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The Decision Is Made

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The Decision Is Made

Posted October 28th, 2016 at 7:09 AM by Taro Tanaka
Updated February 25th, 2017 at 5:43 PM by Taro Tanaka (Update)

I've decided to set out this December.

Not without reason; I've thought long about this. I have no real reason to live on the way I do, nor do I possess the means to change my own life, as everything is completely stacked against me.

A car accident left my spine screwed up; too screwed up to land a job to get money for everything I need. No phone nor car leaves me unable to even sustain a job either. Because of this, I can't further myself in college any more than I already have. So I'm completely screwed.

As for those I know, nothing's going to change. My friends are all either too busy or too apathetic to give me the time of day. My family hates me; my mother doesn't lift a finger to help me cope with my disability, and all she does is complain that I don't go out and break my back to earn her spending money. She never loved me, and I'll always know that.

My daily life consists of me hoping someone would come down and hug me, tell me that everything's going to be alright. Sometimes I just beg towards the sky to have someone strike a conversation with me, but apparently that's still far too much for me to ask. My days are worthless, aimless wastes of time, and that's all they'll ever be.

So I've decided. I'm setting out this December to become a hobo. I don't know where I'm going, and I don't care. I'll be off to die as soon as I finish playing Sun, then selling it to Gamestop for food money. Whatever the outcome is, I'm sure it'll be worthwhile to someone somewhere.

I'll post here again the moment I take off. And I'll update whenever I can after that. Who knows? Maybe I'll bump into some of you guys along the way.

EDIT: I think I might postpone this ordeal for a month or two, late February at the latest. Winter isn't setting in at all yet; we're still in 90-degree F weather. My intention was to walk through the bittercold nights and snooze through the comfy-cold days, but there's hardly a winter to gauge. So... the leaving date is still up in the air.

Edit; ii've decided to postpone this decision indefinitely. I will, however, keep this in mind at all times, as the idea will remain on the table unless something godly happens with me.
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Comments

  1. Old Comment
    Seliph's Avatar
    Have fun and don't get caught by the police! :)
    Posted October 28th, 2016 at 7:48 AM by Seliph Seliph is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Taro Tanaka's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Marth View Comment
    Have fun and don't get caught by the police! :)
    Not sure if being homeless is a crime, but thanks. I'll just avoid anyone who isn't a source of food.
    Posted October 28th, 2016 at 8:20 AM by Taro Tanaka Taro Tanaka is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Kanzler's Avatar
    Be careful! It's not easy living on the streets. There could be the potential of massive amounts of abuse, irregardless of your disability, without anyone or any place to easily go to. If you're going to head out, I'd encourage you to find a shelter, if you can. But if your days so far are wastes of time, and you still have access to a computer (whether it be at home or at a library or McDonalds Wifi), I think you should look into researching the community resources available to you before you leave. There might be something out there that can help you find a job, deal with your disability/injury, homelessness, etc.

    I don't know, I advise caution. I've heard for some people it's a lot harder getting off the streets once they've been on the streets for a while. You should at least talk to someone who's been in your position before or knows very well what it's like. If you're still in college, or it hasn't been too long since you've left, there may be counsellors you can access for free. It's always better to learn from someone else's experience than having to figure it out for yourself. At least when you still have food in your belly and a roof over your head, I'm presuming.
    Posted October 29th, 2016 at 9:26 AM by Kanzler Kanzler is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Taro Tanaka's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Kanzler View Comment
    Be careful! It's not easy living on the streets. There could be the potential of massive amounts of abuse, irregardless of your disability, without anyone or any place to easily go to. If you're going to head out, I'd encourage you to find a shelter, if you can. But if your days so far are wastes of time, and you still have access to a computer (whether it be at home or at a library or McDonalds Wifi), I think you should look into researching the community resources available to you before you leave. There might be something out there that can help you find a job, deal with your disability/injury, homelessness, etc.

