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Something I just wanna throw out there-

Posted September 18th, 2010 at 10:23 PM by Kura

I was wondering.. how many of you feel that at least one person you know, either online or offline, has a "facade."

That someone might always act unnecessarily sweet, or almost seem devoid of actual emotion to just get along with everyone. Or that person might even have a persona- "I'm such an emo, my life is full of turmoil." When in truth.. you almost think.. "How is that possible? Doesn't it take so much effort to always have that frame of mind?"

Sometimes I just wonder. I took a psychology elective this year and I seem to be questioning things more about people, I guess.
Sometimes I feel like it could be because of misconceptions about myself- People even on here have bias on me- yet think they know me entirely- when in fact, I'd think only two people on here know me fully (and those people I am considerably close with.)

For example, perhaps even I am having a bias on everyone else by saying this, but I believe that people do often think; "Gawd, Kura's coming around- let's watch her throw her self-righteous attitude everywhere."
Hey! When I have an opinion, I'll say it. I agree many-a-time! But I also disagree on many things, too. Thing is... on here, if I disagree, it doesn't feel like things move forward.. it's suddenly deemed as "drama."
But.. hold up. In retrospect.. how can people just agree with everything? Is that false? Is it a facade?
Maybe it's because I tend not to use many smilies anymore. Does that automatically deem me as having a cold-hearted tone? I don't really know anymore!

Sometimes I feel like people may need to reconsider some things. Sometimes I feel like... if people wonder why friends suddenly have a change of heart after such a long time, do they not consider it's because their friend is now tired of putting up the facade?
I feel like.. why don't people see the value in a disagreement? Just because I disagree with teen pregnancy doesn't mean I can't get along with a 18-year-old mother (or even be best friends with her.)

I guess I feel like a true friend is someone that you can relate to. You can have disagreements, but realize that you're different people. You don't always have to love the same things, and you don't always have to have the same viewpoints- you just have to be able to respect each other.

Maybe I'm posting this because I feel that sometimes I am overlooked. (I don't mean this in an emo way, either.) Some people on here recently said to me that "You don't know me, but..." when in fact, I do know them. Perhaps I'm not that charismatic or noticable, and that's why I'm easily forgettable.
I am a bit more approachable than people think, and maybe I am also a bit more receptive than people think, too.. but I don't think I'm given that chance. And I think that it's because I didn't agree with them; and I think people close up when I'm around (perhaps in fear of me taking things too seriously again.)
As a side note, yes, I did change my PC nature to serious, because I feel like that's how people take me nowadays. They don't know my silly side, and that could possibly be because I haven't warmed up to anyone enough to show it- and I don't want to be taken for an idiot.


But I dunno.. what's better? Someone who can offer you a false friendship- claiming to care just because they never want to butt-heads/ or someone that will confront you when they're genuinely concerned, even if that might lead to disagreement?

Do you even consider that people can be like this? Or does this matter not really concern you at all? Have you thought about the possibility before?

I want to know what you think- so I'm throwing this out there.
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  1. Old Comment
    Her's Avatar
    As a hopeful psychologist myself, I can say that yes, people do throw up facades when they're around people. They can vary, from happy to sad to angry to liar around all people to a certain person. Sometimes the person doesn't even know that they're putting on a facade, as they believe it is what they naturally feel for the person, but that may just be a cover up for something different.

    So for example, I talk to you. I'm all happiness and sunshine but the second I talk to someone else, I'm very angry and disappointed in that person. This has many variations, like with most things to do with psychology; I may absolutely love you and simply feel sad that I'm not talking to you, which is natural. I may also be putting a facade so you don't guess how much I like you/how sad I am, it varies. I could be unknowingly attracted to you, there are so many variations it would take a while to describe.

    So in your friend problem, it could be many different reasons. I believe that someone who drop their facade and confront you at certain times is the best, but sometimes a facade is for the better good, eg; keeping you happy; keeping you mad to talk about things you wouldn't normally talk about, so on. Hopefully this helps.

    Prof. Harlequin, MD.
    Posted September 18th, 2010 at 11:30 PM by Her Her is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Her's Avatar
    I find it rather easy to talk about this, as I throw up facades quite a lot for the good of people and sometimes for the worse of people (when I'm pissed off). Facades are quite simply, human nature.
    Posted September 18th, 2010 at 11:34 PM by Her Her is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Timbjerr's Avatar
    I'll be the first to admit that I throw up an emotionless facade here at PC, mainly because I have a history of posting my (fairly unpopular) opinions and then letting myself get all riled up when people disagree with me. Because this got me into quite a bit of trouble on my old account, I've resolved to bite my tongue and move on anytime I find a thread that has potential to bring that up in me again.

    If you really wanna see me in a normal emotional range, try being my friend and initiating a VM/PM convo with me. XD
    Posted September 19th, 2010 at 1:43 AM by Timbjerr Timbjerr is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Rogue planet's Avatar
    Quote:
    I was wondering.. how many of you feel that at least one person you know, either online or offline, has a "facade."

