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An apology, an explanation, a farewell, a well wishing.


sonder
i can't afford a diary, so this will have to do
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
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An apology, an explanation, a farewell, a well wishing.

Posted May 5th, 2015 at 8:23 AM by seeker
Updated May 5th, 2015 at 9:27 AM by seeker

I want to begin this by expressing the fact that I made a significant mistake recently, and it is related to the reason as to why I’m no longer on staff at this present moment. It is not quitting that I feel was the mistake, but the way in which I did it. For those of you who do not know, I made a rather over-sensationalist, rude, and arrogant thread in the staff forums upon my leave. The reason behind this I will explain, but the specifics will remain as thus: I flat out insulted members of staff who did not deserve it. I criticized the methodology and performance of HQ, and instead of offering decent feedback and advice I simply went on what was a selfish rant. I hold no apologies on that front, and to those I insulted directly: I am deeply regretful for the way in which I criticized you, I was wrong in how I went about it, and certainly not correct. Most of all, what I should not have done was attack your character in any way, shape, or form especially given that I was someone either of you trusted in the past, and I you. For that I am sorry and cannot express my true regret for throwing digs that I didn't truly have in me to throw.

I am a firm believer that there is a difference between an excuse and a reason. I hope that this will read more like the latter, as that is truly what this is. A number of months ago, I made a conscious decision that I wished to divert more of my attention and time into my career, health, loved ones, and so on. PC has always been a distraction from important matters in my life that I barely have time for as it is. In the same breath, PC was a lot like a home to me. The problem lies in the fact that I felt that even though I left PC from time to time, I always came back. Simply because staff and those who I spoke to outside of it were like family to me. I quickly discovered that so long as I was welcome; I would keep coming back. If one can think rationally about most aspects in life, but find the most flawed logic when it comes to the things he cares about and loves, it’s me. I began to poison the well for myself, I began to throw all of my negativity at PC whenever I could. Simply because I wanted to put distance between myself and the forum, and all the work that came with it. It was some time ago when I embarked on the whole “stranger” persona that I wanted to become irrelevant, fade away, and make it easy for me to leave. I realise now that many people actually respected what I was doing for the forum, and also just had strong friendships with me. Something I will always appreciate and remember. However, I still wanted to taint the forum for myself so that I had no reason to come back. I began getting erratic, negative, pompous in how I replied to people. I began showing less respect for those who I wanted to enjoy themselves better, essentially being hypocritical as possible. I will say that not all of how I acted online was intended, initially it was the intention to become distant and irrelevant, in the end I went from wanting to “fade out” to simply desiring to be hated, simply for selfishness. The coward’s way out of leaving something behind. In not so many words, that is the reason behind the way I left. I won’t regret leaving without “class and dignity”, but I regret leaving in a way that actually hurt people. I did my best to come across as a pompous, ungrateful, arrogant, narcissistic asshole, not just in leaving but in how I acted on the forums too. It would be hard to convince people that this isn’t my method of backtracking to a point where I try to claim that I could be an ass. The truth is, I was, on PC at the very least. In reality the way I acted was completely uncharacteristic of me, and I hope that anyone who knows me well enough can see that. But, I was bitter, and for no other reason than that I wanted to step away from being staff but felt I had so much more I could do.

It was (and to an extent still is) the inner conflict I had in me as a staff member. I wanted to put PC behind me. Almost a year ago I tried to, but came back to my S-mod position so that I could do more, mainly because my friends were asking me to return to help out with XYZ. When I did come back, things did change and we made some great progress as staff and I’m pretty happy about that. However the problem still hinged on that I wanted to get away, but had so much I wanted to do. The day before I quit I messaged my best friend saying “I can’t wait to get back to PC, there’s so much I want to do.” It’s like wanting to do a skydive, but knowing you’re afraid of heights. So that conflict made me express my bitterness while being on PC to the extent that it drove a wedge between myself and the forum indefinitely. As Jake so rightly put it, I became argumentative, wasted potential.

As much as anything, I’m guessing people are confused. Or don’t have an idea to stand with me. Some others are ready to put distance between myself and them for what I did, what I said, and I can honestly say that I do not blame them. All I’ll say before I get onto my next points is that I’m truly not the façade I wanted people to believe I was, and I still want the best for this forum and those on it. I psyducked up.

With all that said, I’m going to get off the “me me me” business, and onto some recommendations for the forum. I did say that there was a lot I wanted to see done, and I will admit that this will be partial leaking from my time as staff so if there’s one thing in this blog staff want to edit, it might be some of the below recommendations. With that said, I actually don’t think it will make much of a difference anyway because anything I’ll be “leaking” has been mentioned in CQ&F in passing regardless.

Most importantly, I think PC needs to expand beyond a forum. I’ve written a few thousand words on how I think we can achieve that in recent months, but social media utilisation really needs to happen. PC will benefit massively from becoming a more expansive brand. Getting more into the big ones like Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and so on will make PokéCommunity an organisation more than a forum. If PC wants to expand, that is truly what it needs. Like I said, I’ve written a few thousand words on this already so staff have all access to that and the discussions if they wish to progress it. With that said, I will reiterate that Social Media Staff members need to come in as soon as possible. The foundations of the usergroup still need to be created (as of the date of my leave), and I think it will be very useful if the usergroup gets specific stretch goals in terms of what we hope to achieve. This means that the usergroup as a whole should aim to achieve more likes, followers, and so on, as well as post daily on Facebook/Twitter. Even if it’s a minor forum event, post it, it shows that PokéCommunity is alive. Competitions, merchandising, artist/member promotion, celebrations, it can all go on social media. Show people what PokéCommunity is all about and all the amazing things it has to offer. We all have faith in PC, let the world see why.

