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The feeling of loneliness...

Posted February 27th, 2014 at 12:46 PM by Swagroar
Updated March 27th, 2014 at 1:17 PM by Swagroar

Alright, this is gonna be my first time doing this blog thingy, so bear with me here.

I myself have had a hard life, even before joining this place. I dealt with a lot of s*** in my day, back in middle school especially I was ridiculed for almost everything I did, and never felt like there was anyone to turn to. There were quite a few internet forums I checked out in the day, but let me tell you, I was hated quite a bit and struggled to make friends because people would say I never knew what the fudge I was talking about. I just couldn’t take being hated well at all. I was made out to be one of the stupidest people on the internet. This includes when I first checked out Smogon back in 2005. I wasn’t as hated later in life, but there was another Pokémon site I checked out (while NetBattle was still the thing before Showdown) where I was claimed to fit in quite nicely, known as PokéRealm, but that site kinda died out.

For that matter, I don’t have any real irl friends myself. At least not any who care about me like people I talk to on the internet do. Sure, I have people on Facebook that I know in real life, but they aren’t people i’m just willing to hit up and talk through things with, because they’re usually concerned with their own issues. I don’t see many of them in person that often. I went to a private school because my parents noticed I learn differently from many other students, so I wasn’t at a big, public high school. The college i’m at now, Cabrini, has more support and accommodations for people with disabilities than your typical state college like, say, Temple or West Chester.

Now, I have liked my time at Marriland, don’t get me wrong, but I feel that not everyone there really understands me all that great. I’m actually on hiatus from posting on that site for a little while, for my own reasons. To be perfectly honest, though, there are people from that site who have really taken me well, and claim I handle things nicely and constructively. But it doesn’t help that a lot of people i’ve come to know well from Marriland have been leaving, taking breaks from the site, or gone for long periods of time. There is one girl there whom I fully trust and can spill anything out to (I mentioned her in one of the threads in CCC a couple days back), and she’s even on this forum herself, although she hasn’t made many posts at all here yet.

Additionally, I know that Marriland himself has gone through a lot. Not only does he work hard to make that site an enjoyable time for the people that browse it, but he’s been hard pressed to feel gratified with what he does. I watched his Platinum Nuzlocke series (and the rest of his Nuzlockes/Wedlockes for that matter), and apparently even people who were big supporters of his Emerald Nuzlocke and HeartGold Wedlocke series had been turning flack on him for claims that the Pokémon he used weren’t relatable, and the complaints about lack of deaths were worse than ever. It wasn’t until Giratina came a hair away from sweeping his entire team and ending the Nuzlocke in Part 43 that people really started to appreciate the series for what it was. Then, after his outstanding final battle with Cynthia, he had users on the forums posting the outcome of the battle even so quickly, which he made clear how frustrating it was for him. I would hate to be him right about now, and he even lost his first pair in his recent Black Wedlocke as early as Part 3. Yikes!

And that’s why i’ve felt very appreciative of the people who have actually supported me on this site. Most notably the ones from the Trade Corner, because they understand me very well and have liked getting to know me. I said this in that one thread, and i’ll say it here anyway: if I message you, VM you or anything like that, it’s because not only do I feel like wanting to make friends here myself, but I care about you and am concerned for your well-being. I try very hard to help my friends, and the people here have been extremely respectful. I do get that staff members aren’t always going to be warm and happy to everyone they don’t know well, they might have different personalities, but I have been thankful for the slightly over half a year i’ve been here, even if I didn’t really get off the ground until a little bit after that.

So yeah, that’s my first blog here. I just thought it’d be worthwhile to get some things i’ve dealt with off my chest. Discuss.
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  1. Old Comment
    Meganium's Avatar
    Be grateful that you've met loads of friends here and people have welcomed you into the site with open arms and such. I know sometimes it can be hard to make friends around here, seeing that this is such a large community. But you gotta move forward and let things come to you sometimes. That's the same reason why I stayed here, because the people here are just simply amazing.

    I'll VM you in a bit. I hope you're doing alright.
    Posted February 27th, 2014 at 12:54 PM by Meganium Meganium is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Posted February 27th, 2014 at 12:57 PM by Cordelia Cordelia is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Arrow_Riddari's Avatar
    Wow that is a lot in one post :P. But I am glad that you are getting a lot with friends on this and people are understanding you better. I like/love you a lot and you are a great friend for anyone to have because you are kind and understanding. Poeple should not hate you for who you are or that you are a bit different than them, but try and get along with you instead [yeah, not everyone likes everyone and some people are just plain hard to get along with, but most people should try to get along with you more at times]. Different means special [in a good way]. And special means amazing.
    Posted February 27th, 2014 at 8:32 PM by Arrow_Riddari Arrow_Riddari is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Happy you took the opportunity to use your blog personally and for YOU and to sorta have a place to put all your feelings onto. I noticed you spoke quite a bit about your past but I think that you should stay connected with the friends you do have here cause I am sure they can and will want to help you move forward from any hardships you had prior- and even reflecting and having the want to do that yourself is something very admirable. We all know that it can be sometimes hard to get along but you gotta keep moving forward with it. I agree with Arrow above me as they are some wise words and they even took the time to write because they care just like you do to your friends so you can deffo find people of similar minds here. Anyway, I look forward to more blog posts from you because it's refreshing to read something deep.
    Posted February 28th, 2014 at 12:32 PM by Kura Kura is offline

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