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Matrix RP parody

Posted June 26th, 2009 at 10:40 PM by Feign
Updated June 26th, 2009 at 10:59 PM by Feign

Okay, this contains some language and adult themes (despite my not being adult of aiding in writing it). I just felt like sharing you guys about it's craziness and pointlessness for that matter. Needless to say, I am inclined to put it in a spoiler tag.

So the jist of it is, was myself and others, on a forum, awaiting the Matrix Online (a game I never ended up playing because I ended up to be in an exchange program in Indonesia), so we made a story parody RP on the Matrix. Rereading my own additions, shows my lack of sense of humour (I think), nonethless I felt like sharing it for you guys. (my favourite part is with the Oracle). Also, if you find the font to be too small, hold ctrl down, and scroll up on the mouse.

[AGELIMIT] [FONT="]Funny roleplay, from the beginning., Matrix > Revolutions[/FONT]

[FONT="]Link: Ok, im starting a roleplay from the matrix to the matrix revolutions. It should only be a funny storyline, but simular to the films: EXAMPLE:
Smith opens one of the many doors in the corridor but its locked, so he knocks.
Neo answers
Neo "Yes?"
Smith "Wheres the keymaker?"
Neo "Erm....umm... not here?"
Just beside the door the keymaker falls out of the closet wearing only his underpants with sex chocolate on his body
Neo "SHIIT!!"
Keymaker "This isnt suppost to happen"
Smith "May i join the fun mr anderson?"
Thats just an example, start from the beginning please.[/FONT]

[FONT="]I'll start off:
Neo is sleeping...
He gets a message on his computer
Wake up neo, the matrix has j00.
Neo snores
The microsoft office paperclip comes on the screen
Paperclip "It looks like your trying to wake neo up, want some help"
Morpheus "Go away irritating paperclip!!"
Morpheus downloads a .WAV file onto neos computer and puts the speakers on full volume and plays FOG-HORN.WAV.
A huge fog horn wakes neo up.
Neo "What the hell"
Morpheus "Add me on msn, this thing is pissing me off [email protected]"[/FONT]

Jay RV: [FONT="]"Do you have a webcam, Neo?"[/FONT]
[FONT="]"Yes, why? Who are you?"
"The matrix has you, Neo. Follow the whi ... wait!
Neo ... do you have msn version 6.0?"
"Ehm no, I have 6.1. Why?"
"Damn, I can't change the color of the chatwindow.
k Neo, accept the webcam please."
"Done, I can't see you, what is that place?"
"None of your concern Neo, just follow the white rabbit."
"Why did you send me the webcam view?"[/FONT]

[FONT="]"Knock knock knock, Neo ..."
Three knocks comes from behind the front door. [/FONT]

[FONT="]Blue Flayme: A man and his hot gf from the Australian TV Show Home and away and three other dudes are at Mr. Andersons front door.
Dude: "You got my Disk?"
Mr Anderson: "What disk?"
dude: "Pacman!!!"
Mr Anderson: "Oh yea! yea!, yea! i got it! sec"
Mr Anderson closes door and gets disk. He comes back out and gives the guy the disk.
Mr Anderson "You get caught using that.."
Dude: "Yea yea i know...its unregistered..Kellogs wont find out"
Dude: "Whats wrong? you look a lil whiter then usual."
Mr Anderson: "My computer...."
dude: "Oh no! you didnt look at Trinity naked did you?"
Mr Anderson: "Who?"
Dude: "Never mind.."
Dude: "Whadda ya think Tashora? Should we take him with us?"
Girls rubs her hand in Mr Andersons Ballz
dude: "Ey *****! Watch it! Your still my Slave!
Mr Anderson: "Nah i cant"
Then Neo sees the Tattoo of Buggs Bunny in a white boxing coat.[/FONT]

[FONT="]Link: Mr anderson follows the woman with the white rabbit but on the streets he see's a easter white bunny and follws that instead and ended up in a chocolate making factory. He later followed the woman to trinity.[/FONT]

[FONT="]Jay RV: "Hello Neo"
"Who are you?"
"My name is Trinity, do you want a chocolote?"
"No thanks. Trinity. THE trinity? That hacked the teletubies mainframe computer?"
"That was a long time ago, bout two months or so."
"I just thought, emm, that you were a pornstar mistress"
"Most perverted guys do."
"So eh, why are you here actually?"
"I am here to tell you something. Something you felt your intire live. You knew something was wrong with this world, it all feels like a dream, like nothing is real. You are here for the same reason I am here. It is the question Neo, it is the question that brought you here."
"What question?"
"You know question like once I did."
"What is the matrix."
"You have spend your intire live searching for the answer. But the answer is searching for you and know that he has found you, you will ..."
Ring Ring ring ...
Trinity's cellphone rings.
"Hello? Mam !!!??? Not now mam, I am busy. What? Yes I will pick you up when I get back home. No I didn't sleep with him mam. Listen Im busy can we discuss this later k? ... Srry Neo."
Neo: "Wait, where are you going"
"I'm going now Neo, I will contact you later."
"What? You mean I talked with you about all this bullsh*t and we didn't get laid???" [/FONT]

[FONT="]MatrixOnlineLover: Neo is at work.................
Neo picks it up
Morpheus:"you want to see how far the rabbit whole goes,"
Neo"Hell ya" Neo thinks of Trinity.......
Morpheus:"Good......Come to the bridge off of main strret by the great itiallin know with the little meatballs........?"[/FONT]

