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Let's Play Pokemon Snakewood! Chapter 28

Posted December 15th, 2018 at 9:31 AM by Rainbow Chara X
Tags lp#1

We're going to dive straight into the heart of this game's stupidity. Also, today's episode is going to be a bit longer than normal.

Chapter 28 - A Comedy of Errors


Thanks to the power of Religion, we're suddenly in Sootopolis. It only goes downhill from here, folks.

Apparently this Pokecenter is like the rebel base against Senex or something. Let's pay them a visit.

"Please, come over to the table. The meeting is about to start."

Dr. Blackthorn: "Just wait a little while."

I'm not even sure if things can be explained properly at this point, but what the hell. I give second chances.

[Theme I would use for the board meeting: City Hall]

???: "Firstly, I would like to welcome Jack and his Pokemon to our Hideout. I understand you have come far and have thwarted our enemies at many points during your journey."

: ("Damn right. So should we introduce ourselves? I mean, we're just as important as Jack.")

: ("Of course. My name is Bellamine - I'm directly responsible for making sure Jack is safe.")
: ("My name is Jeanne. I'd rather you not witness what a Flamethrower from me can do to you, should you ever get on my bad side.")
; ("I-I'm Ambes. Nice to meet all of you. Jack saved me and my siblings from the zombies.")
: ("Ballin's the name. I help Jack surf across our nearly seventy percent water-covered region.")
: ("I'm new to the crew, but me and Jack have met before. I'm Gauss. Nice to meet y'all.")
: ("I beat things up. You can just call me Valor.")

???: "Why are you applauding that? ... Never mind. Jack, let me introduce you to the members of... the Resistance."

Maybe they're applauding because they're being appreciative of Jack and the Crew helping so often? How they're the cornerstone of all your efforts in a sense?

Granted, you sort of had to assume there was such a thing given how Birch kept giving us suspiciously convenient information.

???: "Indeed. Now, members of the Resistance, please introduce yourselves for the benefit of Jack here."

Birch has been fine with us risking our life and had the gall to say we're not doing so well at a time when we needed serious moral support. "Way to be a dick, Prof." is the best way I can describe him.

We've been helping his miserable ass the entire game and he doesn't even have an inkling of gratitude for what we do.

Woman next to Birch: "I'm Ms. Lucretia Borgia, the CEO of the Pokemart Company."

Never heard of you.

: "I'm Chloe, former head of the Inquisition, and now forced into attending this stupid meeting. You already know me."

The Inquisition was disappointing. It looked like they were going to build up into something impressive, but they sort of died out when we beat Chloe. Before even that, they lost relevance when the focus shifted to the Deadly Seven.

: "I am Veracity, the Gym Leader of Fortree City, and I am eternally in your debt."

Veracity was cool, though. The Film University was arguably the best setpiece in the entire game and the moment where we had to deal with his sister (infamous Jabberwocky line excluded) was probably one of the most emotional moments aside from dealing with Zombie Norman.

: "My name is Haruhara Haruko, 1st Class Space Patrol Officer and Gym Leader of Dewford Town."

Haruko only exists in this game because Cutlerine was a weeb. Her only saving grace in Snakewood was giving us the Yellow Vespa.

: "We have already met, young one. You aided me in my fight against the demon of the desert."

: "Ah, yes, about that..."

Izumii and the Monks were pretty cool. Granted, their introduction into Hoenn made absolutely no sense but they had nice designs. Izumii gets points for trying to fend off an Aerodactyl without using any Pokemon.

: "I saw you back in the Champion's room, Jack. My name is Steven Stone, former Champion before your brother beat me."

Steven sort of summarizes everything wrong when it comes to how Cutlerine handled the Pokemon aspect of Snakewood. The Pokemon aspect was shafted more in favor towards the random references to other things and crazy junk like the Deadly Seven; it feels tackled on after a while, as if Cutlerine had to keep it in so it could qualify as a Pokemon rom hack.

It doesn't help that many characters from the actual game get eaten/killed offscreen even when it doesn't make sense, like the rest of the Elite Four and the Gym Leaders.

Now we're at the point where Snakewood has introduced Christianity as a plot point and Rayquaza being shot down over a real life water channel. Trying to act like this is both the real world and the fictional Hoenn at the same time just isn't going to work, I'm sorry.

A damn rock: "I am Lord Unbone, the famously insane fisherman who lives inside of a rock! We may have met before, I can't remember!"

