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how should i handle this situation?

Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 9:14 PM by Nick
Updated March 22nd, 2014 at 9:25 PM by Nick

gonna make this quick.

a few days ago, i was hanging out with one of my friends. while i was eating, he took my phone and unlocked it (i leave it without a passcode because i am literally the only one who ever uses is and it is literally always on me). he went into my conversations and sent a text to one of my closest friends (who i actually have some feelings for) telling her that i loved her. i scolded him for it and told him not to do it ever again.

fast forward a few days to today. while i was driving, he took my phone. i didn't realize he took my phone since obviously my attention is elsewhere. i saw he opened up a text conversation with another friend of mine. he's the friend who i drank with on sunday of last week. if you read that blog entry, you know what happened. he told him the same thing. that i loved him. but he went further than that and told him that he meant the world to me and to never leave me. when i found out, i saw the message on my phone and freaked at him.

at first i was mad that he said that to him. but then that faded and i became absolutely livid that he would do something like that again. he's a great person, but he can be extremely childish at times. like he beeps the horn while i'm driving and he's in the passenger seat are you ♥♥♥♥ing kidding me? you are 20 years old and you are not only taking someone's phone, you're entering their private messages which are none of your concern, and you're sending messages to their friends. not only that but you're doing that after they specifically told you not to, which should not be something that needs to be said for anybody.

how should i handle this situation? at this point i really don't want to deal with him.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Belldandy's Avatar
    It's definitely not just an invasion of privacy, but it can really detract from your relationships with other people. A bond of trust could be broken over it and friendships can erode, depending on the severity. Telling random people that you love them is not only immature, but it can be really trying on both yourself and the other people involved.

    Not that you ought to, but passcodes are good to avoid this. I'm not victim blaming, but just on a general basis - if your phone got stolen, for example - it's a good idea.

    The root cause is your buddy, though, and even without that suggestion, he's the issue: he needs to grow up. I look at my boyfrend's texts sometimes and read them. I never respond to them or pick up his phone unless he tells me to, though, and even then I rarely do because it makes me anxious / nervous. Your buddy just sounds like an ass.

    If he can't see the error in what he did, then he obviously doesn't share the same view / ethic as you in regards to privacy, and that can bleed into other occurrences. I don't think I'd be hanging out with someone who's so juvenile.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 9:30 PM by Belldandy Belldandy is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Nick's Avatar
    i put a passcode on. i think it's ridiculous that i should have to put a passcode on my phone because of my friend, but that's what i felt i had to do. i prefer not to have a passcode, because it's easier access to my phone. i don't want to have to type in a code at all in order to access the contents on my phone.

    that said, i appreciate your advice and your opinion. it's how i feel on the matter.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 9:35 PM by Nick Nick is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Flushed's Avatar
    I'm not exactly sure the nature of the person you're dealing with, but I find that most of the time engaging in "real talk", for lack of better phrase, is the best thing to do. Just say "hey man, you're pissing me off, seriously".

    It sounds like you might've tried that, but sit him down and do it again. I'm not saying you've been lackadaisical in confronting him, but if this guy is as good a friend as you say he is, a stern talk should make him come to his senses.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 9:38 PM by Flushed Flushed is offline
  4. Old Comment
    El Héroe Oscuro's Avatar
    If you really want to stop your friend, you can always add this app to your phone:

    https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.thinkyeah.privatespacefree

    It allows you to register certain contacts in your phone so if someone did take your phone then they cant access certain message histories or contacts. You can even hide the icon for the app so they don't even know how to access it.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 9:41 PM by El Héroe Oscuro El Héroe Oscuro is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Nick's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Flushed View Comment
    I'm not exactly sure the nature of the person you're dealing with, but I find that most of the time engaging in "real talk", for lack of better phrase, is the best thing to do. Just say "hey man, you're pissing me off, seriously".

