View Full Version : A New Region...A New Adventure

Cybex Mewtwo
June 13th, 2005, 5:13 AM
Let's give this a go...shall we? This would be my first fanfic that I have ever posted. Let's see the results and views for the first chapter...and a future apology for the way it looks. Guess that's how it'll post unless I go deep and fix it to look like an actual story...unless you don't care. Then it works for me! :classic:

A New Region...A New Adventure
(warning: Pokemon, as well as humans, know things you wouldn't expect...)

Chapter 1-Newbie in the city
Kenny was new to the area. He had moved from the Kanto region, leaving behind all his friends, to move here. He was in uncharted territory. He had no idea where he was. All he knew was that this region was called the Zantan Region. No one really knew much of this place until several centuries ago. One of Professor Oaks' decendants had discovered this land on a trip, and told people of it. Soon, this place was inhabitated with people from all over. Now, he was one of them. They had moved to Steel Factory; a large corporate city gleeming with fun seekers and fun lovers...and the shady types as well. It was believed that this place was the most crime ridden place ever. But local police efforts kept it from escalating out of control. That was good. Hopefully the west side (where he lived) wasn't all bad compared to the metalic wasteland of the rest of the city. The west side belonged to the type of folk you'd meet in a small town. They have no real worries and love everyone new. So here I am about to be smothered in "Oh! A new neighbor!" and "Wow! Someone moved in!" However, the city remained surprisingly quiet. No one was around. Not a single soul. "Hmm..." Kenny thought aloud, "Wonder where everyone is?"
He wandered about looking for anyone (as well as getting used to the local area). He kept shouting for anyone to respond, but no one would reply. Finnaly, he walked into a store, and saw the owner. "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me why everything is so quiet around here?"
"Well, someone went missing a little while ago, and they're all searching for him in the woods."
"Who's lost?"
"His name is Proffesor Redwood. He's a local legend around here as being the most intellegent force under the scientific world."
"Yeah...but he disappeared today while feeding his Gloom over in his house."
"I should go help!"
"Are you sure you should? You're new here, right?"
"Well, you don't know the area well. You could end up like him."
"I honestly don't care."
Kenny ran from the store and headed for the woods; not knowing the dangers that would happen. He ran beyond the trees, and vanished into the foliage. The storeowner looked out. "Well, I don't like it, but good luck to ya lad..."
He ran through the trees and shrubs; not knowing where to possibly look first. He figured he'd just look aimlessly and hoped he'd get lucky. He figured this because he never had a good sense of direction. But he had incredible luck. Today was no different. He was running in between some trees when he bumped into Proffesor Redwood. "What the?! Who are you?!"
"My name is Kenny and I decided to help you...although now I could use some help myself..."
"Well, now isn't the time! There's a pokemon chasing me! I need to lose it!"
Kenny decided not to stick around, so he ran with the professor. As they ran, they could hear the grunts of some pokemon close behind them. They ran forward; faster and faster. Somehow, the pokemon was able to keep up. They emerged into a field amongst the trees, and the culprit for the chase revealed itself. It was a Poochyena. They were being chased by a midgit. "That's the pokemon that's chasing you?"
"Yeah! Don't let the size fool you!"
The Poochyena barked over and over, and a few more came from the trees. Now there were five Poochyena, and only two of them. The proffesor reached into his pocket. "I was hoping not having to use these...but..."
He pulled out five pokballs. He threw them, and in a blinding flash of light, five pokemon stood. There was a Duskull, a Pidgey, a Zubat, a Clefairy and an Oddish. "All right you five! Help defeat these Poochyena!"
The five pokemon rushed at the enemies, and a huge battle followed. Soon, the five Poochyena ran scared and vanished among the bushes. "Return. All of you."
They all returned to their pokballs. "Now...how are we going to escape this forest?"
Kenny looked up into the sky hoping for a clue. It came in the form of smoke coming from the chiminy from the store. "This way Redwood! I know a way out!"
"Fine. Lead the way."
The professor followed Kenny, and soon, they were right back where Kenny started. "Ah! We're on Main Street now. My lab is over there."
Kenny looked to where he pointed, and a large facility sat on the top of a hill. "Wow! Cool!"
"Yeah...now come on. I'll reward you with something for helping me."