PC v5, is a great thing. I have so much belief in the ability of Audy and Jake, that I really think as soon as the new style is released it will help bring PC into the 21st century. With that said, I think the lack of organisation is holding you guys back massively. We talked about getting more organised, a lot. However as the v5 development team, we never did get there. With that said, you guys in particular made a lot of progress on the style all the same. Which to me, says that with some more careful planning you will reach the end goal with great results. So my suggestion is to get a use case set up. Write down specifically (and neatly) what needs to be achieved in what order. Break down the walls, move onto the next ones, and ensure that you log the changes along the way. Get your full schedule (undated because hey, this isn’t a job right?) set up and know what you gotta do. I think right now you each have a vision, but it’s o difficult to get that vision into reality when you’re almost shooting blind when it comes to what you do first. Redesigning the forum is a massive, massive mountain to climb. Not because it’s extremely difficult (back end aside), but because there are so many little things. That’s why I think you gotta sit down and spend a number of hours consolidating what needs to be done for v5, and start making a checklist. It’ll feel good to start crossing things off if nothing else.

Next up is branding. This is something I also hoped to work on this Summer, but I think our logo has been slightly inconsistent and maybe lacking in flair. Jake did an awesome job on the typography, and the vector itself. It shows the communication aspect of PC, as well as the friendliness. What I feel it needs mostly is a set of colours to tie it together. I was hoping that we could reflect our usergroups (or at least staff groups) with the same colours used in said logo. The reason colour is so important in branding is because it’s much more easily recognised when it has that contrast. Look at Microsoft, they were falling into a massive pit, which they climbed back out of because they took feedback and cleaned up their visual style a lot. Their new logo got more simplified, but their four colours became a cornerstone. They’re attempting to be more playful, more approachable. At the same time you could look at Apple, who have a very simple visual style. However, I think that PC is a community and the use of colour could really reflect that idea, allow it to be inviting. Right now, our logo has no definitive logo, so I think working on branding, with some research, could really help tie in with expanding the forum. Streamline these colours across external sites we promote PC on and build up PC’s visual style. That way PC becomes recognisable and familiar. Which is extremely important when you want to expand.

Without overwhelming you with lots of little ideas I think would improve PC, I’ll end it on what I think should be a priority also. The battle server deserves some attention. It’s interesting how the little extension has become so popular, but at the same time it hasn’t had a whole lot of attention. Arguably it has had less than the IRC chat has had over the years and I think that if it got a face lift in terms of design (here’s my partial suggestion in case you want it) and integration across PC I think that it would really take off. The software has so much room for customisation, and everything is open source. This is a massive advantage because it can really become a streamlined service. Not only in the way it looks, but in the way accounts link up to it and more. The files that exist on the server allow for Audy or someone with coding knowledge to create a custom log-in system that links to user accounts. It allows us to detatch from the Smogon servers, and user our own database. That way PC could have so much more control over it, and loads of room to expand. All I can say is that I hope it gets some attention after some of the pressing PC expansions are attended to. Also for those who are rarely on the server, the staff do such an amazing job there. They put up with so much, they handle so so so many difficult challenges daily. If you’re every looking for staff on the PC moderation team, the server staff are a good place to look too. Their workload can be really, really large sometimes and they truly deserve a kudos. All of PC staff does, but I hope that the server staff get more integrated with PC staff. I was hoping that there would be one big Staff Hangout section, where each different staff group gets its own Lounge in which to discuss the specifics of their job description. Right now, Mods and such have a Lounge, and the Hangout. Server staff have their own section that Mods typically can’t see. I say allow every staff group (including any future ones) integrate as a team in the Hangout, and allow for each one to have a serious discussion area elsewhere. Food for thought, at least.

With all that PC business behind me, I want to leave people I’ve interacted with some form of note. I promise you, this will not be a critical analysis of anyone. I want to leave nothing but kind words this time, that each of you deserve. I’ll get through as many PC members I’ve interacted with as possible, if I fail to mention one of my friends I do apologise, this is a big list, shoot me a message some time though!

>Dante< - Steven, if you remember me this will be weird. But I hope that you have found success in your life. You were a great hacker back in the day, and honestly way way way nicer than I ever anticipated. I remember our conversations about graphics, and our enthusiasm for the Pokémon gaming industry. I wish you all the best old friend.

Adventure – Rika I don’t think I could possibly say anything here that I haven’t before. You know how much you mean to me, and I’m so happy that we’ve been so close over all these years. Truly, PC wouldn’t have been what it is without you. I can’t wait to see you again.

Alternative – I’m so happy that we had the chance to be G&P buddies back in the day. I always appreciated your interest in the area, and I thank you for your friendship way back then.

Alucus – The chances of you ever seeing this are extremely low but you are one talented dude when you put your mind to things. I really was inspired by your work when I was a bit younger, and you’re one of the contributing factors to who I am today. So thank you buddy, and I hope that life has been kind to you.

Amachi – Ray, I bloody miss you man. You were one of the best buddies I had back in the day, especially on IRC. You’re a legend, both as a person and a PC member. I hope that we can still catch up every now and then because you have one of the kindest hearts I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and I hope people will continue to see what I seen in you.

Anastasia. R – I always appreciated how enthusiastic you were about art, especially others’ work. It was a real sign of humility, and you were truly someone who inspired me to keep going the way I have. I still love your current work, and I’m glad I had the pleasure of working with you on PC when we did. Even if it was for a short time. Hope you’re doing well Ana.

Angela – An old G&P buddy. I’m not sure to which of you I’ll be speaking to (if ever), but hey we had some great chats. You’re still wearing my theme, 4 years later. I hope you log on some day and see this. You were a really spritely girl, and I wish you the best.

Antemortem - I'll miss you in the staff forums. You're a true shining light and I hope some day that you make it into HQ. I hope to see you take partial charge of the Social Media Staff efforts and really improve PC as a whole. You're a great dude, just keep patient and good things will come my friend.

ApocalypseArisen – I always thought you were awesome, dude. You were really funny in the staff forums. While I struggled to get to know all of the new mods after a few years, you really stuck out and I think that we have a very similar sense of humour. You’re a bro, and I hope that you enjoy being staff on PC and have a great life to boot! Thank you for the laughs.

Aquacorde – Hey Anna, I wish I could say more on the “you know what” situation, but I hope it resolves for you some day. I always respected your tenacity and ability to stand up in what you believe in. I hope that you can express your morality in a way that people will listen and heed your advice in the future. I wish you all the best.