... Unbone... Oh my god this dude is responsible for creating Hombone! I would have Ballin drown him, but there's too many people around for that.

: "And I am Meteor, the Dragon King, whom you know of old. Like Veracity, I owe you a debt that cannot be repaid."

Meteor was another cool character. I mean, he shares the same sprite as the rest of his species, but the dragons were some of the nicest people in the entire game.

Of course, the people that have eternal gratitude to Jack are the only few decent people in the game.

"We were expecting Esau, the Gym Leader of Pacifidlog Town, to be here, but for some reason hasn't turned up."

[Jack shivers while Birch's eyes widen a bit]

Grendel: "Anyway, since we are all now acquainted, let us get down to business. You know why we're here: to break Senex's foul grip on our land. Unfortunately, there are only four of us who have any chance of doing so: Mr. Stone, Sage Izumii, His Majesty Meteor, and Jack. They are the only ones who have the raw power to combat Senex directly."

And of course, being the Main Characters, Jack and the Crew are the ones who have to do all of the heavy lifting.

: "I hate to admit it, but Veracity is right. You are more powerful than me, Jack."

... But I thought Grendel was the one talking?

[Valor gives Jack his shades, to which Jack crosses his arms with a defiant expression]

"Why don't we four just go in and kick some ass - I mean get Senex?"

: "Because we need a plan of action. Chloe was persuaded to use her Taoist powers to find out how many zombies are in the Necropolis - and there are literally thousands. Go in there unprepared and you will die, simple as that."

: "Good enough reason, I assume..."

Grendel: "Exactly. Recently, however, one of our scouts was able to acquire this."

Ms. Borgia: "Is that what I think it is -?"

I had to resist editing her name to be Boregia. Be glad.

Grendel: "Yes, this is a floor plan of Senex's Necropolis."

[All gasp]

Grendel: "You may well be surprised - it was damn hard to get a hold of. But if you look here, you'll see that the main hall leads to THIS point here, which..."

[Fade to black transition]

I'm grateful for this transition taking up less of my time.

: "So it's settled, then. You four will enter via the back entrance, since the front is too heavily guarded."

: "Once there, I shall continue up the stairs and clear out the zombies in the rear guard post, then slay Temulence in his lair directly above."

: "Meanwhile, I'll head for the centre of the cave and trigger a few Earthquakes with my Pokemon, collapsing the main hall and trapping the enemy forces within the Necropolis, where I can deal with them at my leisure."

: "At the same time, I shall travel to the third floor, where I shall duel Gleis. I believe my powers shall be sufficient to match his."

: ("I... somehow doubt that. I dealt with Gleis's power directly and it felt more vile than anything a normal human is capable of.")

"Meanwhile I'm... er... I'm sorry, I wasn't listening."

Dr. Blackthorn: "You're going to investigate that large room on the second floor, Jack. The one marked "Incarceration Chamber" on the map. Presumably there will be prisoners there, and you shall rescue them."

: "Right! Yeah, I knew that! Investigate the Incarceration Chamber. Easy."

Jack, if this were any other situation, I would be laughing and throwing up the smiley. Now's not the time to mess around.

Though you got to admit. The shades make him look like he's being snide as hell.

Grendel: "Yes, quite. Anyway, after that, you will reconvene as soon as possible. Senex will know about your presence in the Necropolis as soon as Steven starts blasting, you can be certain of that. It will take all of your combined strength to bring him down."

The hype is tangible.

: "And don't forget: If you find Champion Landon or May, you have to get them both out of there immediately! They are both extremely important!"

: "Yeah, we get it. Tell us something we don't know, Prof."

[Jack cracks a sly grin]

Grendel: "Yes, yes. Birch is correct. Alright! Resistance Members, are we all clear on our plan?"

Grendel: "Then let's move out!"

[Fade to black transition]

Jack isn't even facing him.

Dr. Blackthorn: "No. I am afraid I am but a guide character, destined never to actually perform the action sequences myself. I cannot join you in the battle ahead, Jack."

: "I see... Well... Thanks."

Dr. Blackthorn: "There is no need. It is my job. Good luck, Jack, I hope we meet again, in happier times."

Dr. Blackthorn was pretty much the Deus Ex Machina doctor. He exists only to help us from stupidly impossible situations, which is all fine and good.

