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Nitty gritty

Posted March 28th, 2011 at 7:59 AM by blue eyes white dragon

First blog entry for me.

1. I hate flashing lights
2. I post long things and end up deleting them because I'm paranoid of what people will think of what I say.
3. I've been a member since 2005 and I'm happy I finally came back here.
4. I'm on the computer way to much.
5. I'll give my phone number out to people I like.
6. I love cats.
7. I have a horrible temper with people who constantly disrespect others.
8. I love my username very much. I almost rage quitted this account when I came back because I hate the name but I feel at home with this name.
9. I love ADTR and other mainstream music
10. Oh, hipsters make me really mad. gtfo <3
11. I complain to people if I'm close to them
12. I've been unpaired for a long time
13. Running out of things to say T_T

Anywho! I'm going to copy and paste this thing I posted a number of times because I'm too lazy to write something new.

To say I have a lot of friends would make me a liar. People are constantly telling me I should get a lot of friends but what’s the point of having a lot when they all end up screwing over? I’ve learned to keep my head low and mind my own business. People just make me so mad and sometimes I just want to smack them around to allow them to see that they’re wrong. To this day I don’t have a best friend. I have very close friends but no one has earned the right to be called my best friend.

I give people my trust entirely too easily. My family means everything to me and if I needed to fight for them I’d kill anyone who tried to harm them. I come off as a mean person but really I’m nice to people. My friends who have been around me know I can have a horrible temper at times so they don’t react as badly. I’ve been through the circle a number of times; I meet a person and I think we will be friends forever, but then they find someone and I’m forgotten in the long run. I’ve shed my tears about it and the well has run dry.

There are only a few people who I even consider to be my friends. These people are the ones that tolerate my horrible temper and my random ways. I can’t really say I’ll be there for my friends all the time but usually I’ll defend my friends till the end. I have my ways of defending them even if my ways are not straightforward. My best friends are, Lee Rich, Rachel Haus, and Chelsea Halloway. I met Lee before school started in an IEP meeting. I don’t recall what we were talking about but our friendship was doomed to be. That boy will be the death of me I swear.

I met Rachel online. We both played neopets.com at the time and I went trolling (causing chaos on boards). It’s amazing how two people who have never met could form such a strong friendship. In August of 2010, Rachel and I finally met in real life. We decide to go to a water park and granted that wasn’t the best idea because we both got really sun burnt. This girl is like my sister, we may live in different cities but our heart and our mind are as one. I can’t even start on how much she means to me, if I had a twin I sure as hell wish she was mine.
Writing is what makes me happy. I can express my feelings and say things I wouldn’t be saying to someone’s face.

Every time I sit down to start writing I think about all the crap I’ve dealt with. The characters I created all have a little bit of me deep within their mind. Music is what helps me write; I can sit down, listen to a song and start writing without problems. I tend to write about things that are not school appropriate and I can’t truly show my work without having to censor something. I write when I’m upset or just bored.
Recently I’ve become more distant from people. I can’t trust people. People have just made it so difficult for me to trust. I never used to be like that and honestly that bugs me. No longer do I openly seek out new people and try to introduce myself. I stick with the people I know and somewhat trust. I miss when I got along with almost everyone; I miss the childhood innocence I once possessed. From long hot summer nights racing on my bike, smelling the sweetness of flowers to cold finger tips and warm hot chocolate, I’ve lost a lot of it.

No one can grant me the childhood that I’ve already lived. Growing up is scary and it pisses me off when people around me are always telling me I need to figure out what I need to do when I’m only sixteen. If you really knew me you’d see that I don’t have any real friends. I become friends with people and when things gets rough I shy away and don’t want to deal with it. I get depressed because I’ve only had one boyfriend whilst everyone around me has had at least five boyfriends. I hate the way I look and everyday is a constant battle to get up. If you really knew me you would know that cats are pretty much the only thing that gives me comfort. They’ve never judged me for who I am or what issues I have. The unconditional love they give me is more than a human could give me. Sometimes I get attacked verbally and generally make me feel worthless. It’s those things that can seriously make someone feel worthless deep inside. I’ve tried to make myself stronger but it’s a constant struggle.


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  1. Old Comment
    Meganium's Avatar
    2. I agree with you. Once I write a super long paragraph, I get so nervous as to what others will say about my long post. So I had to butcher it completely.
    6. Kitties!!! <333
    12. I'm sorry you're still unpaired. :(
    13. lmao.

    Trust is a gift, give it to the person who deserves it. But for me, I'm scared to give this gift to someone, even if they've been super close to me.
    Posted March 28th, 2011 at 9:37 AM by Meganium Meganium is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Zeffy's Avatar
    I'd have to agree with you on number 4. (b")b
    Posted March 29th, 2011 at 6:19 PM by Zeffy Zeffy is offline