View Full Version : Empty Shell v.2

Youko Kurama
January 28th, 2005, 6:29 PM
Alright, the last one got a bit SPAMmy, mostly my fault. However, I'm going to try and keep this one with a low SPAM level. So if we could all tone it down a bit....xD

Anyways, here goes everything! xD

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find
That Im not the only person with these things in mind
A dark light filled the room and I was covered in sweat. I don'tknow for how long, but I had been running for quite a while. From what though? Even I didn't know. All I knew was that if I stopped, it would get me, and then it would all be over.
I heard a strange sound, something you'd expect to hear out in the rainforest to signal the arrival of a grand beast. My first though was to run again, screaming my lungs out. My next was to stop running and finally face the evil that had plagued my mind for so many nights.
Being the weak person I am though, I chose the first choice and ran away, screaming into the shadows. In the blink of an eye, the dark room had become a dark alley, and I was now in the city. I kept running, not even minding this change of location.
I ran for who knows how long again and found myself facing a dead end. I felt a feeling of hopelessness overpower me as I collapsed to the ground. Rain had begun to fall and had covered my tears. I looked down and found myself staring into a puddle. It was just forming, but it was enough to reflect an image. It was me. The raindrops hit the image and it would distort a bit, but it was a crystal clear image of me.
My blue hair had already been soaked and was falling heavily to the sides, and my usually emotionless blue eyes showed a new side of me. A side filled with sadness and hopelessness. Tears welled up in my eyes again and this time, not even the rain would cover them.
As the first tear reached the poodle, the scene changed once more, and I was now in an even stranger place. Neon lights filled the room, eliminating all darkness. Although it seemed cheery and safe, upon closer inspection, a foul stench filled it. It was a stench known to few, a smell of death.
I began frantically searching the room for a way out, but found nothing. Just more lights, and yet another wild sound. Whatever had been chasing me had finally reached me.
I searched once more, trying to at least get a glimpse at it before my death, but found nothing. The blinding light from the neon caught me off guard and shattered my sight. I tried turning to lessen the effect, but found nothing more than a giant claw moving quickly towards my face.
" Gah!!!" I screamed." Another dream! ****! One of these days I'll stand and fight it. Win or lose at least it will all be over," I proclaimed, wiping off some sweat from my face.
What is it though? I questioned...

Youko Kurama
January 28th, 2005, 6:30 PM
Chapter 1-Kayumi and Alex
Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when they close their eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
And watches everything
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too right inside your skin
The sun goes down
I feel the light betray me

Ah well, nothing to worry about too much I guess. Hopefully, this is the
last time I have that dream. It's not what I call a good way to sleep...I
thought to myself.

" God, this place is such a sty," I muttered, looking out at the ocean of
empty pizza boxes. " Ah well, guess it'll just have to wait until after

I made my way through this ocean of boxes, all still smelling like out of
the oven pizza. I was a freak for pizza and had a strange attachment to each box. I always just said it was because pizza was delicious, but I always
knew it was because of her. She always made me eat pizza with her, even
after I quit the force. She was so beautiful too. Just looking at her smile,
rare as it was, filled me with an odd joy. A joy I hadn't felt since he
It was all my fault....I thought.

I rushed out of the room, tears already beginning to well up again. I had
always felt guilty for causing his death. He was my best friend, and I
killed him. After that, I left my old life behind, name and all, and took on
my new identity. Kayumi was my name now, and everyone knew me as that.
The once packed roads of New York were now empty. Left to be as a landmark to the age of gas powered cars, and as a viewing spot to the hover car highways. They were, as was said, the future. Every gas powered car was replaced with a hover car, and each person was happy.

Air pollution ended, and oddly enough, it was discovered that was the thing
holding us back from further evolution. Shortly afterwards, everyone had
developed gifts if you will. Some used them for the greater good, as I used
to, and others used them for their own selfish gain.


The newspaper article said the same today as it had said for almost a year
now. This thief was the reason I was forced to quit the force.
Too much interest and attachment, they had said. But since when was that a bad thing for a police officer? I always thought we were supposed to car
about catching the perp, at any cost...I said to myself.
" Tonight's the night I catch you though. I know where you're headed, and
I'll be there waiting for you," I muttered.

