Mario The World Champion
Tepig!
- 3,299
- Posts
- 19
- Years
- Age 42
- Western Massachusetts
- Seen May 27, 2023
While Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May do a lot of amusing stuff on Top Gear, there are a lot of things they do that make me wonder why in the hell did they even think about doing that?!! Mostly, the Top gear offices have a hand in it, but they are usually the ones to go ahead and do it while The Stig just sits back and wonders what the hell are those guys doing?
So, here are a few things from Top Gear that I WOULD NOT DO! Not even if you paid me.
1. Chop a people carrier's top off, make it into a convertible and use a car wash, only to have it catch fire and burn down within minutes.
2. Have a race in the Southern United States and write offensive slogans on the cars (Hillary Clinton for President, NASCAR Sucks, It's great to be gay, etc.) in order for the Southerners to kill us.
3. In order to make a people carrier faster than a certain sports car, one presenter buys a not of unnecessary stuff for the van, namely a Formula One car's rear wing.
4. Have a journey through Botswana in a old rear-wheel drive car that has a lot of issues with it and end up breaking down in the big salt pans area where I'll most likely die.
5. Let James May do any of the driving in epic races. We'll most likely be 1000 miles from the finish in some god forsaken country because he has no sense of direction.
6. Try to make an electric car all by myself, pass it off as a legitimate car and have it reviewed by a serious car magazine, which says it's 100% crap.
7. Ride a motorcycle through Vietnam while having "Born in the USA" blaring from a radio.
8. Drive a all-terrain vehicle through parts of Bolivia that are known for drug activity and ambushes. Hell, just be in Bolivia is bad enough.
9. Annoy fellow car show hosts from Germany with references about World War II and act all high and mighty when we use The Stig instead of Captain Slow to beat the Germans in a sprint race.
10. Destroy a Morris Marina with a piano and have the Morris Marina Owners Club call for my head on a silver platter. Actually, I would do that just to piss them off.
So, here are a few things from Top Gear that I WOULD NOT DO! Not even if you paid me.
1. Chop a people carrier's top off, make it into a convertible and use a car wash, only to have it catch fire and burn down within minutes.
2. Have a race in the Southern United States and write offensive slogans on the cars (Hillary Clinton for President, NASCAR Sucks, It's great to be gay, etc.) in order for the Southerners to kill us.
3. In order to make a people carrier faster than a certain sports car, one presenter buys a not of unnecessary stuff for the van, namely a Formula One car's rear wing.
4. Have a journey through Botswana in a old rear-wheel drive car that has a lot of issues with it and end up breaking down in the big salt pans area where I'll most likely die.
5. Let James May do any of the driving in epic races. We'll most likely be 1000 miles from the finish in some god forsaken country because he has no sense of direction.
6. Try to make an electric car all by myself, pass it off as a legitimate car and have it reviewed by a serious car magazine, which says it's 100% crap.
7. Ride a motorcycle through Vietnam while having "Born in the USA" blaring from a radio.
8. Drive a all-terrain vehicle through parts of Bolivia that are known for drug activity and ambushes. Hell, just be in Bolivia is bad enough.
9. Annoy fellow car show hosts from Germany with references about World War II and act all high and mighty when we use The Stig instead of Captain Slow to beat the Germans in a sprint race.
10. Destroy a Morris Marina with a piano and have the Morris Marina Owners Club call for my head on a silver platter. Actually, I would do that just to piss them off.