Feign
Clain
- 4,293
- Posts
- 15
- Years
- Seen Jan 25, 2023
Spoiler:
[AGELIMIT][FONT="]Blue Flayme: OMFG this is soooooooooo friggen funny where do you people get your ideas? Rofl[/FONT]
[FONT="]Link: Neo coughs up blood and some other jelly stuff :| and then looks at morpheus
Neo "WTF?, Im naked!, I knew that red pill had something in it"
Morpheus "It was only a piece of candy you stupid arse"
Neo "Arse?"
Morpheus "Anyway, Welcome to the real world, I dont know why anyone would want to live in this dump that is constantly terrorized by flying metalic piece of crap, oh and babys are now grown on farms for no apparent reason... Oh and beyond that is a machine city where a big head lives"
Neo faints[/FONT]
[FONT="]Jay RV: Neo: "No, it can't be? I hate big heads!"
Neo lies on a table with hundreds of needles on his body. He sees Morpheus and Dozer.
Morpheus: "Don't worry Neo, you'll be alright"
Neo: "Why do my eyes hurt?"
Morpheus: "Ow, euhm ... srry about that Neo. When Dozer and Tank were putting you on the table I accedently dropped my playstation onto your head."
Neo: "Playstation ?"
Dozer: "Yes, the first playstation, the classic ones. And we have two gamepads and also the save disks and everything."
Morpheus: "Yes everything, exept games, we still missing the games."
Neo: "Games???"
Morpheus: "Rest Neo, answers are coming."
--- --- --- ---
After awhile Neo wakes up again. He opens his eyes a little and can here Morpheus and Trinity, that stood right next to him, talking.
Trinity: "Do you really think it's him?"
Morpheus: "O I dont think so Trin. I know it. Oh btw, why didnt you remove the needles between his legs?"
Trinity: "That is something we dont want a mallfunction with now do we?
Morpheus: "You realy think he need that to save the world?"
Trinity: "Ow yes. When is he ready to see her?"
Morpheus: "When he got all of his strength, when he has past the kung-fu programs and when he has past his potent status test."
Trinity: "I think it is good that we saved his mind from the Matrix."
Morpheus: "Yes me too, do you think he knows that his girlfriend in the Matrix is a man?"
Trinity: "No he doesnt, and lets keep it that way. He needs to focus on the real world instead of his gang bang party's while he was high."
Morpheus: "Yes, he certainly must not know that part, that was a real ugly thing his friends did with him, putting drugs in his coca-cola light and all."
Trinity: "Yes, especially when they made him do it with a dog was a disgusting part."
Morpheus: "Yes, it is really good we saved him, now he doesnt run naked down the streets anymore."
Neo passess out ...[/FONT]
[FONT="]MatrixOnlineLover: guys is is some of the most funniest S*** if heard in my life!!!!!!!!!
man plz keep comng up with more i will think of something
but i dont know what and it most likely wont be as funny as yours lol
[/FONT]
[FONT="]Agent J: *Neo wakes up several hours later, he pulls a long needle out of his arm*
*Morpheus walks in*
Neo: Morpheus
Morpheus: what neo?
Neo: what was that big needle doing in my arm?
Morpheus: dont worry, it supplys cocaine to your bloodstream
Neo: cocaine?
Morpheus: yes, its some good stuff it helps calm u down and it makes u think u can fly.
Neo: oh
Morpheus: yes, it helps me free my mind., in fact , when we arent smoking crack, or when we arent in the matrix, we shoot up cocaine. its really good stuff...dozer makes it[/FONT]
[FONT="]Neo: Can I go back?
Morpheus: go back to where? my bed?
Neo: no...no...i mean can i go back to the matrix?
Morpheus: nope, once ur out ur out. theres no going back
Neo: damn
Morpheus: if u could go back...would u?
Neo: yes, i miss my mom's cookies...they are very good
Morpheus:*confused* mmmmm.....ok. i have an idea. why dont we teach u some kung-fu and we'll go to my dojo.
Neo: ok...sounds fun
Morpheus: ok, u go meet tank and...o wait..damn i forgot.
Neo: what?
Morpheus: I have to show u what the matrix is
*they jack in and appear in a white room*
Neo: whoa...i like what u've done with the place!
Morpheus: before i show u..have u seen the animatrix?
Neo: yes
Morpheus: good...i can skip over all that human machine war, and the dark sky sh**. first i must tell you that it is not 1999..it is infact closer to 2199. i can not say for certain what year it is because i smoked a kilo of crack and forgot. but that doesnt matter what matters is that machines have turned humans into this *pulls out a battery*
Neo: a round cylinder?
