View Full Version : My poems :3

December 15th, 2007, 3:18 AM
Well, I decided I would post a few of my poems here, they aren't too great, but they are meaningful to me and I like them ^-^
Well here they are o:


I've found my worst regret,
One I've hid away far too long,
A reality relapse from within,
This self inflicted hate,
Killing me,
Eating away at my sanity..
I've hurt the one I truly loved.
Dying.. Is this my fate?
Just barely holding on,
As I'm drifting away, just slipping away.
Please don't hold this in vanity,
'Cause I've been in love with you,
Ever since the day we had met,
This hope of forgiveness,
Still lingers within,
Just too much to ask for,
Now these images reside inside me,
A cacophony of hopeful memory's..
Under the darkness sky,
Until the light of day comes,
You're lost, in my arms,
As I'm lost, in your eyes,
An eternity, for me,
Hold onto my hand,
As I've held you to my heart,
And promise me this,
That you will never let me go..


I used to laugh,
I used to smile,
Are you still here,
Beside me?

This sadness death,
It's painted with solution,
The ultimate delusion,
With no conclusion..

My special girl,
Help me out,
'Cause I can't take it,
I can't take it..

I'm just another,
Just another helpless soul,
No where to go,
No where to belong..

The end is near,
The end is close,
Yet my only fear,
Is that of loosing you,
Missing you..

Hold onto me,
Hold my hand,
Hold me close,
Hold me to your heart,
Hold me till I'm gone..

Heaven or Hell,
Wherever I end,
It's just the same,
Just another part of this game..

Nothing else matters,
Except you my dear,
As my life just shatters,
My greatest fear,
Is missing you..

Just a soul lost,
Without any other way,
A dead end in life,
Stopped from continuing,
It's the same every day..

The end near,
Drawn in closer,
Still, My only fear,
Loosing you,
Missing you..

Heaven and Hell,
No difference at all,
Both bring me pain and loss,
Both are nothing to me,
When I don't have you..

Hold onto me,
Hold my hand,
Hold me close,
Hold me to your heart,
Hold me till I'm gone..

Let's dance,
Until I'm gone,
I'm here for now,
Hold onto me,
Keep me close,
Don't forget..

I love you,
I'm leaving,
For now..

So please..
Hold onto me,
Hold my hand,
Hold me close,
Hold me to your heart,
Hold me till I'm gone..

Well, that's it :3
Two poems ^-^

December 15th, 2007, 8:06 AM
Yay! Some activity in the Poetry section!

Those are some VERY good poems. They deserve a spot in a poetry book. Even though you just wrote three, they are all very long and you can tell that you spent a long time on them. Keep writing!

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
December 15th, 2007, 10:45 AM
Regarding the second poem, please don't bypass the censor and let it alone do its work under an [/agelimit] label for the language employed there.

Also, I will never understand why is there a need to employ such foul language so repeatedly on literature. Maybe people have no capacity of expressing feelings properly and purely anymore, so they recur to silly wording to cover a greater area of expressionism?

Do they think it's 'cool'?

And what's up with the nasty deathwish? Been listening to mainstream emo-fake punk music much? No, it's not a prejudice, just a fun guess.

December 15th, 2007, 11:35 AM
Sorry about that, didn't mean to bypass the censor. And as a reply, no, I don't think it is cool to cuss and use foul language, I usually don't use it much. I had it in there from the state of mind I was in when writing that particular poem, I wrote it a few years ago. And for the other thing, I don't listen to mainstream emo-fake punk music, I don't like newer music or emoish music (I listen to older stuff like Cheap Trick, The Clash, The Ramones, and of course, The Beatles :3 ) . The reason for the "death wish", well, it's not really a death wish, it was placed there metaphorically, you would have to know about the background of the poem to understand what it means and why I have implemented such a thing. And again sorry about the censor thing, should I remove the poem that has the bad language? 'Cause I wouldn't mind doing that, I understand about censorship and will gladly remove it.
Thank you for your reply to my poems ^-^

I have removed the poem that contained bad language, sorry to anyone I may have upset or offended with it. ^-^

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
December 16th, 2007, 9:16 AM
If you are to place pieces with such language, please make use of fitting [/agelimit] tags.


Ages 13 and over.

And remember not to double post unless you've got another piece to submit. Good luck.

December 16th, 2007, 10:42 AM
Okies ^-^ Thank you for the info, I'll be sure to remember that for next time ^^

December 16th, 2007, 3:18 PM
Swearing implies intense emotions and is very useful in writing. Great work btw.

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
December 16th, 2007, 3:24 PM
But hey, what's more artful than to display those 'intense emotions' without recurring to such language that, besides being not fitting in here, shows only the lacking vocabulary of the authors and acts as their mediocre way to make a dull poem seem it's worth our time?

December 16th, 2007, 6:38 PM
Well, I think the poems definitely have potential. =) I mean they're good, but not great you know, not trying to be mean but they're a little average. The main thing I see is that they don't seem to flow very well,meaning that no rhythm has been created with your word usage or the amount of syllable per line or lines per stanza. It makes it seem a little choppy! (Don't hate me, just trying to be helpful you know! =) )

But other than that, I think they're quite good! =) I liked your word usage, I mean there's quite a bit of basic language, (but I mean come one, we cant' all walk around being cryptic and speaking ye olde Englishe all the time now can we? =P) but you also use quite a few more uncommon words and some beautiful phrases and imagery! =)

So I guess, all in all just watch out for the flow and try to create a constant rhythm! =)

Yarr, keep up the good work! =D

Moody Cow