i can't afford a diary, so this will have to do
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.
Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.

Just some things I need to get off my chest.

Posted October 28th, 2009 at 2:21 PM by seeker

[AGELIMIT]those who are insecure. Some more mature thoughts etc.[/AGELIMIT]

Okay... Basically, if you're gonna read this and be immature and stupid, just do me a favour and leave. I was gonna do a recording because well, I know lots of this will be taken the wrong way. But I decided not to, there's no censors for audio.

I've had one of the toughest years in my entire life, and I'm not here to say "pity me my life sucks", but to show some of you why I've been the way I've been at times. I'm not going to summarize my year either... At this point, I dont know what I'm going to say, so here I go.
I joined PC less than half a year ago, why? To this point I dont know, in fat I think it was why half the users joined, Pokemon Shiny Gold. Since then I've been a noob, a hacker, a TCTI regular, a graphic artist, an elitist (and if you'd allow me to use group names yeah?), I stopped by in groups such as what is now the dead sweater and hell probably others too. I didn't make these decisions, they were made for me. I did not want to be apart of any group nor do I ever want to be. So if you think I'm in one I'm not. Groups are bloody ridiculous, you people really have nothing better to do than form cliques and create "drama" on the internt? Do you have the maturity of a 10 year olds? In fact, I respect some 10 year olds more than I do some people on this forum. Get over it. There's some members who think they're the absolute **** because of how many people know thier username. Whether you're a normal member, a mod, an admin at the end of the day all you are is a piece of data on the vast world that is the internet. So for those of you who take themselves far too seriously, get a grip, you're on a pokemon forum, a forum invented for people whoo enjoy what effectively is a cartoon made for kids. Don't think you're high and mighty. It's bloody stupid. Now, you may be arrogant and cocky IRL, and that's fine if you drag it onto PC, at least you're not trying to be someone you're not. But at the end of the day NO ONE CARES. I know I'm seeming hypocritical, but I'm doing this for ME not YOU.
Next protocall. Stop judging people. Just stop. You dont know them well enough (unless you know them IRL) but you cant judge somoene on the internet. You just dont know them well enough. There are cases where some people know eachother like I know my hands but in most cases, people ae judging those THEY DO NOT KNOW. It's stupid, I speak from my own heart here too. People have said I've changed. People I HAVE NEVER MET, now, can you see the logic in that?
In the past year, somoene (my aunt) who was like a mother to me died of ovarian cancer. I took that extremely hard but hell it happens to everyone I know it all too well. I've had lots of problems with depression (The worlds most common desiese), I've had drink problems and did so bad in many of my exams because of it. No more than 2 weeks ago, someone I've known all my life commited suicide. He was extremely close to me. But you know what? I'm getting over it, I dont announce them here either because I know that you dont care. Why have I said it? This is why; some people have a lot more going on than you could ever know or experiance, so before you go and be a total prick over nothing, think twice about it. Think about what you've gone through and multiply it ten fold. Could you bare it? Now imagine you come on PC everyday to get away from life, but someone insults you. Someone is a total prick to you. Over nothing, all you've done is be yourself. Could you bare it? Would you leave PC and look for some place else you could weigh out your pain? For me, PC is the only place that keeps me from tearing myself apart on occasions.

Now let me be specific. There's a few people whom I trusted. You know what, I loved them. I'll admit it. In the past few weeks they slowly just drifted away. Which was startling enough, then they came back. Not the same as they were. I've changed majorly therefore they didn't confront me about it. I just had to sit in the dark and wonder why they were being total pricks to me even when I asked why. You know, it makes me wonder why some people are so fickle, that one little event can cause them to change their opinion onyou and who you are.
You're so vein friend, that I bet you think this is about you, don't you?

But yeah. If I can speak for myself. Talk to me and treat me for who I am. Who you think I would be if I were to be your friend IRL. I'm not Abnegation, 5 teir supporter 2000+ post count [insert whatever else you think I am], I'm not. I am Gavin. I'm a normal kid who goes to school, has ambitions, plays guitar, lives in Ireland, has friends, family and a life that he leads aside of all the stuff that goes on here.
Dont get me wrong, I love PC and I love so many poeple here, but some are just ruining it. PC is not a givem right, it's somewhere to go, to chill, relax.
Ask yourself this "While I was filling out my sign up form for PC, why did I finish it? What made me join?"
I bet it's a lot different as to why you're here now.

