View Full Version : Ash vs The Voice Over Guy

March 3rd, 2008, 6:44 PM
Okay. I thought of this as I watched an episode of Pokemon

Chapter 1‘We join our heroes as they….?’ said The Voice Over Guy. ‘Wait! Where are they? ASH! DAWN! BROCK!’
‘We’re down here.’ said a short kid with a familiar, queer looking outfit.
‘We get to meet the almighty Voice Over Guy’ said a blue haired girl.
‘How the (BEEP) did you get up here?’
‘Well. Team Rocket decided that they would send us blasting off. So they bashed the (CUSTARD) out of us and blew us up with a (BANANA)ing grenade’ said a tall guy also had a queer outfit.
‘You can’t be up here. I know. I’ll battle you and if you lose then you leave as a bunch of (PURPLE)ing Magicarps.
‘Ok!’ said Ash.

March 3rd, 2008, 6:52 PM
I'm not sure if this actually qualifies as a chapter, it looks about as long as a short paragraph.

The idea of Ash vs. a voice over is pretty creative, but I would hold off on uploading other parts until the story is longer.

March 3rd, 2008, 7:10 PM
I'm really sorry, but this doesn't meet the standards of this section. You need a longer chapter and more of an idea where the story is head. More description of the surroundings and characters would be good, since I had no idea who you were talking about. And your grammar needs improvement.

My advice? Listen to the advice given to you on your other fanfic before trying again. Hold off from writing two fanfics for a little while.