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Some whining about relationships and questioning my sexuality

Posted June 25th, 2014 at 1:39 PM by Sonata

So I've been talking to this girl for about four and a half almost five months. We've talked on and off in the past and I really liked her but I never really talked enough to make anything out of it. But for these past almost five months I've been spending at the very least a couple hours with her every day. I did just about anything I could think of to make her happy; I cooked for her, I brought her chocolate and pads whenever she was on her period, I gave her massages all the time, I even helped her through a breakup during that time. I thought things were going pretty well. We had made plans for me to spend the night this coming weekend so that she could show me Magic Mike which I haven't seen yet and so we could cuddle and get fat. Two days ago when I was at her house we got on omegle because we were bored and she met this guy and a bunch of stuff went down I guess and now she's with him. She knows hardly anything about him, she just met him, I tried to get her to come to her senses about it that it was just a fleeting thing and that either he or she would be over one or the other within a week or two, especially since there is quite a bit of distance between them. But she just ignored me and said she'd be back later and that she was going to skype with him. So I confessed to her all of my feelings and she just read it and didn't say anything back. This isn't the first time this has happened either. Every time I start getting close to a girl someone else comes in and they're just gone, no matter what I've done for them I just am completely erased from their life and they go on to do whatever. I'm really just done with it all. I've been playing around with the idea of maybe going bi in my head. Because at least with the gay people that I know, when they find someone that they like and is also gay they tend to get together and stay together longer and then they're more loyal, I don't see them having arguments with their significant other about some guy messaging them or where they were the night before/whose house they stayed at/why does their dingaling smell like....But anywho, I haven't had many gay experiences except for like just messing around, but it doesn't seem all that bad. I think the worst or weirdest part in my mind would be the making out and the sex. Especially since if I was to go gay I would probably want someone with some facial hair because they're more attractive and then I would definitely be a top in the relationship because I can't even imagine the pain of having something in me or the taste that it would leave in my mouth.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Nick's Avatar
    That's not how it works O'aka. I'm sure you already know this, but you don't "go bi." You either are or you aren't. You can experiment if you want, but that doesn't make a person bisexual, and if you're someone who considers the "worst part" of being in a relationship with a man to be making out and having sex, then being in a relationship with a man is not the thing for you.
    Posted June 25th, 2014 at 3:08 PM by Nick Nick is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Flushed's Avatar
    What Arago said is true, but I think if this is what pushes you to experiment with your sexuality, so be it. Just as long as this doesn't lead to misogynistic views that's fine. You can't let your experiences with women lead you to generalize things about them all, so I'd say keep that in mind.
    Posted June 25th, 2014 at 3:46 PM by Flushed Flushed is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Sonata's Avatar
    I know that's not how it works. I've had a few gay experiences before, however being in a relationship with someone doesn't have to be all about making out and having sex. There's a lot more to relationships of course, and I think I could get used to the making out part of it because it's not that big of a deal. Being in a relationship with a guy is just like having a best guy friend that you also would cuddle with, maybe do butt stuff with, and not have to worry about them calling you on doing something that may be conceived as gay.

    I also know not all girls are the same, but most girls that I've talked to, whether it be someone I know in real life or someone I meet online it ends up being just about the same stuff.
    Posted June 25th, 2014 at 3:48 PM by Sonata Sonata is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Star-Lord's Avatar
    You sound really bitter.

    Also gay people do the same relationship ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ lol.
    Posted June 25th, 2014 at 5:30 PM by Star-Lord Star-Lord is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Nick's Avatar
    I dunno. Gay people are just like straight people. They experience the same problems in their relationships (or their own equivalent of it) as straight people do, but they also have the added hostility of people who can't accept them for who they are and struggle to be accepted in our society every day. It's more than just having a guy friend who you can be buddies with and have sex with. And yeah, there's more to being in a relationship than making out and having sex, but to most people those things are super important. I think you know this already.