Aquakip – Mark my old buddy. You’re one hella talented dude, and I hope your aspirations in film/theatre really play out for you. I believe you’re one of those people that can do whatever he wants when he sets his mind to it. You’ll do well man, thank you for all the wonderful chats and work we’ve done together over the years. I’ll see you on FB :]

Archer99 – You’re a really down to earth kind of guy who seems to have a genuine interest in people. This is really nice trait, and I hope you stick with it. Keep your head up, keep positive and it will stand to you. I hope that you achieve your goals. You’re still young, but you seem to be a really intelligent guy (and a great battler too!). Hope I see you around buddy.

Astinus – I always feel like I’ve shown my worst side around you. I don’t know what it is, but I feel as if you’re one of those people who I feel I need to impress. Or, at least, be understanding around. You’re extremely well balanced when it comes to morality, you’re kind, and you have a strong ability when it comes to putting things into perspective. Out of all those I met on PC, I respect you a hell of a lot and really hope life goes well for you.

Atomic Reactor – We’ve had our ups and downs. More so the latter. But I think you’re a talented guy with a genuine interest in making games and I can honestly respect that. I know you always had criticism for my game, and it’s undeserved popularity; but your was truly a great piece of work. You can see the dedication oozing from it. I’m still making games, I’m out of the Pokémon related material (for now) but your perseverance will always be something I aspire to.

Aurora – I don’t know you particularly well but I’m glad that I know you. You always came across as intelligent on the server, and that will stand to you. If I do visit the server more, I hope to get to know you better. You have a rational side to you that I respect a lot.

Ayselipera
– Mallory, we drift in and out of contact but you’re one of those friends I feel that I can text at any time about anything and you’ll respond in kind. I’m gratful to that and I hope that we remain friends until we meet, and thereafter.

Banjora Marxvile – Another old friend. I’d be surprised if you remembered me. We worked on hacks together back in the day (kind of?). You were always a decent, kind, bloke and I can’t say I ever had a bad word to say about you. It’s good to see you’re still around, thanks for the pleasant conversation in the past.
Barney. – I’m glad we became friends in the end, you’re a stand-up guy with good music taste. I hope that life is treating you well and that you enjoyed any of the graphics I did for you back in the day!

Bay Alexison – I’m really regretful that you essentially seen the worst possible side to me. I actually respect you a lot, you seem like a really decent person. Honestly cringed when I realised you were seeing me go down the rabbit hole. With that said, I hope that you’re enjoying being staff and I tink you’ll do a great job in FF&W!

Beachboy – Ryan my old squeeze. I miss talking to you, you were always a ray of sunshine, honestly. It’s a pity we didn’t get to work longer together on staff, but you’ll always be remembered as one of the greats in my opinion. You are a truly positive “Carpe Diem” kind of guy, and that’s what I love about you. I can see that you’re really loving life, and people love you just as much. I wish the best for you man, I really do.

Ben. – You turned out to be a really decent guy as you got older. I seen you go from being a pretty crazy kid, to who you are now. Which from what I can see is a fun-loving individual with genuine interest in the design world. I hope you do well in it, and find your passion.

BHwolfgang – BEADS. Haha, I hope you’re doing well man. I know you probably won’t log on again, but even if this is a homage; I want you to know that you were one of the best friends I had on PC, and I really cherish that part of my childhood.

Black Charizard – I’m sorry about the drama back in the day. When I disagreed, I should have illustrated my points a hell of a lot better. That said, I enjoyed working with you on other forums. While they didn’t completely work out, I think they were a success in other ways. All the best to you, old friend, I hope you’ve moved onto bigger and better things.

Bobandbill
– Recent events aside, I will miss working with you and always felt were mostly on the same wavelength. Even if our methods differed, I think most of our motives were the same when it came to improving PC. I don’t think you need me to tell you how much of an intelligent guy you are, or how trusting I feel you to be. I always knew I could come to you in private and we would talk something out rationally. Hope things go well with you in your studies and your career. You’re a great guy, and I hope that you get the best from life.

Captain Fabio – Will my old pal, I don’t think you would appreciate me putting forward a thousand word essay about you, or at all, ever. With that said, I enjoyed working with you on PC, and I enjoyed meeting you ever more. I look forward to seeing you again, truly, and although I know you’re doing well in life as it is; I hope that you further your career and that that success continues.

CarefulWetPaint – Man you were a really nice dude, I always enjoyed chatting with you in general. I even think we shared the same music taste in In Flames and such. Anyway, while you haven’t been on in a bit, I bet that you’re still out there being awesome.

Carmaniac – I always feel guilty not getting back to you, but I am terrible with Skype! You’re a really stand-up dude and I want to congratulate you again on your daughter. I bet you’re being an awesome father, Ryan. I hope that we can get back to doing some work together this Summer and I mean that!

Castform – Chase, I think you’re a genuinely nice guy whom I really admire and wish the best for. You were always supportive of me, and I you. Even though we never got to know one another a hell of a lot, I like to think that we respected one another from a distance all the same. You were one of the guys I could always be myself around, and I hope that I see you around still.

Charlie Brown – We worked together on Panem Online, right? Regardless, I know you’ve tried to get in contact with me a number of times and I’m sorry I didn’t adhere to that. I can be pretty bad with VM’s and such. With that said, you seem to be a really nice guy and I hope that you’re enjoying life, and PC too of course!

Cherrim – I always respected you a hell of a lot. I think you just garner it from people by default, you’re extremely well spoken and insightful. By far one of the most wise people I met online, and I think you really have a solid grip on life from what I can see. You did a great job as staff on PC, and I still remember what you said when voting me in as S-mod. So I would both like to thank you for that, and the advice you inadvertently gave me in doing so. I took it, and I believe it helped me perform well as a staff member. All the best Erica.

Chesu – Thank you for all the spriting advice back in the day. You are an awesome dude.

Chibi-chan – Jesse! You’re one intelligent mf. I miss our old chats, I can honestly say that we were close, and I am happy that we were. I really enjoyed our conversations until we drifted into our own little worlds again. It was a short, but sweet friendship. I believe you’re doing well in life, and it’s no surprise. We’re blasting off again.

Chikara – I still yearn for your anime suggestions. Also SORRY I AM ALWAYS PSYDUCKING DRUNK WHEN WE TALK. But you convinced me of Attack On Titan, and now I’m into anime... So you know, thanks for stealing hours of my life away! I’m kidding, really. You’re a really smart and down to Earth girl, and I’m happy you took your spot in A&M Risa. I think you’ll do well on PC staff, and in life too. I hope that we can still be friends.