"This the final segment of the game, and things are going to get TOUGH! Harder puzzles, harder enemies. If you've got any preparations to make, make 'em now. because there won't be a chance later! When you and I are ready to go, just steer me over to Grendel and press 'A', and we'll be off."

[Bellamine slaps away the force that was possessing Jack]

: "What the hell was that?! Those words... Where the hell did they come from?"

: ("I really don't like how this Cutlerine fellow keeps possessing you.")

Alright, with that warning in mind, let me just say this:

The game has already been tough ever since the Elite Four. Don't give me crap about the puzzles being tougher either: The Madio Caves and the Inquisition Base are prime examples of the game always having dickish design.

Other than that, this is the one time where heeding the warning would probably be a good thing. See, while you can't fly back to the Sootopolis Pokecenter, you can return by touching Cassidy Rock again.

Then again, even if you somehow manage to make it this deep into this game, there's no amount of grinding that can possibly save you.

: "You can make the Glass of God?"

Sasakura: "No, that's my brother, Ryu."

Yes, the game actually offers you a chance to get drunk before the final battle. I actually did the challenge offscreen - there's no good reward or funny interaction. Not only that, I seriously don't think Jack would go into the battle with Senex while he's completely boozed out.

Although, imagine how that confrontation would go.

: ("Finally, some common sense.")

"Meteor says he'll fly you to the secret entrance we discovered to the Necropolis."

: "Let's slam jam."

Grendel: "Godspeed, Jack. I wish you the very best of luck. Meteor's just coming."

[Fade to black transition - offscreen Jack returned Valor's shades]

[A reminder - the theme I would use for the Necropolis: Journey to the Mountain of the Demon King]

We're finally here. Get ready, guys.

(I'll admit, we're at the part of the game where the game is going to get stupid. But you can't say the theme I picked doesn't fit for where we are.)

: "I'm fine."

: "Very well, then. Steven and Izumii are just here."

"Let's get moving."

[Izumii and Steven walk ahead]

: "Come, Jack."

: "Guys, I get it."

[The three of them walk inside]

But before we follow them...

Hey, would you look at that. 9 out of 50.

... This is the same room where we were imprisoned by Gleis.

"The Battle Zombie looks from you to his stumps and back again, and says nothing."

Best part about it? If you didn't somehow beat him before, he would have challenged you again. I presume you would have been sent back to Pacifidlog thanks to lazy programming, so that's always good (ugh).

"According to our information, the passage to the main base has a narrow entrance, but is wide enough for three to walk abreast."

: "Those words sound familiar..."

I swear to god if that's some sort of reference.

: "Really? Can't think why. Come on, then. You go first, and we'll follow."

"We'll go check to see if it's safe before we make you go."

Is that... basic human decency?!

Well, I'm impressed.

"You could only fit one or two people here. Huh. Remind me never to trust J.R.R Tolkien ever again. Anyway, where is everyone? ... They must have gone on ahead, to carry out their tasks. I guess that just leaves us. Okay, let's do this! To the Incarceration Chamber!"

Let's just keep going forward.

"This is the pit that leads down to the North Passages, where the Incarceration Chamber is... You should go down."

If you answer "no", the game goes "Oh, okay, it's not like the fate of the entire nation rests on you going down there. It's cool."

The only reason this puzzle even exists is to make this maze more confusing than it actually is. Since multiple screenshots of me hopping around the place won't be entertaining, I'll only get to the most important parts.

This is the place where you can encounter wild Moulder and Graveill. Appropriate, considering this is the zombie lair.

Believe it or not, talking to Rhydon here is vital to proceeding.

Don't be confused - it just cut to another part of the room we're already in. Talking to Rhydon opened up the small path to the center there.

Offscreen: A disproportionate amount of time used up on the damn jumping puzzle surrounding this place.

"They've been... frozen in carbonite?! Is this for real?!"

Wow, there are not enough in the world to describe this.

: "I guess it must be. Fine, I'll push the concealed switches one by one."

Might as well skip to the end.


: "Damn it, someone must have noticed! I have to rescue those hostages, quick!"

[Jack jumps down the hole]

You know, since we're here we might as well free them.

: "... Never heard of you."

Trick Master: "Eh? Really? But I'm famous... Well, thanks for freeing me - Senex locked me up because I was so tricky I threatened his reign of terror! I must go now, and train in the mountains to become yet more tricksome."

: "... Whatever."

