View Full Version : Naruto: the revolution(pg-13+ killing, blood shed,some minor nudity)

January 6th, 2006, 8:31 PM
Main Character:

Name: Jeremy and sometimes Jeremiah
Age: chapters 1 and 2 : 15, chapters 3 and up : 18
Love status: In love with sakura in chapter 1 and 2, married to sakura in chapter 3
Parent status: Expecting father Chapter 3 through 5

name: Sakura
Age:same as Jermiah
love status: same girlfriend to Jeremy through chapters 1 to 3, and married chapters 3 and up.
Parent status: Pregnant chapters 3 to 5

WARNING: there will be partial nudity in this story, but it isnt really serious but if you are below the age of 13 and you dont understand how a baby naturally feeds, then you shouldnt read or maybe you should maybe you will learn something...WARNING

Naruto: The revolution

"when the owner of the cross dies, a tear from him or her and a tear from his love can save him or her's life"

Chapter 1: Sakura's New Love

Naruto,Kakashi,Sasuke, and sakura were walking along a dirt road. when they saw a boy, a teenage boy, they kept walking until they reached him. "Hi who are you?" Sakura said to the blonde haired Teen. "Jeremy, but my parents call me Jeremiah. so I guess Jeremiah" I said, Sakura looked at me, for a bit. Sakura had a bit of crush on me, but not as much as sasuke's but by the looks of it, she wasnt going to score him. They were ninjas like me, and they look pretty skilled, but Sasuke, sasuke looked dark, and mysterious. Naruto looked like a class clown, but he still looked skilled, but he also looked annoyed by my presence, and he looked like he had a crush on sakura.

Kakashi, now he is a different story, he look dull , but powerfull, of course part of his face was covered so you could only see one eye. Sakura, looked Beautiful, she looked smart, and full of courage, full of love, but only one she wants to share it with or maybe two?, she looked like very protective, and full of wisdom. I smiled at sakura, "can I come along?" I asked, expecting for someone to say yes. "of course" Sakura said smiling. I walked along side them Staring at sakura, I smiled, and we continued walking. Sakura looked confused, but she looked like she had a huge crush on both me and sasuke. Sasuke looked like he didnt mind, besides he didnt look like he liked sakura.

I walked closer to sakura, and Naruto started to get mad. I smiled at her, and she smiled back, Sasuke didnt mind at all. "so Sakura got a boyfriend?" I asked, "no" she replied. I already started to develope a crush on her, Her pink hair swayed in the wind, and my blonde hair swayed in the wind, we walked together. My hand barely touched hers, and we looked at each other and smiled but we were about to reach our destination, Hidden Leaf Village, I heard the stories, That Kyubi, the evil nine tailed fox attacked there. "will you be my...." I asked, but it didnt all come out, Sakura looked at me and blushed. "sure I'll be your girlfriend" she said. Naruto was angry, Very Angry, because Sakura loved another man, Kakashi looked a bit happy for us but he didnt show too much. We didnt know each other for too long but we knew each other's hearts.we walked into leaf village, and Naruto just walked to where he stayed,so did sasuke, and then Kakashi, but Sakura took me to her place.

When we got inside I kissed her, But by suprise she kissed me back. "finally away from the group, we finally have some alone time" I said to sakura. "I only have one bed, so I guess you going to sleep with me tonight." sakura said. "cool" I said. I grabbed some ramen out of the fridge and walked out into the main room. I sat beside Sakura, who was also eating, I grabbed the controller, and turned on the tv. But sakura turned it off, "I need some peace" she said. "okay" I replied. I through away the empty ramen cups when I was finished, and sat back down with Sakura.

I started to kiss her again, but Naruto walked in. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?!!!?!" Yelled Naruto who was furious because we were kissing. Naruto punched me in the face, giving me a bloody nose, "stop Naruto!" Yelled out Sakura, Sasuke walked in behind Naruto and grabbed him by the shirt. "stop Naruto leave these two alone" Sasuke said with a high voice. "why are you acting this way Naruto?" Sakura said, helping me to my feet. "because you ----" before Naruto could say anything more, Kakashi walked in, And Naruto turned his back on me. "we got an assignment" Kakashi said.