    That someone might always act unnecessarily sweet, or almost seem devoid of actual emotion to just get along with everyone. Or that person might even have a persona- "I'm such an emo, my life is full of turmoil."
    The majority of people do this. Although in the second case it's not always a facade and some people with no real problems convince themselves that their life actually is full of turmoil. But there are plenty of people with ulterior motives that just want a pity party; or if it's a different form of behaviour, they'll be doing it to get some other reaction.
    Facades aren't always for selfish or negative reasons though, like Harlequin said. It may seem like they're just a liar, but in the mind of the person with the facade, it could be there for a justified reason. It's complicated, but there are two sides to the coin.


    The following paragraphs about yourself, it does seem that anyone who doesn't act super friendly and agree with everyone is deemed as being cold hearted. Although iIt is difficult to interpret writing over the internet, so something you write that seems okay to you, could be interpreted differently by someone reading it. It may not just be because you disagree with something, just the way you write things may be interpreted as if you're speaking in a hostile way. I think I can relate to that somewhat. In real life, it's less common because the tone of voice can be heard, but even then there's room for misunderstanding.

    I would hope you continue voicing your opinion because personally I think that it's a good thing. It doesn't seem like you put up any facades and you should keep it that way. If you find it does pose a problem too often, then I'd work on changing how you word your opinions, rather than not voicing them at all.

    Quote:
    But I dunno.. what's better? Someone who can offer you a false friendship- claiming to care just because they never want to butt-heads/ or someone that will confront you when they're genuinely concerned, even if that might lead to disagreement?
    The second one.

    I hope I actually understood this properly, lol.
    Posted September 19th, 2010 at 7:52 AM by Rogue planet Rogue planet is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Harlequin View Comment
    As a hopeful psychologist myself, I can say that yes, people do throw up facades when they're around people. They can vary, from happy to sad to angry to liar around all people to a certain person. Sometimes the person doesn't even know that they're putting on a facade, as they believe it is what they naturally feel for the person, but that may just be a cover up for something different.

    So for example, I talk to you. I'm all happiness and sunshine but the second I talk to someone else, I'm very angry and disappointed in that person. This has many variations, like with most things to do with psychology; I may absolutely love you and simply feel sad that I'm not talking to you, which is natural. I may also be putting a facade so you don't guess how much I like you/how sad I am, it varies. I could be unknowingly attracted to you, there are so many variations it would take a while to describe.

    So in your friend problem, it could be many different reasons. I believe that someone who drop their facade and confront you at certain times is the best, but sometimes a facade is for the better good, eg; keeping you happy; keeping you mad to talk about things you wouldn't normally talk about, so on. Hopefully this helps.

    Prof. Harlequin, MD.
    Oh no, I don't have a friend problem. I have lots of friends, but funny enough, not very many from here. I see it a lot here and I see it sometimes IRL to people that aren't necessarily friends towards me, but friends towards other people. I've learned to choose my friends wisely because it HAS happened to me in the past.. but very long ago.

    I guess I just felt like posting an eye-opener, not just for myself.
    Posted September 19th, 2010 at 8:19 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Vendak View Comment
    The majority of people do this. Although in the second case it's not always a facade and some people with no real problems convince themselves that their life actually is full of turmoil. But there are plenty of people with ulterior motives that just want a pity party; or if it's a different form of behaviour, they'll be doing it to get some other reaction.
    Facades aren't always for selfish or negative reasons though, like Harlequin said. It may seem like they're just a liar, but in the mind of the person with the facade, it could be there for a justified reason. It's complicated, but there are two sides to the coin.


    The following paragraphs about yourself, it does seem that anyone who doesn't act super friendly and agree with everyone is deemed as being cold hearted. Although iIt is difficult to interpret writing over the internet, so something you write that seems okay to you, could be interpreted differently by someone reading it. It may not just be because you disagree with something, just the way you write things may be interpreted as if you're speaking in a hostile way. I think I can relate to that somewhat. In real life, it's less common because the tone of voice can be heard, but even then there's room for misunderstanding.

    I would hope you continue voicing your opinion because personally I think that it's a good thing. It doesn't seem like you put up any facades and you should keep it that way. If you find it does pose a problem too often, then I'd work on changing how you word your opinions, rather than not voicing them at all.

    The second one.

    I hope I actually understood this properly, lol.
    Oh I was never intending to stop posting how I post. I just felt like throwing the whole "what if" and a bit of my perspective out there.. since it's my blog.. lol.. I think I'm entitled to my opinion once in a while. :3
    Posted September 19th, 2010 at 8:21 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  7. Old Comment
    jigglyppuff8's Avatar
    facade thats liek the pokemon move rite i get burned and it do's moar damage
    Posted September 19th, 2010 at 3:21 PM by jigglyppuff8 jigglyppuff8 is offline
  8. Old Comment
    I've seen your posts, both good and bad. I can generally tell you don't usually "Facade" much, and that's good.

    Honestly I suffer the same PR nightmare you do. The way I express my opinion sometimes gets misread because I hate typing in chatspeak and otherwise ignoring casual ways to word things. Then when I am trying to defend something people get all riled up because they think I'm stubborn, when I'm really not...I just require reasonable proof and arguments to shake my view or otherwise get me to leave a topic I obviously have a very strong opinion about alone.
    Posted September 19th, 2010 at 3:26 PM by Melody Melody is offline
  9. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jigglyppuff8 View Comment
    facade thats liek the pokemon move rite i get burned and it do's moar damage
    I'm sorry, I didn't understand you.
    Posted September 19th, 2010 at 4:19 PM by Kura Kura is offline