You could say that the main reason I came here was to vent. But if you were to read between the lines you'll know there's a number of things. I just want some people to lay off and let me/others live my/their life.
Post a reply and say "srs bsns" go on, I dare you. Or you could just take into account what I've said and acknowlage it. It's your choice, at the end of the day, we're all alone when you think about it. No one will know who you truely are but you. Not your mom, not your best friend, not the administrators, not anyone! Besides you. Do what makes you happy, but keep in mind that everyone else is doing the same thing, and wouldn't it be a lot better if you just let people be heppy? But wtv. Some people like being selfish.

Get over it, be a model member for once. I for one am just going to be myself and leave this all behind. Some people in paticular should do the same.

I'll admit I'm hurt PC, both by some of you and more so IRL.
Just live and let live. Please.
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  1. Old Comment
    Lady Gaga's Avatar
    Gav...I dont know if you will believe me or not, but I know how you feel. Everything you said was taken to heart.. I get it, its frustrating, when sometimes the place where everything else in life doesn't matter just turns on you in one which way or form..Like you said, its a Pokemon forum. Nothing else. If you ever need someone to talk to, im here.
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 2:32 PM by Lady Gaga Lady Gaga is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Mika's Avatar

    I'm supossed to be taking a break from PC because I'm sick but I'll make an exception for you gavvy cuz I want to say something. :3

    I think you have grown up even tho I don't know you all that well and I can see that by looking your posts and seeing where you've been and where you are now and where you'll go from here. :3 Just writing this is a sign of maturity blossoming in and of itself.

    ...go gavvy go~ (>w<)!!!
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 2:32 PM by Mika Mika is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Netto Azure's Avatar
    To be frank you've pretty much laid down the reason I am on PC. Rant = (b")b

    Well I've already laid down the general reasons I joined PC in my Bio, so no need to restate it here except that it was for Pokemon Special.

    Anyways, yes PC pretty much the reason as to why I've gone on as much as I can on the Internet. I really needed a place to talk about the stuff I liked since IRL it's hard to meet others (for me) and stay with such group.

    So yes I know that this is the internet and should expect such things as changes in attitude and the like, but for some reason PC was the exception, I don't know why? Maybe it's just that it was really the first time I became part of a community so to speak, call me a loner and get a life but it's not so easy when you stuff prevents you from doing so.

    And yes the whole clique and elitist thing going on in TCTI apparently does hurt people. Yes it's the Internet but people start making exceptions to that when you've felt that you are actually communicating. It's human nature to want yourself recognized. What reason is there that Social Networking sites are proliferating like heck? I've been trying to get a person to come back here but is apparently hurt to the point that they gave up. Seriously like you said Gav, be a Model Member, be nice to people, the reason we come AND STAY here is because we want to unwind after the day.
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 2:33 PM by Netto Azure Netto Azure is offline
    Updated October 28th, 2009 at 3:18 PM by Netto Azure
  4. Old Comment
    Zero°'s Avatar
    Oh my. I honestly feel like crying now. Gavin...hell, I don't know what to say, and it bugs me that I can never know what to say to a friend, especially when they're hurt.

    I feel so...I can't explain, but I'm just...sad.
    That one line:
    Get over it, be a model member for once. I for one am just going to be myself and leave this all behind. Some people in particular should do the same."
    That really hit me.
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 2:36 PM by Zero° Zero° is offline
  5. Old Comment
    Dr. Octogonapus's Avatar
    [COLOR=Magenta][COLOR=White]I don't really have much to say about this Gavin.. I mean, I've been here what? About two months? Most of the people I've met can go burn in hell, but a certain few, have actually made me rethink about as to how I treat my friends. You know who you are; however, you were the one who convinced me to stay during our little.. Episode. Seeing as you seem stiff on your position to leave, I [s]really[/s] honestly can't say much of anything. If you want to leave this all behind, then by all means, please do; don't stress yourself over something you've got full control of.. However, please allow me to voice my own opinion of what I think..