    But whatever. You do you. Just don't toy around with someone's emotions, because you could find a really great guy and be leading him on and into something that you're not prepared for yourself, because then you'll be the one to cause the pain. Judging from your attitude about it and your perception is, I just feel sorry for the guy who you're gonna get.
    Posted June 25th, 2014 at 6:01 PM by Nick Nick is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Belldandy's Avatar
    Overall, regardless what you did for her, it doesn't entitle you to anything. She doesn't /have/ to return your feelings. Common courtesy would be to at least answer for them with a "yes" or "no" (which it would appear that she didn't), but just because you got her some pads and chocolate and whatnaught doesn't mean she has to return your feelings by default. She's a woman, not a prize to be won or an Xbox achievement that you do x, y and z and then you're sure to win. It doesn't work that way. I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, though. I'm sure you care about her and are hurt that she didn't return those feelings. Really, though, you should be more hurt about the lack of respect to at least answer your message, regardless of what it is. You're not entitled to her affection after all, but you are entitled to respect and common decency.

    And people are people. Men and women pull the same crap. I don't think "trying to be gay" (which really isn't a thing) will change that lol You just need to go into a friendship and not expect too much. Men and women alike are rejected; it's really not that uncommon, and it's a good time to start facing it now than later. There'll be a lot more incidents like this to come, whether it be in relationships, career paths, etc.

    Just let stuff come naturally :)
    Posted June 25th, 2014 at 6:32 PM by Belldandy Belldandy is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Oryx's Avatar
    Did you ask her out before she found another guy and then you awkwardly put her on the spot when she had decided to be with that guy? Honestly, I was half with a guy before I went to college. I intentionally told him I wanted to keep it casual and not serious but he fell for me anyway, as you did with her, and then got angry at me and blamed me when I found a person at my actual college that I fell for and wanted to be with on a more serious track. It's...not nice (had to edit out some cursing here) to do nice things for a woman, only to reveal later that you only did it because you wanted a relationship with her, not because you valued her friendship. I would bring pads to a woman friend with period problems and I'm straight. I would be half pissed and half shattered to know that I built such an intimate friendship with someone, only to realize that that person didn't actually care about me as a friend, he only wanted me as a girlfriend and if he couldn't get that he would fight me on my decisions and put me in awkward, difficult permissions and then blame me for "leaving".

    If you didn't ask her out, you have no claim on her and no reason to feel anger at her for not reciprocating your ambiguous feelings. If you did and she turned you down, then you have no claim on her and no reason to feel anger at her for choosing another guy.
    Posted June 25th, 2014 at 6:58 PM by Oryx Oryx is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Sonata's Avatar
    Belldandy- I just used a few examples, I've done a lot of things for her that aren't appropriate for either PC or people who are just friends and not something more. And natural love and stuff just isn't something that finds its way my way.

    Oryx- I've never came out straight and said "Hey, wanna date me?" But I've put effort into it to make it noticed and she has noticed, at least I'd hope since it was obvious. And stuff has happened between us that I would take as signs that she liked me back. I don't mean to say I have a claim on her or anything, but more towards the way of it would have been great for her to say "hey, I'm not really into you so you should stop spending all of your time, love, and money on me because it's getting you absolutely nowhere with me."
    Posted June 25th, 2014 at 7:07 PM by Sonata Sonata is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Oryx's Avatar
    And when a woman does that with the wrong guy, they get mocked for being arrogant and "like I would ever be into you" regardless of the man's actual opinion. After being screwed over like that and humiliated multiple times, I've learned never to make assumptions about a man's feelings because you never know what kind of reaction you're going to get - you (as in you O'aka) know in your head that you would be reasonable and just back off, but how does she know you're not a man that would turn it into an insult and mockery of her that she thought you were into her when you didn't say anything? As someone who isn't a woman dealing with relationships with men, obviously this wouldn't cross your mind, but it's common enough that someone like me, who hasn't been in many relationships at all, has experienced it. That's why empathy is important. Instead of thinking of her as that jerk that chose the wrong man (because clearly you know what's good for her better than she does), think of her as a human being with traits she's attracted to, experiences that you've never had, and thought processes that aren't random.
    Posted June 25th, 2014 at 7:51 PM by Oryx Oryx is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Perriechu's Avatar
    this is literally like reading a 14 year old teenage girls status of "omg so sick of boyzz!!! going lesbian now!!!"

    and maybe instead of hinting etc, just tell them how you feel? lgbtq* people still have the exact same relationship problems as hetero people so don't think "going bi" solves your problems, because it doesn't lol.