[The Trick Master disappears]

: "Well, that was weird... then again, everyone is."

Yep, that's pretty much this game in a nutshell. I have no idea how the Trick Master can threaten Senex considering there's a super trick maze coming up... I'm serious.

"Eh, who cares?"

Excuse you

His fangirls and his Gen 6 counterpart would love to disagree with you. Well, enough messing around, let's see the important ones.

: "It's me, Jack. The one and only."

: "But you... you... you look so bland!"

: "That's it? No, 'Hi, May, I'm glad you're okay?' Just a comment on how I look?"

She has a point.

: "Uh--"

: "Well, let me tell you something! You showed up and stole all the hero overworlds from Landon and I, and the Cutlerine can't spare any other ones to reinsert our custom ones! So it's YOUR fault we look like this, Jack!"

Seriously, you couldn't spare the effort to make Landon and May actually look like themselves? Whatever.

: "Ah... sorry?"

: "Apology accepted. Now free Landon."

: "Landon!"

: "Jack..? Oh my god, it's you! How did you get - Whoa. You freed us? You've gotten so strong..."

I'm seriously wondering what kind of Pokemon Jack had before he had the Crew. You know, aside from Gauss.

: "Hate to break this up, guys, but Landon we need to clear off. We're pretty weak right now and can't help in a fight."

: "Uh, yeah... Jack, I'll speak to you later okay? May and I will just go - go to the Resistance Headquarters..."

[Landon and May leave in a fade to black transition]

"Never mind, I can do that later. Right now, I need to meet up with the others and take down that necromancer!"

Cool. Let's hurry up and --

What the hell? Why'd the screen darken?

: ("Jack... Ambes...")

: "Huh?"

[The figure of a pale Raichu materializes in front of Jack]

[Theme I would use for this scene: Illusionary World]

: ("Hi, Ambes. It's me... Big Sis.")

: ("I-Ivory?! You're... you're a ghost?!")

: ("You had an older sister?")

: "I'm surprised. I thought you were the oldest."

: ("No... Ivory was always the oldest. Just... I didn't expect to see her here!")

: ("Ambes... You've grown so strong. I'm so proud of you, especially since you and Jack have been taking care of Shine and Spark in my absence... But there's just something I have to say. The journey you're on...")

[Loud thunder SFX - imagine the screen shaking as if it were hit by an Earthquake]


[Theme that replaces the previous song: NGAHHH!!]

: ("S-sis?!")

: "Whoa!" [Jack is thrown back by her presence]

: ("S-scary, man..")

: ("I think I like her already.")

: ("... Same.")

: ("Heh.")

: ("I've been watching you guys fight, and I've just been sitting here like... 'how are they stomaching the obvious idiocy right in front of them?!' If I were still alive, I would have popped a blood vessel by now! Like it's goddamn infuriating!")

: ("B-but sis, we've worked so hard...")

: ("Huh? No, no, I don't mean you guys. You've all been excellent, even if Jack has shown to be an absolute idiot at times.")

: "Hey!"

: ("What I'm talking about are things like the Horsemen, the Deadly Seven, and all of that insanity. There were points where I straight up wanted to beat them into a pulp worse than you guys did, just from how awful it all was. Since you're going into the heart of all this madness, I may as well accompany you on the final stretch!")

: ("I mean, I can't really fight like you guys can... but I suppose you need the emotional support.")

: ("That'd... that'd be great, sis! I'd be happy to have you around after all of this time!")

: ("Awww. You're still a precious muffin, Ambes. Anyway, count me as part of the Crew!")

: "Alright, cool. Nice to have you along, Ivory."

: ("She seems very responsible.")

: ("Oh, she is! Ivory was always the one that took care of us back when we were younger.")

: ("Although... It just hit me now. Why is she a ghost? Did she really...")

[Ambes tries to hold back tears but fails]

: [Bursts out crying]

: ("Ambes, please. What happened... happened. There's no reason to dwell on it.")

: ("But-but-but... you're dead!")

: ("So? I'll always be with you in spirit... literally. Besides, you're a strong kid. I shouldn't have to see you cry over me.")

: ("She's got a point. 'S cool to cry sometime, little buddy... Just don't let that be your entire life.")

: ("R-right... Okay, we can do this! Let's go!")

Sorry, I had to throw that in. Ivory will be helping me riff the game from now on.