Kenny followed Proffesor Redwood back to his lab, and on the way, people were cheering for the return of the lost proffesor. They also cheered for Kenny, because he found him. He felt like a celebrity. "Thank you all!"
"Go Kenny!" someone shouted.
Kenny waved at everyone as they celebrated him. When he closed the front doors, he realized that everyone knew who he was, yet he moved here not even an hour ago. "I bet you're wondering why people knew your name. Right?"
"Yeah! How'd you figure this?"
"Well, I know a lot of things...and I wasn't lost. This was a contest to see who was worthy of becoming Steel Factorys' first pokemon trainer. And you happened to be the first person to find me. I had a T.V camera in my lab coat, and broadcasted this whole thing on the television. They saw you find me, and you helped get me back here. Great work."
"So...all this was some sort of test?"
"Yep. Just a test."
become a city hero in only one or so hours...wow..."
"Yeah. And the prize is one of the five pokemon you saw me battle with earlier."
"Really?! I've never had a pokemon before!"
"Well, here you go! Choose which one you want!"
Proffesor Redwood let out the five pokemon. Here came the tough choice. Which one should he take? He could take Duskull, but then again Clefairy was a rare one. Zubat was everywhere, but the other two pokemon were fun loving and such. "Um.......I'll choose Duskull."
"Excellent choice!"
Duskull floated over and plopped onto his sholder. "Now, do you want to give your Duskull a nickname?"
Kenny thought long and hard to come up with a good one. After some thinking, he looked up to Duskull. "How about 'Spirit'?"
Duskull flittered happily in agreement. "Very good," Redwood said, "Now you need a pokedex and some pokballs."
"Already?! I've just got a pokemon and now I need to leave?!"
"Oh heavens no! After a few weeks, you'll leave. Right now, you need to get used to the town. Today is the fifth. See me on the thirty-first. Sound like a plan?"
"Sure. I just need to explain to my mom about this."
Kenny went home, with Spirit in tow, and walked in. "Mom! I'm home now."
She walked up to him to give a hug, but saw the Duskull. "AHHHH!!! WHAT'S THAT?!"
She ran to the coner of the room and grabbed a broom, but Kenny stopped her. "Mom. Calm down. This is the pokemon Duskull. He's mine now. Professor Redwood gave it to me as a gift for finding him."
"OH! So he really WAS lost...I heard from someone a little earlier that this man went missing...Redwood he said...I didn't believe it, but you know me. I can be a little hardheaded sometimes..."
"Yeah, but what really matters is that I'm gonna travel around and become a pokemon master. I've got some time to ready myself before the trip. I've got until the end of the month."
"What? Already? We just moved here."
"I know. That's why I've got until the end of the month. He wants me to get used to the town. So, I'll be around here for a bit."
"Alright. Well, my little pokemon trainer, you should get some sleep. It may look light out, but it's nine o' clock"
"Yeah...I do feel kinda sleepy..."
Kenny went to bed. Spirit sat on a chair in his room, and they both drifted into a light sleep. They must have completely passed out, because morning crept in through his window. He sat up and yawned. Spirit fluttered and landed on his messed up hair. It must have been happy to see him. "Morning Spirit...Can't believe it's morning...only felt like an hour..."
"Sweety!" his mother called from downstairs, "There's a young woman here to see you!"
He walked downstairs in his t-shirt and shorts, and a pink haired girl wearing a white shirt and shorts was standing in the kitchen. "Hey! I'm Whitney!"
"Wait...aren't you that Johto trainer..."
"Yeah! I was the gym leader in Goldenrod, but I REALLY needed a vacation. So I appointed a replacement and here I am in Steel Factory!"
"Where's your Miltank..."
"Miltank? She's over there!"
Miltank was lazing on the floor by the living room staring at the ceiling fan. "She's been a litle lazy lately...don't know why?"
"That's wonderful...by the way. Why are you here?"
"I'm friends with Proffesor Redwood. He invited me to accompany you when I felt like it...which is now! You've got a roomy!"
"Yes sweety," his mother chimed in as she finished making pancakes, "I'm letting her stay in the guest room across from your room. Hope you don't mind!"
"Naw...not really...but you're too energetic for me...take it down a notch..."
"Can't. It's like telling my Miltank not to produce milk. It cannot be helped. Besides, I love being like this! It's fun!"
"Yeah...whatever...now I really need to take a shower..."
Kenny went upstairs and took his shower. When he got out, Spirit was there to greet him. "Hey buddy. How you doing?"
He let out a ghostly whisper. "I hope that's a good thing."
He went back downstairs, and Whitney was sifting trough some old photo albums. "Aww...you looked SO cute when you were a child!"
