View Full Version : The Type Chart

February 23rd, 2005, 12:12 PM

Deep in the shadows of a city, which shall not be named for the sake of protecting its privacy, was a tiny apartment.

This apartment was filled with dusty electronics, tangled wires, empty pizza boxes and smelly socks. At that particular moment, the apartments current resident was located on a disgusting, very dirty mattress on the floor.

The young man lying on it wasnt that pleasant either. His face was pale and stretched like the mattress might have been if two people had washed it and then for some reason started to pull the ends away from each other. It was evident that he had not shaved for quite a while; furthermore, it was also evident that he hadnt combed his dark hair for even longer than that.

All of a sudden, his eyes bolted open. He sat confusedly up and looked around. Sighing heavily, he let his gaze run over to his computer monitor on the other side of the room.

There he stopped to stare. It was pitch-black as if the screensaver was on, but slowly, letter by letter, words were starting to appear on the screen like a small child was attempting to type them with two fingers:


The man raised an eyebrow, but just shrugged before sluggishly standing up and dropping down into the computer chair. He petted the monitor affectionately before pressing Shift.

After nothing happened, he squinted at the writing for a bit. The cursor still flashed in the line below the brightly-colored text. He put his hand on his forehead and dragged it slowly over his eyes. After staring blankly at the text for a few seconds, assuring himself that it was still there, he started typing a message back.


In disbelief, the man watched more letters appear one by one.


He snorted slightly at that sentence and typed his reply:


The reply came slightly quicker than the previous ones:


He stared at the last two words with a puzzled expression for a few seconds; then the screen suddenly got filled with a huge table of colored squares before the computer suddenly shut off and the electrical humming that had filled the room before was put to an abrupt end.

February 25th, 2005, 8:25 AM
This is....original. Matrix. Awesome.

I like how you tied in humor- 'What is this, a matrix parody?' -lol. At least you made 'Neo' understand what Matrix is, unlike the real one where he hasn't got a clue. Description and details at the beginning were good. I got a tad bit confused thinking it was a one shot, but I was mistaken. I can't really say much...except that this was very original. ^_^

Matrix...Pokemon next? *random assumptions*

February 25th, 2005, 8:43 AM
Original is definitely the correct word ^^

Interesting... Your openings are generally great, the one for QftL was very good as well. Hn, I initially got the impression that he expected to b answered by the computer. Maybe not XD Reminds me a lot of Chobits for some reason... I could just picture our friend here as an older Hideki...

...Odd comparison, maybe... but quite good, overall.

April 29th, 2005, 4:47 PM
Chapter 1: Follow the Yellow Mouse

The man stared with a completely blank expression at the screen for a few seconds.


Thankfully, nobody was in the room to hear him and be annoyed at the fact that he screamed in all caps with unnecessary repetition of letters and too many exclamation marks. He did not realize this optimistic point, of course, and was much more concerned about the love of his life, which was now melting down on the desk. The computer seemed to turn on again for a second, a sentence flashing on the monitor for just long enough for him to read it:


Then the words melted away, the computer gave up for good, and its owner stared at the burnt heap on his desk.

Its all your fault! he screeched insanely, pointing a bony finger at the charred remains of the monitor. How dare some Matrix parody-maker destroy my computer!

said the evil Matrix parody-maker. Of course, this did not mean that he or she actually typed that, and even if he or she actually did, it did not appear on the monitor; however, this meant that the evil parody-maker was most probably sitting somewhere laughing a cruel laugh at the poor mans despair without actually having the guts to do it face-to-face. This only angered him even more.

Yes, have it your way! he snapped, but when he got no response, he all of a sudden broke down, rested his head on his desk and sobbed. Unfortunately, he didnt manage to make this dramatic moment last for very long, because he heard a knock on the door. He looked up and reluctantly answered the door.

Hey, Neo, his friend, Leo, greeted brightly as the door was opened. Being put by his best friends side only made the gloomy resident seem even more sadistic in comparison; Leo was slightly chubby, tanned, healthy and grinned cheerfully as he stood in the doorway. Additionally, he was married and had a small, timid boy half-hiding behind him, clutching what looked like a mini-laptop.

I thought I told you not to call me that in real life, said Neo emptily. If he had been reading his own story, it would most likely have offended him severely to discover that the storyteller used this name for him too, but he had not read many books in his life and did not intend to read many more.

Aw, come on, Leo teased. Youre a computer-freak in a tiny apartment who likes The Matrix and has a friend called Leo. What can I do except call you Neo?

Well Neo muttered, I dont really have the necessary elements of a computer-freak anymore.

He glanced over his shoulder; Leo took a peek at the burned-down remains of his computer and opened his mouth in surprise.