Morpheus: no u idiot...a battery
Neo: oh...i get it
*tank loads the jump program, and neo falls on his a**, so they decide to go to the dojo*
Morpheus: this is a sparring program, it is a place where i can kick your a**.
Neo: bring it on B****!
*morpheus punches neo several times in the face and knocks him down*
*neo gets up and pulls a spoon out of his pocket and throws it at morpheus...it hits him in the face*
Morpheus: owww...what the hell was that[/FONT]
[FONT="]Feign: K...I guess I'll add
Neo: That was a spoon you twit, and I got a lot more in my pocket, Cypher told me they annoy you.
Morpheus: *grumbles**starts pumeling Neo, before he can grab another spoon* Cypher did you not read the script??*stops pumelling*
Neo: I don't beleive in fate
Morpheus: Then go tell that to the *shifty eyes* Oracle
Neo: I think I will
Morpheus: You do that
Neo: Jack me in
Morpheus: Oh dear God this man is hopeless...
*In Matrix visiting oracle*
Neo: so your the oracle?
Oracle: No I just smoke too much...am I drunk...
Neo:...??
... [/FONT]
[FONT="]Agent J: *walks in oracle's kitchen*
Oracle: Ah Ha!, you must be the one
*the oracle farts really loud*
Oracle: smell good dont they
Neo: ewwww
Oracle: almost done
Oracle: watch out for my vase
Neo: what vase? *turns around and knocks her vase off a shelf and breaks it*
Oracle: damnit! I said watch out for it! are you f****** deaf?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Neo: im sorry
Oracle: *mumbles under her breath* idiot
Neo: what
Oracle: nothing. anyways, i know why you are here
Neo: you do?
Oracle: im the oracle arent i
Neo: i guess your right *smiles*
Oracle: see that? *points to a sign above the door*
Neo: yes...what does it mean?
Oracle: its latin for "dont break my f****** vase"
Neo: i said i was sorry
Oracle: I guess its alright, i'll get one of sex slaves to fix it
Oracle: your not as cute as i thought
Neo: you dont look so good yourself
Oracle: trust me...i know, i thought i'd have plastic surgery but then i realized that im a program...and programs dont get facelifts
Neo: am i the one?
Oracle: damn...u dont have to interupt me
Neo: im sorry[/FONT]
[FONT="]Oracle: as i was saying
*oven timer goes off*
Oracle: my cookies are done
Neo: can I have one?
Oracle: hell no...u broke my vase...remember
Oracle: well come here...lemme have a look at you. open your mouth and say AHHHHHH
Neo: AHHHH
Oracle: better yet, why dont u close your mouth cause your breath is stank
Oracle: now im supposed to say "hmmmmm...thats interesting, but" then you say
Neo: but what?
Oracle: but you already know what im going to tell you
Neo: im not the one
Oracle: i didnt say that...dont put words in my mouth
Neo: im sorry
Oracle: im tired of your excuses...get the hell out of my kitchen!
Neo: but...
*Oracle pushes Neo out the door and throws a bag of cookies at him*
Oracle: here...those cookies have a special ingredient*
Morpheus: c'mon Neo...lets go
Neo: whats the matter with her?
Morpheus: she is PMSing...it happens every month
Neo: but i thought she was a program
Morpheus: well...i know...i dont know how that happens
*walk out the door and go meet cypher, switch, trinity, and apoc*[/FONT]
[FONT="]MatrixOnlineLover: lol.....
Zorak,
First Mate of The Nereus
Revelation Clan[/FONT]
[FONT="]Feign: *driving in car on the way back*
*Neo hums to himself*
Trinity: Stop humming its annoying...
Neo: Fine, I still like you though...
Trinity: I can't hear you...
*they get out of the car and prepare to go up the stirs as Neo spots soething*
Neo: Its a cat...and its twin...well day jawed vut...
Morpheus: WTF, what did you just say...your version of french or something...
Neo: I don't know
Morpheus: What do you mean you don't know?
Neo: I just saw the same black cat twice...
Morpheus: Augh crap, ok everyone pull out the guns...the agents are coming...
Neo: What are agents??
Morpheus: You can't be serious??Not now for this drunken rambling...
Neo:Fine...
*they begin to slide down pole nice and quitely...
Cypher:*whispers* I'm gonna sneeze...
