View Full Version : Pokemon: Johto Champion!

May 2nd, 2005, 6:51 AM
This is a twist that mostly revolves around Gold/Silver after Yoshi the G/S trainer won the league. Lots of things happened one including Devon Co. buying the Radio Tower.
Well comments and critizizems(ap?) appreciated!

It was as sunny morning in New Bark Town. The morning Dodrio called out into the sky at eight O Clock. Professor Elm the Pokemon Enthusiast of the Johto Region woke up, walked outside looked into his Mailbox. After reading the letter with a lot of concentration he opened the Parcel that came with it. It was a silver Pokeball that glinted at the early suns rays. Professor Elm walked inside holding it securely.

Jon wake up honey! Prof. Elm needs you to go around to his lab! Yelled Jons mother who was in the kitchen.
Jon was an 11 year old boy who never got a Pokemon on his 10th Birthday. His brother, Yoshi was on his journey to get all the badges, but by now he entered the Pokemon League and came 6th place. Jon could go on his journey now!

Jon shuffled out of his bed and took out his clothes. They included a blue jacket and jeans, 2 white trainers and a green cap. After he got changed he ran down stairs to eat his breakfast.
Did you hear me Jon? There is no time for Breakfast! Said Jons mother dragging the box of cereal away from him.
Jons mum is very normal and caring. She wares her apron most of the time with her pink, long dress. She has brown fair hair and a golden necklace around her neck.
Wha? Asked Jon slightly dazed from his deep sleep.
Tsk Dear you need to pay more attention to your mother! Anyway Professor Elm wants you over to his lab. Maybe it is the first pokemon you wanted! Smiled Jons mother.
Yes! Finally! My Pokemon Journey is about to begin!!! Laughed Jon as he hugged his mother and ran outside into New Bark Town.

Jon opened the labs door. Elm and his assistant were next to a machine.
Hello? Professor Elm? Asked Jon peeping around at the machine wondering what it was for.
Prof Elm turned back and saw Jon.
Ah! Jon! I was wondering were you were. The reason you are here is that you have to deliver this Silver Ball to Goldenrods Devon Co. they will look into it. Explained Prof Elm as handing the S Ball to Jon.
Cool. Grinned Jon, But how am I to deliver it to Goldenrod with all those trainers about?
I thought about that. Since the Trainers last year took 2 off my Pokemon I will give you the one that was left. Presenting Totodile. Explained the Professor as he released the blue crocodile Pokemon from the Pokeball.
Jon nodded and took the Pokeball after returning the Totodile with him.
It is time I become the Champ. Smiled Jon with a glint in his eye.

Phoenix Riley
May 2nd, 2005, 7:11 AM
Its alittle short but its just a prologe so i dont think thats counted as a chapter anyway i like it but you miss out like:

Professor Elm the Pokemon Enthusiast of the Johto Region woke up and looked into his Mailbox.

Too me that sounds like he sleeps next to his mailbox and you didnt describe jon's mum

Try and improve on those aspects and you should have a great fan fac

May 2nd, 2005, 7:17 AM
Edited them. Thanks for pointing them out :D

Phoenix Riley
May 2nd, 2005, 7:21 AM
How did he get to the door? (XD sorry im such a pre mod sometimes XD)

Whens the first chapter coming to our viewing pleasure?

May 2nd, 2005, 7:33 AM
In my spare time. What is the avarage for a lenghthy Chapter? It is my first fan fic here.

Phoenix Riley
May 3rd, 2005, 9:39 AM
A Normal Fic is usually 5 Pages in Microsoft Word as a minimum

Before asking me other stuff read the rules you can get some tips

Located Here: http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?t=16733

United squirtle
May 7th, 2005, 5:35 AM
I'v herd better stories.(to short)