    Life is tough; no matter how tough it may be, you deal with it as the days go by. You very well know, there are people far worse off than you; but however, you were stressed the last time I heard from you. Summarizing would've been nice, but I'll deal with this..

    Okay, as you very well know, I didn't join this site for hacks, tools, ROM bases, or any of the like; I had no intentions for being a leecher. I joined, simply because I was asked too. Originally, I only joined to shut Arian up about me participating in The Count To Infinity. Luke.. He introduced me to the little clique of his; Gummy, Arian, Christina, etc.. At first, I didn't like any other them then you came along.. You were an ass, I have to admit, but you have changed. Truly, you have. Before our episode, I slowly grew accustomed to your snide comments, your egotistical attitude, and your "elitist" attitude. You have changed from the first time I met you on both Skype and The Pokemon Board. Drama.. Do not go anywhere on the internet and expect a calm, collected site. It will ALWAYS exist, there isn't anything you can do about it. About the egos, should you really be talking? Anyways..

    I've said all I need to say.. Call me a *****, call me heartless, but either way, you're not the only one with **** going on in their life; if you need to talk to someone... You've got my MSN.

    ~ [I][B]Dr. Octogonapus[/B][/I]
    [/COLOR] [/COLOR]
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 2:51 PM by Dr. Octogonapus Dr. Octogonapus is offline
  6. Old Comment
    Percy Thrillington's Avatar
    Not gonna comment on anything other then, 'Groups are bloody ridiculous, you people really have nothing better to do than form cliques and create "drama" on the internt?'. Gonna have to argue with this one here.

    The majority of us are teenagers, who, as you said, have other issues going on then what we do online. We're teenagers. Keyword: teenagers. Teenagers often don't know what the hell they're doing, and they're coping with everything life has thrown at them and on top of that they're trying to deal with their lives both online and offline. Arguments are going to start. It's forum life. I've gone to forums that try to stop the fighting: it happens anyway. I've gone to forums that let anything go: it happens anyway. Drama is part of the internet circle of life, and while some people here enjoy abusing the word a lot, it's unescapable.
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 3:04 PM by Percy Thrillington Percy Thrillington is offline
  7. Old Comment
    I'm glad you said all this Gav. You know, it's good to get things off your chest, and I wish more people could just do what you say. This is only a forum, and if you think you're something big, then check again, because you leave for just a month and then no one remembers you. You're just a peice of data online and like you said no one knows you you truly are, but your very own self. Gav, I feel your frustration, my dad has Mesothelioma Cancer, and every day I feel frightened that I'll lose him, but I'm glad you said something rather than keeping it inside.

    To be honest, I never liked the idea of forums, I never have been part of a forum until last year when I joined PC. One it was because I came across when looking for some team information and later on I realized this place is just great to hang out with the friends I've met and be free and kept away from all the problems in this world. Sadly, you can't run from problems, as they follow here too. :\
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 3:05 PM by Guy Guy is offline
  8. Old Comment
    Percy Thrillington's Avatar
    WHAT I LOVE however is the way whenever a blog like this is posted, everyone comments and says 'yeah, I totally agree with you,' and mostly they're the guys causing the drama and disruption.

    Funny how the world works.
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 3:09 PM by Percy Thrillington Percy Thrillington is offline
  9. Old Comment
    .Seth's Avatar
    Wow, Gavin (if I may call you by that). Interesting blog. It makes me want to post some super giant thing about myself just writing away to learn about myself. I'm not going to leave it at that and say "I agree.", which I do.

    Anyways, there are several phrases in there that really make you think. I think I ought to write something up.

    At ^: It is funny how the world works, isn't it?
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 3:34 PM by .Seth .Seth is offline
  10. Old Comment
    Lady Gaga's Avatar
    Originally Posted by The Jack of Hearts View Comment
    WHAT I LOVE however is the way whenever a blog like this is posted, everyone comments and says 'yeah, I totally agree with you,' and mostly they're the guys causing the drama and disruption.

    Funny how the world works.
    Ya, I know right? >.<
    Well, at least some of the...bigger egos haven't came yet D:.

