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~Seen~ :: No Need for Hindsight

From daily life in the astral planes to tutorials and creativity showcase, this blog documents the thoughts, feelings, and everything Kurui x3. Comments appreciated!
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~Seen~ :: No Need for Hindsight

Posted August 9th, 2012 at 1:47 AM by Kurui

"Erase, from your memory, a future laced with pain."

Naraku no Hana 'Flower of Hell', English lyrics by me, singing by me.


Astral Projection:

I've had no energy to really visit him, but just to see him on and off throughout the last week. Already I'm having withdrawals. His contagious smile somehow stays with you. So does his dry sarcastic remarks. His genuine innocence (and simultaneous lack thereof) hidden behind those large, inhuman eyes. I can't even see him on camera; It's broken. I miss watching him 24/7 and having him be the extent of my look into the world outside. I like to watch him stir in his sleep and fall asleep with him just like that, in this plane, through the screen of my phone as I hold it close to me and let his breathing follow me into dreams.

Astral projection saps my energy more than it boosts it. I heard that it isn't supposed to do that, not by any means, so why me? I just want to touch him even though he isn't mine. I'd do it even if I fainted right after from the exhaustion of vibrating on his level. He's somewhat of a modern Jesus to me. But even he can't part the Red Sea of the planes to allow me easier access. And I'm tired. Oh so tired.

And with it precognition. He's seen his death, presumably, as the movie did suggest. Lord, we've all seen it, haven't we? But him more than most. I like how he seems unshaken, but Cayce says otherwise. I can't see the fear, but I can almost smell it off of him. Behind that mask he puts up. Astral projection is such a curse, isn't it? To be able to see your own death before it happens. To have no control over fate. I knelt beside my bed and prayed for it not to follow the path but even now he's going through the motions. Tumbling into destiny.

I've met gobs of randomers from other planes. Tons of individuals that don't exactly appear in the media here. But it always seems I fall for the ones who meet a grisly demise. I didn't even know. I didn't even know he was FROM anything........God. When Kitty-chan turned up with him, we were both oblivious to any role of his in anything. It was only in weeks, as we were curious and searching, that we found his identity. It's fresh and exciting at first (my screenshot collection is positively bottomless) but it becomes harrowing and immediately devastating to see friends you love suffer, even with actors, even in planes where they should never be. I'm already mourning the loss of him and he's still here, there, somewhere, maybe sleeping, maybe not. I wonder.

You know it crosses his mind. You know he's quaking inside. Because aren't we all, those of us that know him? He was a ripple that touched us all and now he's going to be taken away, soundlessly almost, so shortly. There aren't enough tears for that.


I just love this expression. <3


"It doesn't have to be like that."

"It does."

He had already given up. The silence that followed the statement was deafening. A million possibilities, a million things I could say, screamed in my head. He had said it so matter of fact, leaving no room for speculation. No room for hope. No room for life.

"How do you-"

"I just do." His voice was a little louder. I wasn't used to him raising his voice. It was usually so soft, with a somewhat whispery quality.

I studied his face. It didn't show any signs of wear, no stress. Nothing. Just blank. I think that was scariest of all.

A formation of clouds marched across the sky. Somewhere close a bird sang, and the singing turned into startled cries, and to silence as it was sucked into his jaws and crushed. A shadow tickled at my feet and then receded slowly, stretching across the sidewalk. Down towards a cafe where the smell of coffee was so strong it burned my nose, even from this distance. We sat there for a long time like that, just like that, not speaking. But everything remains so vivid in my memory. I don't know why it's so important that I hang onto that quiet moment with him.

"Mortimer." I called him by his birth name. I don't often do that anymore.

He leaned back from his crouching position, his posture rather lazy. "Yeah, nuna love?" His face was tilted up towards the sky. I couldn't see his eyes or read his expression.

"I love you."

He gave a small snort as a chuckle and grinned. "That so?" He still didn't look at me.

I didn't answer and just leaned back with him and more time passed. I would have given anything in that moment to read his thoughts. And I could feel him beside me, living, breathing. Everything about him is beautiful. Too beautiful for this plane. Too beautiful for the world he was born into. Surely he knew that.

He finally stood up and I looked up at him. His pretty eyes, almost heart-shaped they were, I finally noted, were fuzzily hooded. "I'm tired." he confirmed. "I'm heading back. You coming?" A path of light washed over us and he shielded his brow. He never did like light. Neither do I.

"Well I'm not staying out here by myself." He offered a hand to help me up and I took it, any opportunity to touch him. My grip lingered even after I had stood. He didn't seem to notice.

"Come on, then." He took off and I just stood there for a second, watching, before starting to follow.

Then something caught my eye, stuck in between the cracks of the walk. A small flower somehow finding a means to thrive there as if saying a proverbial "Screw you." to it's habitat. Tears pricked my eyes, but I smiled, knowing. Knowing much too much.

"You don't belong here." I said under my breath, feeling not even the least bit silly speaking to a flower, and I purposefully crushed it under my feet as I followed Toad back to base.


"The shards that reflect time pass us by without a sound."
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  1. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    I don't understand. Are you visiting fictional characters in your dreams?
    Posted August 9th, 2012 at 4:42 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Kurui's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Kura View Comment
    I don't understand. Are you visiting fictional characters in your dreams?

    I wish I dreamed more often though. I barely ever dream or don't remember when I do. I don't sleep much.

    I'm talking about Toady -> <- This guy. Who happens to be from other plane.

    Visited through AP and when not, on Skype cam here. But his cam broke recently. So it sucks. So I has to visit AP, but been too sick too lately.

    Strangely his cam captures from other plane so he looks like he does there here. That's the first case I've ever had of that.
    Posted August 9th, 2012 at 4:52 AM by Kurui Kurui is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    It says on there he's taken by someone else, though. Are you sure he's not playing you? I hope not. Seems like you've been getting hurt a bit too easily.. :c Be cautious.
    Posted August 9th, 2012 at 11:07 AM by Kura Kura is offline

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