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i don't even anymore

Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 1:46 AM by Alexander Nicholi

I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Things on PC for me have been staying low for me despite my efforts to brighten them up, and at this point I'm not even sure if I want what I thought I want out of this place anymore. It's literally all I have for a social life entirely so it's near-impossible to give it up, which is just unhealthy for me with how people are on here.

I really want to be accepted and included in things, and be part of the group. For the longest time I have conveyed that wrong as a lust for prestige and status which have put people off from me, and even though that's shriveled up it's like I haven't changed even though I know I have. I'm looking at PC and seeing the same old same old that I saw years ago and I'm like god don't you guys wanna do something new?

Some people on here have the confidence I don't have to say exactly what I'm thinking with how things are on here. It's not like PC is some awful place to be, but it's really far from being the great and wonderful community most everyone acts like it is. It has a few major flaws and it seems to be in denial about those flaws, to personify it. I see things wrong with PC in its social dynamic and I feel that those who are part of it have so little to lose when it comes to defending the way of things with the community, and that makes me feel alienated from things. I care about PC, and I'd love to see it become better. Even in a constructive manner, being denounced for criticism of the status quo by friends who are close to this place just makes my mind go pffffff. What?

Overall I don't even understand myself as to why I want to be here and be part of things with the reception I get. Neutral reception frankly feels just as bad as negative reception at this point, really.

My mind tells me it's just because I have nowhere else to go. I'd love to come and play with all of the folks on PC if they weren't so isolative and insulated about their sandbox of things.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Her's Avatar
    elaborate more on what you think is wrong with the community
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 1:51 AM by Her Her is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Mana's Avatar
    As someone who has rarely interacted with you, and using my incredible lurker skills, let me just say something small.

    You need to do what's best for you. I'm not convinced you're yourself here, fully - I feel like some of your personality is exaggerated or put on to try and fit in with the crowd here. If you're putting a lot of effort into PC, and not enjoying it, then maybe it's best to leave.

    If you can take just one person to hold on to on Skype, if you can accept some truths and carry on, then you'll come out a better person. And you don't have to cut and run - why not sign up to some other communities, Pokémon or not, and see how it goes. It might take a while, but we were all new members here once and look how long we stayed.

    Also, if you feel like there is something wrong with PC, which isn't a social memberbase issue, post a little in CQ&F or PM someone. Talk it though.

    /hope this helped and is not circular waffle.
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 2:25 AM by Mana Mana is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Starry Windy's Avatar
    Maybe we haven't talked quite much, but I have been through all of this back then, Alex, and sometimes I was wondering if I'll getting along with PC and if I'll get some acceptance and whatnot, but like Magic just said, all that is needed is that you have to become the very best you can be, and I personally think you're putting quite the effort, I'm sure that will pay off someday :)

    And I hope you can make it much better, Alex!
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 5:25 AM by Starry Windy Starry Windy is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Alexander Nicholi's Avatar
    Magic, this is probably my fault and all, but I don't know anyone else to have a place to go. The only other forum I'm on, LTT, is fundamentally different from here and people are all around nowhere near as attaching as they are on PC, not to mention the user-to-user interfaces are less than great. I really don't have anywhere else to go and I thought PC was an okay place with decent people, I dunno. When I enumerate those "friends" I have all I see is one person, and of course he's not perfect either so what can you do

    Wind Heart, thank you for the empathy. I'm not sure if our experiences are the same as there's a few people on PC I feel a lot more similarity to (won't name names), but your thoughts are appreciated. thank you

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Aphrodite View Comment
    elaborate more on what you think is wrong with the community
    It's these very sorts of responses that are the root of PC's cliquiness and insulation to begin with.
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 11:46 AM by Alexander Nicholi Alexander Nicholi is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Klippy's Avatar
    PC is an entirely open and welcoming community, but you may be shutting yourself off from that with your "conclusion" that PC is cliquey and insulated. Change your perspective, try out new areas of the forums, and don't assume people are being cliquey when they ask you to elaborate on your thoughts - clearly they want to know.
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 1:23 PM by Klippy Klippy is offline
    Updated January 3rd, 2015 at 1:36 PM by Groot
  6. Old Comment
    Her's Avatar
    ?
    i want to know more of what you think before i give my own comment
    don't put insinuations into my mouth
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 1:40 PM by Her Her is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Nah's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Klippy View Comment
    PC is an entirely open and welcoming community, but you may be shutting yourself off from that with your "conclusion" that PC is cliquey and insulated. Change your perspective, try out new areas of the forums, and don't assume people are being cliquey when they ask you to elaborate on your thoughts - clearly they want to know.
    PC is a little cliquey though. Usually places where there's large numbers of people are cliquey. And even if the place actually isn't, it can be hard for some people to see that and just telling them that it's not and to "change their perspective" isn't really gonna do anything to help imo.

