View Full Version : Nido-Hearts

February 17th, 2005, 6:17 PM
This is like one of those TV shows like 'Friends', 'The O.C.' ect. You probably never heard of these shows, or are fans of it (If you are, I'm sorry that 'Friends' ended)

Each new post is a new episode, Please tell me if you enjoy them or not. I'll appreciate it!

Now to get to know the characters.

The Gals:
Anora- A pink Nidoqueen. She's the main character. She is friends with Drava and Tref, but loathes Catir. Has a crush on Hit'rir, Catir's Boy-Friend.

Drava- The average Nidoqueen. Has no boy-friend and loves to party.

Tref- A green Nidoqueen, quiet and gentle. Is rumored to be a model, yet only Anora knows. Her boy-friend is Yoqrer.

Catir- A beautiful white Nidoqueen. Basically a snob. The only person who admires her is Tref, who wants her beauty. Boy-friend is Hit'rir.

The Guys:
Hit'rer- A handsome black Nidoking. Boy-friend to Catir, though he is sort of being her's by threats and force. Secretly loves Anora.

Yoqrer- Average Nidoking. They call him the 'Gentle Giant'. A caring nature. Boy-frien to Tref, and is rumored to propose.

Welua- An Espeon and Anora's co-worker.
(More will be added once we get farther into the series.)

(Be severely warned. As with most of these kind of shows, they sometimes deal with mature content *You know what I mean*. You have been warned, so do not blame me.)

The setting is a city whose inahbitants are Pokemon. No trainers in this world.


Anora sits silently at her desk as she watches an Espeon walk through the door, carry a small bundle of fur. This was the 'Yellowstone City Hospital,' and it was very busy today.

"The mother tells me he broke a leg," the Espeon says, motioning to the fur. It was a Pichu, around the age of five. Her way of words were calm. This wasn't one of the most dangerous cases.

"Well, I have to leave. Just patch it up with a cast," Anora states, rubbing her forehead. The Espeon nods and runs off.
. . .

"So Sugar..." Catir states, sitting on Hit'rir's lap and moving her pointer finger around his chest in a flitacious way, "Any plans tonight?"

The Nidoking rolls his eyes silently and mutters, "Going out for a bit..."

The white Nidoqueen sucks in the air sharply, "Oh really," she tries to act calm, "Well, pick me up some diamonds to go on my finger."

"Diamonds, that sounds nice..." murmurs Yoqrer. Tref was out at her job at the agency. She tries to find Pokemon to star in commercials.

They lived in a tall skyscraper, each room resembled a suite. Tref and Yoqrer shared a room, Catir and Hit'rir share a room, and Anora has her own room, same as Drava.

"Hey guys," Anora says wearily.

"Tough day at work, huh?" Hit'rir inquired. The pink Nidoqueen nods, her eyes drooping slightly.

"Three Egg deliveries, one operation, one poisoned by an Arbok, and broken bones." she sighs, "My day never ends."

"Oh, I pity you," Catir remarks sarcastically, too occupied with her thoughts about what she and her boy-friend would do tonight if he wasn't going out.

"Where's Dava?" Anora says, ignoring the remark.

"Out being the kind of party girl she is. Trying to get into a car with boys... Swinging on poles...Y'know..." Yoqrer begins to trail off, "I wouldn't be suprised if she ends up with an Egg..." he looks at Anora, "I can't believe you and Tref are still friends with her!"

"We've been buds since we were in Eggs," she manages a laugh.

"I wouldn't be suprised if she came home with an outlaw..."

Anora ignores this comment and stretches out on the couch. "So, what are you going to do for Tref for your 2 year anniversary?"

"Perhaps a dinner, of some sort..." he states.

((Pardon for the shortness, and an arubt ending, but my parents are urging me off and I can't save this. I will continue tommorrow perhaps(If I can get on) THIS EPISODE ISN'T OVER!

I'd like some input, some suggestions.

*And please note that the U button is going funky on me...*))

February 17th, 2005, 8:36 PM
Interesting...relating 'Friends' with Pokemon. Nice mix of originality. ^^

I don't think bluntly 'telling' the readers who the characters are was very effective. Usually you introduce characters when it's some kind of a script fic. You don't have to describe the characters- that's your story's job, just to put it in there somewhere. SO yeah, that part messed up my brain.
I couldn't tell who was the character half the time. x_x;
Past/present. I think you were trying to stick to present, but be wary of the past tense that somehow got in there. Also...some of your commas in the dialogues were misplaced. ^^;
Other than that- it's an original fic. You stay true to your character's personality, dislikes and likes.
Good job. =]

February 18th, 2005, 7:20 AM
((Thanks! I'll try to stick to present, and I'll be wary of the commas! *And I'll try to decribe my characters better...))