[FONT="]Neo:"What the hell are you talking about man?"
Morpheus:"All will be explained in time just get there at like 1 am ok.
He hangs up
Neo:huh strange......"
Agent Smith: "MR .Anderson..........?"
Neo:" What do you want......?"
Agent Smith:" lushes tight butt bag of man hoar meat..."
he paused "Get him."
The other two Agents grab Neo and bring him too their office.
Agent Smith:"'Ok Mr.Anderson..all i want is to have protected sex with you and make out until we both fall into a deep like sleep.......what do you say?"
Neo:"Dude , i dont do that anymore...i did...but stopped....."
Agent Smith:"Fine if i cant kiss you no one will........"
Neotarts to scream but his mouth starts to close up
He wakes up with a sweat down his pants......
Damm Neo says " i gotta stop doing that when i got to bed..."
He gets dressed and goes to the brigde on main street where he is greeted by Trinity and some other girl.......
Trinity"Get in" She says[/FONT]

[FONT="]Neo: "i knew you wanted me.."
Trinity blushes
Now is not the time and place for this" She says
Neo gets in the car and they head to the buliding where Morpheus was at.......
they reach the room Neo is the first to step in........
Neo:"What the hell was that"
Morpheus turns around and was getting ready to talk to Neo when he screamed
Morpheus:"AHHHHHHHH..What the **** .......You killed mouse!!!!"
Neo looks down at his foot and see a puttle of blood at his feet
Neo: "Oops..." [/FONT]

[FONT="]Jay RV: [/FONT][FONT="]*EDIT* this post contains 18+ language */EDIT*[/FONT][FONT="]
Morpheus and Neo shacke hands.
Neo: "It's a pleasure to meet you, morpheus."
Morpheus: "You got protection?"
Neo: "What?"
Morpheus: "You know, protection ... like a condom. Always were a condom when you come to me, never forget that."
Neo: "? Owkay ... So what is the matrix?"
Morpheus: "The matrix is everywhere, it is all around us ..."
Neo look around him ...
Morpheus: "You can feel when you put on your condom, you can hear when you hear Trinity scream for more, you can taste it when you swallow my c**, it is the world that is pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."
Neo: "What truth?"
Morpheus: "That you are a slave, Neo. That you are born in a prison, born with bondage and hardcore mistresses. You are being raped all your life in a porn industrie without even knowing it. Unfortunately knowing can be told what the matrix is ... you have to feel it for yourself. Although we can give you a little demonstration."
Morpheus smiles at Neo.
Neo: "No thanks"
Morpheus: "You take the red condom and I'll show you how deep the rabbit's ass goes, you take the blue condom and we'll rape you to dead and leave you naked in a horny gorrila's cave in the Zoo down the street were noone goes and noone can hear you scream for in a thousand miles were noone will bring you food and you'd have to find it for yourself and ..."
Neo: "Alright I got it, I'll take the red condom."
Morpheus and Neo walked into another room.
Morpheus: "The red condom you put on is to prevent Trinity from getting pregnant, so we can trace you back to the source and safe you."
Neo: "What does that mean?"
Cypher: "That means you are the 67th person who's f*cking Trin."
Neo looks at Trin and she blushes with pride. Neo smiles ... [/FONT]

[FONT="]Agent J: k the language[/FONT]

[FONT="]MatrixOnlineLover: Lmao Good one JRV..ok sorry ill stop wit the language..Lmao but you got to admitt..its preety funny[/FONT]

[FONT="]Rubyfire6: I'll join in after the next scene.... i have no idea how to make this next part funny.... good luck people.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Jay RV: They put Neo in a chair and put something in the back of his head.
Trinity: "Oh!"
Morpheus: "Something wrong Trin?"
Trinity: "No I just had an inner thought."
Morpheus: "Ow k I sometimes have that to, did you know that ..."
Tank: "Morpheus!!! Neo is dying! hurry up!"
Morpheus: "Ow k srry, I forgot. So Neo, can you tell the difference between the real world, and the dream world?"
Neo: "What?"
Morpheus: "If the dream world is so real, how can you be so sure it isnt?"
Neo: "What's this?"
Morpheus: "What' what, its just a mirror."
Neo: "It's moving."
Cypher: "He's going into vibration."
Morpheus: "Tank whenever youre ready!"
Apok: "He is going into hibarnation, we gonna lose him!"
Switch: "Tank target him now. Now got dammned!!!"
Apok: "He is going into hibarnation."
Morpheus: "He is going a little ill"
Cypher: "He is gonna popp"
Swith: "Ow ****, he is getting a hearth attack!"
Trinity: "Ow no, he is getting an orgasm!"
Tank: "I got him, Im getting him out."
Morpheus: "Good job, Tanky"
--- --- --- ---
The cocoon opens and Neo gets released from all the hardcore perverted mistressess with their slaching tails. Neo falls into a pipe and get raised by a mechanical hook, then he sees Morpheus's face.
Morpheus: "Welcome, to the real world. Supported by Neb inc corporation, you understand that because you are not a member of our organization yet you have to pay entrance fee of our ship."
... [/FONT]

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  1. Old Comment
    Citrinin's Avatar
    That gave me some good laughs.
    Posted June 26th, 2009 at 10:48 PM by Citrinin Citrinin is offline

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