Christos – I think we get on rather well, and you’re one funny guy. You’ve single-handedly revolutionised Spheal interest among the general populace. I hope that I still see you around the server, there’s plenty more laughs to be had between us. And probably battles.

curiousnathan – You’ve really become a gent. You and I go way back, but now I think we’ve seen one another go from kids to adults and that’s pretty awesome. You were (and still are) one of my favourite PC members. Even if we didn’t know one another a heck of a lot, I can say that at least we got on really well.

cuttlefishCuller – My protege. Though really, you’re much more than that. You succeeded A&D for me and I know how tough that section is. If you want my advice, shoot for a second one and keep positive. It’ll make staffing a bit easier. Run competitions again, and keep your head above water. A&D is harrrrd to keep afloat, but so much more difficult to if you’ve jumped ship. That said, you have the capacity to be a very positive and kind person, and I think that while you have your demons, you shine when you allow those positive traits to seep out. I’ve missed our talks, and I hope those can return some day.

Dark Azelf – I always thought we could level with one another, which is something I liked being able to do. I know that recently that much was proved wrong, but to an extent I would like to think that we at least still hold that respect between each other. With that said, I think you’re a funny guy, and we would get on rather well where censors don’t need to be upheld, if that makes sense.

Derozio – The advice I gave you in the past about degree courses and so on, I hope it stood to you, or that you found what you needed to. I have a lot of respect for a man who wishes to better himself.

Diddy Kong – Once again, victim to seeing me at my worst. Truthfully the things I said were uncalled for and over-sensationalist. Some of what I was spewing is relevant, to an extent, but you did not deserve the picture I painted. You have a lot of dedication for PC, and if that dedication seeps into your career and real-life affairs I think you’ll do extremely well. You’re a calm, articulate guy who seems to just get things in order quickly. At the very least, I should have held my tongue that yapped way too much in respect for Juli who is one of my closest friends online, and arguably your closest. The way I spoke about you in that instance was in no way a reflection of how I currently feel about your character. You have some extremely positive traits, and while I’m sure what I said washed over you; I hope that you realise that I don’t actually bare you ill will, I merely made a mistake in how I acted that happened to mirror onto you. I wish you the best, and if you ever go red I know you’ll do plenty more with the position than I did. I know you said you don’t have any hard feelings, but you still deserve the apology. I hope that some day, this truly becomes water under the bridge.

Dixie Kong – Despite all this, I don’t think much will change between us. Whether I left or not, I imagined that we would still be friends and continue to confide in one another when need be. You’re still someone I can rely on, who is definately one of my oldest friends on PC. Someone who has always stuck by me, and who I have in turn done the same for. I am totally jealous of your game collection, and if I ever end up in Alabama you’re taking a few days off work and we’re doing nothing but playing some Nintendo.

donavannj – I’ve said it time and time again, but you’re a really solid guy. You’re honest, and respectful of others to the degree that you’re almost as frustratingly honourable as Ned Stark, haha. Really though I’m happy that you’ve stuck around all these years, and while you’ve been under spoken a lot of the time; I think you’re a real asset to the forum as a whole.

DrFuji – I always felt pretty bad about the day we met, I didn’t show you enough, and I brought you drinking when you were probably up for doing something completely different. That said, I’m glad we did get to meet and if you were ever to end up in Ireland again I would totally show you a better time. Maybe get Eoin on board and play video games instead, or hack, or something that’s a lot more akin to our shared interests. You’re a really sweet guy and I hope you’re doing well.

Dukey – I’m glad I opened up this FB conversation today, I don’t tihnk you’ll see this but you were one of the best buds I had on PC back in the day. You inspired and taught me how to become a better graphic artist. Here I am, 6 years later still doing the same stuff. Thank you for that dude.

El Héroe Oscuro – Matt I think you have the capacity to be a really good listener, someone who keeps his cool above all else. While I’ve seen contrasting attributes at times, you’re still someone I respect a lot and I hope that you come back to staff with a new found positivity and do well. All the best mate.

Emily – It’s been an age and I don’t think you’ll remember me too well, but I hope you’re still drawing, I hope you’re still listening to good music. Above all I hope that you’ve found happiness. You were a really good person when I knew you and I wish the best for you. Thank you for your friendship all those years ago.

Esper – I miss you a lot, Cammy. I hope things are looking up for you. You are one of the most individual people I know, who seems to be good at everything they turn their hand to. You were one of the closest friends that I had on PC, and I feel regretful that we slipped away from one another. I learned a lot from you, and cherished our friendship. Wherever you are, I want the best for you.

Flight
– I hope you’re doing well, my friend. I’m sorry I’ve been kind of a dick in recent times, but I hope that my blog will explain it. I’m so out of touch with you lately but I want things to be well for you. I know we were very close several years ago and I want to respect that by getting in contact with you again. I think the day will come, you are a truly kind soul who deserves an easy life. So I hope that it comes to you if it hasn’t already.

Franceschi – I miss the hell out of you, Fi. You are who led me to Rika and I will always thank you for that. You’re such a genuine person that I will honestly always hold you in high regard. Whatever you’re up to these days, I hope that it’s making you extremely happy!

giradialkia – We really need to have that pint some day man. Seriously. I intend to go up to Galway a lot more. I was there again recently and really enjoyed my night out there (again). So some time you’re still there, I hope that we can meet up. You’re always welcome down here, too! Perhaps we can make a plan this Summer, it would be a pleasure to meet you my friend!

Gold warehouse – Ryan we’ve had a hell of a past. All I can say is that I hope things go well for you. If we ever meet, we’ll have that fight in elmo costumes, then go for a pint and put it all behind us. All the best pal.