Morpheus:*whispers* I don't care...
Cypher: *ah choo!!
Agent Smith: The building is acting up again...[/FONT]
[/AGELIMIT]
[FONT="]Link: Neo coughs up blood and some other jelly stuff :| and then looks at morpheus
Neo "WTF?, Im naked!, I knew that red pill had something in it"
Morpheus "It was only a piece of candy you stupid arse"
Neo "Arse?"
Morpheus "Anyway, Welcome to the real world, I dont know why anyone would want to live in this dump that is constantly terrorized by flying metalic piece of crap, oh and babys are now grown on farms for no apparent reason... Oh and beyond that is a machine city where a big head lives"
Neo faints[/FONT]
[FONT="]Jay RV: Neo: "No, it can't be? I hate big heads!"
Neo lies on a table with hundreds of needles on his body. He sees Morpheus and Dozer.
Morpheus: "Don't worry Neo, you'll be alright"
Neo: "Why do my eyes hurt?"
Morpheus: "Ow, euhm ... srry about that Neo. When Dozer and Tank were putting you on the table I accedently dropped my playstation onto your head."
Neo: "Playstation ?"
Dozer: "Yes, the first playstation, the classic ones. And we have two gamepads and also the save disks and everything."
Morpheus: "Yes everything, exept games, we still missing the games."
Neo: "Games???"
Morpheus: "Rest Neo, answers are coming."
--- --- --- ---
After awhile Neo wakes up again. He opens his eyes a little and can here Morpheus and Trinity, that stood right next to him, talking.
Trinity: "Do you really think it's him?"
Morpheus: "O I dont think so Trin. I know it. Oh btw, why didnt you remove the needles between his legs?"
Trinity: "That is something we dont want a mallfunction with now do we?
Morpheus: "You realy think he need that to save the world?"
Trinity: "Ow yes. When is he ready to see her?"
Morpheus: "When he got all of his strength, when he has past the kung-fu programs and when he has past his potent status test."
Trinity: "I think it is good that we saved his mind from the Matrix."
Morpheus: "Yes me too, do you think he knows that his girlfriend in the Matrix is a man?"
Trinity: "No he doesnt, and lets keep it that way. He needs to focus on the real world instead of his gang bang party's while he was high."
Morpheus: "Yes, he certainly must not know that part, that was a real ugly thing his friends did with him, putting drugs in his coca-cola light and all."
Trinity: "Yes, especially when they made him do it with a dog was a disgusting part."
Morpheus: "Yes, it is really good we saved him, now he doesnt run naked down the streets anymore."
Neo passess out ...[/FONT]
[FONT="]MatrixOnlineLover: guys is is some of the most funniest S*** if heard in my life!!!!!!!!!
man plz keep comng up with more i will think of something
but i dont know what and it most likely wont be as funny as yours lol
[/FONT]
[FONT="]Agent J: *Neo wakes up several hours later, he pulls a long needle out of his arm*
*Morpheus walks in*
Neo: Morpheus
Morpheus: what neo?
Neo: what was that big needle doing in my arm?
Morpheus: dont worry, it supplys cocaine to your bloodstream
Neo: cocaine?
Morpheus: yes, its some good stuff it helps calm u down and it makes u think u can fly.
Neo: oh
Morpheus: yes, it helps me free my mind., in fact , when we arent smoking crack, or when we arent in the matrix, we shoot up cocaine. its really good stuff...dozer makes it[/FONT]
[FONT="]Neo: Can I go back?
Morpheus: go back to where? my bed?
Neo: no...no...i mean can i go back to the matrix?
Morpheus: nope, once ur out ur out. theres no going back
Neo: damn
Morpheus: if u could go back...would u?
Neo: yes, i miss my mom's cookies...they are very good
Morpheus:*confused* mmmmm.....ok. i have an idea. why dont we teach u some kung-fu and we'll go to my dojo.
Neo: ok...sounds fun
Morpheus: ok, u go meet tank and...o wait..damn i forgot.
Neo: what?
Morpheus: I have to show u what the matrix is
*they jack in and appear in a white room*
Neo: whoa...i like what u've done with the place!
Morpheus: before i show u..have u seen the animatrix?
Neo: yes
Morpheus: good...i can skip over all that human machine war, and the dark sky sh**. first i must tell you that it is not 1999..it is infact closer to 2199. i can not say for certain what year it is because i smoked a kilo of crack and forgot. but that doesnt matter what matters is that machines have turned humans into this *pulls out a battery*
Neo: a round cylinder?