Ah, he said. Im sorry.

Neo ignored him and instead started looking at the boys mini-laptop thing.

Er you sound like you could use a little cheering up why dont you join us to this movie?

What is that? Neo asked the boy.

A Game Boy Advance SP, he replied shyly. Neo peered at the small screen and started as he discovered that it contained, among other things, a pixilated picture of a yellow, mouse-like creature with long, black-tipped ears.

Neo? asked Leo carefully. The man hesitated, staring at the yellow mouse in disbelief, but then answered, Im coming.


On the way to the movie theater, Neo was most likely starting to realize how idiotic it was to take somebodys dying words this seriously, especially if theyre a computer that has just been attacked by some kind of an evil Matrix parody-maker, since he was looking nervously around and falling behind slightly. Neo didnt even buy a ticket for the movie; when Leo offered to buy one for him, he shook his head absent-mindedly. Leo just sighed and bought the tickets for himself and his son, and then disappeared into the darkness.

It took a while for Neo to realize that he wasnt alone even after the lady in the ticket booth left for a cup of coffee. A dark-haired woman stood in the corner of the room with a paper-thin smile on her lips and pitch-black sunglasses covering her eyes.

Hello, Neo, she said softly.

He jumped, turning around and looking at her with a paranoid expression. How do you know about that name?

I know much more than you think, she said creepily, her thin smile widening. Neo, naturally, was severely freaked and instinctually stepped back, discovering to his horror that she followed.

Who are you? he breathed in a ridiculously squeaky, panicky voice.

My name, she said crazily, is Trinity.

Trinity? Thats your name? asked Neo blankly.

No, I was referring to the father, son and holy ghost, she said sarcastically. Amen.

Neo blinked. Please tell me this is one of those silly dreams you get when youve watched a movie too often.

Your whole life has been a dream, she said spookily. Neo leant up to the wall and pressed his palms to his closed eyes as if hoping that this mad woman would not be there anymore when he opened them again. Naturally, she did not disappear at all.

What do you want? he mumbled. Have you got hidden cameras in here somewhere? Have you picked me to replace Keanu Reeves?

No, she replied. The Matrix was written to make it harder for us to realize the truth: we are all prisoners of the Type Chart.

Neo looked blankly at her for a few seconds.

What the heck is the Type Chart? he asked. This is the second time Ive heard it mentioned today...

He stopped abruptly. Wait a minute, did you destroy my computer?

She nodded. Your computer, like everything else, was a part of the Type Chart.

YOU FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Neo screamed with way too many exclamation marks again. MURDERER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She ignored him and instead answered his previous question: No one can be told what the Type Chart is, Neo

Suddenly she grabbed his shoulders and held him still. Her gaze darted to the sides for a bit; then she narrowed her eyes and whispered: Theyre watching you.

And with that, she hurried out the door and disappeared. Neo looked confusedly around as if trying to find somebody who might be watching him; the ticket booth lady had just returned, but she was reading a newspaper and couldnt possibly have been looking at him. Or could she?

Neo hurried out the door and walked home to his apartment. When he came into the messy room, he lay straight down on the bed and stared blankly at the wall for a long while.

Then he finally stood up and rang for a pizza.

May 2nd, 2005, 8:19 AM
Excellent story Dragonfree, I can't wait to see the next chapter, it's way funny.

December 19th, 2005, 7:59 PM
Hm. I had almost forgotten I was posting this here.

Chapter 2: The 00bers

The shrill ringing of the phone caused Neo’s eyes to fly open. When the second ringing sounded, he fell out of his bed and got tangled in the wires on the floor. Screaming out an array of swear words, he reached up on his desk for his phone.


“They’re coming for you,” said a deep voice coming from the receiver.

Neo sat there stupidly for a second, but then started attempting to get himself loose from the wires again with a few more curses.

“Who? What?” he asked confusedly.

“Look down.”

Neo managed to get himself disentangled and glanced out of the window at the street far below. A group of suspicious-looking men with shades, dressed in black suits, entered the block of flats.

“Who are those people?” he asked in panic.

“They are 00bers… and they’re coming for you, Neo…”

“Wait,” Neo asked doubtfully, “you’re not that Trinity person, are you?”

The voice laughed. “No. I’m her friend Morpheus.”

Neo sank into his bed. “Please shoot me now.”

“Oh, the 00bers will, gladly,” Morpheus replied cheerfully.

There was silence for a second; then Neo sprang up, pressing his receiver against his ear. “What? They’re armed?”

“Yes. Now, Neo, go and jump out of the window.”

Neo opened the window, took a deep breath and leant forward before suddenly realizing what he was doing.

“What? I’m not going to commit suicide for you!” he shouted into the receiver.