Guy – I’m not sure which account is your most recent these days Shivi, but I will roll with this one. You’re one of the best friends that I ever had on PC, until we all went our separate ways. That’s the nature of the internet right? Regardless, you were always a very clean cut guy with amazing morals and you made for an amazing staff member. I will always respect what you did for PC, and I want to thank you for your friendship across the years. Maybe some day we can rekindle it, but if not I want life to go well for you old pal.

hashtag – Was so tempted to premise this with “lol”, not because I want to be condescending, but simply because it defines our friendship over the years so well. You’re a really fun guy, and I think we got on extremely well in our last conversations so I’m happy that was the case. We’ve had a hell of a lot of laughs over the years, and if I ever end up in your neck of the woods we’re “getting smashed”.

Hikamaru - Hikari, you’re actually a really sweet person. I know people give you a lot of stick for being so “PC obsessed”, but I don’t want you to listen to them. So long as PC makes you happy, who gives a crap right? You’re someone who enjoys it for what it is, and nothing more. That makes you one of the best PC members out there. You want the best for the forum, and that’s easy to see. I hope that life is going well for you, troubles and all. Thank you for always being a supporter of what I do on PC, and being a friend even though distant.

Hiroshi Sotomura – Jake, I feel like that even though we butt heads we were always respectful of one another’s opinions. I think you’re one of the most talented people I have ever met on PC with a real capacity to call upon a strong moral fibre. When you’re good, you’re good. When you put your mind to something, gold is created. I want you to stick around on PC simply because the contributions you make on PC (no matter how sporadic), are nothing short of astonishing. You’re a really great guy, and I know that if we sat down to have a beer, or play some hockey (I actually used to, you know), we would get on like a house on fire. I’ll miss working with you, I feel we made a great team when we came together, sparks flew. All the best Jake, and thank you for everything you’ve taught me.

Honest – We’ve talked a handful of times across recent years, and I think we used to get on fairly well when we were young. I appreciate you being a good friend to me back then, and always making an effort to try and rekindle that. You’re a great dude, and I hope that you’re loving life as much as you seem to be!

Josephine – I want you to know that even though sometimes I disappear or don’t write back, I still love you. You’re one of the best friends I’ve had, and while you’ve been a ghost for years on end, I still looked forward to talking to you again. I really hope that I see you in the future, and everything you’re going through gets easier. It will. I can only hope to be there for you more.

Kaori – You could be using a different username right now, I’m not too sure. That said, I think you’ve really become a beautiful person in recent years. You have such a genuine interest in art now, and I think you have a flair for it. If you draw every day, even for five minutes, you’ll be AMAZING I can promise you that. Keep at it, you’ll have a thing or two to teach me in no time, believe me.

Katalyst – Man I hope life is going well for you, we always got on great and it was awesome to see a familiar face in TCTI when you were there. Thank you for all the conversation over the years, all the best!

KitsuneKouta – A real contributer. Thank you for all your help over the years man. You’re a really decent guy, and I hope that you’re still working hard on what you love to do!

Kura – Adri, I hope that we can see one another again soon! You were way way way more of a character than I could have ever expected. I hope that we keep in contact, because you’re a really talented, beautiful person, who I really enjoyed talking to IRL and online. Hope to see you again soon :]

Larry – You’re one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. I know now that we’re both completely different people to who we used to be, back when we talked a lot more, but I still cherish that part of my childhood! You deserve the best, and you deserve to have a more easy life. Keep your head up though, good things will come if you do. It’s hard to keep positive sometimes, believe me I know it. But if we battle through the oppression life throws at us, we’ll come out the other end with a smirk that will evolve into a beautiful smile. I’ll miss seeing you around, enjoy modding!

Livewire – There's little point in bringing up what we've already spoken about. But I know I lost your respect, which I regret greatly simply because you were someone, and still are someone, that I respect. I hope that I at least put into words some of the reason as to why I left the way I did. I intentionally left out the "life struggles", simply because they don't give one an excuse to be an ass. That all aside, I once considered you a good friend, and we came through the ranks together. I think you have made some of the best posts and motions on PC over the years and I'm glad of it. I'm glad I brought you up for promotion when I did, and I hope that you continue to make PC a better place.

Logiedan – It’s a pity we never got too far in collaboration, but with that said I think it was a blast when we worked together! Some of the work you did for me was truly beautiful, very impressive stuff. If you keep up with your artwork I think you’ll be phenomenal. You’re a great guy to boot, so I think you’ll do a service to the art industry in general if you keep it up!

Lulu – Thank you for being such a kind person. You really impressed me with how approachable you have been. I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you more often, you’re a really good soul. I hope that some day I can catch up with you properly, and that we can allow our friendship to kindle properly!

Magic – All past negative encounters aside, I think you’ve really become a decent guy. Before I might have seen you to have some inner conflict, but ignore it really. I enjoyed our last chat, even if it was “all business”, but it was rational and enjoyable all the same. I hope I see you modding ROM Hacking some day too, it seems like you would do a really great job there!

Maruno – You’re definitely one of the most intelligent people I’ve ever met, and certainly one of the best programmers. You’ve taught me a lot, one thing being that I’ll never be a very proficient programmer, but all the same it was a joy working with you. I hope that down the line we can actually create something lucrative.

moments. – You are one smashing guy. Your YouTube videos are great, and you have some really strong moral fiber. I hope that our G&P rivaling past didn’t taint anything between us, and I wish you the best old friend.

Morkula – You stood by me, you always have. We’ve fought like cats and dogs, and worse. But you know what? You’ve taught me what it is to be friends with someone. You’ve shown me that even though we are so different, and fight harder than almost anyone I know; that friendship can overcome almost anything. You mean a lot to me and throughout all of the hard times I’ve been having recently I hope that you can continue to have the same patience you’ve had so far and see me through it. I want you to be my friend above and beyond PC, past all of this. I love you too man, and I want you to know that I appreciate you so so so much more than I show.

Mr Cat Dog – Looking at this I know you’re rolling your eyes. You’re all “Gav gonna Gav”, you’re all “coup d'etat got him in the end”, but I’ll sit down with you some day over a cuppa and explain it all properly. You know how I am with words online compared to in person. Anyway Jon, I think we’ve met a friend for life in one another, and I always enjoy our visits. I can’t wait until a group of us meet up again. You’re one of the best friends I have in this world, and it doesn’t matter to me that we sometimes drift for months on end. You know as well as I do: we always pick up where we left off. Thank you for always being there for my buddy.

mystletainn – Hey Luke, you’re one of those people who I have fond memories of. Especially in how our friendship was. We didn’t always get on amazingly well, but I can honestly say we had some great moments in our friendship. I’ll never forget that. Maybe some day we’ll open that studio together.