Morpheus: no u idiot...a battery
Neo: oh...i get it
*tank loads the jump program, and neo falls on his a**, so they decide to go to the dojo*
Morpheus: this is a sparring program, it is a place where i can kick your a**.
Neo: bring it on B****!
*morpheus punches neo several times in the face and knocks him down*
*neo gets up and pulls a spoon out of his pocket and throws it at morpheus...it hits him in the face*
Morpheus: owww...what the hell was that[/FONT]
[FONT="]Feign: K...I guess I'll add
Neo: That was a spoon you twit, and I got a lot more in my pocket, Cypher told me they annoy you.
Morpheus: *grumbles**starts pumeling Neo, before he can grab another spoon* Cypher did you not read the script??*stops pumelling*
Neo: I don't beleive in fate
Morpheus: Then go tell that to the *shifty eyes* Oracle
Neo: I think I will
Morpheus: You do that
Neo: Jack me in
Morpheus: Oh dear God this man is hopeless...
*In Matrix visiting oracle*
Neo: so your the oracle?
Oracle: No I just smoke too much...am I drunk...
Neo:...??
... [/FONT]
[FONT="]Agent J: *walks in oracle's kitchen*
Oracle: Ah Ha!, you must be the one
*the oracle farts really loud*
Oracle: smell good dont they
Neo: ewwww
Oracle: almost done
Oracle: watch out for my vase
Neo: what vase? *turns around and knocks her vase off a shelf and breaks it*
Oracle: damnit! I said watch out for it! are you f****** deaf?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Neo: im sorry
Oracle: *mumbles under her breath* idiot
Neo: what
Oracle: nothing. anyways, i know why you are here
Neo: you do?
Oracle: im the oracle arent i
Neo: i guess your right *smiles*
Oracle: see that? *points to a sign above the door*
Neo: yes...what does it mean?
Oracle: its latin for "dont break my f****** vase"
Neo: i said i was sorry
Oracle: I guess its alright, i'll get one of sex slaves to fix it
Oracle: your not as cute as i thought
Neo: you dont look so good yourself
Oracle: trust me...i know, i thought i'd have plastic surgery but then i realized that im a program...and programs dont get facelifts
Neo: am i the one?
Oracle: damn...u dont have to interupt me
Neo: im sorry[/FONT]
[FONT="]Oracle: as i was saying
*oven timer goes off*
Oracle: my cookies are done
Neo: can I have one?
Oracle: hell no...u broke my vase...remember
Oracle: well come here...lemme have a look at you. open your mouth and say AHHHHHH
Neo: AHHHH
Oracle: better yet, why dont u close your mouth cause your breath is stank
Oracle: now im supposed to say "hmmmmm...thats interesting, but" then you say
Neo: but what?
Oracle: but you already know what im going to tell you
Neo: im not the one
Oracle: i didnt say that...dont put words in my mouth
Neo: im sorry
Oracle: im tired of your excuses...get the hell out of my kitchen!
Neo: but...
*Oracle pushes Neo out the door and throws a bag of cookies at him*
Oracle: here...those cookies have a special ingredient*
Morpheus: c'mon Neo...lets go
Neo: whats the matter with her?
Morpheus: she is PMSing...it happens every month
Neo: but i thought she was a program
Morpheus: well...i know...i dont know how that happens
*walk out the door and go meet cypher, switch, trinity, and apoc*[/FONT]
[FONT="]MatrixOnlineLover: lol.....
Zorak,
First Mate of The Nereus
Revelation Clan[/FONT]
[FONT="]Feign: *driving in car on the way back*
*Neo hums to himself*
Trinity: Stop humming its annoying...
Neo: Fine, I still like you though...
Trinity: I can't hear you...
*they get out of the car and prepare to go up the stirs as Neo spots soething*
Neo: Its a cat...and its twin...well day jawed vut...
Morpheus: WTF, what did you just say...your version of french or something...
Neo: I don't know
Morpheus: What do you mean you don't know?
Neo: I just saw the same black cat twice...
Morpheus: Augh crap, ok everyone pull out the guns...the agents are coming...
Neo: What are agents??
Morpheus: You can't be serious??Not now for this drunken rambling...
Neo:Fine...
*they begin to slide down pole nice and quitely...
Cypher:*whispers* I'm gonna sneeze...
Morpheus:*whispers* I don't care...
Cypher: *ah choo!!
Agent Smith: The building is acting up again...[/FONT]
[/AGELIMIT]