View Full Version : They Came During the Night

I Laugh at your Misfortune!
April 4th, 2009, 3:32 PM
Here's my craptacular first proper attempt at poetry. Please don't be too harsh when killing me for blinding you with its awfulness.

They came during the night,
Their engines whining like demonic insects,
Drawn to the lone flame flickering below,
A miniscule light surrounded by black.

The radio hisses in a flurry of static;
The order comes and they sweep to the right,
Wings almost touching, tempting a fiery crash,
As if they are taunting fate.

With an unholy precision,
They circle above that single gleam;
The uncovered window, spilling light,
Which will lead to so much pain.

Another shriek pierces the silent night,
And a volatile trail plummets to the ground.
Screams and sirens erupt from the streets,
As deadly black and orange flowers blossom below.

They turn in a sweeping arc,
Invisible to the ants scurrying beneath,
And impervious to the evil stench,
Of fear - drifting up from the hordes below.

Their pants of excitement rush over the wireless,
Men rejoicing in a job well done.
The wails of agony from the masses,
Are the reward for their first kill.

April 4th, 2009, 4:30 PM
i liked it.....the tone really suits me......i love the way it flows off the screen.....good imagery...i also love the first kill bit at the end......good poem man...now i admit i cant see as well as i could before...strange...no matter...

April 4th, 2009, 4:44 PM
its quite good.. very descriptive..
BUT why did you pressed "enter" so many times between the paragraphs? :P

April 4th, 2009, 9:22 PM
So, it's about a group of hunters making their first kill?

Uh.... it seems interesting. ^^'

Oh, and I'm just wondering why you spaced every stanzas so many times? Lol.

I Laugh at your Misfortune!
April 5th, 2009, 4:23 PM
oh yeah, lol. The first time, I put one space and vBulletin forgot that there were any spaces and bunched it all together. So i did it again and put a space between each stanza and when I clicked done, vbulletin but a space between every line XD

It somehow worked when I did this, though.