    But it doesn't matter, since this s a Pokemon forum. We should all be playing Pokemon Platinum and talking how much we love Pikachu right now. :/
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 3:42 PM by Lady Gaga Lady Gaga is offline
  11. Old Comment
    Captain Fabio's Avatar
    I disagree.

    I am not going to tip toe around the truth Gav.

    Take the punches in the face and move on. If you stop and moan every time or don't punch back, you are going to look like Spey.
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 5:00 PM by Captain Fabio Captain Fabio is offline
  12. Old Comment
    Misheard Whisper's Avatar
    Wow, Gavin. I’ve seen some of your other blogs, and I knew you were having trouble, but hearing it all at once really makes me feel it. I can’t pretend for one second to know what you’re going through. I can’t relate to having alcohol problems, or having someone close to me commit suicide, or any of that harsh stuff. All this stuff seems so far away from my comfortable, normal life here, so don’t put yourself under any illusion that I’m just a random n00b trying to sympathise when I really have no ****ing clue. I’m not.

    That being said, I feel what you’re saying. You say you’re turning it around, and I believe you. What you’ve been saying recently, in these blogs, and how you’ve been saying it, makes me believe you. I believe it’s heartfelt.

    You’ve come to the realisation that groups shouldn’t define life, and that’s good. It marks a turning point in anyone’s life when they realise that, always for the better, so I can see a good-looking future ahead of you. I saw a blog of yours a while back about the university you were looking at, and it’s good you’re actively aiming to pursue your education. Failing to do so is a mistake too many people make. They get themselves in a rut (often nowhere near as deep as yours seems to be), and they just go ‘what’s the point?’ which, more often than not, screws them over totally. :/

    Basically, Gavin, even if I can’t relate to your trouble in real life, I can relate to your outlook on PC. I’m a bit sick of the cliques, too. I don’t consider myself a member of any groups, except perhaps the fanfiction writers. But we’re more of a community than a clique. So if you want to talk to someone else who’s sick of the crap, hit me up for a chat. I’m serious about this; I’d like to get to know you better.

    So hang in there, mate. You’re tough enough, I know you are.
    Posted October 28th, 2009 at 6:47 PM by Misheard Whisper Misheard Whisper is offline
  13. Old Comment
    Kura's Avatar
    Hey Gavin, I'm glad you were able to get all that off your chest and I hope it helps you feel better <3
    Posted October 29th, 2009 at 10:07 AM by Kura Kura is offline
  14. Old Comment
    Donnie's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Alinthea View Comment
    I disagree.

    I am not going to tip toe around the truth Gav.

    Take the punches in the face and move on. If you stop and moan every time or don't punch back, you are going to look like Spey.
    I'm starting to realize that everything you say revolves around Spey.
    Posted October 29th, 2009 at 10:19 AM by Donnie Donnie is offline
  15. Old Comment
    Why exactly would you let people ho live miles and miles away and their only contact with you is through the internet hurt you? Its one thing to be hurt IRL by IRL people, but to be hurt online by online people is just weak.
    Posted October 30th, 2009 at 9:10 PM by Vigilante Vigilante is offline
  16. Old Comment
    Banjora Marxvile's Avatar
    I think I have an idea what spurred this on....

    I 100% agree with you Gavin. T
    Posted October 31st, 2009 at 11:02 AM by Banjora Marxvile Banjora Marxvile is offline
  17. Old Comment
    seeker's Avatar
    Originally Posted by Meneur d'enfer View Comment
    Why exactly would you let people ho live miles and miles away and their only contact with you is through the internet hurt you? Its one thing to be hurt IRL by IRL people, but to be hurt online by online people is just weak.
    Fancy reading the fact that one of my good friends killed themselves. I was sensitive as it was. You missed my point. Well done.
    Posted October 31st, 2009 at 11:17 AM by seeker seeker is offline
  18. Old Comment
    gummybarz's Avatar
    Sorry about your aunt gavin as well as your close friend. I agree with you 105% on this. I wish you the best luck with your life.
    Posted November 4th, 2009 at 1:41 PM by gummybarz gummybarz is offline