Netto Azure – It’s weird, I have known you for so many years, but feel as if I barely know you at all. You have some amazing constitution for sticking around on PC across the years, and I wish you well my man.

Nolafus – There's very little I can say that I didn't say recently on Skype. But you should never second guess yourself because of something I said in selfish anger. You deserve your spot, and you proved to me how much of a fighter you are. You're a decent person, and what I said to you was utterly uncalled for. I want you to remember that, keep your head held high. You have nothing to prove to anyone except for yourself. Remember that.

Overlord Drakow – Man we’ve had some laughs. You’re completely different IRL than online, and I really enjoyed the days we spent together. I hope we can do that again, and this time, I’ll whip you in Mario Kart.

Peitharchia – You’re a really talented girl Ashley, and I’m sorry I didn’t get to know you better. I feel like we would have gotten on rather well. However I guess I was pretty distant. I hope you come back to staff with the same enthusiasm that you had before. I wish you the best, and please make web design more than just a hobby!

Pidgey
– Olli I never knew you very well, but you seemed to be a really, really genuinely nice person. Other than that I don’t have a whole lot to say, but thank you for being such a good spirit during my time on PC.

Pokestick, good times. – To this day, I still do not understand your username. You’re another one of those extremely talented people I met on PC, and I want to thank you for your contributions to Phoenix Rising. I always enjoyed reading your posts in TCTI, and hope you have a wonderful life. I will continue to keep a close eye on your artwork!

Proto – Audy, I’m sorry I’ve let you down. I really am. This is one of the things I’m most upset about, not working with you on PC. I think we were going to do some amazing things together. Maybe we still will, who knows. But I know I bowed out all of a sudden and more than likely disappointed you. You’re really positive guy when you want to be and that shines so much. You’re creative, you’re different, you’re a bit of an enigma, and I feel like we would have made an amazing duo. I regret missing that opportunity, but I have utter faith in you.

Robin – I may have said it a hundred times, but I think you’re one of the best PC has to offer. You’ve done so much for PC and often I think it has been overlooked because you’re just so damn kind. I really respect your ability to drown out negativity (believe it or not, I had a dream about this last night...it was weird but enlightening) and admire you above all for it.

Rukario – Thank you for all you’ve done for PC. You should get involved in the hangout more, I think people would enjoy getting to know you Steve!

Sanguine – You remain one of the people that I would like to meet some day. I think we have some similar interest, and also some character traits that match quite well. You’re a pretty awesome person all around, and if I ever end up in London again I’ll see if you’re free! Let’s talk again soon :]

Sheep – Janna, I’m sorry I’ve been so negative. You’ve been someone I wanted to pull up with me the whole way. When I was promoted to Mod, I wanted to see you in TWL or A&D, and you got promoted (not sure if I brought you up or not icr!). When I got promoted to S-mod, I wanted you to come with me. You did, in time. When I knew I was being promoted to Admin, I wanted to see you come too, and I was so happy to see that you were going to be brought in. You’re Mrs. PC. You’re everything that’s right about this forum and you simply ooze positivity. You above almost anyone should have the biggest say in the forum simply because you know it best out of anyone I know. You’re such a genuine person with a kind heart who isn’t afraid to speak their mind. You’re someone I truly admire, and I will miss you, a lot.

shenanigans – Alex I hope that we don’t drift too far. You’re definitely one of the people I could open my mind up to. You always appreciated me, at least I think you did, and I certainly appreciated you. From that time I accidentally called you drunk as hell (oh man), all the way up to now when we were looking forward to working together in the red. You’re one of the closest friends I had on PC, and I hope that things won’t change too much between us in that regard.

Shining Raichu – You’re actually a really kind person, which is something I didn’t realise before. Behind your comedic mask is a genuine admiration for other people which not a lot of people notice right away. You’re of course one of the funniest people I’ve met on PC, but you definitely had a capacity to come across as one of the nicest when you wanted to. You’re well spoken and diplomatic when you need to be, and despite what has happened, I think those traits will stand to you in the longer game.

Signomi – I miss you a lot Christina, and I hope that life is going well for you. You’re probably the most talented person I met on PC, and given your success; it’d be no surprise to me if you’re nearing fame by now.

Sora – We were much closer a few moons ago. But that said I hope you’re having a great life now. You’re one of those faces I’ll miss seeing around, and I wish you the best.

Spartacus – You’re crazy but I always enjoyed talking with you. Especially on the server and such. It’s a pity you disappeared so often, but in saying that I’m sure it was for the right reasons which is totally understandable. You’re a really decent guy, and I hope that I see you again!

Starry Windy – You’re one of those people who came across to me as very caring and kind. I don’t know you too well, but you were always very nice to me whenever I entered the server. I certainly appreciated your presence whenever you were there and I hope that things are going a bit better for you compared to the last time we spoke.

Sylphiel – Jess, despite whatever has happened in the past; I always would say that you were one of the kindest people I’ve met on PC. We were never close, and I always got the impression that you didn’t like me _at all_ but it never stopped me from appreciating the fact that you were such a lovely person. I know things were tough for you, and what you wrote about it before I really wanted to reply to but never got the chance. If you think you need forgiveness, you’re wrong in that. You deserve a chance, and I think people see you now as one of the most active and approachable staff. It will stand to you. I hope you do well in life Jess.

Synerjee – Amanda I always loved having you around on the server. You are extremely kind and very easy to talk to. I always got the impression that you cared for people, and I think that people feel the warmth from you. I hope I keep seeing you around.

Team Fail – I hope you make it onto staff some day. I worked with you before and you always seemed really diligent. So while we never got close, you made nothing but a good impression on me.

tImE – Tim, thank you for all your hard work on PR, and thank you also for being an inspiration for me. You are one of the nicest dudes anyone can come across and I hope that life is treating you well my old friend. I’ll still remember that work you did with me on the lab, that still remains as one of the coolest little things I’ve seen in any fan game!

