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Three days late

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Three days late

Posted September 5th, 2011 at 11:50 AM by Esper
Tags angry

Out of the blue I got a call from my parents today. I’m not on very good terms with them. In fact it wouldn’t be wrong to say that most of the time I feel like I hate them. That’s why I didn’t immediately answer my phone and only called back a half an hour later. Normally there’s nothing for us to talk about and I was in the middle of something.

It seems that three days ago my grandmother had a stroke and she’s been in nursing care since then. No one thought to tell me until now and I’m really angry with them even though this is what they’ve always done with me. They’ve always assumed they knew what the best thing to do was and this time, I assume, they thought it was best to “spare” me the trouble. They didn’t seem to think that I would want to know.

It’s the same thing that happened a while back when two of my cousins died. No one told me that my cousin had died until a few days after it happened. And then when my other cousin died about a month later I just happened to be around when the phone call came in. I suspect I would have been kept in the dark if I hadn’t been there.

So my grandmother, who already has trouble remembering people and walking, now can’t use one of her arms and legs. I shouldn’t be too surprised though. She’s been deteriorating for a long time now and it’s something of a miracle that someone who’s been a chain-smoker almost her whole life and generally unhealthy about everything is still alive in the first place. I think I’m more angry than anything. And guilty that I spent all of yesterday being a lazy, self-indulgent blob when I could have... I don't know what I could have done, but I feel like I wasn't doing what I should have.
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  1. Old Comment
    Sydian's Avatar
    Don't feel guilty about it. There isn't really anything you could do or can do right now. Perhaps you could go visit her, unless you'd rather not remember her in that state. I know some people don't like to see people in their final stage of life being a bad one, like that. I hate that the last time I saw my great grandmother was when she was laying in a hospital bed yelling "momma, I wanna go home." It broke my heart. But there's really nothing you could do to stop this from happening. I'm sorry your family leaves you in the dark though. That's not wise. But idk, I guess if you see your parents are calling, you should just answer? Cause it could be one of these types of circumstances. You just never know.
    Posted September 5th, 2011 at 1:00 PM by Sydian Sydian is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Esper's Avatar
    I did go to see her and she's doing... okay? I suppose. I was a little worried she'd just been left in some dumpy place because my grandma and my parents kind of hate each other, but it seems okay. It looks like they're going to take good enough care of her, but I didn't stay long. It's not really a happy situation. She still didn't know who I was and she kept asking for her dog who died almost two years ago. That's kind of when I decided to leave since, yeah, like you said, I couldn't do anything for her.
    Posted September 5th, 2011 at 5:30 PM by Esper Esper is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Sydian's Avatar
    I would have left at that point too, honestly. I had another great grandmother that died about two years ago, and she didn't know who we were when we went to visit her. It's hard though, I understand. If I were in your situation right now, I don't really think I'd be able to visit anymore, because it's heartbreaking. But if she enjoys your company (even if she doesn't know who you are) then perhaps you could visit again. Make her last days/months/some time span a good one, even if it hurts you. Cause yeah, if it makes her happy, then I think it's worth the visit.
    Posted September 5th, 2011 at 5:48 PM by Sydian Sydian is offline
 

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