View Full Version : Looking Through The Glass (And Other Poems)

October 26th, 2007, 3:40 PM
(Looking Through) The Glass

I find myself returning, to the bottom of a glass,
I’m once again found yearning, for that once rose-tinted class,
I cannot see with hindsight, the fall that threatens me,
And now I’m caught returning, to that which sets death free.

I hate myself for stopping, yet love that I’m alive,
I cannot help the yearning, but without you I survive,
I’ve hurt my body plenty, with the lies that you create,
I’d give in and enjoy life, if it wasn’t far too late.

I know that I’m discerning, excuses for this try,
I know that if I lose again, in drink I’ll drown and cry,
I know that my heart’s aching, for release found thick and fast,
I know the next time I drink, could truly be my last.

I wish that I could safely drink, to taste and to enjoy,
I wish that when I drink, such ties I could deploy,
I wish that I could end this, with no regret or sorrow,
I feel like quenching this thirst, for a brighter shade of ‘morrow.

I need to feel abandoned, to stand alone on trial,
I feel like shouting aloud, to put my hurt on file,
I guess that I am destined, to such torment cruel and crass,
I guess that I’ll always return, to looking through a glass.

Why Won't You Come Over Here

I seem to notice something,
In our relationship as thus,
We never seem to visit here,
It's always there, 'because'.

It's never here in my town,
It's always there in yours,
When questions asked become a task,
You quote a quip or clause.

I cannot simply let you,
Dictate the turn of time,
For this ignorance of my needs,
Is a social sort of crime.

I Found Love Again

Down in the dumps like a rat in the sewer,
I once again love but this time it’s newer,
Fresher and freer than the turmoil since past,
I wonder if this time, this love will last.

It tingles and tangles my thoughts and my scars,
Plays loves true concerto with drums and guitars,
Shouts out to the heavens in purest bliss,
Oh how I have missed, a feeling like this.

However, there is a twist in the tail of this porky pie,
I say I am in love but that is such a lie,
What I meant by the word is that I love someone,
My target of love, knows me as no one.

melod.ii ous demyx~♪
October 27th, 2007, 4:26 PM
These are great! ^__^ I'm so excited that I get the first reply~ 8D

All of these are really well written.
They all ended on a rather sour sad note tho.. Dx How depressing.

The first one (Looking Through) The Glass, it’s about Alcoholism/ addiction, right? ^_^

I thought the language was beautiful. It sounded really eloquent and serious.
“I’m once again found yearning, for that once rose-tinted class” < - - That was my favorite line. I love the way you state it, it’s just so… wow-ness~

The sense of reality you get from it is really striking. So good work with that.

Now… I have just a teensy thing to point out. I hate the repetitive use of the word “Drink,” especially in the last stanzas. “Drink” being stated so plainly just takes away from the colorful words in the first half. You could try actually stating what they were drinking or longing for… I don’t know if that makes sense. But the word just becomes over-used. (In MY Opinion!, but my opinion is just my own.) ._.”

X3 The last line is wonderful! It really works out to be a great finish.

Nice work!!

The Second one, Why Won't You Come Over Here, is actually very cool. I like the message of it.

It’s stated plainly, and I adore the rhythm.

Nothing more to say, because it was so great, and felt so honest.
The ending line, once again, ties things all together and is very nicely done!

Last one! =3
I Found Love Again:

^__^ I hated this one. I found it so…. Sad. D: no offense~!

I did like how you described the feelings of being in love. It was clever and cute.

>_< there’s one line that is a fumble for me, and I think it sort of throws off the sweet rhythm you’ve established =x
”However, there is a twist in the tail of this porky pie,” <- - It’s cute, and nicely written… but, it… loses meaning for me. Do you mean “Tale” as in story, or the literal “Tail” of a –porky pie- ? (A pig?) =\ >< I just don’t think “Porky Pie” gives it the credit it deserves. D; I’m so sorry…

The ending 2 lines are my favorite on this actually! It’s sad, but really puts a sense of feeling lost into it. I just really like how you chose to write it out like that. =D Beautiful~


^^;; Okies, I’m done now!

(don’t take my judgments harshly, they are only my opinions and nothing more. Your work is fantastic, no matter what I say~)

They are all nicely written, and it’s not a mystery to what they really mean. It’s stated true and plainly, and I love that aspect of your work! It tells about parts of life that are sometimes painfully hard to put into words, but you’ve described the feelings well and done a wonderful job of it.

I love them all~ Write more for sure. Well done! You’re so awesome <3

October 29th, 2007, 3:24 AM
Hi Mis Kon,

Firstly, allow me to thank you kindly for replying and reading; it's a pleasure to get new readers!

In reponse to your feedback I can only agree with you on the points you've made regarding repetition and the line in I Found Love Again, the porky pie bit sounded so good whilst writing, it's become a part of the poem's fabric and i've as yet been unable to find a suitable replacement = i'll try iron out these small details, that's the best thing about constructive critiscism, it makes me see blatant things in the poetry my own self-pride has clouded - so, I can only thank you for that!

I'll re-work these, and for your further delectation (sp??) Three more - of a more varied theme:

Ephemeral Fantasy

I doze, and dream of wonderment,
In cast iron bars and chains.
I sit, and see such flaming lies,
In a world so free of pains.
I think, and a land arises,
Free of war and toil.
I sit, and dream of amazement,
That fades with Autumn broil.
I breathe, and the scent engulfs,
My nostrils with nostalgia,
I feel the day summon life in me,
To break the dream that strikes neuralgia.
I fall, and the winds catch me,
And batter me with gale,
I awaken,
So ephemeral was,
This fantasy that fails.

Citizen Defence Force

A misfortune told before a hive,
Of men unbound by law,
A tale thus told a defence sold,
To the witness and the whore.

A life thus led in silk and red,
Can only end with ilk,
A place as dark as this slum city,
Can stew only Satan's milk.

A personality before the stand,
Pleads innocence in sin,
Forgetting that she chose this life,
That she let the devil win.

A council of mankind's desires,
Creates a bounty high,
And knelt before the judgement's glow,
The whore but wonders why?

The Circle Of Life

Dooming time.
Graceful rhyme.
Angers wrought.
Dying for naught.
Reaching out.
Life dimmers doubt.
Reach for skies.
See the beauty as beauty dies.

November 3rd, 2007, 2:56 AM
Wow i love it!
I think that its great!
You are so passionate

Romance Hero
November 5th, 2007, 6:52 PM
I'm not insulting you or anything, but you have a simliar writing style to mine. ^^ I enjoyed your poems, I actually dived into them.