This theif stole mainly fine art and jewels, a cliche but powerful theft.
Since security systems had also evolved greatly, being able to get by them
was a huge achievement in itself. Being able to evade police and all their
gifts and gadgets was an entirely new version of " big achievement."
That Night....

Night had come awfully fast tonight, and I never even got a chance to stare
up at the stars. This was probably for the best though. The stars always got
me thinking about both of them, and that was something I hated doing.
I quickly made my way to the top of the building where this thief was going
to make there escape and waited eagerly.
Just a while longer I thought...

" Why am I not surprised to see you here Pierre?"I heard from behind me.
A tall figure, dressed in all black clothes stared back at me. It was a male
thief, that was for sure. A muscled appearance eminated from this man.
Although his face was covered by a dark blue scarf from the nose down, I
knew I had seen him before. His pale blue eyes just seemed so familiar.

" How do you know my name?" I asked, coldly and angered. " No one knows
about Pierre. He's been dead for years."
" Just like Alex right?Oh don't worry, I won't tell anyone you killed your
best friend. That will just stay between us!" he said. He was toying with my
mind, and enjoying every bit of it.

" You sick freak!" I yelled, charging at him.
Not even for a moment did he seem to move. I made contact and we both fell
to the floor of this bank.
Yet, even in this situation, all he did was laugh.
" What's so funny you psycho?" I asked angrily.

" Why not check for yourself!?" he mumbled. He fought his left hand free and
pulled off his scarf.

I jumped off of him, and quickly ran to a good distance, my face now pale as
that of someone who just saw a ghost. Words had completely escaped me, and he lifted himself up, still laughing. His laugh hit me hard now though. It
was as if this whole time, he wanted me to catch him, just wanted to see me
" Surprised Pierre? Did you really think I was dead? Tsk. Tsk. Tsk," he
said, making the appropriate motions to follow. " No one, not even you, can
ever really kill me!"

" Alex... You're alive. I should have known you would be. This is actually
kind of a relief. It means I can now have the pleasure of truly killing you,
and burying Pierre forever!!!!" I screamed.
I had begun to charge at him again, when I heard yet another voice. This one
stopped me dead in my tracks though, and froze me even more than finding out I really hadn't killed my best friend.

" Kayumi...." a whispering voice said.

Youko Kurama
January 28th, 2005, 6:31 PM
Chapter 2-A Forgotten History
It cant be frightening if youve never felt it
Once its been dealt with you feel like youve been touched by something angelic
And then melted down into a pool of peace
Cease to be the animal you used to be
Remove the broken parts you know were wrong
And feel the karma when the problems all gone
And then you start to see another piece of yourself that you cant let be
And that reasonll last fight to free yourself
Take it to the depths of the bottom of the well
And now you know you can choose to lose the part in your heart
Where your insides bruise
You can live if youre willing to
Put a stop to just whats killing you

I slowly dared to turn to view what I knew would be bad.

"Kayumi...." I heard once more.

I quickly turned as I realized trying to escape her would be stupid. "Arimi! What are you doing here!?" I asked, pretending not to know the answers.

She just continued muttering Kayumi a few times, before she just collapsed to her knees. As her head fell limply along with the rest of her, I noticed something through her beautiful hair. A single tear seemed to be making its way down her cheek, and for a minute, I actually felt bad. I ran over to her though, feeling all too responsible for this.I wrapped my arms around her should and tried to bring her up a bit off of the ground.

" Arimi, it's ok. He's gone and we're safe again," I whispered.

" Liar..." she whispered.

" What was that Arimi? I couldn't hear you properly,"I said.

" LIAR!!" she screamed as she freed herself from my grip and lifted herself up. She unholstered her gun and aimed it right at my forehead. " You lied! You're not even Kayumi! You're some sort of monster that's been working with him from the start! You've only been worried about finding him and slowing us at the station down! Admit it!"

" He was supposed to be dead. He should have died all those years ago. How was I supposed to know that the very thief I had been chasing after would be my best friend!? A friend I thought I had buried! Answer me that! How should I have known he would come back, just to do this!? How!?" I asked, each question shooting out of my mouth faster than I could think, faster than I could even hear the last question.