She pulled out that one embarrassing photo of when you'd be a child sitting in a tub...in your birthday suit...paying no real attention to the fact that later on this would show up later to haunt you. "Wow! You look SUPER cute in this picture!"
"MOM!!!" Kenny yelled in embarassment, "Why'd you bring out the photo albums!!?"
"Well sweety, she wanted something to do, and we haven't shown a lot of people our photos."
"Well NOW isn't a time!!!"
"Well...sorry, but why should you get all flustered over something as trivial as this?"
"For one thing, it's ME IN A BATHTUB!!!"
"Fine fine...Whiteny. Can you please put them away so my grumpy guss can calm down?"
"Sure thing Mrs. S!" she said in her bubbly voice.
"There. Do you feel better now?"
"Yeah..." Kenny said to his mother.
Spirit was confused as to why he was so flustered. It fluttered down to eye level. It let out a whisper. "Oh...you're wondering why I flipped back there. This was quite embarassing for me, and I wanted to make it stop."
Spirit simply plopped back on his sholder, and they went outside. As they left the house, Kenny tripped over Miltank; who was sleeping in the middle of the driveway. He managed to regain some balance, but ran head first into a tree. Spirit tried to see if he was alright. "Don't worry Spirit...I'll be fine..."
Spirit became angry with what happened and tried to do Astonish on Miltank, but it never knew that Ghost-type attacks had no real effect on Normal-types. The attack simply glided over Miltank; doing no real harm to her. Spirit kept firing his Astonish, but nothing was going to happen. He grew frustrated and chose to help his trainer insted. It tried to lift Kenny, but he was too heavy. "Thanks anyway...but you can't do it yet. You're not too strong yet..."
Kenny got up, and went to Miltank. She lifted her head and mooed in apology. "I hope that was an apology."
"It is. She was sorry for tripping you," Whiteny said as she followed Kenny.
"What do you want?"
"Well, I'm new here just like you. So I figured that we could walk around town together."
"Eh...sure. Why not?"
"Alright. Come Miltank!"
Whiteny put her into her pokball. "Well, aren't you going to put your pokemon into its' pokball?"
"Well...I don't feel like it. He...or she...IT is fine. Right Spirit?"
Spirit nodded in response. "Good. Let's get going shall we?"
They started to walk down Kennys' home street; Articuno Avenue. It was obviously named after the bird of ice. It also has another significant meaning with the local legend. Legend says that 'a chosen one will call for the winters' tears to freeze the suns hateful rays'. No one knew what it ment, and Kenny just learned of this while he was on the road. He thought it was nothing but a silly legend. He remembered this because as they walked, he happened to look up when Articuno vanished in a gust of ice. "Did you see that?"
"See waht?"
"Up there. I saw Articuno!"
"You must be joking. No one but that Ash kid has seen Articuno in ages. Besides, what makes you think you 'actually' saw it?"
"It just...VANISHED into thin air!"
"Sure, and Miltanks' a boy. Never going to happen."
Kenny stood there dumbfounded as Whiteny moved forward. "I KNOW I just saw Articuno..." he whispered to himself.
They reached the end of the street, and trouble showed up. It was Jesse and James. They were talking to thier boss Giovanni. "Listen you fools! I need you two to establish a new headquarters there like you tried to do in Hoenn. However, THIS time don't fail me!!!"
He hung up abruptly as Meowth opened his yap. "Listen youse guys. We really need not screw up on this here mission. We are on thin ice wit' him already."
"Yeah...and he hasn't paid us since we left the Hoenn region..." James said in sadness as he held his grumbling stomach.
"You two need to shut up!" Jesse said, "We need to come up with some sort of plan if we want to pull this off. Like where to begin looking for a suitable sight."
"Right," James said; talking through the hunger.
"Yeah! We needs to be going to finds us a spot to use!" Meowth said.
Jesse, James and Meowth turned to leave, but bumped into Whiteny and Kenny. "You two! I remember you two!" Whitney said as she pointed a finger at Jesse.
"Great! You're that gym leader that was battleing with the twerp!"
"Yeah! Luckily he beat you good all those times!"
"What do you mean?"
"All those battles Ash had with you spread like wildfire ever since he left for Hoenn!"
"Really?" Kenny asked as he stepped forward, "You battled THE Ash?"
"Yep. He earned his badge and was on his merry way with those two people."
"Enough of this!" Meowth piped in, "We needs to stop des guys before they say anything!"
"Oh...right," James said as he pulled out a pokeball.
"Kenny! Time for your first battle! You ready?"
"Yeah...guess so."
James threw his pokeball, and Weezing popped out. He spewed nasty smoke clouds and such as he hovered next to James. Jesse brought out her Dustox. It landed on her sholder. Whitney brought out her Miltank; who was geared up and ready for battle. She turned to Kenny. "Send out Spirit!"
