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Who was little kid me?

Posted March 21st, 2015 at 6:20 PM by Alexander Nicholi

I like to think I've come a long way from those days. Even though my past isn't a bed of rose petals I still feel like I've come to terms with and moved on from most of it. And I thought it'd be a nice read in my blog if you were so curious. I'll try to make this concise.

Nine- or ten-year old me played RuneScape. He went by the name AlexTheRose and after discovering Bulbapedia carried the name onto the forums there. He made a large mess of things in his time there, and after a fallout emigrated to PC. I'd like to detail that fallout and the things surrounding it.

I was very young, and very immature. I had just gotten out of two awesome years of school and had three years on my own to do whatever I want. Naturally, the internet came into play. I liked Pokémon, and I liked computers - I just got a new laptop for Christmas and decided to have my way.

The aura surrounding Bulbagarden isn't all too much of a welcoming one, really, and for good reason. Those inside insulate themselves, from the hordes of noobs outside on the wiki. How else could you thrive there, lol. During my time there Bulbagarden went through a couple of significant changes, too, which I imagine wasn't easy for the staff to deal with. First off, they made the move from vB3 to vB4. Which dragged on forever. Second, they sold out the organization to HAVA Media and had to scramble to keep everyone's mouths shut about it, which kind of failed. It was hard for them, I'll give 'em credit where credit's due. My part in things was never anything direct with that stuff.

By far most of my interaction with things was to do with the 'shipping fandom - yes, a bomb lit from the start, innit? Anyway, I thought Ash and May were really cute and read some cool fanfics and saw PD+ (a really lovely artist btw), and decided "wynaut" - I'll be an AdvanceShipper. The thing about the conflict that followed was really foul on both sides of the field, and looking back I think everyone was missing a big chunk of maturity on their part. Everyone was about themselves and their "clump" and were vehement enemies of other clumps - that instinctual muk. PokéShippers hated AdvanceShippers and bashed them in their thread, vice versa. Well, sort of. When your staff have their own 'shipping preferences things get haywire, and like it or not muk gets messy. One of the staff on hand then was prodding at the AdvanceShipping thread with nitpicky corrections again and I kind of told her to get lost. Slap an infraction and call it a day, right? I was banned for 24 hours from the forums by hand and forbade the ability to post in basically the only thread I post in, ever. Later on I think I got hellbanned for God knows what lol. As we took our immature asses over to our own boards where I was met with disappointment because they were doing the same muk the others were, violating their own policy, etc... I got this PM on FF.net. I think Luna here covers some really good points but also confuses me with some things, like personally barring me from staff (don't they have their own judgment?) and referring to the other gal as The Boss... eh. here.
That was not friendly. Not in the least. Do you know how upset at you I was when I saw you tell the new Forum Head "Please take it elsewhere"? She did nothing wrong stating a FACT that I would have said myself (because it's not a legend, it's folklore and there's a difference) and that was not friendly, nor a redirection (because a redirection would have been not pressing the matter to begin with, when she told you she wasn't "trying to talk it down"). Your words were the ones that needed being restated, not hers, because nothing in her word choice suggests she was being rude or disrespectful until you told her to get stuffed. You were the one barreling out of the gates, sir. She doesn't "miss the mark" of anything; she gets it very clearly. You do not.

This is why you would never be a good shipping moderator, by the way; that was decided before I left and by me. I won't spell it out, because it won't change anything of you. However, you saw her as a Pokeshipper, NOT as a figure of authority who I chose to hired last year because she is quite capable of saying things without her preferences blinding her. It was never about who 'shipped what, as you seem to keep implying. And I'm very disappointed at your actions and disrespect for my judgment (which I stand by because I wouldn't have left if I didn't think she was ready to be or capable of being The Boss) and disrespect to her.

I will not comment on the ban, because you don't seem to understand why you got it, or you do and think I will be sympathetic to your version of "what happened." I'm not a fool and you're not a victim.

For the record, I left and if I have to come back, I will not be happy or kind, either. Okay?

The venomous tone was really the killer in the PM though. Could've stood to be nicer, but meh. It was years ago. I was God knows how old.

It was really tough for me to cope with that muk, when I was wrong but they were wrong, I felt shortchanged... yeah. It was whatever. What about me, right?

At that time I was so far from where I both am and want to be... I was pale as a ghost, really overweight, didn't take care of myself... I was mukty. And it's kind of hard not to be mukty to mukty people, right? Not that I want to qualify their behaviour as acceptable, or mine either for that matter... but younger me was really not something worthwhile at all.

The biggest thing though isn't so much looking at the southward horizon and thinking it's an excuse to stop - there's still so much more to be conquered. You can never stop learning, changing, growing. I take my crappy past as a reason to continue improving. Yeah?
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