View Full Version : Velcroe's Poetry Thread

April 3rd, 2008, 11:34 PM
Gasp, a new poetry thread! :shocked: This will contain some randomly selected pieces by yours truly, either new or from years ago.(I find some weird stuff when I clean my room, lol.) Anyway...

To start off, something I wrote just recently, I give you Elegance


Elegance is agony
and lowness rarely comfort.
So why must lowness represent
those with wealth hesitant,
who live their own volition?
Elegance is their vision,
Of those who would be seen.
Fame they seeketh glean.
Witness dissulusionment
Of those who would be rent
By piercing blade of public
Eye. Thus they smooth their cowlick.
Elegance is vanity
Leveled that is slay sanity
By fearing outside eye.
Do well by you to pass I’ by
And breathe by thy own right.
See by thy own sight,
Hear by thy natural song
And watch the rising of the dawn-
Nature’s elegant progeny.

Another one, not as good I think, but meh...

If a Whisper

If a whisper is given
A life, yet no aim
Alone in the night
Does it feel any pain?

If a word is then spoken
In passion and rain
Is it now lost
Its finder no name?

If a poem is written
But no eyes give it tread
And no ears give it listen
Does it soon end up dead?

If a story is told
And none give it heed
Why, then, this story
We did never need

So if you sonnet compose or tall tale unfurl
Go ahead and give it a whirl
For a story unshared is a story uncared
So let every tale from the rooftops be blared.

And here's one I dug out of one of my old school folders. Cleaning out closets can be fun :) I think it needs some work, though.

Fabulous flirtation
Of man’s machination
Rampaging among racks of rations
Bottoms so bulbous and bubbled, but
So strong, from ever expanding gut
Arms so thick, but from what?
They are so glutted, from burgers, cheese,
And onions, and pickles, lettuce, oh please
One side of side simmering, savory pieces
Why, to eat they do never cease
Through candy and cakes and pieces of Reese’s
While looking, and staring, at a sharp-buzzing screen
Tell me what, oh what, do these projections mean?
These things that are flashing, what do they mean?
And why, for this debation
Of man’s true machination
Not that which runs on electrical spark
By natural notions, movement does embark.

Just finished this one. I'm pretty proud of it, take a look:

The Wedding
Orange blush of Autumn air
Had not yet touched the summer fair
When the wedding was to unfold
Of the stranger mold
The two named Antonio and the lady Clair

Unwitting, the other a fool
When wedding begot by family jewels
Was known since birth, yet never met
Match made in pocket book heaven, yet
Soon to be earthly, under joker’s rule

The sun had not yet smiled upon this patch of grace
When shadowy servants did make their haste
Blush of humanity did redden the hill
In the hunter’s shadow they began their toil
Yet none was seen at sustenance first taste

When eye of dawn met brow of earth
‘Twas splendor that lay upon mountainous earth
Material excellence lay ‘pon the land
Where civil celebrations where made to be grand
At which forefathers padded their coffers with mirth

‘Twas noon that twelve times the bell was rung
And ‘twas noon witnesses’ arrival begun
Resplendent in costume and gemstones divine
To take part in the trespasses upon that which was fine
Before dreaded pairing of the day was first sung

‘Twas one that once the bell was struck
And ‘twas one when the dancing from wanting untucked
Swirling and twirling in outfits bizarre
For show, for show, were fortunes for the hour
Tarantella was danced on the grounds found unmucked

‘Twas two that dancers found each seat
An’ ‘twas two when we the bride met
On happiest hour, unique face smiled wide
And her joy, by widening, in her sides did confide
And the veil was so gentle, made all gasp who did see’t

‘Twas ten past two that gates opened wide
And ‘twas then that groom entered with stride
By youth was he begot with willow thin frame
Apprehension begot him with worry-gaunt face
With hand in his pocket his secret did hide

When at the end of row the boy did stand
Saw he few things to settle his hand
Eyes on quite rare frame of bride belight
And quite trembling were hands lifting veil out of sight
And quite quavering was spirit as distortion was fanned

Under this lifted veil he beheld
That for ages feverish dream had reveled
And now fears from his mind and soul liberated
No more with shaking spirit he debated
As now the plan he planned was revealed

With his hand from his breeches his secret was whisked
Several screeches and screams from onlookers, unmissed
Around the barrel his fingers did coil
With reinforced desires no screeches could foil
When trigger was pulled, target was not to be missed

Artemis shadow had not yet touched earth
When young Antonio readied himself for hearth
Pool shallow of red swallowed his face
As his self-repulsed lover witnessed the end of his race
She, who by father had ended his life at her birth

Now, you may ask, who was more the fool?
Antonio, suicidal, yet sold as mule
Or the fathers of the wedded, who sold their blood for gold?
Either which be chosen, be subject to scold
‘Twas tragedy outplayed ‘fore the large lepered bride.

That's all for now. Read & Review, please. Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.

Midori Chi
April 4th, 2008, 12:37 PM
Actually, in my opinion, I liked the second one more~ <3

The first poem, don't get me wrong, was very beautiful as well. I found it a bit confusing, but that's not saying much because I'm often confused. XD

Very pretty words and imagery. I think your rhythm could be a little better~

April 5th, 2008, 4:14 PM
Why thank you, Midori. Yes, I've been told my poems can be a bit confusing...

I try to go on natural feel for rhythm, since counting stresses and such gives me a headache. :tired: I guess it didn't work as well as I thought...