The point was, he was supposed to be dead. I had killed him. So why was he here? I asked myself.

Arimi had finally calmed down a bit, and just stood there in front of me. Her hair had already taken on it's full color now, no longer reflecting the night lights. It was odd though, her hair was white as snow, and yet it reflected the light of anything that touched it. This was the first time in a long while I had seen Arimi. It had been since my discharge at the office I last got a good look at her. Her uniform was a bit dirty, but the same non the less. A plain blue suit, like those used in the beginning of the Twentieth Century, but with a bit more style. Along the sleeves were several different designs, customizable by the officer wearing the suit. Currently, she had on her sleeves two zodiac symbols. The Twins of Gemini on the left, and the Archer of Sagittarius on her right. She had always loved Archery, and she had trained her body for it as well.

She was tall, thin, and still quite muscular. Enough muscle at least, to pull back a stiff bow string. She had a great shot though, and from time to time, I always told her her eyes were like laser targeters. They were a crimson red, and always glowed before she shot. It was when they were white, as they were now, that I became worried. When they were this color, it always meant something bad would happen. Whether it be her missing, or her temper flaring, maybe even losing control of her powers, it was always bad.

" Tell me everything! Now!" She ordered, gun re aimed, and a look of pure hatred on her face.

She hates me so much right now. I can't blame her though. I lied to her. Even when we had reached the point of no longer keeping secrets in our relationship, I lied to her. We would have been so happy together, married, and already starting parenthood. If it hadn't been for that case. Why did she have to know it all though? This would only make things worse. I thought.

" Alright, " I sighed," I'll tell you everything...Just answer me this. How did you know we'd be up here? What made you come up here?"

She almost put her gun down, as if to answer my question, but reaimed and said," This is neither the time or the place. Get on with the story or I swear to you I will kill you right here. So I'd suggest you talk, and talk fast!"

I stood myself up and walked on over to the edge of the building. I leaned a bit over the safety rails of it, looking forth at the highways, and shut my eyes. Everything slowly began coming back to me, replaying as if it were some sort of movie. I saw it all.

" It all began a few years ago, back when Pierre and Alex first met. We were both after the same thing, the Death Jade. We met for the first time in the museum were we thought it was being held. Two young thieves, still scrawny and weak, and barely of age to even be out so late. We had both gotten past the mediocre laser security, and when we made eye contact, neither of us worried. We both knew we had gotten false information."

January 28th, 2005, 6:34 PM
Chapter 2 protrays as much danger, and emotion as the prolouge.

Great details,a good backround was set for the rest of ES.10/10

January 29th, 2005, 6:18 PM
Well, I remember reading the prologue and chapter one from your previous thread, so I shall critique chpater two for you. ^_____^

I have to say I favor this one a lot so far. ^^ I love the part where there's finally a girl in the scene, and when she's quite forceful with her gun pointed at the boy's head, ordering him to talk, and fast. Talk about girl power. XD

I didn't catch any spelling problems, so that's very good. ^______^ Awsome chapter Rudy, keep up the great work! *glomps*


Youko Kurama
January 29th, 2005, 6:44 PM
Thank you both for your comments. I do try to make each chapter good, and even though they aren't always read by the beta testers, I've lived by the words of one of my teachers for a month so far.

She always said " Don't doubt yourself. Your first guess is probably right."
SO yeah, I go with my gut instinct on what to write...XD
Thanks again for the comments. Chapter 3 coming soon.

Chapter 3 - Ocean Blue Thieves Preview:

More history on Alex and Pierre
Reveals what happened to traumatize Pierre.
Reveals how Pierre "killed" Alex.

January 29th, 2005, 6:48 PM
Good...adding more backround to the story.Good.

January 30th, 2005, 7:43 AM
Thank you both for your comments. I do try to make each chapter good, and even though they aren't always read by the beta testers, I've lived by the words of one of my teachers for a month so far.

She always said " Don't doubt yourself. Your first guess is probably right."
SO yeah, I go with my gut instinct on what to write...XD
Thanks again for the comments. Chapter 3 coming soon.