    I don't know, I advise caution. I've heard for some people it's a lot harder getting off the streets once they've been on the streets for a while. You should at least talk to someone who's been in your position before or knows very well what it's like. If you're still in college, or it hasn't been too long since you've left, there may be counsellors you can access for free. It's always better to learn from someone else's experience than having to figure it out for yourself. At least when you still have food in your belly and a roof over your head, I'm presuming.
    I'm very well aware of the abuse the homeless take from thugs, cartels, and thieves. But I'd rather take my chances with them than take the ongoing abuse at home. Because at least then, they're outright trying to kill me. It's nice when you do know their motives. -w-

    I'm not sure if counseling is a good idea; they usually just say "identify the problem first, so you can fix it". I know these problems already, and have known them for years. They aren't gonna fix themselves, with or without my begging and action. Basically, the only two points you've gotten in my head are:

    1) I have this trusty, cheap-ass laptop I'll be using to check into here whenever I can swipe free Wi-Fi. Granted, I might need to sell it someday, but I can at least let people interested know that I'm still alive. Plus, I'd go completely insane without some kind of human interaction. And

    2) I've been looking for the local homeless dude lately, to know what it's like and to give him some cash. But the problem with locating homeless people: no guarantee on where they might be. XD;

    I don't care if it's hard to get off the streets after getting on. Because I don't intend to turn back. There really isn't anything left for me. I had dreams, to be a teacher by day and a video-game designer by night, but the few doors opened to either of those goals are shut. So this is really the only option I have left; my body's pretty busted, but I'd rather keep my sanity in tact.
    Posted October 30th, 2016 at 3:45 AM by Taro Tanaka Taro Tanaka is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Kanzler's Avatar
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Taro Tanaka View Comment
    I'm very well aware of the abuse the homeless take from thugs, cartels, and thieves. But I'd rather take my chances with them than take the ongoing abuse at home. Because at least then, they're outright trying to kill me. It's nice when you do know their motives. -w-

    I'm not sure if counseling is a good idea; they usually just say "identify the problem first, so you can fix it". I know these problems already, and have known them for years. They aren't gonna fix themselves, with or without my begging and action. Basically, the only two points you've gotten in my head are:
    I wasn't really thinking about psychiatric counselling per se, but perhaps more like career counselling. You say that there's nothing else you can do to find a job and live alone, but I don't know, you should talk to someone with more experience than you who might have insight into how people achieve their goals with similar obstacles as the ones you have. If you ask them more concrete questions about how a hypothetical person in your circumstances would gain financial independence and become a teacher, or how someone in similar circumstances has done it in the past, then you would have a better idea of what you could do. If they can't give you a concrete answer, then that sucks. But you can press them to see if they can redirect you to someone who's better able to address your questions.

    I don't know what you'd actually get out of it, because I haven't been there and I don't know your specific circumstances and I don't know where you'd go to ask for help or advice or information. But there are resources out there that help people with injuries or disabilities like yours adjust to living alone or finding a job or going back to school or whatever the case might be. I don't know if you've talked to everyone you could talk to or know everything that would be relevant to you, and I hope I'm not coming across as condescending or minimalizing your problems - I just come from the perspective that knowledge is power and the world out there knows infinitely more than any one person could alone, that's all.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Taro Tanaka View Comment
    I don't care if it's hard to get off the streets after getting on. Because I don't intend to turn back. There really isn't anything left for me. I had dreams, to be a teacher by day and a video-game designer by night, but the few doors opened to either of those goals are shut. So this is really the only option I have left; my body's pretty busted, but I'd rather keep my sanity in tact.
    Do you mean turning back to your familial home, or turning back to life off the streets? If you could turn back off the streets, and live by yourself (or with others) in a non-toxic environment, and be able to take care of yourself, what would that look like?
    Posted October 30th, 2016 at 6:03 AM by Kanzler Kanzler is offline
 

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