“Just trust me,” Morpheus said calmly.

“I don’t have any proof that those guys are going to shoot me, but I do know that I won’t land alive if I jump out there,” Neo reasoned. This was most likely the smartest thing he had and would ever say in his life – ironically enough, it was also one of the most laughably wrong.

“Faith can move mountains, Neo… just trust me.”

“You’re crazy,” Neo just stated before hanging up. He looked around just in time to see the door just fall off the hinges after being wrapped in a purple glow for a second; four of those men entered.

“Ah, Mr. Scyther!” the frontmost one of them greeted with a creepy smile. “How have you been?”

“You must have the wrong person,” Neo said, rubbing his eyes; as far as he could recall, his last name had never been anything even remotely like ‘Scyther’. He looked with suspicion at the men’s pockets for any signs of firearms.

“Ah, but we have known you from birth, Mr. Scyther,” the suit-man-sunglasses-person replied, showing no signs of being about to tell Neo who this Mr. Scyther was at all. The creepy smile was still pasted on his face. “We know everything about you, your mom and the next-door neighbor.”

“What does she have to do with this?” Neo asked defensively. The shady-suit-person just grinned with a soft, still creepy laugh before abruptly changing his expression to an annoyed one. “That’s beside the point.”

“Who are you, anyway?” Neo asked after assuring himself that the men did not show any signs of possessing guns. “What do you want with me? What did I do?”

The creepy grin returned. “Oh, Mr. Scyther, you haven’t done anything. But we would like you to eat this berry.” He suddenly held forward a round yellow object about the size of a large orange. “As for me,” he continued as Neo doubtfully picked up the so-called berry and examined it, “my name is Mewtwo.”

“Oh.” Neo raised the berry to his mouth. “Well, at least it isn’t Smith,” he added to himself.

“Well, that’s my last name,” Mewtwo said as Neo took a bite. He immediately spat it out.

“Did you put acid in that thing or what?” he asked, spluttering.

“Hmm, that might be a good idea,” Mewtwo said thoughtfully, turning briefly to the others but then jerking his head back towards Neo. “Now, eat it,” he ordered, and stuffed the fruit into Neo’s mouth, forcing him to swallow it. Immediately as Neo caught his breath, the other 00bers brought a couple of other fruits and forced him to eat them too.

“Hey, these blue ones aren’t so bad,” Neo commented when he was finally able to speak. Mewtwo grinned.

“You think so? Really? Have more of them, by all means! Eat them for a snack!” He brought a paper bag out from his suit and handed it to Neo; he opened it and peeked inside to find that it was full of those berries.

“Now, that’s all. Thank you, and have a nice day.” The 00bers walked out of the room like they had never been there, leaving Neo standing stupidly with the paper bag. As he realized they weren’t about to return, Neo shrugged and plopped some of those berries into his mouth.

March 4th, 2006, 8:33 AM
Chapter 4: Welcome to the Pokémon World

Neo blinked. He was lying on some sort of bench. Suspicious-looking laboratory tools came in and out of focus. Everything was lit up by fluorescent lamps. The only thing in his experience he could relate to this situation was the last time he saw a dentist, maybe fifteen years ago.

After lying there and staring into the air for a little while as nothing happened whatsoever, Neo raised his left hand to check his watch. He screamed when a sharp blade came towards his face; as he stopped his arm dead in mid-air, the blade also came to a halt. He slowly lowered his arm to see the blade also withdrawn.

“Okay,” he muttered in a language he had never thought he knew, “I get it, you don’t want me to see what time it is.”

He lay completely still for a second before daring to turn his head to the left where the person with the blade had to stand, but saw nothing. Neo slowly made another attempt to raise his arm, and realized after some slight experimenting that the scythe followed the movements of his arm perfectly.

“Funny,” he mumbled. After a few seconds’ pause, Neo sat up. As it turned out, no further blades attempted to cut him in half when he did so, and thus he looked around the room. It seemed to be hexagonal and rather bluish.

He looked down to see if he could check his watch now, but was faced with the disturbing sight of his arms being somehow deformed into two white scythes with green ridges.

He moved them slowly and watched the scythes obey. He ran his eyes down his round, shiny shoulder of green armor, the short yellow arm, and then the scythe. Impossible. Just plain impossible. He shook his head, screwed his eyes shut and checked again to find everything the same.

He blinked in puzzlement.

“Oh, you’re awake!” came a cheerful voice, speaking the same kind of strange language that Neo had mysteriously gained full knowledge of, but still different somehow in a way that he could not grasp. He looked to the side to see a large, orange dragon with funny rounded horns and a wide smile on his face that showed a row of fangs.

Neo screamed.

