View Full Version : A story about trapinch

January 17th, 2006, 4:31 PM
Hi it is me catwomen i have a new stoty. here it is.


Trapinch life

Chapter 1 Trapinch attack

Sinla was running down the road. She was getting her first pokemon and she was late.

I could see the lab but then I tripped on something.

It was a trapinch. It then used hyper beam. Before it could hit me a pokeball hit it.

The pokeball wiggled around but then we had it.

Here you are said the proffessor. You can have this one. You have to be careful out there or you could get hurt.

She then went home and packed all her stuff.

Sinla was just about to live when her mom came running yelling no no. I have to give you this I is a pokedex.

Well have a good adventure. Sinla had been walking for hours and hours when she heard a scream. It was a girl with a poke on and she was running from a torches.

Go trap inch yelled Sinla and her trap inch came out.

Use tackle and he knocked out the torches. Sinla throw a poke ball and it wiggle around.

She then had it. Yes Sinla yelled and she picked up the ball.

Hi said the girl. My name is Mary. Hi I am Sinla want to travel with me. Yeah sure and they headed out together.

oni flygon
January 17th, 2006, 4:37 PM
*coughsuecough* >>

I'm sorry, my throat was itchy.

Anyways, your story doesn't need little improvement, it needs a lot. First of all, your story lacks description, a very vital part of story making. It lacks a full and good sentence structures, character development, applicable continuity, etc, etc. Most of all, your story is a downright Mary Sue. It means that everything seems to be too perfect, making the story utterly boring as your character would win gym battles in a breeze, get like 2 friends to travel with, catch every Pokemon in sight and the likes.

Well, if you want to improve, try going to these threads. They'll help:


January 17th, 2006, 4:44 PM
Yeah Yeah. i am just starting the story so it will get better.