View Full Version : Lost City Book One Rated R ( i think )

February 9th, 2006, 5:41 AM
From a far one could only hear the water banking on the shore above. A little closer one could still only hear this, and the occasional fish jumping free out of the water. A first glance at Lake Sitlana and you would fall in love. How the meadow's of Lunar flower's grew right off the bank's and shore's. How the water stayed as calm as solid matter, and played role of a mirror to the moon in mid night hours. The deep cave's carved into the cliff side's, and the pure water tap. It was a dream vacation spot and a legend. One who's beauty tell's lie's.

Just as the sun cracked over the hilltops of Makaquite Village a young boy woke with a start. He looked to be 14 or 15 with hair as white as snow. Cut short with the look of someone who's had a bad hair day all their life. His ghostly blue eye's gave him the perfect features though. He got to his feet, slipped on a black tank top and some camoflauge shorts and sandels and headed for the door. Downstairs he was greeted by an older man who looked the same in comparison but wore a business suit and had his long hair pulled back in a poney tail. He took a deep breathe and set down his new's paper his glasses askew as he adressed the younger boy. " Salem, now i know it's the summer and you kept your grades up all year long but, seriously i can't keep telling you this everyday, don't go down to that lake causing trouble please, my research is very important and you and your little odd squad run off my client's every business day of the week!!" he stated confidently as he picked up his coffee. The younger boy " Salem " just nodded at him and held up a peace sign as he headed out the door. A little way's down an clay road with little cottages on all side's he met up with another boy. This boy was shorter and heavy - set. With a bulky build and a mustache he looked to be a bully untill his high pitch squeeky voice broke the silence. " What's done pissed you off today ? " he asked salem. Salem just nodded as he continued to kick rocks down the path. " Nuffin much man, just dad dude he tried to hark me on goin' down to that **** lake again, you know that **** really irk's my tator! " salem exclaimed. The boy's continued to chat as they walked up the foggy path to the lake. When they arrived about an hour later the fog was so thick they could barely see through it. They both gazed out over the lake as the shorter one pulled out a pipe and started putting a lighter to the bowl. The white haired boy looked to him smiling. " Any of that sh!tt we smoked yesterday ? " he asked the shorter boy. The boy nodded as he took a hit and handed him the pipe. The shorter boy started going on about how it was his last bit until he heard a slight splash. He looked over at salem, " Man why the phucc did you drop my bowl, that even mine that's my older ...... salem what's your problem." Salem just wiped his eye's and squinted into the fog. " Bo, did you see that ? " he asked the shorter boy as he grabbed him by the arm pulling him further through the fog to the bank. They broke into a run through the fog toward the shore's as a ghostly sound errupted into there ears. A haunting song, some creature not far was making it. " What the hell is that ?" the boy asked salem, who just shook his head and kept running. Then as soon as they came out the fog and not a second later something the size of cow smashed down onto the shore beside the shorter boy who fell over. As soon as salem was grabbing the boy by the arms it was in the air and comming down again this time it came down beside salem fast and heavy. Salem let out a small yell as he realized what was in front of him. standing 20 to 25 feet taller then him was a myth, just the neck of it was sticking out the lake's surface. The beast was huge, salem looked over at the shorter boy eye's as wide as pool ball's " it's the Loch!!" he exclaimed. The shorter boy backed away shooken with horror letting out a whimper here and there. Salem couldnt brake away from the trance the beast and him were in now. It was staring into salem's eye's as if it was boring into his soul. It's dark cremson slits for pupils with it's yellow eye's. It's slick leathery Emerald skin. With a white belly. All several hundred razor sharp teeth bared. He went to strike again and a shot went off somewhere distant on the shore. The beast flee'd at once. The boy and salem took off towards the water fall to see where it came from. They ran faster and faster in hopes of not coming in contact with the legend everyone has been searching for for years and years. Then Salem tripped up landing hard on the rocky surface near the water fall. He looked back and saw his father laid spread eagle sprawled half way on the bank and half in the water, blood everywhere, with a single shot wound in his upper back.
to be continued i think

tell me what yall think or something

Lady Akita
February 15th, 2006, 4:39 PM
Now, the beginning was totally awesome. I mean, I just adore fantasy novels, and your descriptions were love at first sight. ^~ But everything else..it was one big, somehow distorted paragraph that I couldn't really understand. I suggest maybe having conversations on a seperate line as the events. Makes it easier to read. Sorry if I offended you in any way. ^^

