View Full Version : The Enigma Sapphire Thread

Lorem Ipsum
January 11th, 2008, 8:47 AM
I am writing a novel. Yes. This is a concept I came up with three years ago, and wrote a six page (extremely bad) story out of it. Now, I have revived it, and am hoping to write some more of it. So, just to see if you like my style of writing, I wrote the first draft of the first part of the prologue, which COULD BE RETHOUGHT. This is a serious novel, so please criticise as necessary. I don't want you saying "It's perfect" if it's not. Because I'm sure somebody can pick fault with it.

Oh, and I called it the Enigma Sapphire thread (as in, this thread) because it won't ever contain the entire novel, just parts of it mostly.

Anyway: here is one part.


It was a perfect scene. Birds fluttered around the wood, playing with each other while they sang. The creatures seemed to be happy working in their homes, while listening to this beautiful chorus.

Beyond the trees of the homes of the animals was a wide river, its clear water glinting as it rushed across the shingle, moving with the mullet as they darted downstream. From the thick canopy above, the light shone as through as green, tinted rays of warmth dancing on the water's surface, and bedazzling anything near it with radiance and beauty.

But go further than this place, where everything is perfect, to an area where exotic plants thrived, where the fruits on the passionflowers were ripe enough to eat, where the papayas were growing. This was beauty at its best, nothing had ever gone wrong here. And that was all down to the centre of the forest, and what lay there. For in the precise centre, sitting on an old tree stump, was a small, but beautiful sapphire.


I also wrote another part, which is one of my favourite passages I have written for this. I thought you might want to see it. It is a scientist writing to a kind of journal, I guess.


Love... is a strange thing. So is hate, and courage, and fear, and happiness. Nobody can ever understand them. But, even though we don't comprehend these things, it feels... natural, to a certain extent. It's the same with a lot of things.

A thought, a feeling, a fear... it's all the same. In every mind, there is fear, and in every human heart, there is love. And... to think... we were filled with it all when we were born... and that's why we learn. We need to find the source of it all. And we here feel that we finally have...


So, opinions?