"Oh! Right!"
He threw his pokeball, and Spirit fluttered about. "Ready to battle Spirit?"
Spirit whispered in anticipation. "Right! Let's battle!"
James would face Kenny in his first pokemon battle. "Weezing!" James commanded, "Use Tackle!"
Weezing rushed forward, but Spirit was a quick little bugger and doged the attack with relative ease. "Spirit! Use Astonish!"
Spirit focused and released some sort of essence. When it touched Weezing, he froze completely still for a quick few seconds. "He flinched! Do Astonish again!"
Spirit followed command and did it again. He kept up this small assult to keep Weezing from attacking, but he eventually managed to not flinch from one of the moves. He hovered up and sprayed a noxious gas that made Spirit grow disoriented and confused. He spun around and around not knowing where he was going. "Spirit! Snap out of it!"
"Nice try, but my Weezing made your little powderpuff dizzy! Weezing! Follow up with Sludge Bomb!"
Weezing shot a large ball of crude sludge from his mouth, and Spirit took a direct attack. He flew backwards and smacked into a tree and fell to the ground covered in the disgusting slop. Kenny was shocked by the devistation of that attack to his pokemon. "Spirit! No!"
Kenny ran to Spirits' side, and cradled it in his hands. Spirit was covered in thick slime and gunk, but Kenny scraped it off. James was laughing behind him. "Your pokemon is PATHETIC! Hahahaha!!!"
Kenny turned his head and looked at James. "Stop...laughing...at...my pokemon..."
Kenny stood up, and turned to James. As he did, Spirit did the same exact thing. Then Spirit fired a Shadow Ball. James was surprised to see such a weak pokemon do such a strong move. He was no pokemon expert, but it wasn't supposed to learn that move now; if not at all. But it fired one anyways, and Weezing couldn't handle the magnetude of the attack. He self-destructed and flung them, James and Weezing, up into the sky along with Meowth, Jesse and Dustox (Whitney was done battleing Jesse with relative ease). "Look's like Team Rocket is blasting off again...."
"That line is SO old..." Whitney said as she called Miltank back to the pokeball.
Kenny was too preoccupied with Spirit. "What's up?" Whitney asked as she stepped next to Kenny.
"Spirit just did Shadow Ball..."
"Really? If I remember correctly...I read in a Magazine that they don't learn that move until much later..."
"We should see Redwood."
They went back to Redwoods' lab, and inquired about what happened. "So, proffesor, what level was Spirit at when you got him?"
"Well..." he said, "I got him at only level 3, and that was the same day I met you. Why?"
"Can he learn Shadow Ball at an early stage?"
"No. That's impossible..."
"'Cause he used it in my first battle."
"Strange....well, let's have a look at something..."
Redwood pulled out a notebook from a manilla envelope. got this in the mail from someone in a different region. He said he discovered something several weeks ago and wanted me to take a look. Maybe your case is presented here..."
Redwood opened the note book and scanned the contents. He paused when something caught his eye. "This is it! Come look!"
Kenny and Whitney ran over and looked at the page he had open. This is what it said:
Today is Monday the third...and today showed an amazing discovery on the part of my son. He has a tiny Pikachu. It, based on levels, was a mere 4. However, when he was battleing a Caterpie yesterday, he became very stressed out when he was losing, and Pikachu fired a Thunder attack at it. Now, unless you used a TM to teach it Thunder, it can't learn the move this early and this quickly. I need to further look into this...
(Several pages were torn out due to delivery, but it picks up a week later) Today is the tenth, and I believe I have a general idea to this recent phenomenon. It would seem that, under extremes, the pokemon feeds off of the trainers' stresses and unlocks temporary strengths deep in their soul. It's like a protective response a mother would have to protect her children. She'd do almost anything, even things she normally wouldn't do, to protect them. I shall dub this 'Parental Instincts' for the time being. I must report my current findings to my partners in the Zantan, Hoenn, Kanto and Johto areas, and see if they can come up with other things about this abnormallity. I should also note that, even though this is powerful, on;y certain trainers can exert this kind of thing. I hope to discover others with this complex case.
"So...you pulled off the 'Parental Insinct'..."
"But how? I wasn't in any real danger or anything...and Spirit was..."
"Slightly injured. You were new to the battleing thing and you had no idea what to do. Emotional stress..."
It started to make some sense. Kenny decided to go home and figure this out for himself, while Redwood did his own research. Hopefully, the next few weeks before Hhis adventure would show some answers to this strange event.