Chapter 3 - Ocean Blue Thieves Preview:

More history on Alex and Pierre
Reveals what happened to traumatize Pierre.
Reveals how Pierre "killed" Alex.

You're welcome Rudy, I just hope my suggestions can help you improve on writing your fics. ^^

You're teacher sounds like a very intelligent person, for her saying is very true. If you are taking a test, let's say, and you were reading a certain question and then put down the answer for it. But then you begin to doubt that choice, so you change your answer, only to find out that your first answer was correct.

The same goes for writing, be it a fan fic, poem, or song, you have to believe in yourself and trust your abilities. ^_^ Keep up the great chapters Rudy! ^o^


Youko Kurama
February 14th, 2005, 1:06 AM
This will only hold the first part of Chapter 3. I rather like this supsense thing.

Chapter 3-Ocean Blue Thieves
I don't wanna hurt you
You don't want to hurt me
I can't stand you
And you can't stand me
We can't rearrange you can never change me
Say goodbye
Nothing I say can change your mind because
I can't stay
Tomorrow I'll be on my way
So don't expect to find me sleeping in my bed
'Cuz when you wake up
I won't be there

You may have heard of us, you may have not, but back in my thievings days, we each had our own personas before meeting. I was known as the Ocean Thief. I'd steal all I could from any large city near the ocean, taking everything from the most valuable jewels to the most worthless rocks. No one ever got a good luck at me, which may be why there was never a good enough poster for people to hunt me down. I was always fast, faster than most people can see, and just as quickly as I got into the site, I'd get out, pockets loaded to the brim with jewels, gems, and anything else. My dark, almost black, blue clothes were part of the reason for my name. You see, blue is very difficult to see in cities near the ocean. Nowadays, people make the buildings to match the landscape, so all the walls, floors, ceilings, were all blue. I blended in perfectly and there was no way anyone could see me long enough to stop me.

Now, as for Alex, he was known as the Blue Thief. It's odd, but he was the only thief who would only steal one kind of item. If it was blue, valuable, and hard to get, he'd steal it. Then, like most other thieves, he'd sell it on the Black Market and get himself some nice cash. This was how he paid for his information, equipments, and at times, when it was incredibly necessary, back up. Of course they were all low class thieves, too inexperienced to be more than a mere diversion.

Now then, you may be wondering how it is the infamous Blue Thief, and the notorious Ocean Thief came to meet. You see, a week before we met that faithful night, I'd been researching the properties of the Ocean Jade, currently held in the Oboro Museum of Oceanic Artifacts. I had discovered it was strong enough to give enormous power to it's owner, the magnificant power of manipulating water. He, or she, who held this jade, would be able to control, manipulate, basically do anything to any body of water. The perfect tool for a thief. I had found out some information from a man named Sphinxter, an odd man, lanky and very quiet. All he said to me was the exact location of the jade, all the security around it, and even how to get to it quicker. I almost doubted how he knew all of this, but didn't mind it.

I had done as he had said, and so had Alex. Since it was a Blue, rare, valuable gem, he'd been there to steal it as well. To both of our slight shock, not only was the jade not there, but the instant we glanced at each other, over 500 laser shooters were aimed at the back of our necks.

"This should be interesting..." I heard him grumble.

I merely looked at him, my eyes catching his crystal blue gaze. I was taken aback by his attitude towards our current situation, but knew it would benefit me to help him in any way possible. The only way out though, would be to fight out. The odds were bad. 500 laser shooters, all heat sensored, were ready to fry us to ashes, and even past those, were the soldiers we could hear approaching in the distance.

" The echo from their steps is still faint. We should have at least 5 more minutes at the most to get past the shooters," I told him, bringing out my Katana Bow. It was an odd weapon yes, but then again, how often is a dagger shooting bow seen? He did something else, also quite unusual, and he began glowing a pale blue. I looked back at him, and saw his eyes once more. This time, the gaze was filled with anger, hate, and yet at the same time, sadness. I was afraid, and I have no problem admitting that. The blue auro around him brightened with each passing second, and soon, the entire room was being covered in it's light. The guards had arrived, and already equipped themselves for an easy battle.

"Guess our 5 minutes are up," I muttered.