View Full Version : the bond between siblings

November 9th, 2003, 2:09 AM
Once over 20000 (twenty million) years ago their was supposed to be a all powerful pokemon who was the god of all natural phinaminas. This pokemon was supposably disliked by the fire pokemon because he would never give them the power and respect they deserved. the water pokemon where trying to protect the ancient pokemon because he was very demanding of all other pokemon but the water spiecies because he would always stay underwater and protect the children of the sea. It is said that the ancient pokemon was locked up in an ancient scripture that only one pokemon could read.

One average morning in Kelpsy farm located in Sabation City. Calvin (a 12 year old boy also the hero) & his sister Amy (an average 13 year old girl who loves his brother very mutch and will do anything to help him in any way) woke up from their beds at 10:30 am."Change into some clothes,brush your teeth,and eat breakfast, I have a surprise for you"Yelled Will(their father).

"I wonder what dad wants"said calvin to himself. putting on his black tee shirt and black and red pants Calvinsays"am I getting a pokemon today?I wonder what pokemon he will give me?"as Calvin thought to himself while brushing his teeth.

"Maybe its the pokemon dad pomised us thee years ago"as Amy was sitting and thinking on her bed.

TO BE CONTINUED.............

Well its only half of the first chapter but i will post more as soon as i get replies

November 9th, 2003, 2:15 AM
I suggest spellchecking, and not adding lil notes in the story. Make the notes *show* through your story, if ya know what I mean. ;D Other then that, I think the plot's rather nice. Keep writing! n_n

November 9th, 2003, 10:47 AM
An interesing start, this one looks pretty interesting and I hope you won't stop and give up on it.

November 9th, 2003, 2:30 PM
"Maybe its the pokemon dad pomised us thee years ago"as Amy was sitting and thinking on her bed. As Amy gazed at the cold floor she was wondering "if so I wonder what poke'mon Calvin will get?'' as she dresses in her longsleeve,white shirt and white and blue sweats she thinks "I wonder what dad wants."As she brushes her teeth she sees her brother sitting in the bathroom doorway "what are you doing?"she said.

"Nothing" Calvin said."I have been reading about a ancient poke'mon that in locked in a ancient scripture that a SABLEYE can read."Calvin said. "A Sableye huh?"Amy exclaimed. "Ok lets go down and meet dad"ordered amy.

Ok i've been catching pokemon around the area and i'm going to give you guys 2 of them here Calvin you get Blazikid and amy you get zitsus"Will said.

November 10th, 2003, 8:58 PM
DO U LIKE It so far????????......

oni flygon
November 11th, 2003, 9:56 AM
well, I suggest to make the chapters longer and to make sure your grammar and spelling is correct. Oh yeah, there's one common mistake in your fanfiction. Please don't rush it. Plot your story coordinately and achieve character development. ^^

November 11th, 2003, 1:53 PM
Yes, it would be a good idea to check the plot, it kinda goes no where, but don't take constructive critisim too far, because I hope you don't give up your fan-fic.