Tsutarja – Zach we never really got close or anything like that, but I would always say that we got on well enough. You’re a pleasure to talk to, and I hope that you enjoy the remainder of your time on PC.

TwilightBlade – Lisa, I still love you to pieces. You care so, so, so much and work so incredibly hard. You need to move out and enjoy life, you have so much to see and do and people have done nothing but walk over you. You deserve so much better than that. If there’s anyone who’s shown me how much they care, it’s you. I don’t want to cut contact with you, and I only want things to improve for you. Just know that while I may get distant, that I’m still here for you through thick and thin.

Went – I feel like I’ve written a hundred “here’s how I feel about you” messages to you over the years Wentos, haha. It’s not that I’m running out of positive things to say, but more that your positives are so overwhelmingly obvious that I just can’t help but repeat myself. So instead, I’ll say that I hope that we can still remain friends, and see one another in life. It meant a lot to me that we met, and I honestly felt that we got on amazingly well. So I’ll let you know regardless, what’s happening this Summer. You’ll always be a friend in my heart, Goomba.

Wolf – You’re so hard working man. You put up with so much and have done amazing things for your section. I hope that people begin to help you and Zeffy out with the server some more and push it into something really spectacular. You’re still a good pal in my books, and we’ll talk about my place on the server soon.

Yoshikko – One of the oldest friends I have on PC, whom I really adore. You’re a spirit I hope to some day meet, and I really miss talking with you. I hope that despite the fact I’m walking away from PC, that we can keep in contact. I’ll be in touch.

Zebeedoo – Is it 6 years now? We’re only talking on Facebook today, so I don’t have massive amounts to say. But I hope I get to meet you again, and maybe this time it will be a bit easier for you. I still feel bad that you traveled so far, but I hope to make the same effort. You’re a really caring person who seems as if they would do anything for anyone they loved. I hope that life gives you back what you put into it, I really do.

Zeffy – I would have liked to have gotten to know you better buddy, I think from what I’ve seen that you’re a really swell guy. Hopefully I’ll see you on the server again and have conversation wherein! All the best buddy.

Ęℓαчиıı – Viv, you’ve done so much for me. I have tried to repay you as much as I can but your contributions toward my life and my projects have been substancial. You’re so awesome as a person and an artist that I hope some day we can work on more things together.

-----
Okay, that’s that. This is the goodbye I should have made. I know this is more than likely too little, too late, for most of you. But effort needed to be made, nobody deserved my initial goodbye. I can only ask for your forgiveness as I attempt to make amends.

I have officially stepped down from staff, which means that I will more than likely be inactive on the forums. I intend to check in on occasion, and see what I can help with in regards to certain aspects, but all in all, this is it. I ask that if in the staff Skype conversation you wish to speak...truthfully in how I've acted recently, that you just be wary that there are those who remain close to me in that conversation who perhaps wish to sit out of it. I understand that people may need to vent on what I've done and I have no gripe with them in doing so. However as I say, it may not be easy for those who are still friends with me to listen to. Just something to consider, is all.

PC was a massive, massive, part of my childhood. Without it I would be in a different place for better or worse. I have met some lifelong friends, and learned so much about myself and my abilities. I can’t thank you all enough for being there, for being a part of my life these last 6+ years. From my days in Other Trivia, to the ones where I modded Graphics & Photography, Game Development, Other Entertainment. That time I became an orange, server admin, PokéCommunity Staff Admin, and all the way back down again. It’s been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, but I leave this forum with fond memories and nothing but love. I have made some massive mistakes, and done some things I’m really proud of. But all in all, PokéCommunity was the family I desperately needed when my life didn’t have one. It was the shout of support when I needed a pick me up, but most of all it was the platform where I met some people I will always hold dear, and some memories I will never forget. I will now move on with my career, my studies, and my life. I’ll try not to be too much of a stranger, but for the most part: this is farewell.

For each petal on the shamrock this brings a wish your way. Good health, good luck, and happiness for today and every day.

- Gav
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Bellsprout's Avatar
    I think you have an overall good mindset for the forum and whatever terrible things you might of said I feel like could have been said out of passion because you do care about pc, and sometimes we say the worst when we care about something.

    Anyway I think it's important to support anyone who wants to leave, be on less, etc. As real life is so important and I know how busy your life is without even including pc. I think it will be really great for you to finally put pc on the back burner and give your attention to the things that really matter in your life. I'll always be a friend for you to contact, even if we don't speak for 20 years between that time lol. You know I'll respond! ;D
    Posted May 5th, 2015 at 9:20 AM by Bellsprout Bellsprout is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Logan's Avatar
    lol
    Posted May 5th, 2015 at 9:20 AM by Logan Logan is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Mana's Avatar
    I'm glad we got to a nice place :) it's a shame we didn't get to know each other more, but alas.

    Good luck endeavors~
    Posted May 5th, 2015 at 9:31 AM by Mana Mana is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Hikamaru's Avatar
    I'm kinda sad you didn't last very long in the admin role here, because I knew there was so much potential in you.

    But anyhow, good luck with what real life has to throw at you. And do check back on your old PC friends when you can.
    Posted May 5th, 2015 at 9:48 AM by Hikamaru Hikamaru is online now
  5. Old Comment
    Castform's Avatar
    This was a really good read Gav and I am glad you came back to post this because a lot of people were left in the dark about the whole thing considering only even a portion of us on staff got to read your thread.

    You're a great guy at heart and this blog shows that. You're also dedicated and very passionate about PC which is probably why things happened like they did. None of that matters though as you can't erase all that you have done here, which is more than most of us. It's sad to see such a driving force behind PC go but your reasons are valid, life is first and I wish you the best in that regard. I'd love to see you around some here and even more at the battle server. You are a fun guy to have around there! Best wishes buddy!
    Posted May 5th, 2015 at 10:23 AM by Castform Castform is offline
  6. Old Comment
    colours's Avatar
    ....Man, what should I say? I'm at a loss for words. Truth be told, I'm not good at expressing gratitude. Heck, I even felt really awkward giving shoutouts in Celebrations, which has always made me feel like I should've said more to the individual than I did. But here, I suppose I will let it all out, yeah?

