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The Right to Grieve

Basically just my little ramblings and such. .u.
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The Right to Grieve

Posted December 2nd, 2012 at 10:22 PM by (Duzzy<3)

I have no fear of who I am or who I will be. I sit in the light and ponder the life that I have lived, and the life I shall soon explore. Both excite me.

So far I believe in many things. I believe in God; I believe that every man and woman has a right to be happy; I believe everyone has the right to make a mistake; I believe that there are no evil people; I believe in Sin; I believe in loving those I meet not as lovers, but as fellow humans; I believe that everyone should be forgiven; I believe in the future of humanity; I believe in hope.

I am also unsure of many things. The one thing I am most unsure about is who has the right to grieve.
A man of forty years of age has been married to his soul mate for twenty years. He and his mate had much happiness with one another. They climbed mountains, shared thoughts, traveled to distant lands, held hands, and had a child. However, they also experienced many hardships. His mate’s parent died, they lost their home, they fell into massive debt, their child passed from a genetic disease, and after years of a tragic struggle with depression, his mate dies from simply too much despair. The man, now having lost his mate, his child, and his home, feels as though he has nothing left. As he sits at the bar, reviewing his life, he cannot help but feel absolute nothingness. He has now been shocked into perfect apathy of the world.

Another man, at the young age of eighteen, has just graduated his last year of high school. His parents are very wealthy and well connected. The boy has never had a problem in his life. His parents have shielded him from danger and despair his entire life. He has been given everything he has ever wanted. He was never rejected a single thing, until the day after his graduation, once he moved into his new apartment ready for the next year when he begins college. His parents cut him off, he now has to pay for his own insurance, no car, no bed to sleep on, no food to eat, absolutely nothing. His parents do not contact him, he has been left completely alone. Cut off from safety and thrown into the world on his own, with no experience on how to handle it or where to go, no family to warm him in their arms, he feels nothing but pure loneliness. He too, has been shocked into complete apathy of the world.
So my dilemma is this, which of the two men have the right to grieve? Why does that one man have more of a right than the other? Does the first have more of a right simply because his grief lies within the excuse of death, or does the younger man have the right due to his world completely shutting him away? Which one should I sympathize with? Should I go with the answer that the first man has the right, because he has experienced life and has felt its hardships, and has now felt the pain of a death of the one thing he held dear and that the younger man is a spoiled brat who was given everything, was wealthy, and has a future to make for himself and should push through it? Or should I say the younger man has the right to grieve, for he is too young to know how to push through such a wall and such confusion in his current life, that he does not have the experience of how to deal with the world like the older man has, and that the older man should know how to move on with his life?

This very dilemma is the very reason why I struggle with how to grieve over my own problems? Do I have the right? My problems are not what others would see as something severe. They would say, “You’ve had no tragedy, you have had nothing wrong happen in your life.” Do I have the right to grieve? If you say I do have a right, do you say that merely because I ask, and it seems like it would be the right thing to say? If you say I do not, what would you say would give me the right?
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  1. Old Comment
    droomph's Avatar
    Since you believe in a God, as you say, or even just you believe you're alive, shouldn't you be allowed to remember whatever you want? Whatever is gone to you is gone to you, but not gone to other people, or have existed…

    The best way is to think it through, and decide if it's worth it to you.
    Posted December 2nd, 2012 at 10:44 PM by droomph droomph is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Nihilego's Avatar
    Why would there be any reason for either of these two to not be able to grieve? Everyone has their own problems and has dealt with their own problems previously; if someone wants to grieve because the problem they're experiencing right now is comparatively worse to previous ones which they've experienced then that's fine. Forget everyone else - they're entitled to feel bad about their own issues, and shouldn't be telling themselves how to feel because someone else might have it worse. If it upsets you then grief is fine. Simple as, imo. I'll stress, though, that grief is not always the best way to tackle your problems. It's fine as an emotional tool for a while but soon enough younger to address the issue head-on.

    Unless it's a really trivial issue, and one which objectively isn't that big a deal, that is. But neither of the issues you described are.
    Posted December 3rd, 2012 at 2:03 AM by Nihilego Nihilego is offline
  3. Old Comment
    They both have the right to grieve. Grief isn't something that's earned depending on how serious the circumstance is in the bigger picture. Everyone has their own set of problems and their own ways of dealing with them. To even suggest that one set is more important than another is so incredibly judgmental, even though when you compare the problems as an outsider, you are more sympathetic to the widower. But I don't think these examples are comparable. The student would be grieving for himself in this case and the life that he's lost whereas the widower would grief for the person that he's lost.
    Posted December 3rd, 2012 at 2:20 AM by
    Updated December 3rd, 2012 at 2:27 AM by Patchisou Yutohru

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