"Prisoners have been released without due caution and authorization. All available Elite Guards to the Northern Passages to prevent their escape!"

: "Ah, crap! Distracting all of the zombies is Steven's job, not mine! Time to fight, I guess - if I can get out of this maze..."

How reliably do you expect one man to distract so many zombies? Just sayin'.

One annoying maze later, we come across our first enemy trainers in the Necropolis.

What the hell, they have country accents?!

Oh jesus. That's gruesome.

I can't be the only person that thinks this trainer class is beyond creepy. The fact they look like older Jacks doesn't help a bit. They're the "Elite Guards" that the alarm mentioned and possess some brand new zombie Pokemon.

Such as this badass motherpsyducker right here. Shinigami are probably one of the coolest Pokemon in the entire game, bar none. They're ghostly Gallades (that are still / despite being ghosts) and their coloration is amazing. Too bad they're unobtainable without cheats, otherwise I would totally have one.

They're pretty strong by virtue of being Gallade.

[The Shinigami's eyes widen as he notices Bellamine enter the battle. He puts on a coy smirk.]

: ("Hey, babe. If you manage to survive, do you mind if you and me sneak out and... get to know each other?")

: ("I'm sorry, I don't associate with desperate men.")

: ("Damn. You just got told, son.")

: ("Oh, come on! You're the first actual Gardevoir I've seen in a long time! You know how lonely it is being in this place, surrounded by only zombies, Senex and some scrawny guys?!")

: ("Well, I'm sorry. Of course I wouldn't know. I'd humor your offer...")

I just want you guys to picture Jack and the Headslinger guy to be looking at this conversation with confused glances.

: ("If I had no taste.")

: ("God damn, that's cold... Okay, you got me this time! My name is Louis, by the wa--")

[Louis disappears]

: ("Maybe I was a bit harsh on him?")

: ("... Eh, not really. Let's keep going, Jack.")

: [Was dying laughing this entire scene]

Nice text wrapping technique there, Cutlerine. The ball itself isn't even that special - it's a Safari Ball with a "scary" name.

Remember how these guys were a pain? They still kind of are.

This is a new reason. Perish Song.

While it's easy to switch out and negate the effects, it's harrowing for me. I count losing against zombies (excluding special occasions like the fight against the level 100 Gaoler dude) as perma-death, which is why I take the utmost precaution to make sure that doesn't happen.

Valor's Shadow Swipe makes quick work of them, considering they're still Psychic type. I don't know why they don't just nuke him - he is part Fighting type, after all...

Not that I'm complaining - god no.

Okay, seriously. Why are the Headslingers cowboys?

It's almost as if they're... gunslingers... but with severed heads. Wow, I can't believe even that turned dumb.

[Bursts into an uproar of laughter]

Wow, that's actually... that's actually ingenious. I'm surprised Cutlerine picked now to bring in the really cool ideas, cause imagine if this was obtainable. Since they're /, you'd think I'd be intimidated by this and throw in someone else.

Nope. That's what Calm Mind is for. See, Stitcher tries to be scary and throw you all of the big Special Attacks... that Bellamine can already shrug off.

Now imagine stacking 5 Calm Minds.

[Bellamine used Psychic!]

She freaking vaporizes the thing. Despite having a Psychic resistance, it still took only two of those Uber Psychics to kill the Stitcher.

: ("I don't even have to say anything to this. I'm pretty sure it demonstrates itself.")

I hate the puzzle not because it's hard but because it just wastes time being forced to jump into the right direction.

Not pictured: Handgun.

Also wow, that's a blatant reference. You may as well call him Dirty Harry instead.

Of course there had to be another shoe-horned in reference to Gurren Lagann. Antispiral here is pretty much an evil version of Zangol, but is still a type. There's a reason why I don't usually put up Valor to Psychic types.


See, what Antispiral just tried to do was hack Bellamine's head off with Guillotine. I'm intensely grateful towards the Random Number God for not letting that happen.

... But do you want to know something? Jeanne got hit by it in practice. Considering this guy's trainer is a Headslinger, that would have turned a valuable member of the Crew into a morbid trophy for Senex. Like... euuugh.

It's one things when the references don't make sense, but why now of all times?

[The screen shakes]

"I wonder how he and the others are doing."

[The screen pans to the left]

"Hello, there. This is the Cutlerine, finishing off the fourth wall. The poor thing's taken quite a battering, so I'll put it out of its misery and just talk to you directly for now. Jack doesn't know it, but your friends are running into a few complications. In fact, I think I'll show you..."