    "I would definitely be a top in the relationship because I can't even imagine the pain of having something in me"

    i'm.. i'm just... goodbye.
    Posted June 26th, 2014 at 12:57 PM by Perriechu Perriechu is offline
  11. Old Comment
    Sonata's Avatar
    Well as I said, coming straight out and saying things tends to just push people away harder than when they just find someone else after me leaving not so subtle hints. I mean, I don't mean to sound like an annoying 14 year old dumbass but I have no idea really what to do.

    And sorry my comment about being a top upset you. I've messed around with guys before but it's stopped every time it gets close to me having something inside of me down there it would take too long to get something in me down there, but my mouth however is no longer a big deal to me. Actually, I was told that with my mouth I should go out to try to be a gay pornstar because it's big enough to make some money with.
    Posted June 26th, 2014 at 6:11 PM by Sonata Sonata is offline
  12. Old Comment
    Kanzler's Avatar
    As long as you're okay with us knowing that about you. You don't have to be accountable to anyone here. I don't think it's that bad that you feel bitter about the time you spent with her not going anywhere - at the end of the day you did make an emotional investment in her and two plus two equals four: it lead to disappointment.

    From her perspective, she might've not had a lot of experience turning people down. And believe me, that can be terribly difficult to go through. Also, yeah, girls can be strange creatures. Some of them aren't so forthcoming with their thoughts, and some of them are just borderline selfish or at least inconsiderate. A certain girl I know (who I ended up dating for a time) came crying to me about her boyfriend and telling me how "she needed me" when she knew full well that I had feelings for her. Definitely not a moment of her best judgement. But eh everybody ticks a different way

    Quote:
    I did just about anything I could think of to make her happy
    ^ This really stuck out to me. Correct me if I'm misled, but I get the feeling that you didn't know her all that well. I mean, despite how similar what I'm about to say next sounds, there's a difference between doing "everything you could think of to make her happy" and doing "everything you know makes her happy". I could be reading between the lines, but then again, people give themselves away subtly all the time.

    I think you should take several things away from this. Firstly that she didn't live up to your expectations. This is very important. You might be frustrated now, but think about her. Would you still want to be with her knowing that it takes so little for her to hook up with somebody else? I know a couple people who take the things they do for others really seriously, and get hurt when others don't reciprocate. I only really know your personality from this one blog post but you might be a person who tends to give a lot and judging how you don't mention a single thing she's done for you, she wouldn't have been a good person for you anyways.

    Secondly, you say that this has happened to you several times already. Could it be that you keep pursuing similar people? Perhaps the girls you've been with all happen to be inconsiderate, but you and I both know that there are great girls out there. Or perhaps it's hard for you to tell when a girl isn't into you. Most people aren't attracted to most other people, otherwise we'd all be in relationships. I don't think it's out of the ordinary that you hit it off with several but it didn't go anywhere. But I think you should figure out what's going wrong all these times you've tried to get with someone because then you can make changes - whether it be improving yourself, understanding what you're attracted to, avoiding people who you're attracted to but wouldn't be compatible with in the longer term, and so on -and be more successful.

    Maybe you could wait a little before you truly start pursuing lovers. People can be immature and you can wait for the statistics to be in your favour :P A lot of people don't get into a relationship until they're in their mid-20's or even later. A lot of people don't truly get into a relationship into their 20's because high school relationships don't count xD Seriously though everything's a learning process.

    tl;dr i don't think she would've been that good for you but you should figure out why you keep going for people/investing too much in people who don't work out with you
    Posted June 27th, 2014 at 1:17 AM by Kanzler Kanzler is offline
  13. Old Comment
    Ho-Oh's Avatar
    the fact that she's getting together with a dude from omegle after two days doesn't say much about her

    you can do better C:
    Posted June 28th, 2014 at 8:24 AM by Ho-Oh Ho-Oh is offline