    Though I do agree that there is nothing wrong with Aphrodite asking for Alex to elaborate.

    Actually, this'd be a good thread I think, someone make it.
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 1:57 PM by Nah Nah is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Alexander Nicholi's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Klippy View Comment
    PC is an entirely open and welcoming community, but you may be shutting yourself off from that with your "conclusion" that PC is cliquey and insulated. Change your perspective, try out new areas of the forums, and don't assume people are being cliquey when they ask you to elaborate on your thoughts - clearly they want to know.
    No, it's not. And the reasoning behind this message ties into that very thing. #dealwithit doesn't cut it when you're dealing with next to everything, sorry. I'm human too.
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 3:10 PM by Alexander Nicholi Alexander Nicholi is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Pinkie-Dawn's Avatar
    If it has something to do with PC being isolated to what's going on within the internet community such as Gamer Gate and the Sony hacks, and I understand what you mean. If not, then it may have something to do with your attitude that may give some users bad impressions about you such as how you think a certain medium isn't as good as they were when you were young or you disliking something that has huge following when you could've just say it's not your cup of tea.
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 8:13 PM by Pinkie-Dawn Pinkie-Dawn is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Her's Avatar
    i will share my opinion without invitation as i do like talking about this topic when it comes up

    pc will always be cliquey and will always have people who feel isolated within it. it's a forum filled with mostly american teens and young adults, coming from education systems where cliques are a way of life. this complaint has been brought up since the birth of the forum over 11 years ago now, it was brought up back when i was 16 and part of a pc clique that everyone at the time hated. it will continue to be brought up as people like yourself feel a sense of abandonment by the community.

    in a way, you are right. pc does gravitate towards those who have, in one way or another, caught the attention of those who have sway. members will be spoken over despite the attempts of staff/good samaritan members to include everyone.
    cliques will always exist on here, so i'll just lay it out there that struggling against it is almost futile. i'm not saying deal with it, but rather, try to find a way to reconcile with it and work it to your advantage.

    however, i struggle to understand why you feel isolated. i'll save my personal opinion of you for a time you request it, if you ever do. but you seem to be well involved in many aspects of the forum, interacting with many. i wouldn't say you are well adjusted given how you are feeling, but you don't seem like you are inherently disliked or excluded in the slightest.
    so, i am confused by what you are feeling.

    bear in mind i am not being accusatory, just thorough:
    what have you criticised that has earned you derision? what do you think needs criticism? what has remained stagnant in your eyes? what is making you feel that the forum is isolative? how would you change things?
    you are giving statements but hardly backing them up.
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 8:37 PM by Her Her is offline
  11. Old Comment
    Kanzler's Avatar
    Not everybody is going to be your friend. I just had a falling out with my girlfriend's best friend and the rest of their friend group supported her (unfairly, in my opinion). They're the only people I really hang out with in IRL and I think I'm done with them. The point is, there are people you just aren't going to mesh with for whatever reason and it's worth accepting that.

    Personally, I don't dislike you. In fact, I can empathize with you and respect that you speak your mind without being impolite (as far as I'm aware, in my opinion) as well as your determination to see things through. I also highly respect your candidness even as you may cloak yourself in some way or another.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with what you are feeling, as hard as they may be. Cliques are stupid, especially when they exist for stupid reasons (I can tell you that much from personal experience). But like Aphrodite says, they are unavoidable in the sense that you'll always be bumping into them here or there.

    You don't have to be friends with everybody here. Sometimes one or two good friends is enough. It might not be as bad as you think it is.
    Posted January 3rd, 2015 at 11:21 PM by Kanzler Kanzler is offline
  12. Old Comment
    BeachBoy's Avatar
    At least you recognize that you're human, and the feeling of inclusion is certainly a part of that. That's what I try to think about when these feelings stop by for a bit, or even have an extended stay. It's hard to let go of this ideal in our head. I think it's why I struggle to stay back at PC, even though my heart always slings me right back in its orbit again. Sometimes it's the thinking so much about things that get in the way of enjoying it.

    I'm not sure I ever started on the right foot with you, but I always appreciate your perspective when you post. Sometimes they're direct, but I think that's just who you are: willing to say whatever the elephant there is in the thread.

    I don't know what I'm really trying to say here other than, you just gotta step back and look at this in how you can enjoy it without being too hard on yourself in hopes for that "ideal" community.
    Posted January 9th, 2015 at 3:40 PM by BeachBoy BeachBoy is offline
  13. Old Comment
    Alexander Nicholi's Avatar
    600mg of Lithium Carbonate seems to have fixed things, not that you guys didn't help before that. I really appreciate the reception I've gotten out of this, and I hope from here out things won't be in such a negative light through my eyes.

    Thanks :)
    Posted January 16th, 2015 at 10:00 AM by Alexander Nicholi Alexander Nicholi is offline