Oh my god, I think I'm gonna lose it.

"But you can't defeat the destroyer of worlds!"

: "Wha--?"

[Meteor vanishes]

... What even happened. I don't even think it's in character for Temulence to kick Meteor's ass.

"But Meteor wasn't the only one in trouble. Steven was slowly being worn down by the endless waves of Headslingers and Battle Zombies."

See what I said like a few screenshots ago? Still, give him credit for surviving. Being an actual character from the games is like wearing a bulls-eye around your head here.

"Even the powerful Sage Izumii, who had bravely fought off the Aerodactyl in the desert for so long, found that he had sorely underestimated the strength of his opponent..."

In hindsight, being held up by a Pokemon that wasn't even or type showed just how horribly mismatched he was.

: "Ku! I am not yet defeated!"

: "Yes, you are."

... So he just falls down a floor? Whatever.

"Jack doesn't know about it yet, but now that I've told you, you might want to see what can be done to salvage this mission. Now a message from our sponsors."

I really want to shout expletives at the top of my lungs, but that's sort of what he's goading me into.

... wait, sponsors

"Hi. I'm Barney Bojangles, and I drink Rokitfule. It's the only liquor that's GUARANTEED to shorten your life by a year a gulp!"


: ("... Are you alright, miss Ivory?")

: ("Yes, I'm completely fine. What gave you that impression?")

: ("... Perhaps you need to rest.")

"Please wait while I return you to Jack. This could take a little while, so don't start slamming keys in frustration if you don't get back immediately."

Oh, Cutlerine. You sure are condescending considerate.

Seriously though, wow. This entire sequence was just a goddamn mess. Like the screen panning thing was cool, but everything else is complete garbage.

Aren't you supposed to be attacking me? Whatever, I don't care.

Anyway, welcome to the Super Trick Maze! All I have to say for this part is:

It's easily the most frustrating maze in the entire game. It was another one that was so bad that Cutlerine actually had to make a map for it.

Cutlerine, you are not winning anybody over with these stupid mazes. All they do is piss people off and make them not want to play your game, especially if there's wild encounters littered around them like in the Super Trick Maze.

These are, honestly, the lowest point in Snakewood's gameplay (the story gets its own nadir soon enough - yes, it somehow manages to top what we've already seen).

Since I am not a sadist myself, I'm just going to skip to the end for your convenience.

Another Shinigami, only this time he didn't try to hit on Bellamine. Louis is the only one that will do that.

Anyway, I should probably tell you guys something.

See, there's a reason why I'm still trying to make an effort to be entertaining despite the fact that I honestly cannot stand this part of the game.

Like I'm not kidding, this part of Snakewood is so harrowingly stupid that I don't want to keep playing or have anything to do with it... but I'm not going to half-ass my commentary. The feeling like the Let's Player is fatigued with the game he's playing isn't something I want to be letting off. That, and it wouldn't be entertaining to you guys if I just put my brain on autopilot.

"I suppose it's no good wondering where this water's coming from, since we're on the sixth floor... I just don't care anymore. Sigh. I guess there's only one thing to do."

Have Ballin surf on the water and ignore the completely useless thing that's coming up?

Damn. I didn't want to go through this part.

We're in the S.S Cangrejo again... and this time with less purpose than ever.

"Sigh... Anybody here? Usher? No reply. That's weird. Usually, Usher shows up pretty quickly."

Jack is just as tired as I am of all this.

"Come to think about it, don't I usually fall into the cargo hold?"

???: "Hello."

: "What was that?! ... Just my imagination, then. This place gives me the creeps."

: ("Jack, when is it ever anybody's imagination?")

: "... Right."

Light Screen has no use because we have a Bellamine.

"This is stupid! There aren't any more doors, so where do I go from here?"

???: "I can help with that. Heh... readying warp..."

: "Who said that?"

To this day, I still don't know who that voice is.

Future Dan: Maybe it's a sea demon.

Alright, we have a mini-ship going back and forth like a kid doped up on sugar.

Along with an exact replica of the helpful room from a few chapters ago. There's even wild Ampharos roaming in the room outside if you want to grind.

I know why Cutlerine did this - so you could swap out your Pokemon and get a break. What I don't understand is the part immediately after this.

No, really.

