View Full Version : Life in the unknown

February 19th, 2005, 11:45 PM
My other fan-fic has been going quite well, so I've tried for a Pokemon fan-fic, although I'll have some troulbe posting more chapters due to personal reasons..-_-

Chapter one.

I started my day just normally, like I always would. I walk back home with my best friend Christie. "See you tomorrow!" I said as I saw Christie disappear into her apartment building. I continued walking home, but I tripped accidently, and fell down.

When I managed to get up again, I wasen't at my community anymore. People seemed normal, but there were also strange creatures. I didn't know what they were. I walked in a random building and randomly asked one of the guys. "Excuse me, I'm new here. Can you show me around this place?"

"Of course, I am the Pokemon Professor. Let me tell you about this. Pokemon are creatures that we have as our pets, that I'm sure you konw. They are stored in pokeballs and are summoned out when needed. If the forests, there are wild pokemon, and it is dangerous to go without one yourself. That's all I can tell you for now. Let me give you a pokemon. You will figure out the rest on your own." The man said as he pulled out his hand with a small balll. I grabbed it, said thank you, and headed for the forest.

Inside the forest, a cute guy my age just finished successfully catching a pokemon. "Hi, what was that you just did? It looks pretty cool. Sorry, I'm new to this world. I've never been taught about this really, and you tell me?"

He looked at me, and said, "Let me show you then, you have to get an empty pokeball. When you are fighting a pokemon at its weak stage, you can try to catch it, and make it one of your pokemon. I will be glad to help you find your way for the first time. My name is Warren by the way. Very glad to meet you.

For the rest of the day, Warren and I played around, and I slowly got used to these pokemon. At night, Warren invited me to stay at his house. "We can be siblings from now on." He said. "What is your name, I never got to know!"

"Oh, its Katherine." I said as I laid down on my new bed and closed my eyes. Fir a first-timer, I was doing great. There was one problem though, what will my parents think if I ever went back to the real world?

What could I say? I had a crush on warren, and I hated my parents. I like the way I am now, although there are still many things I do not know of, things that take time...

oni flygon
February 20th, 2005, 6:13 PM
Well, the story is awfully rushed. There doesn't seem to be any description flowing in the story... the fact that you would just fall down without explanation and just look up to see that you're (somewhere...) and just started asking out random people and meeting someone who becomes a "sibling" when they just met is a bit rushed plot... The sentences, (I'm sorry but I just got exposed to numerous literary pieces) seems jagged...and the diction is simple and all...

Overall, you have potential...just keep writing and keep practicing... (and hopefully Frostweaver spares you with his reviews...>.>)