View Full Version : Beautiful Dreamer

February 1st, 2007, 11:26 PM
Beautiful Dreamer
By: Digital Princess/Netta

The Forest is weeping. Our Emerald Forest is weeping.

If you can hear me. If you can hear me at all.

Please, come to the Forest.

I have traveled, all night,

Just to see,

Only you.
From: Pegasus in Sailor Moon SuperS

Your beautiful dream light has shown brightly for me.

The Forest is weeping and I know you are sleeping.

To show me the way to be free from my captivity.

Time is of the essence oh Beautiful Dreamer.

You must hurry before the Darkness comes here too.

The Emerald Forest weeps, and longs for the day when light will shine once again.

Now they have come to enter your world to find me.

And you, only you can set me free. Your Beautiful Dream Light

has shown brightly for me, to allow me to take this form that you now see.

The Forest weeps until the time when we find the One.

You must act quickly before the Darkness comes.

Your Beautiful Dream is part of your Purity,

In which resides in your Body, Spirit, and Innocense.

The Emerald Forest is crying oh Beautiful Dreamer,

and time will come when she will appear.

But until than, you must remain pure,

or Darkness shall take you and you will be forever burning.

The Forest cries, Please keep the secret of our meeting.

Don't let anyone know that you have met me.

When the time is right you shall see.

That my land and I shall be free.

Can you not hear the Forest crying?

Many questions I know you have,

Many questions I know need answering.

That I cannot give you as it is too important to reveal anything to you.

Can you not see the Emerald Forest is crying?

For in this world I can not live for long.

Therefore I must be allowed to live in the world of Dreams.

You, oh Beautiful Dreamer, are you and because of this I no longer am dying.

My Beautiful Dreamer,

So innocent and pure,

I believe you can help me, so please. . .

Help me, Oh Beautiful Dreamer.

Notes: This is my very first poem out of school that I've actually loved doing. Poetry isn't my thing, but I was shocked with myself when I was inspired by my fanfic story I am writting for another site. If you want to know my fanfic, I'm sorry, it's not going to be posted on this site as it is. . . Well a lemon. And if you don't know what a lemon is than you don't need to know. And it's not lemon as in something you make for lemonade. Oh and Digital Princess is my Penname on another site and am posting it there too.
Other Notes: I was very inspired about the beginning phrase that Pegasus said when calling out to Rini (Chibi Usa) in Sailor Moon SuperS Pegasus Collection. It touched my heart and maybe I'm just a romantic, but I had to write it down. I knew if I just wrote my poem, you guys who don't know Sailor Moon would be like what? So I put what Pegasus said in it so that you can know where I got inspired for this poem. However, because in my story, which is based for Digimon, I had to change the Crystal Forest to the Emerald Forest. Besides, if you haven't noticed, I love the color emerald. It's a very pretty and beautiful green. Anyways, with that said, my fanfic story is a fan made version of Pegasus Collection for Digimon. I do not own Digimon or Sailor Moon or the phrase at the beginning of the poem.

February 9th, 2007, 1:22 PM
Ah-ha. I'm the first to post and 25 views. . . Gee Netta, the others must think you have done a great job to not point out any faults. Well than again, you did gage yourself some faults.

I myself am not really into poems, but I love to read them. . . However, I lack the passion needed to respond.

I will say, according to the sailor Moon, I could see why you had passion. It was so romantic sounding. I felt as thought Pegasus was talking to me. And you did a great job on receiving almost the entire plot. You Netta, I will say this. . . when you read the published poems, a lot of them don't have rhyming to them. I was once told in English class that a poem doesn't need rhythm as long as it flows.

I think your flow is a little. . . somewhat not as flowing I guess. But enough about that. I don't want to continue on. I'm sure there are others who can give much better deals with your poem.

Careful With That Axe, Pichu!
February 9th, 2007, 1:53 PM
I could find a few grammatical and punctuation mistakes. It's fairly long, taking the risk of boring people, or making it sound monotone. Some words are repeated more than a few times... It got a bit sloppy in some parts, so you may want to work on rhythm. Measure the verses and syllables to make it flow thoroughly.

But yeah, other than that, it's still a good poem. The structure is nice.


February 9th, 2007, 8:02 PM
Thanks Olha and Rolling Pikachu. I've been waiting for healthy critisism from someone. . . anyone. I really appreciate it you two. I could see how it could be borning because it's too long. . . but. . . I was so amazed at myself I still think it's the best. . . Thank you. . . Anyone else has comments to say?