: "It is? Oh my god, I'm so lucky to be here! I've gotta watch!"

You know, it's not like the world is in imminent peril or anything. It's cool.

[The crowd screams "No, don't break up"]

Band leader: "I'm sorry, our minds are made up. But we're going to leave you with our greatest hit song!"

[Crowd cheers]

: ("Okay. I'll bite. What's the song?")

Now, the part that comes after this is completely undoctored:

"Cats cats cats cats cats - OH YEAH! Dogs dogs dogs dogs dogs - OH YEAH! Mice mice mice mice mice - OH YEAH! ELEPHAAAAANT! ELEPHAAAAANT!"

: ("What IS this garbage?!")

: ("Wow, with songs like those, I don't know how they got popular in the first place...")

: ("Yeah, that was just bad.")

Since I can't take this part seriously at all, just have this song playing the background.

: "Sob... choke... so sad... this is the last time Sumekka will ever play, and it's just... so sad and beautiful..."

: ("What the fresh hell are you talking about, Jack?")

: "Sniff... I won't let the halcyon years of their existence go to waste! I'm - I'm going down there to see them off!"

There is literally no redeeming value to this entire scene. Also, surprisingly, Sumekka was just something Cutlerine made up. Which makes it even more pathetic.

: ("... Alright, on the count of three.")

: ("Right.")

"I have to get to Sumekka before they break up forever! I bet the entrance to the concert is behind that steel d--"

[Bellamine and Ivory slap Jack at the same time]

: ("Snap out of it, Jack!")

: "... Huh? What happened?"

: ("It's just as I feared. He was possessed by Cutlerine again. That man keeps manipulating Jack...")

: ("What, so this has happened before?")

: ("Boy, that's really starting to make my blood boil! Why can't he just leave Jack alone?!")

: "Guys... Thanks. Let's just get out of this horrible place."

: ("Of course!")

Man, these puzzles are all over the place. At least this one isn't very hard.

The key is in this can, but you have to face directly in front of it otherwise you won't get the key.

This is the message you would get if you tried to leave without doing the Sumekka stuff. However, since our Jack has common sense, I ignore the script barrier and keep going ahead.

: "Yeah, no. Screw that. I'm outta here. I've already wasted enough time as it is."

Sumekka is literally a non-entity. There is no good reason why Jack should be held up by their break up, as he would realistically not care. The sequence only exists to waste our time when we are already in the middle of storming the Necropolis.

You could remove this part from the game and absolutely nothing would be affected by it. Hence why not being able to skip it without cheats is especially jarring.

Let me summarize what happens:

Jack teleports to the stage,

Gets kicked out by a roadie,

Only to climb down the metal beams and get an autograph from the band leaders. That's it. Thrilling.

This game is really coming apart at the seams, isn't it?

Oh yes, have a quiz section! Because we really needed that too!

It's not even like the game gives you anything cool for struggling through this. This is not worth a healing point.

I should mention that if you get a question wrong, you're booted to the room before and all of the machines reset. It's like Cutlerine tried his absolute damndest to make sure you don't enjoy this part of the game.

Anyway, I still peg this let's play as informative, so I may as well give you the questions:

#1: There is no cow level. (No)
#2: Has Yoshimitsu's sword ever been cursed? (Yes)
#3: Fire was better than Octopus. (No)
#4: It's impossible to be Rokakku Gouji? (No)

I honestly don't care what these are references to.

This asks music related questions.

#1: "Did she, in fact, see the skater boy later?" (Yes)
#2: "In the song Tokyo, he thinks he has broken his heart again and also lost love again." (No)
#3: "What do the pillows want to wake up? Is it a duck?" (No)
#4: "My favorite song on Miho Hatori's album is Walking City." (No)
#5: "Professor K plays many songs by Hideki Naganuma." (Yes)
#6: "To qualify as a wild challenger, there's no need for any tricky style." (No)
#7: "The song Cats, Cats, Cats, made famous by Sumekka, originated in Visbu." (Yes)

If you're wondering what Visbu even is, it's a region that Cutlerine made before Snakewood was a thing.

This machine asks Hoenn-related questions, which must be hilarious.

#1: The zombie outbreak started in 2010? (No)

This one is tricky. 2010 is when Snakewood was made, not when the outbreak started.