June 13th, 2005, 9:22 AM
Do space this out. It makes it endlessly easier on the reader.

The first paragraph is very choppy. All of the sentences are simple. It can get annoying. Do you see? Like this. But for a long time.

Also, don't use semicolons if you don't know how to. Semicolons connect two independant clauses. If you don't know what that means, just write without them.

If you're 18 and English is your first language, I want to track down your composition teachers. This is written like a 7-year-old. All of the sentences are so juvenile. It's annoying to read a serious fic written like this.

So here I am about to be smothered in

Oh, so it's a self-insert. Joy.

Please, stop with the semicolon abuse ;.;

This is original. ><

We don't get to know what happened in the battle?

Now it's just idiotic. He moves there so they 'test' him and give him a pokemon? What?

Was he really lost or not?

He moves there and randomly decides to be a 'pokemon master?'

The pointlessness. It burns.

This is one of the most cliched things I've bothered to read in a while. Please, read all of the stickies on this forum and redo this. It seems liek you put zero effort into it, and when you write like that it shows. A fic that's all dialogue-- it's like speeding by in a car, and not really seeing things as you look out the window. I rather take a stroll and obsevre if you know what I mean.

All in all... reconsider.

Cybex Mewtwo
June 13th, 2005, 9:50 AM
A little harsh...but makes sense because I was good at coming up with ideas, but then again getting them down on paper was a pain.....I'll just stick to drawing and responding...man,,,everytime I see this it feels like a bad dream...i shutter at this...

June 14th, 2005, 7:22 AM
It's shudder. I have not read the fic just to make it clear, but I already have some suggestions:

1)You included dialogue! And more dialogue! More dialoge... dialogue... This is just daunting to read! Is there any descriptions or ANYTHING?! I wrote a script and even though it was heavily based on dialogue, there was still a lot of non-dialogue setting overview stuff too.

2)Umm...hit the return key TWICE before starting a new paragraph! It's hurting my eyes to try and focus on little dialogue with no spaces imbetween. Or maybe it's the two hours of sleep I got...dunno...

3)Try writing more ^-^ Practice makes perfect, so don't give up ^_~

oni flygon
June 14th, 2005, 8:44 AM
The moment you talked about the professor being chased by Pokemon, I stopped reading. Why? It's just so stereotyped and it's a carbon copy of the stupid anime. Why can't you people think up of something original at least. Please. Just to get me all excited and hyped up. But no. You people have to write stories that are so similar to the anime and with such cliched titles, it makes me sick.