    Gavin, you are one heck of a guy. At least, putting it that way! I'm not gonna lie, the fact that we used to butt heads a lot was pretty much widely known (at least, to those who saw), and we constantly came into conflict with one another's perspectives. Yeah, I will admit, I felt bad about what transpired between us recently, but truth be told, I really don't want that experience to really color our friendship, so to speak. I've...come to quite a realization myself. Why is it that I constantly overwhelm myself, why is it that every time, it seems like the past has repeat itself when I never wanted it to? For years I've tried to struggle with that answer, but it was just that--I've tried, and tried, and tried, that eventually led to quite an erratic and unfavorable change in my character and demeanor. I've just tried too much to the point where I lost sight of myself and I lost sight of what was truly important to me.

    Gav, I really wish we could've gotten to known one another a lot better over recent years. I remember when I first met you, and I shared with you that I wanted to become a supporter, but I didn't have the means to go about doing so, myself. Being the kind soul you are, you donated for me. Being a supporter was all I wanted at the time, and you made that happen. I just remember how, yes, we were so close years ago, and all of a sudden, we just drifted apart. I wish that didn't happen, but what can I say? The past is for us to learn from, not to dwell on. I've learned that lesson in so many hard ways so many times.

    I wish the best for you and your future, Gav. For what it's worth, I do forgive you. It just wouldn't be right of me to do otherwise and I'm definitely not that kind of person that's going to hold a grudge because of a possible misunderstanding. It sucks, but it happens. I know that you're a person that cares deep down about PC overall, and I wish I could've seen that.

    Thanks for your hard work and dedication, Gav. It won't be forgotten.

    Also, I may not be the best conversationalist...I may not be the best at trying to articulate myself, but I do hope that someday, we do catch up with each other and talk and have a good friendship like we did in the past. I miss that a lot.
    Posted May 5th, 2015 at 12:55 PM by colours colours is online now
  7. Old Comment
    If you feel that you made a mistake, then you did something good. Stepping down and thinking your next move isn't a bad idea. However. Nobody deserves to be treated like muk, just for some thought. If you don't feel confident about somebody, the best thing that you can do is put them to a test. Life is like this, we need to work with people that we hate or that we don't trust. But.... Does that mean that we need to throw everything that we made down?, just because we don't like somebody?. I think no. There's nothing wrong on being blunt with somebody, but it's not worthy to make them look bad in front of everybody. Because, that's the kind of actions that speak about us. And how we are as persons. If I don't like somebody, I take my thoughts to that person if I can. There's no need to fake a "friendship" here. If you think that something unfair happened, that's life again sadly. There's always something that we find unfair, but... Everybody needs a chance here. There's always a chance to make a new friend, maybe no, but if you ask me, it's better to see how somebody gives a damm about you. Than making an enemy.

    Quote:
    Archer99 – You’re a really down to earth kind of guy who seems to have a genuine interest in people. This is really nice trait, and I hope you stick with it. Keep your head up, keep positive and it will stand to you. I hope that you achieve your goals. You’re still young, but you seem to be a really intelligent guy (and a great battler too!). Hope I see you around buddy.
    That's nice, thanks a lot. Even if we didn't had the chance of chatting too much.

    Good luck out there, I'm sure you're going to do just fine.
    Posted May 5th, 2015 at 1:08 PM by Archy Archy is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Charlie Brown's Avatar
    Lol yes PanemOnline, good times haha. All the best with everything Gav. You're a great guy with an amazing work ethic and whatever you put your mind to, you'll go far. (:
    Posted May 5th, 2015 at 1:40 PM by Charlie Brown Charlie Brown is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Sheep's Avatar
    gav <3 i didn't read it all yet but aaaa. even at your worst i can never think badly of you; you're easy to talk to and we share similar opinions more often than not so it's really easy for me to just come to you and rant about whatever when i feel the need, haha. really do hope you'll continue coming on because things are really going to be strange otherwise. you were like a staple here.

    much love!
    Posted May 6th, 2015 at 1:50 PM by Sheep Sheep is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Adventure's Avatar
    x
    Posted May 7th, 2015 at 1:59 AM by Adventure Adventure is offline
  11. Old Comment
    I love you more than you could possibly know and I'm happy to be mentioned here. You are someone who has made me a better person by being friends with me and for that I am grateful. You are definitely one of the brighter spots of my time here on PC my love.
    Posted May 11th, 2015 at 11:56 AM by mystletainn mystletainn is offline
  12. Old Comment
    Yoshikko's Avatar
    good luck man you deserve it!
    Posted May 11th, 2015 at 11:56 AM by Yoshikko Yoshikko is offline
  13. Old Comment
    [15:57:04] @Sector: Damn Gav, I actually had to skip through a lot of that 'cause tl;dr but I feel ya. Don't worry about the shoutouts, I never get mentioned in those & idc haha. Best of luck to you my man
    [15:57:17] @Sector: You're always one of the coolest folks in my mind, don't change & do what you have to do in life/online bud

    Not PC official unless I post here so x)
    Posted May 11th, 2015 at 11:59 AM by Sector Sector is offline
  14. Old Comment
    Livewire's Avatar
    suuuuppperrrr late but hey

    I wouldn't say that you've lost my respect, I mean it did get a little nasty in that thread but I understand your thought process and I get it, I really do. One little mistake at the end doesn't erase the previous 6 years of good you've done here, and I still consider you a friend and I still respect you for all you've done here.
    Posted May 19th, 2015 at 1:03 PM by Livewire Livewire is offline
  15. Old Comment
    Synerjee's Avatar
    Hey Gav, just wanna say that you're an amazing person with a big heart. It isn't easy to write this huge essay of a blog post, but it's an action that will never go unnoticed. I'm sure you will be forgiven for whatever you have done. We are human after all; we make mistakes. Thank you very much for the suggestions for PC, and also for the kind words. They mean a lot to me and to all of us. I really do hope to see you around, and maybe we can catch up and have a good chat. Lots of love! Take care. <3
    Posted May 25th, 2015 at 1:10 PM by Synerjee Synerjee is offline
  16. Old Comment
    ruby's Avatar
    Posted August 11th, 2016 at 12:12 PM by ruby ruby is offline
    Updated August 11th, 2016 at 12:23 PM by ruby
 

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