“Relax, it’s me,” the dragon said, chuckling. “Morpheus.”

“M-Morpheus is human,” Neo stuttered, closing his eyes as if wishing this was a nightmare.

“No, I’m not,” the dragon further insisted. “And neither are you, Neo… We were all prisoners of the Type Chart, but now you are free.”

“If I’m not human,” Neo muttered, opening one of his eyes a little bit, “then what am I?”

“A Pokémon,” the dragon said happily.

“What. The. Hell.”

“You must’ve heard of Pokémon, right?” the supposed Morpheus inquired and sat down beside him, much to Neo’s discomfort.

“Isn’t that some kid fad from like 1998 or something?” Neo squeaked, both of his eyes shut tightly again.

Morpheus nodded mysteriously and said in a whisper: “They don’t want you to think it’s reality, so they made a game based on reality to make it look less real. Brilliant, isn’t it?”

Neo whimpered.

“They did that for The Matrix too,” the Morpheus-dragon added. “I think Trinity told you?”

“So you’re trying to tell me,” Neo muttered miserably, “that in real life we’re some Pokeman-thingies and somebody is using us as batteries while making us think we’re humans?”

“Precisely,” Morpheus replied in delight. “But it’s ‘Pokémon’. See, the story is that humans multiplied so much and released so much pollution into the air that the sun was blocked and they needed more energy, so they just thought, ‘Hey, we have Pokéballs, we can use Pokémon as sources of energy, and the Pokéballs already give them a sort of virtual reality, so we’ll just expand it a bit to keep them busy, and make them think they’re human just so they won’t realize they’re capable of breaking out of the balls.’ So then they…”

“You’re talking way too fast,” Neo interrupted, his voice still more high-pitched than usual.

“Ah, well, it doesn’t matter,” Morpheus said and grinned. “Because we have TMs.”

Neo raised an eyebrow as Morpheus ran to what looked like a shelf lined with CD cases on the wall, ran one of his claws over the titles and then chose one.

“Here,” he said, opening the case and taking the CD carefully out. “Let me put this on your head.”

“On… my… head?” Neo asked as he was rapidly being convinced that Morpheus was as mad as a March hare. The dragon ignored him and placed the CD on his head.

Neo felt astoundingly stupid for a few seconds, being reminded of that bunny in the picture with the pancake on its head, but then suddenly the CD simply vanished into thin air, and instead Neo felt a surge of knowledge to his brain. He blinked as he looked at Morpheus again, and suddenly realized that Morpheus was a Charizard, which meant he had 109 base Special Attack and 100 base Speed. He was not at all sure what that meant or how he knew it, but clearly he did.

“This is weird,” Neo mumbled, looking over all the equipment in the room and realizing he knew what each of them was called.

“Think about history now,” Morpheus suggested, and Neo did, feeling how suddenly everything that Morpheus had said earlier made sense. Then he looked at himself, and suddenly knew the reason Mewtwo had called him “Mr. Scyther”.

“Is Neo up yet?” asked a feminine voice from outside the room. A huge dark blue butterfly with silky while wings and large red compound eyes fluttered into the room. Eying Neo, she sat down – or stood; it was hard to tell since her legs were like two light blue flaps attached to the bottom of her body – and, responding to the blank look that Neo gave her, said: “It’s me, Trinity.”

“Oh,” Neo said and stared at her. “You’re a Butterfree?” he asked nervously.

“Yes,” Trinity replied.

“You’re in my breeding group…” Neo muttered, and was immediately struck by the pain of having been slapped very hard across the face. Trinity’s small, fanged mouth grinned nastily at him as a soft purple glow faded away from her body. Morpheus chuckled.

“We’ve actually got special Pokéballs for that kind of thing, just in case…” He was cut off by what was most likely another psychic slap while Neo almost managed to cut his own head off when attempting to rub his cheek before realizing it wouldn’t be a good idea with his arms in their current shape.

“How do I use those things anyway?” he said, looking uselessly at his bladed arms.

“We must train you to use them,” Morpheus explained. “We will spend as long as we need training you fully. But first you must learn about the 00bers. I don’t believe that was included in the TM, was it?”

Neo shook his head.

“Well, you know that the humans used Dark Balls to catch the strongest Pokémon in the world and turn them evil, right, so they could get all the other Pokémon more easily? Basically, those strongest Pokémon are still going strong. They’re guards, and will do anything in their power to prevent us from successfully breaking the system and freeing all the Pokémon of the world. We call them 00bers because of their power. I trust you’ve already met Mewtwo and a few others?”

“Yes,” Neo said unsurely.

“Great,” said Morpheus and smiled. “Now… it is time for the Ritual of the Shades.”