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Buying Stuff For Myself

Posted December 8th, 2012 at 11:48 AM by Kura
Tags irl, rant

First off, this blog will 99% likely turn into a mini-rant (or it might be non-mini.. I don't know yet).. so I am forewarning you that if you dislike reading rants, then stop while you're ahead.

Alright, cautions aside, I just got home from doing some Christmas shopping. I.. actually do enjoy to do Christmas Shopping, but unlike years before where I had my mom or brother to bounce ideas off of, I've had to do this year all myself. That's fine though, it is just a bummer because I can be really indecisive.. or I'll have to check all the shops before going back to the first and ultimately saying "Yes I like this one best and I think they'll love it too!"
I've realized that I enjoy getting gifts for others. I don't mind spending the extra bucks on them either, if I think it is something of good quality, or something I think they'd really like, I don't even think twice about it. I unconsciously go above and beyond for them because, well for me, I guess I just want to- they're family and loved ones, so why not?

I then realized.. I really dislike buying stuff for myself. I'll only get something if I really need it. Even then, I try to do it on a tight budget. Or I'll put it off and just say "I don't really need it." I've been needing a good haircut for about a year now, and I just put it off. I'll walk into a store and go "that's nice.. oh it's 25 pounds?.. that's like $50. I'm not spending $50 on a sweater." And walk out. I mean, I work full time now, so I have money, but I guess growing up in Canada the exchange rate makes me feel like I'm always comparing things even though that's the average price for a nice sweater over here. Or I just.. avoid trying things on.. because I find when I do, nothing fits.. and I guess that's what I get for having an unconventional body size. (I'm 5' tall, so good luck on that front.. but I'm not a stick, I'm curvy, so baggy stuff that most small girls (or asian girls) can pull off, just tends to make me look big when I actually have a size 2 waist.) Then I'll walk out feeling bad about myself. Feeling like, heck I'm 23 years old and I'm getting OLLDD.. but not once in my life can I seem to be trendy- not once can I seem to feel good about the way I look. I know, I know, first world problem right? But heck it is still a bit of a downer. At the end of the day I just tell myself "well I'm saving for bigger and better things." But.. at the same time, I dunno.. I'm tired of feeling bad if I spend money on myself. (Be happy with what you have, right?)

I guess I was just brought up being pretty conservative with the things I have. I still have an old gen2 ipod, for example, that works, so I just use it and I'm still pretty happy with it. "If it fits, I sits" right? I don't bother with new stuff.
I dunno, I'm going back and forth here with my reasoning. Part of me would like nice new things, but another part of me feels like I'd just be throwing money away for the heck of it.. but then another part of me says "screw it and enjoy your youth" and another part of me says "do you really need it?" "no, but it might look nice." "Yeah but you can do without it." "I'll just try it on anyways" then try it on and the neckline is lower than my nipples. Great. Who's this made for? An amazon woman? Then I walk out of the changeroom and another girl is outside it with the same top and looks great in it. How frustrating!
It's honestly really offputting to shop for myself.. Even shoes! I need to wear inserts for size 3 UK (size 36 EU or size 5 US/Canada) and they're so hard to find... :c but I just wish I were more fashion-forward. I love fashion but I just wish it didn't come with the hefty pricetag nor the fact that I'm devoid of options. I guess part of me wishes I could enjoy most of the things people my age (or younger) enjoy.. but without the feeling of guilt of spending money on myself (and before people say otherwise, I'd feel even worse spending my parents money when I'm perfectly capable of buying for myself!) I don't really know what I should do.

I don't know where I'm going with this blog, honestly, I'm just typing. But maybe I'll take that as a cue to stop typing. But yeah, now that my rant is over, I was just wondering if any of you felt the same way as me when you shop for yourself, or if you're the complete opposite.. and jump at any chance to go shopping!

Cool, thanks for listening if you've actually made it to the end here.
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  1. Old Comment
    Overlord Drakow's Avatar
    I made it to the end! By the way Kura when we met up with Went and you had that leather jacket on, I thought you looked really amazing. I can't really advise you on fashion trends to suit you since I just get whatever I like and wear it without regard to what other people may think.
    Posted December 8th, 2012 at 11:58 AM by Overlord Drakow Overlord Drakow is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Because I was wearing the ONE sweater I have that actually looks nice. Most of the time I wear a plain/crap shirt and jeans haha but thanks and thanks for reading.
    Posted December 8th, 2012 at 12:29 PM by Kura Kura is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Esper's Avatar
    The worst part about this mindset is when you do finally break and splurge on something it's often not the greatest or most useful thing, just something expensive, that you regret soon after which just reinforces your old mindset.
    Posted December 8th, 2012 at 1:21 PM by Esper Esper is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Ivysaur's Avatar
    I have a serious problem with jeans. I can find any other sorts of pants, shorts or trousers that fit me just fine, put oh no, jeans will just not cooperate.

    So when that happens, I just grab €15 and treat myself to a book or CD somewhere. Those are easier to find.
    Posted December 8th, 2012 at 1:25 PM by Ivysaur Ivysaur is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Scarf View Comment
    The worst part about this mindset is when you do finally break and splurge on something it's often not the greatest or most useful thing, just something expensive, that you regret soon after which just reinforces your old mindset.
    Yeah, I did that with a dress I wore once.. and don't plan on wearing again because it's strapless and I feel uncomfortable wearing strapless stuff..

    What you say is really true though. Has it happened to you?
    Posted December 8th, 2012 at 1:52 PM by Kura Kura is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Esper's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Kura View Comment
    What you say is really true though. Has it happened to you?
    Yeah, it's usually how I roll. I guess it's because I feel like I should just splurge and get it over with, as if that would make it not as bad or something. My results are a lot better when I have input from friends. Maybe that's just the peer pressure or something, but I like things friends say look good on me (if we're talking clothes for instance).
    Posted December 8th, 2012 at 2:03 PM by Esper Esper is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Yeah that's why I kinda just want to go shopping after christmas with my boyfriend. Like I said, I can be really indecisive.. so at least he can make shopping fun and we can laugh even if most things look terrible on me instead of walking away feeling bad that I can never look as good as anyone else :ccc..
    Posted December 8th, 2012 at 2:36 PM by Kura Kura is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Lozz's Avatar
    Ya, shopping by yourself is super lame - maybe take a friend or bf? also, if you hate spending money on yourself, and want to still save or whatevs, maybe set yourself a budget? be like, I can by myself 100 pounds worth of clothes this month? then you might not feel so out of control/off the hook about buying yourself stuff, because you'll have put some measure of control on it.

    Everyone has body issues that can be limiting when trying to buy clothes etc.. like my feet are really long and narrow, and its almost impossible to buy shoes - so definitely turns me off shoe shopping. you just need to find a few brands that are good fits for you, (some might be a little pricey), but in the long run you'll feel better about yourself!!
    Posted December 8th, 2012 at 4:53 PM by Lozz Lozz is offline

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