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  #1    
Old August 8th, 2007 (02:33 AM).
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Thunderchu Thunderchu is offline
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My story in the pokemon fan fic.

Yer, it got locked...i dont think it was rushed i planned it out. I know one thing though, i dident talk about the apperance of the characters and the towns/city. What do i need to improve on then?
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Old August 8th, 2007 (12:10 PM).
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Astinus Astinus is online now
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"Rushed" doesn't just mean that your plot wasn't planned out. It also means that your work isn't up to a good quality.

I took a look at your story. You're missing basic grammar, like punctuation for dialogue and proper capitalization. Also, you're missing some good description. It reads like a rushed fanfic because you are rushing the plotline too much. Your main character spent 6 nights in a Pokemon Center, and there was no description of his feeling? At least for the first night, show his feelings, like how bored he is and how anxious he is to get his first Pokemon.

Plus I think it was closed because it fell under the length requirement. Of that, I'm not sure, because I'm not Careful With That Axe, Pichu.

Read the stickies of the forum: those found in the Writer's Lounge and the Rules in the main sub-forum. And just keep practicing your writing.
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Old August 19th, 2007 (09:16 AM).
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Careful With That Axe, Pichu! Careful With That Axe, Pichu! is offline
 
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A bit late. Apart from what Hanako said, I'll expose the mechanics...

Well, first your fanfic was put up in an extremely short manner. Grammar was horrible(1); now, the story looked as if you wrote it in a heedless fashion and it wasn't proofread. There are many flagrant punctuation mistakes and typos(2), the brief plot was precipitate. Also, I'd reccomend working on the narration's verb tense, and elaborate it more.

(1) ''All right! here i come proffeser!''
(2) "[...]looks like i cant so when it stops raining i will come back ok?''sighs Bevan."


Now, those were the main reasons why I considered the story didn't meet the standards. Note that I do read the stories I close; truth is, I really should eleborate more often rather than just closing them. I do apologize for that.
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