View Full Version : My Poems

March 2nd, 2005, 11:51 AM
The Wind

Slowly, Gently
Through your hair
Gently sweeping in the air
Gently playing with your hair
Gently breaking down the trees
Gently resting in you knees
Slowly flying through the world
Slowly lifting up the bird
Slowly blowing
Slowly dying
Slowly coming back again

More to come

March 2nd, 2005, 1:02 PM
Hmm... I guess this describes the wind right? ^_^ It's written in a unique form... Although I don't know what it's called xD;;

There was one mistake I spotted, but it can be easily fixed. In the second to last line, you have "dieing", which should be dying . That's just a little pointer, but it's okay. We all have typos and spelling mistakes!

Other then that, good job! xD;; ~origin

March 2nd, 2005, 5:09 PM
I wish I was the wind...
Wonderful. It's so romantic..I dunno. Maybe since I'm feeling depressed right now but meh..
Can you make it longer?
And..I'm waiting for more!

March 3rd, 2005, 7:01 AM
I edited the mistake in "dying" and here is one more, not so good as the first one, but it's good!

The Beach

Like fire burning your skin
You walk on the hot sand
With water in sight and sand on the beach
With small children playing with balls and with stones
With grownups swimming in the horizon of sea
With grandmas and grandpas lying on the beach
And you just stand there with nothing to do

More to come

March 3rd, 2005, 10:52 AM
Wow, nice poems, I like the first one. ^_^

March 3rd, 2005, 10:59 AM
How about the second one? Do you like that one to? XP

March 3rd, 2005, 11:00 AM
Hmm.. Yes, I like that one as well. Basically, I like the first one. ^_^

March 3rd, 2005, 11:53 AM
It's my best ever ^^ so it has to be good!

March 3rd, 2005, 1:25 PM
Your poetry is very good ^^, I really enjoyed both of what you posted. I admire your writing style with these, it really seems to go "all out" and you really put things such as the wind and beaches into reality of what it really feels like.

March 3rd, 2005, 1:33 PM
This poem is great! I liked the part about the wind! *cracks a smile* I give it a 10 out of 10!

March 4th, 2005, 7:06 AM
Thanx Liquid Thunder and imgonnakillexie, I write the poems from my point of view, like I'm on the beach standing there, and that turns out to be good ^^