyway so who's going to have the guts to report you? xD
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  #45    
Old July 22nd, 2007 (11:34 AM).
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But that's wrong! ;A; *I've gotten on people's cases for that* I thought about it, but I don't want to bump the thread. Anyway, I'll post once I'm actually 'allowed' on the computer, my mom said that because we got the Harry Potter book today I'm not allowed on the computer. *sneaking on*

And what's ironic is that she won't give me the book. *is extremely pissed off*

I would ask Iruka to delete her post, but it'll give me the chance to post without double posting.

WTF PEOPLE, CAN YOU NOT READ THE POSTS ABOVE?!?! POST SIGN-UP UPDATES IN THIS GOSH DARNED THREAD.

*huff puff huff puff*
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  #46    
Old July 22nd, 2007 (11:09 PM).
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Alter Ego Alter Ego is offline
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*Whimper* Yessum. Read posts. Gotcha. o.o

And I thought I went rabid about stuff like that. xD Anyways, I guess you could just plain make an edit when you get your privileges back and just inform us about it in this thread when you're done. No nasty bumping involved; that better? :3

And my mum is hogging the book too. Although fortunately she hasn't given me any computer bans. ^-^
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  #47    
Old July 23rd, 2007 (03:32 AM).
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Scarlet Weather Scarlet Weather is offline
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I don't even HAVE a mum to hog the book.

Oh wait, whoops, other way around. I mean that I don't have a hog for book to mum.... or was it a mum for book to hog? I'm confused. XD

Yeah, I haven't got the seventh book yet, mostly 'cause I didn't feel like buying it, since ten to one my Grammy will have reserved ten million copies and will be giving them out to every passerby.

Anyway, exactly when are we planning on this orientation speech? Did I miss the rescheduled "RP start date"? Or is it officially a "wait for a while until everybody's ready" as of right now? 0_o
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  #48    
Old July 23rd, 2007 (04:00 AM).
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Phanima Phanima is offline
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I think the RP is ready to go, except there are still a few slackers who have yet to post/complete their sign-ups, so they were told to give the updates here once the RP has started, since you can join pretty much whenever you want. Start it I say.
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  #49    
Old July 23rd, 2007 (04:40 AM).
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Alter Ego Alter Ego is offline
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By the looks of it we're in the 'wait until certain people call off their silly computer bans so that Jyukai gets back online' phase of the process. Trust me, if it was my call this would have started already but the thread creator should make the first post. =O
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  #50    
Old July 23rd, 2007 (05:28 AM).
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Over the Rainbow
Nature: Mild
Posts: 10,038
Quote originally posted by Alter Ego:
By the looks of it we're in the 'wait until certain people call off their silly computer bans so that Jyukai gets back online' phase of the process. Trust me, if it was my call this would have started already but the thread creator should make the first post. =O
But you made the plot
I already think it's a bad thing that the OOC thread is longer than the actual thread itself...nothing is ever really going to be 'perfect RP weather' so it's best just to start it and have everyone adjust...the more you put it of the less people will still want to do the RP.
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