February 16th, 2006, 12:48 PM
yeah i was really rushed a few sentences into the chapter and it's really not how i wanted it to go but i got another chapter i'll tryn and make it easier for reading that it is

The peramedicts and police arrived shortly after. Salem and his friend were perched in the cab of a police car while the body was examined. One officer glared over at them then put his notebook down and began walking over to them.
" Did either one of you boy's happen to see what happened ? " He asked them both staring at them sternly.
Salem just shook his head, his friend on the other hand went into a long story with plenty detail about how they were distracted at the lake side and the shot went off and they found him. The a short blonde woman stood stiffly beside the cop scribbling furiosly on a little composition pad.
" Alright then, your words just as good as anybodies around here. Salem your Aunt Amy has been called you'll have to be staying with her for the time bieng, now i understand this is a rough situa ................ "
And the cops words trailed off as Salem did the same heading back to his house not knowing what to do or really believing any of what just happened was real. He just went home and started packing his stuff up waiting for that reality resurface. His father's co - worker John stopped by later on that night and brought him a bottle of Liqour, salem wasnt short to the point that this gift was caused from him already drinking half of the bottle. He stumbled into the kitchen as salem sat in the living room watching the t.v. drinking out of the bottle when john wasnt looking. Then john's voice boomed from the kitchen.
" Never really knew why your dad called you Salem did you ? " he asked salem slurring. Salem just shrugged his shoulders and gazed off into space. " John stumbled back into the living room laying to glasses with ice in them on the table. " It translates out of Greek, means " Peace " i guess naming you that wasnt honest but a nice thing over all !" he slurred out, elbowing salem in the ribs.
" Dont be ascared to drink in front of me boy i got something to show you!" he exclaimed nodding his head very slowly. " This right here was yer dad's it's got a lot of nonsensce on it about that sunken bullshitt city Atlantis, but the gem, the reason people wanted your dad dead, it has video footage of the beast that was ( he inclined his head a stared into salem's eye's ), is, and will forever be Lake Sitlana!!" he finished proudly gazing up at the cieling.
Salem couldnt do much but stare it him with the most bizare expressions. His father had footage of what he had seen today and never showed him. Pittied resentment arose deep in salem's stomach region and he pushed it far away. John through a DVD in his lap.
" Yeah ima crash here tonight, i got couch dude " he slurred as he burped to que his statement up.
Salem though if he didnt talk pretty soon he was going to explode. He felt as if he could spend all night yelling at a brick wall if he had to, but when he went to ask john what it was it was to late. johns snores had already filled the living room. Salem crept over to the dvd player and slipped the disc in.
A Man in a tie and suspenders stood near a map. Salem watched closely at the man he knew him from somewhere just couldnt figure it out.
The man spoke with a cold high pitch voice.
" and here is the Bermuda Traingle. The Triangle is only adpated from the invisible connection here here and here that connect these three islands and Bermuda bieng the corner. Now it is rumoured this is the graveyard to the fabeled Atlantis but to some it is just another naturalwonder. My team of scientist have reason to believe other wise "
He reached down in a box, rummaged through it for a few moments and rose back up. Holding what looked like a big clay slab.
" If you look closely here you'll see a picture of what looks to be a diamond. Just flip it upside down look at the diamond, it is a arguable map of the bermuda area, but go back to the diamond. The off branches here and here ( he pointed at two lines drawing away from the diamond ) are main water way's through underground caverns leading directly into the the scottish pride and joy's water circuit that does include Lake Nessie and the other branch leading to a direct tap crowned Lake Sitlana. Now it is perfect that they's water way's are shown because my diving unit is exploring them now as we speak. Plus take a closer look ( he pointed at these two rude carvings of what looked to be sea horses with dorsil and ventral fins ) the monster it self. Now my final point is here the heart of the diamond, Atlantis "

to be continued