#2: Hoenn joined the UN in 1974? (Yes - even if that doesn't make sense)
#3: Mr. Briney used to be in the Sinnoh Navy (Yes)
#4: Hoenn's most famous writer was Tancred De Lantemente. (No)
#5: Hoenn was unified in 1870. True? (Yes)
#6: Before Lilycove, Rustboro was the capital? (No)
#7: The last President of Hoenn was Marcus Cuticle? (Yes)
#8: An old Hoennian proverb says that you should never trust a goose. Is this a good idea? (Yes)
#9: Ense Protz was from Hoenn? (No)

Saying what I think about these quizzes would be repeating myself.

This one asks "general trivia" questions, which in Snakewood you know have to be ~*wacky*~.

#1: Millipedes have many legs. (No)
#2: Potato? (Yes)
#3: Do you know what furking is? (No)
#4: Doest thou shake rams? (No)
#5: The Owl and the Panther shared a pie. Yes or no? (Yes)
#6: Ist, Ist, Vth, Vth, IV Sharp 9, Vth, Ist? (Yes - ?????????????????????????)
#7: Los rapes son capaces de montar una bicicleta. (No - wow really)
#8: Yet again, I give another stupid question. (Yes)
#9: Father William can balance an eel on the tip of his nose. Yes? (Yes.)
#10: This is the last question. (No)
#11: Is the Cutlerine laughing at you now? (No - it explains that he doesn't even know you exist if you answer yes. Might as well be though.)

Well, those were all of the quizzes.

Oh, and one last middle finger to the player - if you touch this crate, it warps you back to the last room and completely undoes your quiz progress.

Ha ha, I sure hate love this game.

I think the last save I had for this episode was titled "this game is dumb", an accurate assessment of my emotional status when I was playing through to get screenshots. We accomplished literally nothing in Usher's sub.

Anyway, that's enough for this chapter. See you guys later for the... end of the game?

Sidequest List:
  • Collect all fifty Broken Hearts (9 out of 50)
  • Get Strength to move the boulders
Team setup:

(Bellamine, , Level 68, ) - "Hmm... Despite everything that's happened, we're still in the Necropolis... Stay alert, everyone!"
(Ambes, , Level 62, ) - "Right, miss Bellamine!"
(Jeanne, , Level 61, ) - "Miss Ivory's introduction, the ghost Gallade that tried to hit on Bellamine... This sure has been an exciting day, hahaha."
(Gauss, , Level 67, /) - "Now I see what y'all have to deal with on a regular basis. No wonder why you guys are strong."
(Valor, , Level 63, has Plus Band, /) - "Yeah, Gauss. By the way. Ivory is kinda scary, but that's sort of why I like her...."
(Ballin, , level 62, /) - "Man, can we just get this over with already?"
(Ivory, , Level ??, /) - "... I sort of have a headache from how angry I got. Maybe I should lay down somewhere."

Back-up Team:

(Reggie, , Level 61, has Leftovers, /) - "Alright, guys! You can do it! Kick some ass!"
(Zagon, , Level 63, /) - "... They sure are in the pit of madness, aren't they?"
(Alice, , level 62, ) - "Miss Ivory is my kind of woman, nya."
(Ace, , Level 58, has Anadrin Talon, /) - "Oh, I didn't know you liked them like that, Alice." [Alice's face turns a deep red]
(Juno, , Level 60, /) - "Guys, don't get yourselves killed in there!"
(Umbra, , Level 62, ) - "... All we can do is hope that they win."
(Tohru, , Level 60, /) - "Ha! Why so down, Umbra? Of course they're going to win!"
(Pumbloom, , level 56, ) - "M-MISS IVORY IS SCARY..."
(Wagner, , Level 57, /) - "They're so close to Senex... It's surprising how powerful Jack and the team are."
(Chloris, , level 61, /) - * Chloris lies on top of Wagner's head, crossing her legs * "Yeah! What else did you expect, Wagner?"
(Beatrice, , Level 50, /) - "Ahaha! Miss Ivory is wonderful! I wonder if she's a good gossiper."
(Shine, , level 33, ) - "B-Big Sis?! I... I can't believe it!"
(Spark, , level 32, ) - "What a time for her to show up, too! This is gonna be a show, haha."
(Alpha, level 55, /) - "OKAY, I'M LOST."
(Letro, level 50, /) - "FINALLY, SOMETHING WE CAN AGREE ON. BZZT!"
(Menti, , level 57, /) - "Aaaah! Jack! Don't get eaten!"
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