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I'm back

Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 11:53 AM by Esper
First, I'm sorry for the sudden disappearance. It was uncool of me to leave for so long without explanation. If that left someone with a bad taste in their mouth then, again, I'm sorry. I've got my reasons though.

Last year both of my grandmothers died, one rather suddenly and the other who everyone was surprised to see still alive and kicking for as long as she had, both within the space of a month. It made me sad and made me think. I thought a lot about what I was doing with my life and the choices I was making and about what kind of person I was and what I wanted to be. One of my grandmothers was a chain smoker and that side of my family has had its fair share of problems with substance abuse. Seeing some of my relatives recently - some of them who had been on and off drugs or had fallen on hard times or had had a string of bad relationships - for the first time in a while and seeing how some of them had really cleaned up and brought their lives around, that made me want to do the same. I'm not someone who's done drugs, alcohol, or anything like that, but I've always had an addictive personality and in the last few months I tried to come to terms with that and I've tried to change how I do things, break some behaviors which, while not the worst things I could be doing, weren't helping me reach all the goals I've had for myself for a long time.

I decided rather suddenly one day I needed to drop a lot of things I was doing, one of which was visiting PC here almost every day for the last several years. It was one of my crutches, one of my addictions, and it was something I felt I had to kick. So I disappeared.

I can't say that I'm completely clean of all the issues I have, but I've made some really good strides and have done some really responsible adult stuff that I've put off forever because I was too focused elsewhere to bother. I got myself a car and all the associated costs and responsibilities that go with it and I'm actually managing to keep on top of that (but goddamn gas is expensive!) and even enjoy the extra freedoms from it. I'm spending (almost) every day writing and doing the kinds of creative activities that I enjoy when I can make the time for them. I'm seeing friends more often and even making some new friends and stepping outside my comfort zone more.

So, again, sorry for the disappearance. I'm not sure how much time I'll have to devote to PC going forward, but it's a nice place here and I'd like to think I could still spare a moment or two every now and then. I don't think I'll be as regular as I once was, but all good things must come to an end.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Crux's Avatar
    I was wondering where you had went. :I

    Hey though, don't even sweat it.
    I can relate to needing some time away, or needing to get your life in order. And while as we all love you and would miss you if you left, or became less active, I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that we'll all understand, and support you.

    I'm sorry about your grandmothers, but glad to here you're sorting a lot of things out. Welcome back c:
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 12:05 PM by Crux Crux is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Sheep's Avatar
    It's fantastic to have you back with us again, Scarf. :) Can imagine the tough times you've been (and still are) going through so I wish you the best! We are always here for you.

    Congrats on the car, by the way - that's a huge achievement.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 5:16 PM by Sheep Sheep is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Sydian's Avatar
    I'm just glad to know you're alright. I was kinda worried about you just disappearing like that, so I'm really grateful you made this blog. Not that you are required to tell us these things of course, but I think you're such a wonderful person and when I realized you just kinda fell off the planet, I started to wonder.

    Anyway, it is strange what death can make us do, whether the effects are direct or indirect. I'm sorry about your losses, but I'm happy for you that you've gone on to get a car and make better for yourself. I admire that. I got out of my comfort zone and made more friends last semester myself, and I'm glad I did.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 10:20 PM by Sydian Sydian is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Rogue planet's Avatar
    Good job on the progress. Please keep writing, I want to see it published!
    Posted March 23rd, 2014 at 11:45 AM by Rogue planet Rogue planet is offline
  5. Old Comment
    I THOUGHT YOU FRICKING DIED, HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME.

    To be honest though, I don't spend much time on here anymore either. I just lurk nowadays myself but I'd like to catch up with you sometime.
    Posted March 25th, 2014 at 5:27 AM by Overlord Drakow Overlord Drakow is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Kanzler's Avatar
    +1.
    Posted March 25th, 2014 at 8:44 AM by Kanzler Kanzler is offline
  7. Old Comment
    I think what makes me most angry is that you didn't even tell me. It would have sucked but I would have understood your reasons for disappearing.
    Posted March 25th, 2014 at 9:03 AM by Overlord Drakow Overlord Drakow is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Crux's Avatar
    Bro, calm down man.

    [quote]
    I decided rather suddenly one day I needed to drop a lot of things I was doing, one of which was visiting PC here almost every day for the last several years. It was one of my crutches, one of my addictions, and it was something I felt I had to kick. So I disappeared.[/quote]

    Remember this? If being on PC was a problem, then how would going on it to tell people that you might be gone for a while solve anything? Cam's grandmother's died, man. I think that calls for a break. Even an unannounced one.
    Posted March 25th, 2014 at 3:08 PM by Crux Crux is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Ultimately, my outburst of emotion means that I care about Scarfy. Otherwise I would have just feigned indifference.
    Posted March 26th, 2014 at 3:07 PM by Overlord Drakow Overlord Drakow is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Crux's Avatar
    Or you feigned your emotional outburst, that is. . . Overlords are generally pretty wily people. :p
    Posted March 26th, 2014 at 4:16 PM by Crux Crux is offline
  11. Old Comment
    I suppose you'll never truly know, muaahhahahahaa
    Posted March 27th, 2014 at 6:44 AM by Overlord Drakow Overlord Drakow is offline
 

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