Chapter 2: The near death assignment

Our assignment was to track down a ninja assasin, and kill him, he was dangerous and lethal, some say he was so quick he could kill three ninjas without them knowing he was there. We hopped tree to tree, searching for him, using our stealth to avoid being seen. "there he is" I slightly whispered. I saw the assasin walking along a path, I swiftly attacked him knocking off his feet, but that was the only problem, He quickly attacked me, But before he could kill me I hit him in the stomach really hard and threw him to the ground.

The ninja disapeared, and re-apeared, stabbing me with a dagger, I pulled the dagger out of my arm and followed his swift movements. I kicked him as he came in for another attack, Sakura and the rest of the group let me and the ninja settle things.
He swiftly kicked me sending me back two feet. I got to my feet, but he attacked me with a dagger, but I stopped him from stabbing me, and the battle came to a stand still. He pushed the dagger with all of his strength but I forced it back, stabbing him in the chest.

Sakura leaped down, and started kissing me but the ninja got up and stabbed me in the back so hard it came out the other side, the dagger's tip showed just a little bit. the dagger had went through my lower back and came out of my stomach. I stopped kissing sakura, as blood dripped from my mouth, I put my hand on my stomach, and the ninja pulled the dagger out of me, a tear dropped from my face and onto my cross, as I fell down to the ground. I was dead. Kakashi attacked the ninja, and killed him with his dagger, "I should have helped you Jeremy" Kakashi said. He closed my eyes by running his hand over them slowly.

Sakura crawled on top of me and started to cry, She kissed me, as a tear dripped, from her face and down to my cross.the cross started glowing, but she didnt notice, she just kissed me, for what she thought was the last time. she walked away crying but it wasnt the last time, I opened my eyes, and let out a breath, Sakura heard, but that it was the wind, she continued to cry, but I hugged her from behind. "I'm back" I said, as she turned." Jeremy!" she yelled and started to kiss me. "I missed you too," I said to sakura.

Chapter 3: the wedding

5 years have passed, since I died, and came back to life, me and Sakura havent changed a bit, but Naruto has, hestill has a crush on Sakura, and he gets mad every time we kiss. Sasuke, hasnt changed any, neither has Kakashi, but me and Sakura's love has improved. After our assignment, were we had to take down a ninja who was out for world domination,we stayed at a lovely hotel outside leaf village. Me and sakura got seperate rooms, and so did Naruto, Kakashi, and Sasuke, but Sakura snuck into my room one night, and we made out.

Naruto saw Sakura walking out with a towel wrapped around her,in the morning. she walked into her room, and put on some clothes, but she acted weird for the rest of the day, I found out she snuck out and bought a pregnancy test but I thought it was Naruto just trying to scare me. Later that day, Naruto found the test in the garbage by her door, it said "pregnant" he freaked out and ran into Sakura, who saw him peeking into her room. But I also did some sneeking, I had bought a beautiful wedding ring because I was going to propose to her tonight.

Later that night I sat on my bed, and Sakura walked in. "I have something to tell you" she said. "I have something to ask you first" I replied, and got on one knee. "Sakura, will you marry me?" I asked, looking worried. "yes, now I have something to tell you" she said sitting me on the bed. "I'm pregnant" she said. I freaked out. "but how I mean I didnt do anything how? I mean when how long?" I said freaking out. "I wanted to live an absinence life style I mean with you of course, I mean how could this have happened?" I asked looking scared. " we didnt have you know.... sex How could this have happened, I mean.....wait a second. maybe my cross has something to do with this, maybe my cross got you pregnant with our baby" I said think about all the things the cross can do." calm down, I dont know how either, I mean we only kissed, and that was it and yes, maybe your cross got me pregnant" she said looking at my cross.

"then how come she walked out of your room with only a towel wrapped around her?" Asked Naruto, who came in without asking. "because I took a shower" she replied. Sakura slapped Naruto really hard and kicked him out of my room. "so my cross, my cross did this" I said holding the cross in my hand.

January 20th, 2006, 2:40 PM
Its sounds like you have the start of a plot in line, but other then that, it could use some work. You shouldn't have to put profiles of the charcters, that should come in the story gradually. You should 'enter' for each new person speaking. I suggest reveiwing the stickys before continuing. If you do that, I think this will be a good story.