    It sounds like you might've tried that, but sit him down and do it again. I'm not saying you've been lackadaisical in confronting him, but if this guy is as good a friend as you say he is, a stern talk should make him come to his senses.
    he's not a good friend. he's just a friend. he's a good guy who i like, but he's just a friend to me. i have closer and more... desirable to be around friends, but if i have nothing to do and he wants to hang or i'm bored and wanna hang with someone and my go to friends (which is really only two or three people anyway) aren't available, i'll contact him and if he contacts me and i'm not doing anything, i won't pass it up.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elheroeoscuro View Comment
    If you really want to stop your friend, you can always add this app to your phone:

    https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.thinkyeah.privatespacefree

    It allows you to register certain contacts in your phone so if someone did take your phone then they cant access certain message histories or contacts. You can even hide the icon for the app so they don't even know how to access it.
    iphone.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 9:44 PM by Nick Nick is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Crux's Avatar
    [S]I think the best thing to do would be to just set a lock on your phone, or optionally only your texting and messaging apps, and explain that there are boundaries that even good friends need to accept and not cross.

    Regardless of his excuse, he really shouldn't be rifling though your private conversations, or masquerading as you in them.[/s]

    Edit:
    Tch, when did so many people post. X)
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 9:51 PM by Crux Crux is offline
  7. Old Comment
    Sydian's Avatar
    Make new friends.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 9:53 PM by Sydian Sydian is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Corvus of the Black Night's Avatar
    I think Jak is onto something.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 10:49 PM by Corvus of the Black Night Corvus of the Black Night is offline
  9. Old Comment
    El Héroe Oscuro's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Aerial Ace View Comment
    iphone.
    https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/coverme-private-texting-secure/id593652484?mt=8

    And Jak's right, find better friends if he's pulling a low move like that and he's not listening to you otherwise.
    Posted March 22nd, 2014 at 10:50 PM by El Héroe Oscuro El Héroe Oscuro is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Shining Raichu's Avatar
    What bugs me about it is the sense of entitlement he feels in picking up your phone. I really hate people who are like that and will do whatever they want just to intentionally annoy you
    Posted March 23rd, 2014 at 12:15 AM by Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
  11. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Catholic Nun View Comment
    What bugs me about it is the sense of entitlement he feels in picking up your phone. I really hate people who are like that and will do whatever they want just to intentionally annoy you
    This.

    If he ever even touches your phone again after you telling him not to, I would stop being his friend immediately. He obviously has no respect for your privacy.
    Posted March 23rd, 2014 at 1:42 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  12. Old Comment
    Tsutarja's Avatar
    I'm just like you, and I prefer not to have passcodes on my devices, and for this reason I always make sure nobody gets a hand on them. However, if it's it's the same friend, then I would honestly put a passcode on it, even if it's just an extra step towards unlocking the phone. Passcodes are much safer than no passcode at all.

    @elheroeoscuro That looks like a good app, but does it prevent others from going on Facebook/twitter as well and posting silly things there? Same with web browsing as well
    Posted March 23rd, 2014 at 4:47 AM by Tsutarja Tsutarja is offline
  13. Old Comment
    WOW. That is just low. How long have you been friends with this guy? Because if not for very, he shouldn't be that hard for you to let go of.
    Posted March 23rd, 2014 at 6:36 AM by Pendraflare Pendraflare is offline
  14. Old Comment
    El Héroe Oscuro's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Terabyte View Comment
    @elheroeoscuro That looks like a good app, but does it prevent others from going on Facebook/twitter as well and posting silly things there? Same with web browsing as well
    I don't believe, so; it solely works for text messages and contacts I believe. However, for Facebook and Twitter, you can always just uncheck the "Remember Me" box so you're forced to sign in every time you launch the Facebook/Twitter app. Might be a little tedious, but still gets the job done.

    There might be a separate app out there for something like that, but I couldn't find it.
    Posted March 23rd, 2014 at 7:26 AM by El Héroe Oscuro El Héroe Oscuro is offline
  15. Old Comment
    Bellsprout's Avatar
    You tell him to ♥♥♥♥ off and ask if he's been raised in a barn. Pretty simple plan of action.
    Posted March 23rd, 2014 at 8:44 AM by Bellsprout Bellsprout is offline
  16. Old Comment
    Honest's Avatar
    Everything I was thinking about was said already. Can't really relate, though, considering all my friends are like that D: And it doesn't even bother me... hmm.
    Posted March 23rd, 2014 at 6:20 PM by Honest Honest is offline
  17. Old Comment
    Kanzler's Avatar
    Throw his face onto a car/tree/concrete. That should make him think about his actions, or at least his healthcare bill.
    Posted March 24th, 2014 at 8:23 AM by Kanzler Kanzler is offline