Rate this Entry

The Plights of An Irregular

Posted December 12th, 2014 at 4:44 AM by Arylett Charnoa

I am a wanderer. One who occasionally makes an appearance, but doesn't really stick around. My interest isn't kept for very long these days on forums, and that isn't helped by the awkwardness of being a new person in an established community. I'm sure many will be surprised to even see me making a blog, probably being first cued into my existence at this very moment.

But it is a rather lonely feeling, one not dissimilar to what I've had for the majority of my life. You watch as others interact, silently without the shadows, and you don't feel like you fit in. When you even open your mouth to speak, you feel like that third wheel who's trying to force their way in when they don't belong. It's something I find to be a real dis-motivator and partially the reason why I can never establish myself in forum communities anymore. The other part is because the majority of people on the internet and I don't really seem to share much of anything beyond some shallow passing interests. From past experiences, of course,

I know a place must exist that I can make my home. A place where there are intelligent people, who can provide me with mental stimulation and discourse. Where I can write posts like this, and people will actually read it rather than dismissing it as "too long, didn't read." A place where I'm not just another face, but people can appreciate me, and I can appreciate them. They actually pay attention to what I say, and I don't just blend into the dozens of other people like someone who doesn't matter.

Or at least, a place that can provide me with an outlet for my loneliness.

This place is the closest I've found to that, but I still find myself unable to connect to it. Part of it is because my life has changed. I don't need much of anyone else anymore to survive because I've found the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with. And the internet isn't something I'm reliant on anymore to escape from a reality where I am neglected and belittled. (That isn't teenage angst or metaphor - it's quite literal) Because again, there is someone now providing me with constant attention, love, and support. But more people... that would be nice. We both want that. Because as much as we love being together, we feel we have a gift to share with this world. We provide so much joy to ourselves, and we want to spread it to others. To see them appreciate us, and to feel like perhaps... we have a purpose in this world. Some purpose other than to be together. I curse my human instincts and their need for socialization.

All of this seems inappropriately deep for the situation, and silly to want to find on a Pokemon forum. I don't honestly have plans to find most of that here, because I know it's very difficult. My expectations aren't high, simply because of how much I've jumped around. Still, if I can at least find a place where I don't just blend in like the rest, a place that feels like a friendly community, and where I can satiate some of this loneliness, I'll be happy enough.

This marks my third attempt to do so in earnest. I figured I would be sincere about my motives from the very beginning. So I'll just dive straight in and see how I can fit. If I can fit.

(By the way - if you believe this blog to be too lengthy, by my standards, this is ridiculously short and easy to get through. So that should be a preview of what's to come on here should I decide to write more.)
Posted inUncategorized
Views 3608 Comments 2
« Prev     Main     Next »
Total Comments 2

Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Meganium's Avatar
    PC is (and will continue to be) the friendliest community out there on the net, and I'm glad you're giving it another chance to establish yourself. That is awesome. Don't rush yourself to post like a storm. Read up on what's going on in threads, throw a few hello's at a few peeps. You'll blend in with the rest of us soon. <3

    and if you're still looking for a guide, you can always throw me a message. :) I'd be more than happy to be your first friend!
    Posted December 13th, 2014 at 9:34 PM by Meganium Meganium is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Axeliira View Comment
    PC is (and will continue to be) the friendliest community out there on the net, and I'm glad you're giving it another chance to establish yourself. That is awesome. Don't rush yourself to post like a storm. Read up on what's going on in threads, throw a few hello's at a few peeps. You'll blend in with the rest of us soon. <3

    and if you're still looking for a guide, you can always throw me a message. :) I'd be more than happy to be your first friend!
    Thank you! I couldn't really rush and post everywhere if I wanted to. Haven't the time. But I suppose I should try to reach out to more people. I'm just glad to see a person actually responded to this.
    Posted December 15th, 2014 at 7:17 AM by Arylett Charnoa Arylett Charnoa is offline