From daily life in the astral planes to tutorials and creativity showcase, this blog documents the thoughts, feelings, and everything Kurui x3. Comments appreciated!
~Crazy~ :: When You're Not Here
Posted June 28th, 2012 at 1:33 AM by Kurui
"If you're not here, I can't believe in anything. So let me hear your voice, the voice as sad as it is kind."
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Going Mad
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Going Mad
Nobody here cares like you do or like you did. I'm not so sure anymore of anything of everything.........The only thing I can think about is that you're not here and that's enough to make my tears real. I locked the door to my apartment. I don't want anyone in but you. The small fragments of episode scenes aren't enough anymore and I'm falling apart at my seams.
I saw a guy and pretended he was you. Just watched him on webcam and said beautiful words. But I don't feel guilty because they were meant for you. Sometimes I pick up my phone when it doesn't ring. "Moshi moshi?" But I actually heard your voice answer except it was coming out of my 3rd story window. When I looked I thought I saw your reflection on the glass, but you're not here. You're not here...........
Are you alive? Do you remember me? Is the sky the same where you are? Where is the feeling? How many days have passed?
I don't want this to be forever.
I don't even feel like going on forums anymore. No forums. I just talk to my friends on chat. People here never liked me anyway. I wonder if they noticed I was gone. I can't think straight when waiting for you. I just want to get caught up in the affairs of other people and pretend their lives are mine. I don't want an identity until you're part of it again. It's hurting me. It's hurting me. It's hurting me.
I saw a guy and pretended he was you. Just watched him on webcam and said beautiful words. But I don't feel guilty because they were meant for you. Sometimes I pick up my phone when it doesn't ring. "Moshi moshi?" But I actually heard your voice answer except it was coming out of my 3rd story window. When I looked I thought I saw your reflection on the glass, but you're not here. You're not here...........
Are you alive? Do you remember me? Is the sky the same where you are? Where is the feeling? How many days have passed?
I don't want this to be forever.
I don't even feel like going on forums anymore. No forums. I just talk to my friends on chat. People here never liked me anyway. I wonder if they noticed I was gone. I can't think straight when waiting for you. I just want to get caught up in the affairs of other people and pretend their lives are mine. I don't want an identity until you're part of it again. It's hurting me. It's hurting me. It's hurting me.
Total Comments 5
Comments
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If you don't want to go on forums, then don't go. But don't accuse people of not "liking" or "noticing" you when you are still a very new member and haven't spent enough time here to actually get to know some of us. I wouldn't think that potential friends would appreciate that, anyways. Either way, no one's forcing you to do anything, so just do whatever makes you happy.Posted June 29th, 2012 at 4:02 AM by Kura
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Well I copy/pasta~ and edit my blogs from another forums. Where I'm very not new ^^;;; and lots of people know me pretty well. I wasn't just meaning THIS ONE. I'm a pretty avid forum goer and even own some of my own forums.Quote:If you don't want to go on forums, then don't go. But don't accuse people of not "liking" or "noticing" you when you are still a very new member and haven't spent enough time here to actually get to know some of us. I wouldn't think that potential friends would appreciate that, anyways. Either way, no one's forcing you to do anything, so just do whatever makes you happy.
I should be careful to edit my blogs more XD.Posted June 29th, 2012 at 4:07 AM by Kurui
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Either way, you shouldn't worry yourself with what the mass population of a particular place(s) thinks of you. If they're not harassing you, then don't bother back with them. I don't understand the need to want to be liked by masses of people in all these different places when the ones that care about you should be in your circle of friends anyway. And if those people are treating you wrongly, then don't have them in your circle. Then you can surround yourself with positivity so you won't feel the need to write journals like these.Quote:Posted June 29th, 2012 at 4:18 AM by Kura
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I think its not so much the mass population of places. I don't like being very popular. It's when the people I care about from those forums (this one or any one of them) can't seem to understand or care about any situation I go through. Especially if those people are ones that I have helped through struggles myself yet when I'm feeling quite down they act like I don't exist. And maybe I don't. I have a pretty big heart for people. But i always feel like I what i do for people don't matter. Even if they don't help me, to at least realize I'm there would be fine enough. If not, all my effort to help them I feel is wasted.Quote:Either way, you shouldn't worry yourself with what the mass population of a particular place(s) thinks of you. If they're not harassing you, then don't bother back with them. I don't understand the need to want to be liked by masses of people in all these different places when the ones that care about you should be in your circle of friends anyway. And if those people are treating you wrongly, then don't have them in your circle. Then you can surround yourself with positivity so you won't feel the need to write journals like these.
Then again I'm probably only feeling like it because I'm not very happy recently. I think the move away from friends here, and my husbando being gone for some time, has dampened my usually optimistic mood. Maybe I don't take changes very well. I never had to deal with so much at once before and though I try to stay hopeful sometimes it looks very dark for me. I know I'll bounce back quickly because that's how I am. And writing out my feelings is very key to my recovery processes. It's like exposing the ugliness I go through and feel tot he world and being OPEN instead of shutting it in. I think that's one reason I stay sane as I am whereas most of my friends go through VERY long and tragic depressions. They bottle up >_<Posted June 29th, 2012 at 4:31 AM by Kurui
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You should help others without the expectation that you'll recieve something in return. Hard to do, yes, but that's what giving is really about. But I do understand that when you do something for others and they do not return the sentiment, it can make you lose trust in that person because you feel like you are not of that much value to them. Just don't lump everyone together, because that might put them off entirely- I know it put me off even if you weren't referring to me. When you have predispositions, people say "why bother?" and that's not what you want. It would probably also help if you would ease up on the crypticness of your posts and just say exactly what you want to say. At least, that's what I believe. Some people here don't like me but I think it's better to tell them what I feel instead of dancing around the subject- at least they can make a decision that way- but hey that's just my preferred approach to things.
If you haven't seen the Dear Anonymous thread, that may help you vent your feelings and aid in your way to feeling happier easier.Posted June 29th, 2012 at 6:20 AM by Kura



