View Full Version : Following

November 13th, 2006, 10:15 PM
No words or actions today
Could express the feelings I still have for you
But, it's better if I follow your footsteps
We'll be together now.

You've always stood out
You were different from the rest
I had always loved you
Now, you're the one killing me
I had found life so easy through all of my troubles
Because you're gone
I find this blade to my pulse

We'll still love eachother won't we?

Meh. I just threw together a poem =\ .... Mmk... Rate please? =/ 1-10...

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
November 16th, 2006, 8:01 PM
I'm not to rate, yet I do want to say that it's lacking rhythm. Try to make the verses easier to read, watch out the syllables. Reading it troughly helps, if you find it sloppy on some parts try to fix it so it can be read more sweetly.

Overall, it's a good poem. If it's meant to be a song, maybe that's the reason it lacks rhythm, revise it and you should do fine!

My worthless comment~